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Showing posts with label curses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label curses. Show all posts

Sunday, December 17, 2017

My Own Yidishe Neshome Apparently Doesn't Mess Around: A Few Curses With Which (I Think That) I Came Up (Or That God Gave To Me)

PS I was inspired when I saw some of the traditional curses that are circulating on Facebook and Kveller. Also PS:


  1.  I'm not a Yidishophone, and Google Translate did not work for me. Whoever can translate these into Yidish for me will get credit (and it is "Yidish" in its stricter transliteration, as "Yiddish" is "יידיש".) 
  2. Please use these judiciously and only in cases where curses like this are warranted.
  3. In the least-extreme cases of the most-extreme cases, these curses are warranted for those like Roy Moore, Harvey Weinstein.
  4. In my next book, "More Shit And Other Stuff That I Can't Make Up", the backstory behind why I came up with these curses (or why God gave them to me) can be found. Let's just say that Micah 7:6 and Psalm 27:10-12 apply, and that's the generous way to put it here. Another hint, in transliterated Hebrew: Lo kal ha'avot hem avot tovim.
  5. Even Paul prayed that God would repay his enemies, per 2 Timothy 4:14. Remember that I'm a Jewish Christian, by the way. 
1) May what you should get off your chest collapse your lungs before you have time to get it off!

2) May the way in which you've broken people's hearts break your neck! (May with what you've stabbed others in the back stab your back!)

3) May the weight with which you weigh down others be the weight under which you collapse!

4) May your iron fist come back to punch you!  (May your heavy hand eventually press itself down on you!)

5) May how you fight others in a tooth-and-nail way come back to bite and scratch you!

6) May the next time that you breathe down someone's neck be the moment of your last breath!

7) May the headaches that you cause others be the kind that cause you a stroke!

8) May the arm with which you try to strongarm others cause itself to break!

9) May you trip on the feet which you use to try to step on others, and may you kick yourself in the face when you fall!

10) May the nose that you stick into others' business clog up and cause you to sneeze your brains out!

11) May the butts of the jokes that you try to make others end up being your butt, and may your butt get kicked by the foot that you'll have put in your mouth!
 (May the butt that you try to make others kiss be the one on which you fall [or in which you get kicked]; may the foot which you try to make others lick fly back into your mouth)

12) May your prying eyes bug out far enough to fall out of your sockets!  (May your malicious stare [e.g., intimidating stare] strain your eyes enough to make them fall out [or—even though this may be going too far—cause you to go blind]!)

13) May your prying ears clog up and cause your head to explode [or—even though this may be going too far—be strained enough to cause you go deaf]!

14) May the teeth that you gnash at others be ground to their roots [or fall out]!

15) May you swallow your lashon hara and have nobody to stop you from doing so¹.

¹That one is probably actually not mine; or even if it is, it was inspired by the fact that someone on a long-since-taken-down website once understandably wished that an Anti Semite would swallow his or her own tongue.