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In a way, I must confess, I envy Ebenezer Scrooge. While he's certainly (as far as I know) not Jewish or the 19th-Century equivalent of a compassionate conservative (at least until the end of "A Christmas Carol"), he at least gets to have visions and dreams. And for what? To bring him to teshuvah? Is that I am reminded of and complain like the non-prodigal son any wonder: "‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’"? Only by grace am I considered as though I have never sinned; but why does a fictional character like Scrooge get all the luck of having dreams and visions, while the Jew who I am with thorns in the flesh doesn't?
After all, while I know not to talk back to God, isn't that "if [our] fall is riches for the world, and [our] failure riches for the Gentiles, how much more [our] fullness!" as Jews? And why did Joseph get his dreams? He had a fairly-good dad (though Jacob did marry four wives and was named "Ya'akov" for a reason, since he would supplant and deceive; and put Joseph and Benjamin above the rest of his children)? He didn't have any thorms in the flesh. He had brothers who loved him in the end. He had a wife, children, and the second-highest position in Egypt. Me, I have a dad who I consider and even wished dead (for how else will I get the truth about our family history, pictures, etc. unless Dad and Pop-Pop die and are thus out of the way? Also, how will I and others, and Great-Grandma Czarnecki's blood be avenged?). I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and possible Aspberger's.
And I can't even have one dream or vision-- about my family history, about the future, whatever? And as much as my mom's my mom, my night comes down watching a movie with her while Michelle is at a party with her friends and where she might meet the one for her? And I can't even find the one in my life, and I have to instead watch a movie with my mom when I could be watching a movie with the one for me-- 0if and who ever he might be? So much for compensating for my thorns in the flesh; huh, G-d? And as I said, I know not to talk back; and "I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread." But then why am I begging for at least a dream or vision, or the man for me, or something if I can't get the Rapture? And I know that I am a descendant of evildoers, but I'm also a descendant of some who were righteous.
After all, while I know not to talk back to God, isn't that "if [our] fall is riches for the world, and [our] failure riches for the Gentiles, how much more [our] fullness!" as Jews? And why did Joseph get his dreams? He had a fairly-good dad (though Jacob did marry four wives and was named "Ya'akov" for a reason, since he would supplant and deceive; and put Joseph and Benjamin above the rest of his children)? He didn't have any thorms in the flesh. He had brothers who loved him in the end. He had a wife, children, and the second-highest position in Egypt. Me, I have a dad who I consider and even wished dead (for how else will I get the truth about our family history, pictures, etc. unless Dad and Pop-Pop die and are thus out of the way? Also, how will I and others, and Great-Grandma Czarnecki's blood be avenged?). I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and possible Aspberger's.
And I can't even have one dream or vision-- about my family history, about the future, whatever? And as much as my mom's my mom, my night comes down watching a movie with her while Michelle is at a party with her friends and where she might meet the one for her? And I can't even find the one in my life, and I have to instead watch a movie with my mom when I could be watching a movie with the one for me-- 0if and who ever he might be? So much for compensating for my thorns in the flesh; huh, G-d? And as I said, I know not to talk back; and "I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread." But then why am I begging for at least a dream or vision, or the man for me, or something if I can't get the Rapture? And I know that I am a descendant of evildoers, but I'm also a descendant of some who were righteous.
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