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Showing posts with label confusion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confusion. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

A Planned Book On Camille, When "Mimi" Doesn't Spend Enough Time With Camille, Etc..

With the second edition of Reilly's book out, "Momma" gave away another copy (and as she's said, she really is working on trying to become an author)—and she polled to see if people would read a book on Camille (and "Auntie Nicole" made the giveaway a "no vote, no entry" one).The results are as follows:

If Nicole Czarnecki were to write a book on Camille, would you buy or try to win it?

Yes76%
No2%
More likely than not16%
More unlikely than likely5%


Incidentally, "Auntie Nicole" fails to understand why anyone who wouldn't read the book on Camille would enter the giveaway but for a few reasons such as:

  1. He or she likes trying to get free books, maybe even—in this case—to resell it offline if it's a paperback book, e.g.—and yes, there really are people whom hate "Auntie Nicole" that much (notwithstanding that, e.g., Reilly is currently napping by her "Momma"—at least some sentient creature loves "Momma" on a consistent basis, compared to even many fellow human sentient creatures in her life). If he or she also tried to get the book to resell it, or—on the other hand—get it just to make fun of it and/or have his friends make fun of it, that would not surprise Reilly's "Momma"—even "Mom-Mom" and "Auntie Michelle" made fun of it at first. 
  2. He or she is a big fan of Reilly and not Camille—poor Camille. 🙁
  3. He or she wants to get a free book for a friend.
Meanwhile, "Auntie Nicole" can relate in filial and non-filial ways to Camille's filial pain—even "Mimi" doesn't spend enough time with Camille (Who shouldn't own a puppy, by the way "Mom-Mom"? Even "Mom-Mom" has acknowledged that "Mimi" doesn't prioritize Camille as much as she should, and how hurtful "Mom-Mom" can be only adds to when "Momma"'s Jirish temper can be affected.). As a result of "Mimi" not prioritizing Camille as much as she should, Camille can get sleepy and feel depressed—and as recently as Sunday, this happened—and Cam wakes, perks, and lights up when "Mimi" comes into the room to actually spend time with her and, e.g., puts that darn Kindle or laptop down for once—even under guilt of being teased that, e.g., "Auntie Nicole" will become Cam's "Momma" if "Mimi" doesn't come downstairs from a long-enough nap to spend time with Cam.

In a similar way, "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma"'s loneliness and confusion re what exactly Camille's possible "uncle" and Reilly's possible "Daddy" wants continues to affect una noche oscura del alma en parte de su vida—a dark night of the soul in part of her life—as she is trying to be patient and wait on God to have Reilly's possible "Daddy" reach out to her—and patience in general is all the harder for a person with OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD to learn.

How fitting, by the way, that a converso coined that term!

Monday, February 20, 2017

Somewhat Offbeat: When "Momma" Is Thinking About Asking Reilly How To Get Reilly's Possible Daddy To Reach Out To Her...

That is bad, especially considering that the same puppy on whom "Momma" just had to use the spray bottle could have caused her to die yesterday. Still, there is an impasse, and he's gotta budge—or at least give some clarification one or another way—and as "Momma" has written:

"She's also been thinking about Reilly's possible "Daddy" and what he wants—and she's told Reilly that and kept asking her if she thinks that the person in question will be her "Daddy". Reilly seems to have answered in the affirmative every time, as—as "Momma" has explained—a prophetess giving a prophecy or an oracle¹²!

"As she's written before, too:

 "'For all that "Momma" knows, though, maybe loneliness will count as enough of a fast for God to send her a helpmate for her and a "Daddy" to Reilly, whether soon or down the road—and whoever the 'Daddy' for Reilly might be could be anyone from a total stranger to even one of the guys among guys and gals whom inspired 'Momma' to write about Reilly, no matter what "Momma" thinks of the chances that any given guy would or will ever be Reilly's "Daddy".'"

By the way, "Momma" just had to use the spray bottle again—if only someone could and would help "Momma" roll Reilly over!

Friday, January 1, 2016

Part Of What's Exacerbated My Depression Of Late, And A Prayer Request

A few months ago, a family friend to whom I had not talked in a while reached out to me. Once he began to talking to me again, and after four to five years had passed, I began viewing him as a father figure, a writing mentor, and a friend whom is more dear to me than he'll ever know—"There are friends that one hath to his own hurt; but there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Needlessly to say, he became "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother". Then one day, he suddenly stopped talking to me. The only explanation was this, and it came quite a bit of time later—and remember that he is, or at least was, a writing mentor: "Going through a difficult time. Keep writing."

After that, a major news story broke; and I asked him if one of the parties whom was involved in the news-making situation was associated with him—and I received no response to that inquiry. In the next day and the following days, I was left to guess whether the news story had to do with him in even any remote way (e.g., if one of his family or friends of friend was involved), other news stories involved him, or anything else had happened. After all, what did (and does) "a difficult time" mean?

This family friend, father figure, writing mentor, and closer-than-a-brother friend of my own had reached out to me in the first place, and he ditched me without explanation. Given, among other factors, my C.P. and mental illnesses, his ditching of me was absolutely the last thing that I needed—or at least wanted, since only God ultimately knows why I needed it. I've also needed other ditchings as well, by the way, and only God has also known why I needed those—and one more-recent one came from an in-law cousin, might I add.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a broken spirit who can bear?" That kind of broken spirit is what I've endured once again in the past few months—and as if OCD/Anxiety. Depression, ADD, and IBS weren't enough in of themselves; and only God ultimately knows why He's exacerbated them.


"I am the LORD, and there is none else, beside Me there is no God; I have girded thee, though thou hast not known Me; That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside Me; I am the LORD; and there is none else; I form the light, and create darkness; I make peace, and create evil; I am the LORD, that doeth all these things.


"Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness; let the earth open, that they may bring forth salvation, and let her cause righteousness to spring up together; I the LORD have created it. Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker, as a potsherd with the potsherds of the earth! Shall the clay say to him that fashioned it: 'What makest thou?' Or: 'Thy work, it hath no hands'? Woe unto him that saith unto his father: 'Wherefore begettest thou?' Or to a woman: 'Wherefore travailest thou?' Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: Ask Me of the things that are to come; concerning My sons, and concerning the work of My hands, command ye Me. I, even I, have made the earth, and created man upon it; I, even My hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded."

I know, too, that God's ways are not our ways, as Isaiah also speaks by the Holy Spirit. So, for example and as bad as this sounds, I don't know whether God reminds me of my friend on a daily basis to remind me to pray for him or to allow HaSatan to make fun of me (as He allowed HaSatan to torment and persecute Job, whom was already suffering with the question of whether his children loved God: "'It may be that my sons have sinned, and blasphemed God in their hearts.'")

It could also be—and this is where the "as bad as this sounds" comes into play—that God's making fun of me or punishing me for some reason that only He ultimately knows: "Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any way in me that is grievous, and lead me in the way everlasting." Having my guesses about hurtful situations, what I've done or not done, etc. hurts; and even if I know and the person whom I've wronged or whom's wronging me won't tell me, that really hurts.

Incidentally (as the year went from 2015 to 2016), I saw another reminder of him, since I discussed genealogy with him and wondered if a name in his own family wasn't an allusion to this verse: "The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is set up on high."

Please pray for me, pray for my friend, and pray for others whom need prayers on their behalf, meanwhile—may we all call on HaShem Yehovah, HaMigdal HaChazaq; and may Yehovah bring reconciliation or whatever is needed to be brought between me and my friend (אם ירצה, יהוה.), and may our friendship be almost as strong as Yehovah Himself.