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Showing posts with label mental_illness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental_illness. Show all posts

Friday, January 5, 2018

Mostly Offbeat: Part Of Why "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" Took So Long To Compile the Card Collection

Even Reilly's and Camille's sweetness and supportiveness haven't helped "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" during her latest OCD/Anxiety flareup, with one incident in which (albe understandably, though exacerbated by OCD/Anxiety) "Momma" screamed quite loudly because Reilly (about whom she worries frequently) could've gotten a dropped salad leaf with vinegar. Imagine, then, how it prevented her from even getting the card compilation made and published. Remember also how making cards has been hard for her in the first place.

Incidentally, "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" tried again this morning to explain OCD/Anxiety to Reilly and Camille. How much they understood she doesn't quite know, though they've probably sensed that she's anxious for some reason—which is why she tried to explain it to them. Of course, not that they've always behaved in ways that haven't contributed the recent flareup, not to mention OCD/Anxiety flareups in general—when they bark inappropriately, for example, they affect "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole"'s stress level to exacerbate OCD/Anxiety flareups!

Sunday, December 24, 2017

What Real Journalists Do WhereIn Mental Illnesses Such As Addictions Are Concerned, And As I Made Clear To Rianne Addo Herself

Real journalists have the following duties wherein mental illnesses such as Alcoholism are concerned:


  1. To report mental illnesses for what they are—illnesses that nobody chooses, not comedic fodder.
  2. To report specific mental illnesses such as addictions for what they are—not, for example, "penchant[s]", "extreme liking[s]," or "fondness[es]" for agents that may even fatally affect the sufferers of the addictions in question. For those with addictions, agents such as alcohol are always fatal if the persons with the addictions to them do not choose to abstain from them.
  3. To report exactly how severe throes of mental illnesses can be. In the case of addiction of alcohol, the throes can be quite severe.
If Rianne Addo were a real journalist, she would never call mental illnesses such as Alcoholism "penchant[s]", "extreme liking[s]", or "fondness[es]" when no person whom had the ability to reason or control himself or herself would ever have a penchant, like, or be fond of doing the following to himself or herself—and people whom are in the throes of Alcoholism are deprived by Alcoholism of being able to reason and control themselves in regards to matters such as:

  1. An inability to function on a day-to-day, and even moment-to-moment basis, without any excessive amount of Alcohol
  2. Binge drinking that is never appropriate to call "a weekend bender" or any other kind of "bender", as such drinking can overload and overwhelm the liver
  3. Irreversible breakdowns of familial and professional relationships
  4. Joblessness, homelessness, and entrapment into financially-abusive, emotionally-abusive, and other abusive relationships a result of the irreversible breakdowns of professional and familial relationships 
  5. Illnesses in addition to Alcoholism and the exacerbation thereof, including Cirrhosis of the Liver that results from and remains comorbid with Alcoholism even if a person with Alcoholism is no longer in the throes of the Alcoholism (i.e., even if he or she has sought treatment for Alcoholism and remained sober).
As I told Rianne Addo herself, real journalists remind other people why mental illnesses such as addictions to alcohol are called "mental illnesses", not use those illnesses as comedic fodder while sufferers of mental illnesses are in the far-from-funny throes of mental illnesses that may even kill them—and as I said last night, Alcoholism may certainly kill Ricky Gervais (not to mention kill him at the same age at which it killed my aunt) if those such Rianne Addo and Ricky Gervais' apparent loved ones continue to find humor in his humorless Alcoholism.

Who's Laughing Now? Mental Illness Is Not Funny, And Ricky Gervais' Alcoholism Is Certainly Not Funny

Remember that addiction is a mental illness, and this is all too common of a sentiment among those with addictions: i.e., the sentiment "I like it too much, I'm not going to give it up" is too common. In fact, my own aunt eerily told my sister that she herself would "quit drinking when [she died]." She unfortunately died of Alcoholism in June of 2008 at the age of 56, which is Ricky Gervais' current age, and may have been 57 in November of that year had she'd been able to get treatment for Alcoholism—and who knows if Ricky Gervais won't share her fate almost a decade later ☹?

What disturbs me is that the "Daily Mail​" seems to see nothing disturbing about anyone, let alone a prominent figure, sending the message that there is nothing wrong with refusing to attempt to get treatment for mental illnesses even when one has the resources to get such treatment. As for Ricky Gervais' loved ones, I find what they're doing perhaps even more disturbing: they seem to be quite content with not wanting to try to help him get help. In contrast to my family whom did try to help my aunt get help, they seem to encourage him to, for example (and as he related), "[wet] himself after six pints of Guinness during a weekend bender."

Regardless of whom has (a) mental illness(es) or what a given person's mental illness(es), nothing is funny or encouragable about allowing someone to be overtaken by a mental illness.

PS My great-great-grandfather Julian Czerniecki (later Julian Czarnecki), whom was born on December 24, 1875 in Polish Russia, was also besieged by Alcoholism, and I don't know when Alcoholism onset for him. What I do know is that the Anti Semitism—and other persecutions and hardships—that he faced in Polish Russia (which he left after the Belostok Pogrom) and in the United States affected an exacerbation of his Alcoholism (and if you think that having to pretend to be a Polish Catholic and settle in out-of-the-way Sugar Notch in order to survive isn't hardship, don't kid yourself¹).

I also know that Great-Great-Granddad Czarnecki was not help as exacerbated Alcoholism (not to mention other mental illnesses, including Depression) besieged him. I have seen, heard, and lived that "Hurt people hurt people" cycle partly because of that; and that is party of why I find disturbing that the "Daily Mail" and those whom apparently love Ricky Gervais want to see him beseiged by a mental illness and perhaps even dead from it.

By the way, the aunt who died from Alcoholism was a maternal aunt; so, Alcoholism is actually on both sides of my family—that of course makes even more disturbing to me what the "Daily Mail" and Ricky Gervais' loved ones are doing, as they are basically saying that they'd like that both people like Ricky Gervais and people on both sides of my family to die of mental illnesses.

I guess that I shouldn't be surprised, though, given how ableist society is and how society hates both famous and non-famous people with disabilities such as mental illnesses.



¹He also had the hardship of being born on a date when Pseudo Christians persecuted the very people of Jesus—whom many of them ironically called "Jeszua", pronounced "Yeshua", by the way—imagine having to live your life never knowing if you'll make it to your next birthday because people whom claim to be celebrating the birth of Jeszua want to commit ethnocide against the very people for whom the New Testament says that Jeszua is Messiah first.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Reilly Was Not On Her Best Behavior Yesterday—Is "Momma" Partly To Blame?

The confusion and other stuff that "Momma" has endured of late has not made "Momma" a better "Momma" to Reilly, let alone the best "Momma" to Reilly. Reilly was perhaps, then, a little sleepy and thus not on her best behavior—and either way, she was not on his best behavior. For example:


  1. She defied "Mom-Mom" and "Auntie Michelle" as they were coming back from their evening walk by barking and brazenly continuing to bark at (as "Momma" found out shortly afterward) a puppy whom apparently is a stranger as opposed to a puppy that she knows well enough or one of her friends.
  2. She then proceeded to defy "Mom-Mom" by getting up to the window and barking, and then going back up to the window and barking after "Mom-Mom" told her to "Get down!" from the window—she also looked quite proud of herself after she got into trouble!
  3. Later, she tried to bite and bit "Auntie Michelle" when "Auntie Michelle" would stop giving her belly rubs and would give affection to her own "dogter". She also acted jealously toward Camille multiple times.
Meanwhile, "Momma bets", Reilly will probably—for instance—try to give "Momma" persistent "night nights" kisses and lick her side of the pillow, even after "Momma" says, "It's night-nights time" and "Put your head on the pillow" (as opposed to partially under the bed cover or not all the way—or not at all—on the pillow—despite that "Momma" has even explained that she doesn't want Reilly to block her nose and not be able to breathe).


 (By the way, "Momma" has tried to keep up her writing—which she does for, among other reasons, trying to provide for Reilly as much as possible for her own part—despite that she's enduring a mental-illness flareup—including that of OCD/Anxiety comorbid with Depression.).

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Mostly Offbeat: The Sooner That "Momma" Finds Out What A Certain Person Wants, The Better For Herself And Reilly

Not knowing has kept "Momma"—and as a result, Reillyway past midnight of late, even causing "Momma" to have OCD/Anxiety flareups while sewing Reilly's toy "Hippo". Even an answer such as "Your guess as to who your future helpmate and Reilly's future 'Daddy' is, is plainly incorrect" would immensely help "Momma" and Reilly.


By the way, this picture was taken at 2:07 AM on July 15th. The other one was actually taken on July 12, 2017 at 11:41 PM. Still, it goes to show that this is a frequent occurrence (Here, Reilly is snuggling with a toy wishbone.)

Two Gregorian Month Anniversaries For Reilly This Week

Reilly came home three years and five months ago, when she just a day shy of two months old (though she was eight weeks and four days old, meaning than old enough to come home):





Happy Month Homecoming Anniversary, and Happy Month Birthday, Reilly!

PS The picture above was taken at 3:40 AM on July 13, 2017—which goes to show one how patiently Reilly waits when "Momma"'s mental-illness flareups and other matters cause her to stay up late into even a Wednesday-into-Thursday-night!

("Momma" wanted to find a newer picture of Reilly snuggling her toy "Hippo", though, since she couldn't find one last night. By the way, Reilly actually came to her home away from home—"Momma" and Reilly are still hoping to make aliyah.)


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Somewhat Offbeat: When Sewing Up A Toy Made "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" Tire Out Her Legs, Still Waiting For a Certain Someone, &c..

"Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" was not going to let Reilly and Camille get the sock inside almost-chewed-through-to-an-easily-accessible-sock "Hippo" (whom Reilly received as an anxiety abater). So, she sewed up "Hippo" in his velcro area (By the way, yes, Reilly and Camille have toys that are named and gendered.).

As she was sewing up "Hippo", her OCD/Anxiety flared up as she dreaded dropping the needle, not sewing and tying up the thread well enough, etc. (At least she figured out how to double thread, though that caused anxiety since that wasn't originally planned and the thread getting tangled up scared her. After all, e.g., not having enough thread and worrying about Reilly and Camille getting thread or the needle scared her.).

Add "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole"'s Cerebral Palsy to the mix and understand why her OCD/Anxiety flareup caused her legs to tire out, especially since the Cerebral Palsy and OCD/Anxiety flareup added to what she's endured lately. Also add Reilly's daily inappropriate barking, which caused myoclonus flareups (and by the way, the demonstration for "Auntie Michelle" regarding rolling over Reilly was an anomaly—"Momma" was surprised that even "Can I roll you over for a belly rub?" eventually elicited Reilly's cooperation.).

Of course, this all reminded "Momma" about part of why her OCD/Anxiety is flaring up—not to mention that it partly affected her to horrendously bite her lip last night and leave what she dreads may be a disfiguring scar (as if the idea of the negative of DBS that involves having some hair shaved off isn't enough of a consideration in terms of what might stigmatize "Momma". Not that she's had that the DBS Surgery, at least yet, by the way; she's just saying.). Meanwhile, "Momma" ("Auntie Nicole" to Camille) had to make sure that Reilly (and Camille) didn't get the honey and the olive oil that she applied to her lips.

So has been a part of life for "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" of late, which hasn't exactly affected her to be a better "Momma" to Reilly or a better "aunt" to Camille.


Friday, October 20, 2017

A Mental-Illness Flareup And A Laugh That "Auntie Nicole" Needed Courtesy Of Camille

Once again, an understanding Reilly has endured as "Momma" has gone through another draining mental-illness flareup due to heartbreak and other flareup triggers of late. Even yesterday, Reilly dealt with as "Momma" (embarrassingly and to her surprise) overslept when she napped with her.

Camille, meanwhile, inadvertently came to a momentary rescue when "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" went to give her and Reilly their nightly grooming with the electric toothbrush: she boldly stole the treats that "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" put  on the family room coffee table when she sat down on the couch to begin grooming Reilly (whom was on her lap first), and she stole them right in front of her!

Of course, poor Reilly had to get treats to make up for the ones that Camille stole from her!

Monday, October 16, 2017

"Minimal Brain Damage" & "A Touch Of OCD": aka, Some Ridiculous Statements That Mom Made This Morning


  1. "Everyone has MBD—"Minimal Brain Damage."
  2. "Everyone has a touch of OCD."
  3. "Nobody comes out with a perfect brain."
"They say..."

Who's "they", by the way? I think that I asked Mom, and she didn't tell me. Statistically, meanwhile, she can't even back up her argument:


"Prevalence Of Mental Illness

  • Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S.—43.8 million, or 18.5%—experiences mental illness in a given year.
  • Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S.—9.8 million, or 4.0%—experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities.2
  • Approximately 1 in 5 youth aged 13–18 (21.4%) experiences a severe mental disorder at some point during their life. For children aged 8–15, the estimate is 13%.3
  • 1.1% of adults in the U.S. live with schizophrenia.4
  • 2.6% of adults in the U.S. live with bipolar disorder.5
  • 6.9% of adults in the U.S.—16 million—had at least one major depressive episode in the past year.6
  • 18.1% of adults in the U.S. experienced an anxiety disorder such as posttraumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and specific phobias.7
  • Among the 20.2 million adults in the U.S. who experienced a substance use disorder, 50.5%—10.2 million adults—had a co-occurring mental illness.8"





Incidentally, I think that Mom has OCD to which she won't admit—which entails a long explanation and might explain why she makes the kinds of statements that she made this morning.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Reilly the Little Trouper (And How Does She Deal With A Beleaguered "Momma"?)

"Momma" doesn't know how Reilly deals with herespecially for about 3.5 years now, including when she first came home (away from home—and "Momma" is amazed that she and Reilly have survived here, as "Momma" has been vocal against Tr**p and received death threats for being vocal against Tr**p for her, Reilly's, and others' sakes). Reilly has also dealt patiently with "Momma" as she's suffered with mental-illness flareups and been up at nights to even the point of exhaustion—even to the point at which she had a headache, threw up, and hardly slept last night—and with little, or even without, compassion from "Mom-Mom" (and at least "Mom-Mom", as if she's perfect, once again admitted what she thinks of "Momma"—"You're very disruptive to this household"—and "Momma" is certainly afraid that she won't be able to take Reilly with her if "Mom-Mom" kicks her out—and not that "Momma"'s perfect, though "Mom-Mom" insists on nonetheless using what "Momma" endures and how she doesn't always handle it perfectly as a way to make her suffer more¹, and verbal abuse certainly does not help "Momma" be a good "Momma" to Reilly),

Not that "Momma"'s recent breakdown over an ableist person whom's supposed to be helping her with something instead of telling her that all she's worth is her disability (like Hell "Momma" wants to have "office clerk" as a "long-term employment goal", despite that she's made clear that she can do more than be an "office clerk" just because of her disability—and "Mom-Mom" makes excuses for her (and "Momma" did and does not owe Reilly an apology for breaking down and inadvertently scaring her, let alone having "Mom-Mom" turn Reilly against her in that moment—and "Momma"'s well aware that her yelling and crying scared Reilly!

¹En paso, una nota a un persona cierto: ¿comprendes ahora, aunque comprendo por qué diste mí mamá el beneficio de la duda? Y trato estar una buena "Mamá" a Reily, pese a qué mi propia mamá piense.

Hoy vey iz meir, todos los mis días especialmente últimamente en alguna o un otro form como el caso parece (y sí; tuve la intención de "Hoy vey iz meir" estar un juego de palabras).

Monday, June 19, 2017

Re People With Mental Illnesses Having Guns: Should We Be Sitting Ducks For Ableists?

Some people with mental illnesses actually do need guns. For example, vulnerable people who may well be targeted due to have mental illnesses need guns to defend themselves. As for Tr**p, he actually hates people with disabilities, including those whom have mental illnesses.


Thus, this ableist ploy by Tr**p to demonize people with mental illnesses may well backfire on him when his Tr**pites whom are committing hate crimes may realize that people with mental illnesses will not allowed themselves to have people step on them.

As for me, I wish that I had and could use a gun to defend myself against anyone whom would target me due to my Depression, OCD/Anxiety, and/or ADD alone (and wasn't getting a threat from a "physically fit German American" due to being a Jew with disabilities enough?).


Besides, look at how the Nazis were partly able to implement T4: they made it illegal for Jews in Europe to be armed, and (as I found out via JewishGen) I lost a cousin whom was murdered because she had Schizophrenia:

Lodz Ghetto Hospital Death Records


Searching for Surname (phonetically like) : RUSZNAK
1 matching record found.
Run on Sun, 18 Jun 2017 22:55:09 -0600

NameAddress
Occupation
BornDied
Cause
CommentsSource
List Date
Page
Line
RUSZNAK, MagdalenaV. Str. 10 
Bedienerin 
1904
Kaschau 
27-Jun-1942 
Schizophrenie 
 Hospital Records
29-Jun-1942
2
54 


 

Lumping in all people with mental illnesses with those such as Adam Lanza, whom refused to get help and whom committed a mass murder-suicide shooting, is wrong and playing right into Tr**p's hands.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

As The Old Jewish Saying Goes, And As I've Lived Especially Of Late...

What's keeping calm when you're Jewish? What's not worrying when you're Jewish?

As for me and being a Jewish Christian, I get the whole "Do not worry", "Come to Me, you whom are weary...", "Cast your cares...", etc.. Notwithstanding that (and here goes the "Oh, you of little faith"):


  1. Having Cerebral Palsy and IBS affects worry for good reason.
  2. Having OCD/Anxiety and ADD affects worry for good reason. By the way, I'm actually not the first one to have made an observation regarding whether OCD/Anxiety is inherently Jewish, and I was joking about that more to cope with my own OCD and wondering (so much for Jewish humor, as I got a hard time for making that observation)—the schtick about (I kid you not) OCD being a "Jewish disease" (as Dr. Avigdor Bonchek phrased the schtick whether OCD is Jewish) has been around for a long time. To be fair, look at, e.g., B'midbar 7 alone—having to be perfectly scrupulous about the right number of the right offerings like that could cause anyone to worry—then look at Vaiykra 11 and B'midbar 19—I myself (assuming that I'd survived birth and even had some part in Jewish life) would be washing and extra washing all day. Then try the fences around Torah. Overtime, that has to get embedded into one's genetic code and/or brain chemistry—thus, I think, part of why God desires mercy over sacrifice and obedience over burnt offerings, as His point seemed to be that ritualism as opposed to simply living by faith (e.g., "walk[ing] humbly with your God").
  3. Getting the amount of hate that I get (as I probably will over the observation above, for example), whether rightly or wrongly, affects me to always worry for good reason—even, e.g., who's going to unfriend me on Facebook or unfollow me on Twitter, thus reflecting online how what they think of me both online and offline? After all (as Curt Schilling of all people stated), people online are who they are offline and what they would be offline "if they could get away with it" (which he stated after two of his daughter's high-school classmates used Twitter to send her rape threats.
I could give more examples, though I think that three examples suffice—especially as I brace myself and bide to see how many more instances of Example Three will happen even over the next couple of minutes, especially in regard to Example Two. 



Sunday, February 26, 2017

Most Of My Commentary Will Have To Be On Twitter, My Blog, &c..

A couple of reasons for this are:


  1. YouTube's continued kiboshing of webcam-upload technology.
  2. Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses—part of the reason that YouTube's kiboshing of webcam-upload technology is abysmally detrimental to me (and others with disabilities)—don't allow me to have the wherewithal—physically, mentally, or otherwise—to be able to write, type, hold a camera, etc. 17-15/7. There are even days on which I can't write about Reilly of late.
  3. I'm working on becoming an author and I have other things to do as well—I don't have the luxury to write, type, etc.. at least 8/7.
Thus, most of my commentary will have to be on Twitter, Blogger, etc. to save me strength energy, time. 

Monday, January 16, 2017

Ben Carson's Attitude Is A Symptom and Reflection Of Society's Ableism

If only the case were as simplistic as Ben Carson likes to make it seem. Too many self-proclaimed conservatives don't help their communities, and then they complain about those of us "that make excuses"—as one person named "Gillespie" accused people like me of being.

Speaking of Gillespies, I had neighbors whom are Gillespies and have at least two friends whom are Gillespies; and the Gillespie in question is a shame to my neighbors' and friends' family name. I say this, by the way, with shandas to my own family namesIrish ones, including Reilly, being among them and Jewish ones, including Czarnecki, being among them. 

The Czarneckis whom were—and some of whom still are—shandas to the shem hamispacha either lied or did not say the truth about how my cousin Jamie came to have a low IQ—only later did I find out that he was not born that way. As for my mom's family, her grandmother Alice Reilly Allen may well have lied about her aunt Kas' disability—incidentally, one of my Gillespie friends brought this to light when he told me that she had Cerebral Palsy like I do, not Polio—and my maternal grandmother confirmed that Nana Allen may well have lied.. 

The point, then, is that Ben Carson's attitude is one more case in point that ableism continues to be rampantevenand perhaps especiallyin families whom have members whom have disabilitiesincluding even themselves: case in point, my dad never admitted to having OCD/Anxiety or Depression (and I found out only after I was diagnosed with OCD/Anxiety and Depression, and looked back on why all those pill bottles were in his apartment—and they weren't B12 ones, as I should've known), and he still justifies lying about his paternal grandfather's suicide (about which I should've known before I ended up in Sheppard Pratt after I threatened to take Great-Granddad's path).

PS I went to college and graduated with a B.A. in Political Science. I am registered with an employment agency. I am on LinkedIn, etc.—as I said, if only the case were as simplistic as Ben Carson and others like to make it seem. 
Meanwhile how (un)fortunate that he doesn't suffer a disabilityand maybe if he did suffer one, he'd at least know something about being the least among humankind and compassion. That's one of the few reasons that I'm glad that I have Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses—that is, being of the least among humankind, "those that make excuses", etc., I know what compassion is and what it isn't.

Friday, December 30, 2016

More Easily Suitored Than Sought & Loved

Many guys—even good guys—claim that they wouldn't care if a prospect had disabilities, and then push comes to shove. Having Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses, I can tell you exactly what I am—or at least potentially am—regardless of whether a guy could or could not handle it:


  1. A medical expense—e.g., I take three medications for OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD. 
  2. A burden—e.g., What kind of guy wants to be bound by a woman whom can't drive?
  3. An embarrassment—e.g., What kind of guy wants to have to drive a woman to Baclofen Pump refill appointments; and what kind of guy wants to lose friends because of being a woman with Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses?
I'm crying as I'm typing all of this, too, as I know the pain of being a woman with disabilities and a damned statistic unless some miracle saves me—e.g.:



Wednesday, December 7, 2016

How Does Patient Reilly Deal With A Lonely & Afflicted—And Thus, Being A Bad—"Momma"?

Last night, Reilly waited patiently as "Momma"—whom thought that she and Reilly were going to go "night nights" earlier than they did—and "Momma" completely understood as Reilly gave her a look of skepticism when she told her that they were "going upstairs now", and it took "Momma" a while to get Reilly to come to go upstairs—and Reilly waited patiently as "Momma" read to get to sleep, too.

Understandably, Reilly was a little sleepy this morning—although she was excited to go downstairs to "go potty" and have her morning "num nums". She also had to be convinced by "Momma" to find "Froggie" in the "blankie" as well.

Incidentally, one's basic vocabulary has to frequently be utilized with her or his puppies—including adult puppies—e.g., with the more-complex "blanket" becoming "blankie" and more-complex "breakfast" becoming "morning 'num nums'", despite that some puppy owners do often use more-complex vocabulary with their puppies—e.g,, when "Grandaunt Frannie" told "Momma"'s fur cousin and Reilly's match Kelso, "Kelso, finish your food."

Speaking of complex vocabulary and matches—and with " Momma" going back to the original point, Reilly fully understood when "Momma" encouraged her in standing up to her match Camille—"Good girl—good standing up to Cam!"—when Reilly growled at Camille for not letting her try to find "Froggie", too. "Momma", of course, had to originally coax Reilly by saying, "You're okay. You don't have to be afraid of Cam."

If only "Momma" had someone like that in her corner—especially as, e.g., the OCD/Anxiety and the Depression take a toll on her and drain her to the point where she can't muster the energy and make the time to frequently brush Reilly's "teethers"—although to be fair, Reilly did (and God must have moved Reilly to) give "Momma" fully-understanding-that-"Momma"-is-going-through-a-hard-time kisses while "Momma" prayed over her for God to protect her "teethers" and prayed with her otherwise.

Nonetheless, not having a helpmate to "Momma" and "Daddy" to Reilly is hard on "Momma"—and if Reilly's eventual "Daddy" is who "Momma" thinks that he is and who might even hope that he is someday (although "Momma" doesn't quite know what he wants and where he is in life), "Momma" wants to know for both her sake and Reilly's sake—especially as, e.g, being lonely during the holidays (even with Reilly around—since there are voids that puppies can't fill) will only drain "Momma" more and compound "Momma"'s Cerebral Palsy that makes chasing Reilly to get recycled oatmeal packets that she somehow got out of her mouth (and luckily, it was an entirely- or almost-entirely-empty packet of just organic Oats and Flax Oatmeal with a little bit of organic sugar—and Reilly had her leash on when "Momma" went to retrieve the packet from her mouth—and Reilly did drop it the first time for a treat).


Added at 2:04 PM EST: Reilly let "Momma" take a picture in order to get a belly rub (12:57 PM EST)

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Somewhat Offbeat: A Lonely "Momma" In A Crowded Room—And Even Putting Reilly Through Something Like 2014 Again?

"Momma" has realized for a while that her mental-illness flareups due to worrying about herself and Reilly have put Reilly through something like 2014 again. As "Momma" wrote a while back:

Despite her OCD, etc., Reilly is honestly among the reasons that she's still alive. She missed much of her first year for several reasons, among them being—if not with most of them stemming from—that she'd oversleep due to a Depression flareup after—to make a long story short—a relative's ex-boyfriend's sister used even LinkedIn to cyberstalk her in order to intimidate she after she had confronted the ex boyfriend about something. At least, meanwhile, Reilly got some naps when "Auntie Michelle" would bring Reilly upstairs to her room and there while she overslept—and puppies need up to 20 hours of sleep per day.
With "Momma" often staying up later than she should and being more sleepless compared to many others, she has exhausted both herself and Reilly. Even worse is when she's been lonely even with Reilly—her "dogter"—around, and even when Camille—her furniece—is around as well—let alone when she's been in a crowded room or at least enough of a crowd, with or without Reilly.

Being lonely is pretty easy for "Momma" when she isn't trusted about Reilly, anyway, let alone when she doesn't have someone whom'd understand that "Momma" is trying her best to be a good "Momma" to Reilly—not to mention that she thinks that she knows who her helpmate and Reilly's "Daddy" could be down the road and he seems to be sending her incredibly-mixed signals if he is who she thinks that he is—either way, "Momma" wishes for both her sake and Reilly's sake that:


  1. She knew who Reilly's future "Daddy" is.
  2. That the person who's sending her mixed signals would just tell her, especially for Reilly's sake

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Reilly As An Example Of How A Pet Owner's Mental Illnesses Affect His Or Her Pets

The difficult time that "Momma" has endured is affecting Reilly (Poor baby!), too. As one can see, Reilly looks tired and worried for "Momma".

"Momma" added these two pictures because Reilly was patiently waiting for her to wrap up last night (11:01 PM EST)








Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Still A Difficult Time For Reilly—And "Momma"

Reilly continues to be very patient as "Momma" endures a difficult time, and "Momma" nonetheless suspects that some of Reilly's compulsive behaviors are due to her. For example, Reilly seems to clean her paws frequently—just like "Momma" washes her hands frequently, since she has OCD/Anxiety—and perhaps even Reilly's eating of mulch is part of her compulsive behavior.

"Momma" can't even finish one project that might get her foot in the door, let alone work on the book about Reilly which she's planning. As she's written:


"Especially as "Momma" has gone through heartbreaks such as losing touch with the main person whom inspired her to write about Reilly, Reilly has been "Momma"'s biggest fan—or at least her biggest canine fanwhile "Momma" can't always be her biggest fan."
She's also written:

"[T]hat person inspired her to begin becoming a full-time author. In fact, as 'Momma' recalls, she wrote and sent Reilly's first real full biography to the particular person—whom she thinks about every day, and about whom she's told Reilly...
"Incidentally, 'Momma" hopes and prays to reconnect with that person—whom had and still has a huge impact on 'Momma''s life, and whom will hopefully meet Reilly—someday."

To not have the main person whom inspired "Momma" to write about Reilly—and become an author overallin her life for now only serves to partly flare up her mental illnesses—she even had two OCD/Anxiety episodes this morning, which confused and worried Reilly.

Needlessly to say, Reilly is definitely impacted as "Momma" struggles with mental-illness flareups—which also has affected "Momma"'s and Reilly's sleep at night, and "Momma"'s getting through the day.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

As a Dog Owner, Reilly's "Momma" Has One Advantage Of Having OCD/Anxiety

As "Momma" previously wrote, she at least has the advantage of protecting Reilly from certainly fatality (Yehovah willing, anyway)—not to mention that my having Depression also provided Reilly an advantage in her first year:

"Despite my OCD, etc., Reilly is honestly among the reasons that I'm still alive. I missed much of her first year for several reasons, among them being—if not with most of them stemming from—that I'd oversleep due to a Depression flareup...At least, meanwhile, Reilly got some naps when Michelle would bring Reilly upstairs to my room and there while I overslept—and puppies need up to 20 hours of sleep per day.

"Sometimes, though, as much as I love Reilly (and oftentimes, if not always, because I love my "dogter"), she and/or matters concerning her can affect mental-illness flareups—such as the incident in which I meticulously looked for a chocolate which I probably drop [sic.] with even a flashlight just in case I dropped it."

Of course, though, "Momma" still wonders what she'll do if she can't catch Reilly if Reilly eats a fatal or close-to-fatal "nasty" such as chocolate, an excess amount of mulch, and raisins—and she already has a hard time keeping Reilly away from the open and often-has-dripped-down-"nasties" dishwasher that Reilly licks or tries to lick.