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Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts

Saturday, February 18, 2017

A Jewish "Zhang" In China With MRKH? If So, Another Factor In the "Be Fruitful" Mitzvah To Examine Comes To Light

A 23-year-old woman named "Zhang", possibly "Joshua", had a corrective surgery to improve her marital and fertility prospects:

"As time went by, Zhang's parents became more and more worried that their daughter would not be able to date, marry and have children due to her condition. So the family contacted the No.1 Affiliated Hospital of the Medical School of Xi'an Jiatong University for help.
"Zhang was diagnosed with Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome (MRKH), a congenital abnormality characterised by women who have no vagina, womb and cervix...
"A B-scan ultra-sonography revealed that Zhang has no vagina or uterus, but she has functioning ovaries.
"She told the doctors that she had not been able to date any men because of her condition. She also had to turn down many admirers who had asked her out."

As an bat-Anusim, I would not be surprised if she is a Kaifenger Anusit and/or bat-Anusim*. After all, the reproductive aspect of "be fruitful and multiply" is heavily emphasized in traditional Judaism (not withstanding that some did and do focus on the non-reproductive aspects)—and in her case, it may have brought up another issue in Rabbinic halacha: "May one have any corrective or curative surgery that involves grafting a non-reproductive part onto a reproductive part, or would having such be a chillul יהוה in that it would involve l'sachek יהוה?"




*By the way, you will never catching me using "Anus" or "Anusah". If you can't figure out why, you may have never faced the kind of Anti Semitism that I have.

Friday, December 30, 2016

More Easily Suitored Than Sought & Loved

Many guys—even good guys—claim that they wouldn't care if a prospect had disabilities, and then push comes to shove. Having Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses, I can tell you exactly what I am—or at least potentially am—regardless of whether a guy could or could not handle it:


  1. A medical expense—e.g., I take three medications for OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD. 
  2. A burden—e.g., What kind of guy wants to be bound by a woman whom can't drive?
  3. An embarrassment—e.g., What kind of guy wants to have to drive a woman to Baclofen Pump refill appointments; and what kind of guy wants to lose friends because of being a woman with Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses?
I'm crying as I'm typing all of this, too, as I know the pain of being a woman with disabilities and a damned statistic unless some miracle saves me—e.g.:



Sunday, July 17, 2016

My Basic Twitter Philosophy


  1. If you unfollow me and I am following you, I will unfollow you in turn if I become aware that you have unfollowed me. Since I hold the philosophy that people online are a reflection of whom they are offline (including, as Curt Schilling pointed out, whom they would be offline if they could be that way offline), I have no time for you if you have no time for me, I have, as far as I recall, broken my unfollow-for-unfollow rule only twice, and that includes that I refollowed one person whom'd unfollowed me only because his work in his field is influential enough to merit for him a follow. I will also unfollow you if I recall that you followed me and then unfollowed me after I followed you, whether or not my recollection is correct.
  2. If you abuse me in any way on Twitter—for example, if you twist my words (or similarly libel me) and/or engage in Anti-Semitic attacks—I will report and/or block you.
  3. If you abuse others on Twitter, I will report and/or block you.
  4. RTs are not endorsements unless the original tweet is favorited and/or the RTs are noted as endorsements of the original tweets. What RTs often are is FOIP (for only informational purposes).
  5. While I do "unfollow for unfollow", I do not do "follow for follow"—I follow whom I want to follow, and I will follow those whom follow me if I find them worth following.
  6. While and since I won't, and I really even can't, report every abusive instance and/or block every person whom's engaging in abuse, I will call out someone whom's being abusive if I feel (or at least hope) that I can reason with them. 
  7. I get Twitter notifications via text messages—and I don't have a smartphone, unlike some of these rich kids and others whom can afford smartphones. As soon as I get a chance to respond to and/or RT tweets, I'll respond to them; and be aware that I can see on my phone what abusive tweets you deleted and/or thought that you blocked from my view—and I will report and/or block you, and/or call you out.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

More About Deeply-Thought-Of Considerations: Why I've Become A Skeptic About Finding Someone (e.g., More Of Part Of the Ugly Part)

Since I have, e.g., Cerebral Palsy and Depression, I might be a burden and medical expense in of myself to many a guy, which is part of what I've considered: I know that many a guy would not end up staying with someone like me in the long term—besides, I need someone whom's physically and mentally stronger than me, and would be willing to be strong enough for me.

I've seriously become a skeptic about finding someone because of that—that is, because I have C.P., Depression, etc.. On one dating website, I had to block one person because of his ableism, etc.. Another, I'm pretty sure, rejected me because of my disability:

"Thank you for the kind message, but unfortunately I'm looking for a different type of girl." 


Yeah; "[d]ifferent type of girl" my tuchus—he could've just been honest instead of backhandedly polite. I also think that prospects have gone down since I posted a picture with me with my cart (What did they want me to do: lie?!). 

As I stated, I've seriously become a skeptic about finding someone because of that—not to mention the rampant ableism in our society, anyway; such as regarding the awful case of the ableist (and perhaps Anti-Semitic) TSA agent whom battered a girl named Hannah Cohen.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Deeply-Thought-Of Considerations That I've Made In Light Of Wanting Love While Getting Older And More Vulnerable Everyday

Part of why these past couple of months have been rough for me is because I'm 26 and continuing to be in a bad position simply because of being among the many people whom have disabilities, not to mention being a person with disabilities in other minority groups—the Jewish people and the female gender, for example. Incidentally, this is why I signed up for Maplematch: I prefer to have someone whom would consider moving to Canada (from which I could perhaps make aliyah) or making aliyah with me (despite Netanyahu and Agudat Yisra'el) if Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton becomes the POTUS.

I also did and have done way more than just sign up for MapleMatch. For example:


  1. I once dabbled in online dating on, e.g., DateMySchool because I got a random invitation to that website. Needlessly to say, it didn't work out.
  2. I've even used at PlentyofFish at the recommendation of a friend whom met her own bashert on there, for example. I know what I want in and with someone, and why I want what I want. I've also made sure to warn others why they might not want me, even if they would claim otherwise—and if you're a potential prospect whom's reading this, you might be among those whom might not want me despite what you might claim. Of course, that's part of what hurts me repeatedly; though it is what it is.


That's why I'd let any prospect know—or be reminded of—and be aware of  whom he'd be getting involved if I were a prospect of his. After all:

  1. I have Cerebral Palsy—which is why I can't drive and am still looking for full-time work, for which I'm using volunteering as a stepping stone in part
  2. I have mental illnesses: OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD—all of which I am getting treated with medication and counseling
  3. I want to thus spare him from having to deal with that, including having to help me with any medical and other expenses—e.g., I have an Intravenous Bacloften  Pump and, as I stated, I can't drive.
  4. I want to also spare myself from being hurt by anyone whom cannot handle that
In other words, I don't want to be any kind of liability or burden to any man, let alone be hurt in the process of being a liability or burden to any man—I'm already a liability and/or burden in non-romantic relationships as is, despite that others claim that I'm not at all a liability or burden. Thus, any prospect of mine'd need consider if he'd be able to deal with me in the long term and not just in a moment or just the short term. I also hasten to add that—besides that I can't drive—I can't swim or participate in risky activities such as rock and mountain climbing, motorcycling, messing with pyrotechnics such as fireworks, and ice skating—besides, one of my mother's second cousins died in a motorcycle accident, and I've heard and read the horror stories about amateur fireworks users losing their limbs and/or lives.

Also, I can't just snap up and out of anything, and be healed of everything with which I'm dealing—life doesn't work like "name it, claim it" faith healing—I'd've been healed by now if God willed to heal me, and He didn't will to heal me:


  1. I'm 26; I got the ITB Pump when I was 23.
  2. My mental illnesses set off in the timespan of 2001-2013, from when was 11 to 23.
Getting worse overtime's not what I call healing, let alone healing overtime. I can only, then, guess why His strength is made perfect in my weakness, as His strength was made perfect in Paul's weakness*.

Besides, I've been hurt enough in my lifetime; and I want to just find someone and/or have someone find me at this point, and I just want the one whom God wills to somehow come into my life:


  1. 26 is quite old for someone like me to have never been married, and 26 is older for people like me than it is for most, given how ableist society is.
  2. Since I've never been married and I'm still—if you know what I mean—waiting for marriage, I'm really getting old and—at least in the eyes of many, if not most, in this ableist society—losing time and viability. 
  3. I prefer to in a same-faith relationship, as interfaith dating backfired on me twice despite that each of my two exes claimed to be a Christian at a point in the beginning of the relationship.
  4. While I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect or going to turn down anyone just because of a few bad choices and/or mistakes, I also prefer to avoid being used by or dealing with any man whom lives by being a player and/or other type of backstabber, an ableist and/or other type of bigot, and/or otherwise a man of bad character—each of my two exes was enough of that.

*Incidentally, perhaps I will be healed if I am able to make aliyah—Jesus did all of His known healing in Israel, and Jewish Christians were the ones whom healed others, both Jewish and gentile, as the Gospel was spread throughout the Roman Empire. Even, for example, Ananias healed fellow Jewish man Paul.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Re A Rough Couple Of Months (BTW, Thanks To Those Who've Borne With Me)—And I'll Hopefully Be Able To Help Anyone Whom Can Relate

"A merry heart is a good medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

Right now, I feel it—not to mention, too, while I often feel guilty about feeling my own pain and dealing with it as others are feeling and dealing with their pain. By the way—as I've mentioned—I'm a Jewish Christian, and I believe in the Parable of the Talents, etc.—and I'm baffled to realize to while some are suffering worse on the equality scare, all of us are suffering the same on the proportionality scale.

Nonetheless, I often feel guilty for feeling my—at least in comparison—1 while someone else feels his or her 2 or 5. Still, 1/1 = 2/2 = 5/5. Thus, it all comes down to a paradox: while some are going through worse than I'm enduring, I'm going through worse than others are enduring; yet, we're all enduring the same proportion of suffering.

Incidentally, I have to take issue with Amy Grant's "Better Than a Hallelujah": I find more Christian a "broken 'Hallelu Yah'" better than no "Hallelu Yah", even when I feel the way that the songwriters of "Better" do. Job knew that a broken "Hallelu Yah" was far better than anything that's apparently "better than a Hallelu Yah". Of course, one doesn't have to vocalize "Hallelu Yah" to say "Hallelu Yah". Notwithstanding, Christians have to try to say "Hallelu Yah" in all of our actions—didn't Paul remind us of that as he wrote down that we're to give thanks in all things?

Meanwhile, this is part of why many among everyone else laughs at, jeers, derides, and otherwise abhors Christians—there is a real problem when Leonard Cohen, who is not a Christian, gets part of the core of Christianity better than those whom profess to be Christians.

This also reminds me of how many other Non Christians—both Jewish and gentile—get that supposedly-Christian Donald Trump's lack of asking God for forgiveness—aka, lack of praising God for what he supposedly professes what the sacrifice of Christ means to him—shows up in his Non-Christian narcissism, greed, racism, sexism, ableism, and Anti Semitism.

On that note, I wonder how Jewish Christians such as Edith Stein (whom, out of strong conviction, became a Carmelite nun and a namesake of another Jewish Christian, St. Teresa), Eduardo Propper de Callejon, Sir Nicholas Wintour—the first having died in the Sho'ah, and the other two having risked their lives to save others from the Sho'ah—would feel about Donald Trump-supporting Jews and gentiles whom profess to have the same Messiah that they professed. Perhaps they would sum up their feelings with gentile Christian Corrie ten Boom's words: "You cannot love God without loving the Jewish people."

I, thus, have felt the weight especially as those whom also profess the Jewish Jesus of Nazareth and support Donald Trump have persecuted me—and others—for pointing out how a man who is his own idol, has an $100-Million jet and other opulence, and loves only White male gentiles cannot genuinely profess to be a Christian—that is, profess to love a self-sacrificing Jewish man whom (as I and other Christians believe) "was despised, and forsaken of men, a man of pains, and acquainted with disease," of which he healed those such a Syrophonecian-Greek girl continuously-bleeding woman whom touched one of his tzitziyot. By the way, I'm pretty sure that Donald Trump would not let in the Syrophonecian-Greek girl and her mother today, since he'd think them to be a part of Daesh instead of gentile Nasara (Note: some, as I learned while I Googled, have objected to "Nasara" because they think that they're being called "Nasara" in the sense of supporting Daesh—despite that Daesh hates "Nasara", Nazarenes, as much as Donald Trump does. Meanwhile, "Christian" was just as derogatory as "Nasrani"; so, the complainers, with all due respect, need to just embrace "Nasarani" as a way to be "Nasara" against Daesh.).

In sum, then, I've been feeling the pain with which I deal daily (e.g., CP, Depression), fallouts from more-recent pains that I've described (such as the continuing heartbreak of the ongoing baffling estrangement from a dear friend and father figure whom is also a writing mentor—not to mention the long backstory behind it), and the distress regarding the ascent of a modern-day prince of Tyre whom claims to be a Christian as he and supposedly-Christian supporters of his persecute me and others whom point out that he wouldn't let even Jesus into the U.S., let alone love the Syrophonecian-Greek mother whom came with her own "broken 'Halleu Yah'" and a chronically-bleeding and debilitated woman whom would need to come to the U.S. to get treatment if she lived today and God would choose only to show sufficient grace

Saturday, February 1, 2014

What A Prize Candle Can Teach One About Shabbat, Humanity, Etc.; And...

Yes, I put a link to Prize Candle's website in the title on my own volition, unbeknownst to Prize Candle until they read this blog entry. Speaking of unbeknownst matters, that my sister had the "brill" idea of digging out the Prize Candle before it was naturally ready to come out is her schtick—she dug hers out and got the "brill" idea to dig out the ring (and she hates that I use the slang for "brilliant" to annoy her!)—in other words, Mom won't know that Michelle had the idea until I either squeal, let Michelle confess, or share this blog entry.

Here are just a few of the lessons (There are many more that I'll probably even think of as I type or that you could add as you read this, for example.):


  1. A Prize Candle can be a great Shabbat candle. It has eco-friendly soy wax, a manifestation of tikun ha'olam v'tzedek—and soy wax is kosher. It also saves the work of having to hold a Havdalah candle, since it comes in a glass containerwhich can be recycled and/or reused latertada! Another manifestation of tikun ha'olam v'tzedek.
  2. Like Shabbat, the Prize Candle (at least if you get it for a gift and/or join the Candle of the Month Club like I did) gives you things to which to look forwardlighting the fragrency candle itself (like sanctifying Shabbat) and waiting for the ring (like waiting to find discovered treasures within kiddush Shabbat).
  3. The wax can remind of you of the following verse: "I am poured out like water, And all My bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; It has melted within Me." Just as when wax melts when a candle is lit, so we can feel "like wax" when we're put under pressure.
  4. Each of us, like a candle has a wick, is called to be a light. "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."
  5. Israel is called to be a light to the nations and has treasure within her.
  6. Our days are like wax, melting away. After those days end or earlier, in time either way, our treasure might be revealed.
  7. Sometimes (like Michelle dug out the candle and Mom actually even used a knife to see if she could get through the wax that was holding the ring in and down), God digs through our days with pain to reveal our treasure.
  8. Like only Prize Candle ultimately knows the value of the ring within the candle, only God ultimately knows what our treasure is worth.
  9. Sometimes (and see Lesson 7 above), God uses other people to reveal our treasure.







PS Mom came home as I typed...and yes, I squealed before I could get into trouble (and Michelle told me that I should've seen the look that Mom gave her).


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

At This Point...

I'm just getting resigned. That I don't want a job is not the case. That I want to stay home like this all day, etc. is not the case. That I went to college to get a degree for nothing is hopefully not the case. But what do I do?

I already acknowledged that I'm nobody special. Even though my mom suggested that volunteering for Maryland State Senator Kittleman's campaign might get me noticed, so what? Other people volunteer for campaigns and get noticed, get interviewed and told to send their resumes in, etc.. Other people are also, as I am, on Blogger, LinkedIn, etc.. Speaking of resumes, by the way, I either have to rewrite my resume (which is scant) or owe my (now-former) Facebook friend a handwoven tallit which I promised him for writing up my resume for me (He used the information which I gave him from LinkedIn.).

I'm going to need a miracle, which I already knew and hoped that I wouldn't need as much if I got the ITB pump, etc. (which I did). For some reason, those ranging from Kate Upton (a model) to Gabby and Anna Hoffman (political activists and commentators) don't even have to try (or at least in the traditional ways), and they get all the luck (or the blessing). Kate Upton, for example, was picked up just after doing the Dougie Dance on a YouTube video. Gabby and Anna were both noted for their political activism and commentary on Twitter.

Even the self-important Toby Keith had a miracle story: after promising God that he would quit trying to become a country singer by the time that he was 30, he got in to the country-music industry at 32 (and broke his promise) by handing a sample tape to a flight-crew member who eventually gave the tape to Harold Shedd (and somehow, God let him get in. Maybe God's given Toby over to sin and its consequences, though: how well's he doing now? Not as well as he once was.).

Again, that I want to be resigned is not the case. I keep holding out for a miracle. Maybe, although I'd like to believe that verses such as Matthew 21:22 and James 4:3 could apply to me (and I've asked), I'm just (or maybe I should just be) giving up hope. If life continues this way, I'm just going to find that dream-zapper strip, photograph or scan it myself, and post it as my background on my desktop or something else (e.g., as a conclusion to) a blog entry.

Of course, I could ask for prayer; but who's going to pray for me at this point? Maybe some will. Also, I feel guilty about even posting and sharing this because what if I should have left it private or buried unless I jinxed my chances at a miracle? Here posting this blog entry and seeing what happens (and praying and figuring what else I have to do—to get God's favor, maybe even a miracle somehow) goes.

 (And what do I have to do? Read the Bible more or more of the Bible as much as possible? Pray more? Fast?)

Monday, January 27, 2014

What Makes Me Special? Well...

Nothing, really; and I get that. In fact, I know that Scripture even expounds quite thoroughly on that point: for example, I ought to "not to think of [my]self more highly than [I] ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3, NKJV) Besides, I damned well know that people are going to ignore me, tell me to shut up, etc.. If they don't tell me to shut up, etc. to my face, they're surely telling me what they're telling me behind their computer or mobile-device screens.

As I've stated as wellat least trying to be humble and honest (as is my Christian duty) leaves me all the more in non-employment limbo. One of the criticisms that I got was that I was too personal in my interview video. Well, excuse me—what would have happened if I didn't disclose that, for instance, I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD until an interview? Either way, I'm screwed: damned if I do, and damned if I don't!

As I've also stated, I would drive around to employment places and send out resumes, etc. if I could, I would. Then again, I really have no resume on which to go. Furthermore,  doing the YouTube video and utilizing social media to even seek an interview in this day and age has ironically (and/or paradoxically) backfired—here, as a friend noted, I was trying to be innovative and, in my innovation, miserably failed. 

The irony further comes to light when one considers how a YouTube video helped Kate Upton, who was not even trying to be discovered, become discovered. From how I heard the story when I watched Geraldo Rivera's show, this girl was dancing at a game for fun (I remembered it being a football game—my bad), and a talent scout discovered the video and asked this girl if she'd like to model. Meanwhile, I tried to make a video to seek an interview partly because of how Kate Upton's story affected me, and I got few or no points for innovation.

Besides, how cool is having my mom drive me around all of the time? Let a kid who wasn't born disabled tell you. I can't find the video now, but there's a video where a 30-year-old man in a wheelchair rhetorically asks "How cool is it to have your mom as your best friend?" In addition, I had a 27-year-old college classmate who once talked about how he got jazz for still being in college at 27 years of age—not that he is disabled, but still being in college at 27 years of age and being a disabled 24-year-old woman who can't drive share the "not cool" factor.

So, I'm certainly not special—I get that. But I still have a dream, I guess—a dream of getting somewhere with being as humble as possible and using what I can with what I have and where I am. If nothing else, this could be my sad, pathetic life at best:


This isn't the comic strip that originally came to mind. I was thinking about the strips about Rat's dream zapper, but this strip works, too —except my Saturdays are spent at counseling and around the house.


Sunday, January 26, 2014

Why I Don't Feel Like Going To Bed....

Besides that I'm a night owl—what's worth another night just knowing that:

  1. I shouldn't expect to wake up anything good?
  2. If I was going to wake up to anything good, I might have jinxed it by writing this blog post?
  3. If I thought that I was going to jinx it and maybe didn't jinx it after all, thinking that I might be surprised and have something good happen after all might just end up jinxing it, anyway—at least eventually?
And so goes that endless vicious cycle of:
  1. I'll be disappointed.
  2. I'll think, "Wait a minute. Maybe I'll be surprised."
  3. I'll be hopeful.
  4. I'll be disappointed after all, and perhaps more than I expected.
In the end, I'll probably be disappointed. Somehow, I always am. So, my life philosophy goes:


That is, "Always expect the worst...you'll rarely be disappointed [or at least surprised]."


Saturday, June 8, 2013

There's The Paradox of Hope and Reality, Because...

Oftentimes, hope and reality do not match up. Expecting the best is a mistake--"Always suspect the worst of others; you'll rarely be disappointed." Always suspect the worst of others and yourself, and you'll be pleasantly surprised when the best happens--just don't expect the best to last long, let alone forever. Even a fruitful septuagenarian or octogenarian life--let alone a nonagenarian or centenarian life--is a gift. Only where hope is, is where the best and better will last forever--and hope is in the Lord alone.

Otherwise, forget even hope: reality, especially without hope, is a screwy business--and what about death, which ends reality in this lifetime for those who are taken by it? If you're going to Heaven, then you know where you're going. But if you're going to Hell (and you probably are if you're unsure if you are [though I'm not talking about if you're just having doubts], or if you're sure that you're not, going to Heaven), take Dante's admonition seriously--"Abandon all hope, ye who enter [Hell]." 

By the way, Hell is a Jewish concept--Scripture aside, "the Talmud [of all books is] quite descriptive of the place we now call hell...The Talmud is much more detailed concerning the fire and darkness of hell, even supplying descriptions concerning its size, divisions and entrance gates." If you need proof, go look at what the P'rushim think about Jesus and Hell The P'rushim particularly hated Jesus because, at the very least and a point on which Messianic Jews and Non-Messianic Jews can agree, Jesus "transgress[ed many] of the enactments of the Scribes"--punishment for which, according to the "Scribes", is death and boiling in semen or fecal matter--and the P'rushi scribes exalted themselves, including Eliezer ben-Hyrcanus HaKohen, to be Yehovah: "My son, be more careful in the words of the Scribes than in the words of the Torah, for in the laws of the Torah there are positive and negative precepts; but, as to the laws of the Scribes, whoever transgresses any of the enactments of the Scribes incurs the penalty of death."

Using the P'rushim as an example, you would best suspect the worst of others--there is no end to how any human being (whether Jewish or gentile, rich or poor, politician or constituent, clergy or layperson, or any other kind of person) can make life Hell enough for even him or her self--much less and/or let alone for others. " Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help....Happy is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God". "[P]ut your trust in the LORD."