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Showing posts with label heartbrokenness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heartbrokenness. Show all posts

Friday, January 1, 2016

Part Of What's Exacerbated My Depression Of Late, And A Prayer Request

A few months ago, a family friend to whom I had not talked in a while reached out to me. Once he began to talking to me again, and after four to five years had passed, I began viewing him as a father figure, a writing mentor, and a friend whom is more dear to me than he'll ever know—"There are friends that one hath to his own hurt; but there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Needlessly to say, he became "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother". Then one day, he suddenly stopped talking to me. The only explanation was this, and it came quite a bit of time later—and remember that he is, or at least was, a writing mentor: "Going through a difficult time. Keep writing."

After that, a major news story broke; and I asked him if one of the parties whom was involved in the news-making situation was associated with him—and I received no response to that inquiry. In the next day and the following days, I was left to guess whether the news story had to do with him in even any remote way (e.g., if one of his family or friends of friend was involved), other news stories involved him, or anything else had happened. After all, what did (and does) "a difficult time" mean?

This family friend, father figure, writing mentor, and closer-than-a-brother friend of my own had reached out to me in the first place, and he ditched me without explanation. Given, among other factors, my C.P. and mental illnesses, his ditching of me was absolutely the last thing that I needed—or at least wanted, since only God ultimately knows why I needed it. I've also needed other ditchings as well, by the way, and only God has also known why I needed those—and one more-recent one came from an in-law cousin, might I add.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a broken spirit who can bear?" That kind of broken spirit is what I've endured once again in the past few months—and as if OCD/Anxiety. Depression, ADD, and IBS weren't enough in of themselves; and only God ultimately knows why He's exacerbated them.


"I am the LORD, and there is none else, beside Me there is no God; I have girded thee, though thou hast not known Me; That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside Me; I am the LORD; and there is none else; I form the light, and create darkness; I make peace, and create evil; I am the LORD, that doeth all these things.


"Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness; let the earth open, that they may bring forth salvation, and let her cause righteousness to spring up together; I the LORD have created it. Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker, as a potsherd with the potsherds of the earth! Shall the clay say to him that fashioned it: 'What makest thou?' Or: 'Thy work, it hath no hands'? Woe unto him that saith unto his father: 'Wherefore begettest thou?' Or to a woman: 'Wherefore travailest thou?' Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: Ask Me of the things that are to come; concerning My sons, and concerning the work of My hands, command ye Me. I, even I, have made the earth, and created man upon it; I, even My hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded."

I know, too, that God's ways are not our ways, as Isaiah also speaks by the Holy Spirit. So, for example and as bad as this sounds, I don't know whether God reminds me of my friend on a daily basis to remind me to pray for him or to allow HaSatan to make fun of me (as He allowed HaSatan to torment and persecute Job, whom was already suffering with the question of whether his children loved God: "'It may be that my sons have sinned, and blasphemed God in their hearts.'")

It could also be—and this is where the "as bad as this sounds" comes into play—that God's making fun of me or punishing me for some reason that only He ultimately knows: "Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any way in me that is grievous, and lead me in the way everlasting." Having my guesses about hurtful situations, what I've done or not done, etc. hurts; and even if I know and the person whom I've wronged or whom's wronging me won't tell me, that really hurts.

Incidentally (as the year went from 2015 to 2016), I saw another reminder of him, since I discussed genealogy with him and wondered if a name in his own family wasn't an allusion to this verse: "The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is set up on high."

Please pray for me, pray for my friend, and pray for others whom need prayers on their behalf, meanwhile—may we all call on HaShem Yehovah, HaMigdal HaChazaq; and may Yehovah bring reconciliation or whatever is needed to be brought between me and my friend (אם ירצה, יהוה.), and may our friendship be almost as strong as Yehovah Himself.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

A Reminder That A Cousin's Cousin Inspired Me To Give

I normally don't do this; so, bear with me:
To all of my Facebook friends and others, I'm asking you to think about this (as a friend of mine reminded me and others) for a second:
  1. Among the strongest of people are those whom are also among the most sensitive of people—or at least the ones whom are willing to admit that they are sensitive and are willing to not desensitize themselves.
  2. Many who at least try to be kind are also among the ones whom are usually the first ones to be treated unkindly. The reason for that is that unkind people like to take advantage of kind people and see how strong they really are—to them, sensitivity is weakness and/or a witness against them of their own weaknesses; and sensitivity, of course, includes putting the words "I want to talk about it [whatever 'it' is]"* into action.
  3. Many who at least try to bear others' burdens are trying to do what someone refused to do for them—and frankly, they're hoping that someone will finally bear their burdens in turn (or at least that God will reward them for helping others)**.

If you find this reminder worth sharing, share it. If you don't find this reminder worth sharing, then decline to share it and leave it at that. Also, feel free to take this reminder and—for a lack of better wordage—modify it to put it in your own words, give your own examples that pertain to this reminder (See the asterisks.), and ultimately have it come from your heart.
Remember, too, that we're all imperfect; and many of us at least sometimes hurt others in the ways in which we ourselves were hurt, whether we realize or don't realize that we do—and I certainly grant that many others (for example, the aforementioned unkind people) do often, or even always, deliberately hurt others
* RIP Mary Trudnak Czarnecki (Those were her words to my aunt when she finally broke down. "No, no; it's okay—I want to talk about it."
(I wish that I knew and understood that that's why I knew such a vulnerable Great-Grandma Czarnecki when she was still alive—she was trying to be strong and hold her own for at least 73 years, 16 of them in which I was alive—she married Great-Granddad when she was 20-going-on-21 years old in 1934, and she died when she was 93-going-on-94 years. I was born in 1990 when she was 76-going-on-78 years old.).
** RIP Mary DeBoy Pundt (I only heard about her and never had the chance to meet her.).