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Showing posts with label situations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label situations. Show all posts

Friday, January 1, 2016

Part Of What's Exacerbated My Depression Of Late, And A Prayer Request

A few months ago, a family friend to whom I had not talked in a while reached out to me. Once he began to talking to me again, and after four to five years had passed, I began viewing him as a father figure, a writing mentor, and a friend whom is more dear to me than he'll ever know—"There are friends that one hath to his own hurt; but there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Needlessly to say, he became "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother". Then one day, he suddenly stopped talking to me. The only explanation was this, and it came quite a bit of time later—and remember that he is, or at least was, a writing mentor: "Going through a difficult time. Keep writing."

After that, a major news story broke; and I asked him if one of the parties whom was involved in the news-making situation was associated with him—and I received no response to that inquiry. In the next day and the following days, I was left to guess whether the news story had to do with him in even any remote way (e.g., if one of his family or friends of friend was involved), other news stories involved him, or anything else had happened. After all, what did (and does) "a difficult time" mean?

This family friend, father figure, writing mentor, and closer-than-a-brother friend of my own had reached out to me in the first place, and he ditched me without explanation. Given, among other factors, my C.P. and mental illnesses, his ditching of me was absolutely the last thing that I needed—or at least wanted, since only God ultimately knows why I needed it. I've also needed other ditchings as well, by the way, and only God has also known why I needed those—and one more-recent one came from an in-law cousin, might I add.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a broken spirit who can bear?" That kind of broken spirit is what I've endured once again in the past few months—and as if OCD/Anxiety. Depression, ADD, and IBS weren't enough in of themselves; and only God ultimately knows why He's exacerbated them.

"I am the LORD, and there is none else, beside Me there is no God; I have girded thee, though thou hast not known Me; That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside Me; I am the LORD; and there is none else; I form the light, and create darkness; I make peace, and create evil; I am the LORD, that doeth all these things.

"Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness; let the earth open, that they may bring forth salvation, and let her cause righteousness to spring up together; I the LORD have created it. Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker, as a potsherd with the potsherds of the earth! Shall the clay say to him that fashioned it: 'What makest thou?' Or: 'Thy work, it hath no hands'? Woe unto him that saith unto his father: 'Wherefore begettest thou?' Or to a woman: 'Wherefore travailest thou?' Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: Ask Me of the things that are to come; concerning My sons, and concerning the work of My hands, command ye Me. I, even I, have made the earth, and created man upon it; I, even My hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded."

I know, too, that God's ways are not our ways, as Isaiah also speaks by the Holy Spirit. So, for example and as bad as this sounds, I don't know whether God reminds me of my friend on a daily basis to remind me to pray for him or to allow HaSatan to make fun of me (as He allowed HaSatan to torment and persecute Job, whom was already suffering with the question of whether his children loved God: "'It may be that my sons have sinned, and blasphemed God in their hearts.'")

It could also be—and this is where the "as bad as this sounds" comes into play—that God's making fun of me or punishing me for some reason that only He ultimately knows: "Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any way in me that is grievous, and lead me in the way everlasting." Having my guesses about hurtful situations, what I've done or not done, etc. hurts; and even if I know and the person whom I've wronged or whom's wronging me won't tell me, that really hurts.

Incidentally (as the year went from 2015 to 2016), I saw another reminder of him, since I discussed genealogy with him and wondered if a name in his own family wasn't an allusion to this verse: "The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is set up on high."

Please pray for me, pray for my friend, and pray for others whom need prayers on their behalf, meanwhile—may we all call on HaShem Yehovah, HaMigdal HaChazaq; and may Yehovah bring reconciliation or whatever is needed to be brought between me and my friend (אם ירצה, יהוה.), and may our friendship be almost as strong as Yehovah Himself.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Let's See...

  1. I observed my Blog Shabbat for this week yesterday.
  2. I'm changing my Blogger habits--sort of. For certain people (at least those who I'm friendly and/or reconciled with), I won't say and do certain things. As for the people that I don't like, I'm just not giving you the time of day and I'm letting you fall into your own trap unless I absolutely have to expose you--e.g., Toby Keith, Tiki Barber and Traci Lynn Johnson Barber. As for Toby Keith--as I've blogged before--, the man had gallbladder surgery and now has time to think and reflect--so, I wish the man well and hopes that he uses his time out to get his priorities in order. As for Tiki and Traci Lynn Johnson Barber; they're now married and the ones who are going to have to deal with what they've done if and when their marriage goes the way that Tiki Barber's first marriage did. As for who they're friends with and who's friends with them, I can do nothing about that. Besides, I have people in my own life for whom some people would like at me like I'm Tiki or Traci Johnson Barber.
  3. I'm given up on holding family, friends, etc. accountable in real life as well--not that I'm perfect, but you'll fall into whatever traps of your own that you've set up. As I did say in the open letter and the follow up (which few to none bothered to read), though (and both of which I ended up removing partly because so few people read the follow up); you can forget me sharing family pictures--after all, if I have to ask you to post an image while you're posting the same kinds of images (e.g., of yourself and of others who you've asked me not to post pictures of, all while you're posting pictures of yourself and even of them), you can perhaps even forget my taking of pictures of you. I'm not playing your hypocritical games anymore, and you'll miss of a heck of a lot of memories. By the way, this isn't everyone in the family--this is only those few with (so to speak) sticks up their butt about what I do and have a "G-d forbid that you do it, but I can do whatever I want" attitude. To the ones who aren't hypocritical and don't mind picture taking and sharing, you'll always be allowed to see my photos.  
  4. For some reason, my Google Chrome broswer and Wireless Mouse are going AWOL, and my Internet Explorer can be a bit slow.

I could go on, but few to none of you will probably give a darn.