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Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Senators Bob Corker and Jeff Flake Said It, Too: Abuse Is Never Normal

Abuse is never normal or normalizable in even this age of *****, and Senators Bob Corker and Jeff Flake have finally stood up and called out *****:





One could even call what Senators Corker and Flake are doing their political "Me too" moments, and—by the way—don't think that there isn't sexual abuse going on at the hands of ***** and *****ites in Washington. I would not even be surprised if, for example, those like Senators Corker and Flake have faced hearing lewd comments about their marital and familial lives—after all, unfortunately, I have had lewd comments directed at me by some people whom have disagreed with me on certain issues; and I know that ***** (whom has had no compunction about targeting his own female family members) and *****ites are the kind of people whom would go as far as targeting others' female family members (e.g., wives and daughters) as a way to try to harass the others—both men and women—in question.

Everybody else, meanwhile, should also state "Me too" and stand up to ***** and other abusive people.


Monday, October 23, 2017

Abuse Is Never "Normal Stuff", Even In the ***** Era

"I'm beginning to think you...crucified your father for normal stuff!"

Without going into details about what affected that statement for whatever reason, I will say that I was appalled when someone said that to me—abuse is never "normal stuff", and all kinds of abuse are out of the norm—at least in a reasonable and decent society, abuse is (relatively, anyway) out of the norm.

No society in this world is going to be entirely reasonable and decent. After all, as Thomas Hobbes observed, life is short, nasty, and brutish; and "kings and persons of sovereign authority, because of their independency, are in continual jealousies and in the state and posture of gladiators, having their weapons pointing, and their eyes fixed on one another, that is, their forts, garrisons, and guns, upon the frontiers of their kingdoms, and continual spies upon their neighbours: which is a posture of war. "

That nonetheless does not cause any kind of abuse to be "normal stuff", regardless of whether it's the kind of abuse that I endured from my father (which at least, thank God, was never sexual abuse) or the following examples of abuses that others have endured:


  1. The "casting couch"—Harvey Weinstein's and others' victims did not want (let alone ask) to be sexually harassed and abused; and they shouldn't have to choose between careers and being abused, between silence to avoid further abuse and between speaking out and enduring further abuse, or between anything else and abuse. Having to choose between anything and abuse, by the way, is being put in an abusive position.
  2. The "condolence" call that Myeisha Johnson received. What ***** stated was basically, "Your husband knew why he signed up, and we can never repay him or any other American military member whom sacrifices his or her life for the United States; so I'm not even going to try to repay what I can."
  3. The follow up to the "condolence" call. Especially Myeisha Johnson did not need libel and slander against her; and Representative Frederica Wilson did not need the libel and slander, either.
  4. The threats of racist and sexist violence against Congresswoman Wilson—as I said, abuse is neither normal nor in the norm in a reasonable and decent society, which is not the kind of society which Congresswoman Wilson's abuser would like to bring back.
In conclusion, then, only abusive societies have ever treated, ever treat, and will ever treat abuse as normal and normalizable. 




Friday, December 30, 2016

More Easily Suitored Than Sought & Loved

Many guys—even good guys—claim that they wouldn't care if a prospect had disabilities, and then push comes to shove. Having Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses, I can tell you exactly what I am—or at least potentially am—regardless of whether a guy could or could not handle it:


  1. A medical expense—e.g., I take three medications for OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD. 
  2. A burden—e.g., What kind of guy wants to be bound by a woman whom can't drive?
  3. An embarrassment—e.g., What kind of guy wants to have to drive a woman to Baclofen Pump refill appointments; and what kind of guy wants to lose friends because of being a woman with Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses?
I'm crying as I'm typing all of this, too, as I know the pain of being a woman with disabilities and a damned statistic unless some miracle saves me—e.g.:



Sunday, July 3, 2016

More About Deeply-Thought-Of Considerations: Why I've Become A Skeptic About Finding Someone (e.g., More Of Part Of the Ugly Part)

Since I have, e.g., Cerebral Palsy and Depression, I might be a burden and medical expense in of myself to many a guy, which is part of what I've considered: I know that many a guy would not end up staying with someone like me in the long term—besides, I need someone whom's physically and mentally stronger than me, and would be willing to be strong enough for me.

I've seriously become a skeptic about finding someone because of that—that is, because I have C.P., Depression, etc.. On one dating website, I had to block one person because of his ableism, etc.. Another, I'm pretty sure, rejected me because of my disability:

"Thank you for the kind message, but unfortunately I'm looking for a different type of girl." 


Yeah; "[d]ifferent type of girl" my tuchus—he could've just been honest instead of backhandedly polite. I also think that prospects have gone down since I posted a picture with me with my cart (What did they want me to do: lie?!). 

As I stated, I've seriously become a skeptic about finding someone because of that—not to mention the rampant ableism in our society, anyway; such as regarding the awful case of the ableist (and perhaps Anti-Semitic) TSA agent whom battered a girl named Hannah Cohen.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Deeply-Thought-Of Considerations That I've Made In Light Of Wanting Love While Getting Older And More Vulnerable Everyday

Part of why these past couple of months have been rough for me is because I'm 26 and continuing to be in a bad position simply because of being among the many people whom have disabilities, not to mention being a person with disabilities in other minority groups—the Jewish people and the female gender, for example. Incidentally, this is why I signed up for Maplematch: I prefer to have someone whom would consider moving to Canada (from which I could perhaps make aliyah) or making aliyah with me (despite Netanyahu and Agudat Yisra'el) if Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton becomes the POTUS.

I also did and have done way more than just sign up for MapleMatch. For example:


  1. I once dabbled in online dating on, e.g., DateMySchool because I got a random invitation to that website. Needlessly to say, it didn't work out.
  2. I've even used at PlentyofFish at the recommendation of a friend whom met her own bashert on there, for example. I know what I want in and with someone, and why I want what I want. I've also made sure to warn others why they might not want me, even if they would claim otherwise—and if you're a potential prospect whom's reading this, you might be among those whom might not want me despite what you might claim. Of course, that's part of what hurts me repeatedly; though it is what it is.


That's why I'd let any prospect know—or be reminded of—and be aware of  whom he'd be getting involved if I were a prospect of his. After all:

  1. I have Cerebral Palsy—which is why I can't drive and am still looking for full-time work, for which I'm using volunteering as a stepping stone in part
  2. I have mental illnesses: OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD—all of which I am getting treated with medication and counseling
  3. I want to thus spare him from having to deal with that, including having to help me with any medical and other expenses—e.g., I have an Intravenous Bacloften  Pump and, as I stated, I can't drive.
  4. I want to also spare myself from being hurt by anyone whom cannot handle that
In other words, I don't want to be any kind of liability or burden to any man, let alone be hurt in the process of being a liability or burden to any man—I'm already a liability and/or burden in non-romantic relationships as is, despite that others claim that I'm not at all a liability or burden. Thus, any prospect of mine'd need consider if he'd be able to deal with me in the long term and not just in a moment or just the short term. I also hasten to add that—besides that I can't drive—I can't swim or participate in risky activities such as rock and mountain climbing, motorcycling, messing with pyrotechnics such as fireworks, and ice skating—besides, one of my mother's second cousins died in a motorcycle accident, and I've heard and read the horror stories about amateur fireworks users losing their limbs and/or lives.

Also, I can't just snap up and out of anything, and be healed of everything with which I'm dealing—life doesn't work like "name it, claim it" faith healing—I'd've been healed by now if God willed to heal me, and He didn't will to heal me:


  1. I'm 26; I got the ITB Pump when I was 23.
  2. My mental illnesses set off in the timespan of 2001-2013, from when was 11 to 23.
Getting worse overtime's not what I call healing, let alone healing overtime. I can only, then, guess why His strength is made perfect in my weakness, as His strength was made perfect in Paul's weakness*.

Besides, I've been hurt enough in my lifetime; and I want to just find someone and/or have someone find me at this point, and I just want the one whom God wills to somehow come into my life:


  1. 26 is quite old for someone like me to have never been married, and 26 is older for people like me than it is for most, given how ableist society is.
  2. Since I've never been married and I'm still—if you know what I mean—waiting for marriage, I'm really getting old and—at least in the eyes of many, if not most, in this ableist society—losing time and viability. 
  3. I prefer to in a same-faith relationship, as interfaith dating backfired on me twice despite that each of my two exes claimed to be a Christian at a point in the beginning of the relationship.
  4. While I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect or going to turn down anyone just because of a few bad choices and/or mistakes, I also prefer to avoid being used by or dealing with any man whom lives by being a player and/or other type of backstabber, an ableist and/or other type of bigot, and/or otherwise a man of bad character—each of my two exes was enough of that.

*Incidentally, perhaps I will be healed if I am able to make aliyah—Jesus did all of His known healing in Israel, and Jewish Christians were the ones whom healed others, both Jewish and gentile, as the Gospel was spread throughout the Roman Empire. Even, for example, Ananias healed fellow Jewish man Paul.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

A Few Reasons That YouTube Needs To Restore Its Webcam-Upload Technology, Or In Short....

Some people literally used the YouTube webcam-upload technology to make their livings, or at least parts of their livings, sometimes even as YouTube partners. Other people used the YouTube webcam-upload technology to try to get their foots in the doors, and even others used the webcam-upload technology to open up their professional—and personal—worlds to others, and quite often to help others.

Examples include:


  1. Myself. I'm trying to get my foot in the door, help others, etc.—a number of videos talk about subjects that I cover in "The Real Stories"
  2. Guitar teacher and worship leader Daniel Choo—unless I speak out of turn and arrogance, I can reasonably ascertain that Daniel Choo had an easier time doing more-frequent covers when the webcam technology was available. By the way, I'm merely citing Daniel as an example.
  3. Greta van Susteren—unless I speak out of turn and arrogance, I can reasonably ascertain that even Great van Susteren had an easier time making more frequent "Gretawire" videos.
With one laywoman and two professionals being cases in point as to why YouTube was wrong to discontinue the use of its webcam-upload technology, the cited laywoman in question asks that you ask YouTube to restore a vital uploading means for everyone from the layperson whom doesn't have fancy studio- and on-location equipment, to the professional whom can increase the accessibility of his or her professional world

Friday, May 27, 2016

Originally On LinkedIn: The Injustice Of How Job Seekers Like Me Are Under the Radar Of Recruiters On LinkedIn(-Turned-Facebook?) | Nicole V. Czarnecki | LinkedIn

via Baker131313 on Wikimedia Commons


This issue reoccurs and reoccurs because of people whom use LinkedIn as another social-network link. Even today, someone who I'm following on LinkedIn had to ask someone else to "kindly refrain" from sharing a lewd and sexist photo on the "professional environment" that LinkedIn is supposed to be—and this person is already luckily in the workforce. As for people like me, the best that we can do is report that kind of content—and I was about to report the post until I saw the comment of whom I'm following. Needlessly to say, I liked the comment and did not feel the need to report the post once I could assent with a "Be professional" sentiment.
This doesn't change, however, that I majored in Political Science and paid attention in Political Research Methods 301 only to have my applications of my learning get entirely ignored while the LinkedIn abusers get commended. So much for the apparently-lazy Millennial stating this regarding a study about workaholism while professionals lazily abuse LinkedIn:
This is generalizable among and extrapolatable to only Norwegians. A study in a more-diverse country needs to be done.
I could be tempted to say that I wasted my time going to college since the LinkedIn misusers are wasting my and other aspiring professionals' time, anyway. Nonetheless, I can at least stand up at the end of the day and testify that the apparently-lazy Millennial had the integrity to at least try to go to college (which I did, and I graduated college with a B.A. in Political Science despite my Cerebral Palsy, mental illnesses, and other issues), the integrity and persistence to keep seeking a job despite that I'm a stigma with or without a college degree (since the sad reality is that those of us who have physical disabilities and mental illnesses are stigmas in of ourselves according to society, including the workforce whom deliberately looks us over and shuns us otherwise), and the integrity, persistence, and determination to find a job by using LinkedIn and other resources (including social media, such as Facebook and Blogger) appropriately (After all, e.g., Hadassa WordPress reached out to me when I was blogging with "The Times Of Israel"—and that's part of why I've had one book published so far, and I've not stated that I'm an aspiring author for nothing.).
I am—as others are—trying to use LinkedIn to meet professional goals, and I'd like to see those whom use LinkedIn to meet social-media goals go meet their social-media goals elsewhere and save LinkedIn for professional pursuits. 
PS Per the image above, via Baker131313 on Wikimedia Commons: the image fits because I have Depression; my aunt attempted suicide in my last year of college, and my estranged paternal grandfather died while I was studying for final-semester exams. Yet, here I am being paid only ~$25,000 in student debt and joblessness almost three years after graduation while LinkedIn abusers have jobs and money to cover their bills. 

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Rejection Hurts. Even For-the-Best-Rejection Hurts.


Examples of hurtful, good and bad, rejections:

  1. Societal rejection, which effects mass-scale evils such as the Holocaust and the continuing rise of Donald Trump. For Jews, Blacks, Hispanics, and other peoples; women, people with disabilities, and immigrants to be told, "You don't count;" "you're not a part of America", etc. hurts—didn't Jews already suffer rejection during the Holocaust, including in the U.S. (when, e.g., Bernard Baruch was blamed for the "Jew Deal" and the "S.S. St. Louis" was turned away)? Didn't Blacks already suffer with Jim Crow and the Nadir? Didn't Hispanics already suffer with being stereotyped during "Operation Wetback"? Never mind that women suffered until even decades after Susan B. Anthony came along, and never mind that people with disabilities are still mistreated (by those such as Dana Stubblefield and TMZ, whom went after the rape victim and her "bizarre profile"—shame on TMZ for going after a person with intellectual disabilities, let alone a person with intellectual disabilities whom was trying to find a job and got raped at work!). 
  2. Familial rejection—all one, e.g., has to do is read the headlines about how a mother murdered her four-year-old child whom had Cystic Fibrosis and how female middle- and high-school students throw away their newly-born children as if the children are disposable tampons or medical waste such as pushed-out kidney stones.
  3. Romantic rejection—especially for people whom've been abused and/or whom are disabled, both having to reject romantic prospects and being rejected as a romantic prospect hurts. I've been on both sides of the rejector-rejectee coin—I had to call the police on each ex after I broke up with him, and I'm a stigma in myself because of my disabilities and having been abused (verbally, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically) in the past. Also refer to the point about societal rejection—I'm not the only person with disabilities (including mental illnesses) who's been seen as a romantic liability and/or undesirable.
  4. Professional rejection—e.g., getting a book manuscript rejected (which just happened to me, and I'm trying to find out how I can improve and resubmit the manuscript), résumé rejections, and rejections that stem from societal rejections (e.g., Refer to the point about Dana Stubblefield's victim, whom was raped on the job that she finally found; and read some of Jeff Woodward's writings and writings that Jeff Woodward has shared—which prove my point that ableism is rampant in the workplace because it is rampant in society, despite that my family refuses to believe me).
  5. Rejection by friends—or at least whom you thought were friends—and mentors—or at least whom you thought were mentors. Rejection, of course, includes betrayal—and one example of betrayal is Dr. Ben Carson's betrayal of African Americans by his endorsement of Donald Trump and slamming of Harriet Tubman's being placed on the $20 bill.
Most of the rejection types and examples thereof are bad rejections, although even the bad rejections—as hurtful as they are—have at least some good in them. e.g.:

  1. Non Trumpites have found out just really how America's colors run or don't run—even if there's a silent majority whom won't speak against Donald Trump (and Donald Trump's friend Hillary Clinton).
  2. People whose families rejected them sometimes don't even have to live in an increasingly-cruel and -miserable world, let alone among cruel and miserable families.
  3. One finds out and/or is reminded of what true love is and what true love isn't.
  4. One is forced to either carry on and/or even improve if doing so is possible.
  5. If someone seems too good to be truly good, they may just be—e.g., Dr. Ben Carson has shown how much intelligence does not equal wisdom, and how the supposedly-outsider conservative and retired neurosurgeon-turned-aspiring-POTUS is really a Dixiecrat to the core—one can't be a true Republican and good role model for African-American young men and women if he supports Tammany-Hall Trump and Andrew Jackson over Harriet Tubman.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

When (I Feel Like) I've No Reason To Go To Bed At Night (And I'm Sure That Others Can Relate)

I think that these few verses really sum up for me why (I often feel like) I've no reason to go to bed at night—not to mention that I am Jewish, and I'm experiencing part of Moshe's prophecies through no fault of my own (I was not yet born, though I was in the desert those millennia ago.):


"65 And among these nations shalt thou have no repose, and there shall be no rest for the sole of thy foot; but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and languishing of soul. 66 And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear night and day, and shalt have no assurance of thy life.67 In the morning thou shalt say: 'Would it were even!' and at even thou shalt say: 'Would it were morning!' for the fear of thy heart which thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see."
Jews do indeed have higher rates of Depression and other mental illnesses. All the harder is when I am alone in general, anyway—

"9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, and hath not another to lift him up. 11 Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? 12And if a man prevail against him that is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." 
Consider, too, that I have a physical disability as well (not to mention that I have OCD/Anxiety, ADD, and IBS):

"The poor is hated even of his own neighbour; but the rich hath many friends."
"Wealth addeth many friends; but as for the poor, his friend separateth himself from him."5 A false witness shall not be unpunished; and he that breatheth forth lies shall not escape."6 Many will entreat the favour of the liberal man; and every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts.
"7 All the brethren of the poor do hate him; how much more do his friends go far from him! He that pursueth words, they turn against him."

How many other people with disabilities—physical, mental (including mental illnesses), and other disabilities alike—can relate, I'm sure!

"And when ye offer the blind for sacrifice, is it no evil! And when ye offer the lame and sick, is it no evil! Present it now unto thy governor; will he be pleased with thee? or will he accept thy person? saith the LORD of hosts."

How people with disabilities and illnesses are used (including mocked), especially in the name of God! Then people wonder why I and others say "Were it morning!" in the evening and "Were it evening!" in the morning.

I'm sure, too, that, that was the experience of Great-Granddad Czarnecki 51 years ago today, after he'd had a rough life (regardless of that he caused much of it in his adult years) and lost his leg in a lawn-mowing accident on top of all that he endured—and he had Depression! (Great-Granduncle Bernie, BTW, had Schizophrenia; and Great-Great-Grandma likely had Schizoaffective Disorder).
AnthonyCzarneckiDeathCert
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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Part Of What the Target Shirtgate Highlights

One of the most-pressing issues in the modern world is the increasing mistreatment of others—whether that mistreatment is, e.g., sexism, racism, or ableism. 

When "Treat others as you want to be treated" becomes flouted, that's when societies begin breaking down. Look at, even, e.g., the correlation between bullying and suicides, which is a symptom of societal breakdown:

"Suicide is the third leading cause of death according to the Center for Disease Control. It results in about 4,400 deaths per year. Bullied victims are 7 to 9% more likely to consider suicide according to a study by Yale University. Studies in Britain have found half of the suicides among youth related to bullying.Jul 30, 2014" (Found via Google​) 

I'm not saying that I'm perfect in observing the mitzvah to treat others as I would like to be treated. Nonethless and in this case, Target needs to think about before they make jokes at the expense of people with mental disabilities—they are only affecting the further breakdown of society when they make fun of the less fortunate in society, among whom are those of us with mental disabilities.

As I stated on my Facebook page, "Target and others have no idea what even, e.g. (again, to be frank), having days on which I feel like drilling my brains out, pulling them out of my head, shooting myself in the head, etc. because of how terrible my OCD/Anxiey [sic.] can be is like—as I said, I am being frank: OCD/Anxiety can be that debilitating."

This goes back to my point about the bullying-and-suicide correlation, by the way: think about those of us whom suffer with OCD/Anxiety as is and don't need our suffering multiplied by those whom want to use us as the butts of jokes which they would not like made about them in light of their own situations. 

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Thanking All Who Liked My Page Recently and Like My Page, And...


  1. לפסח ושבת שלום ומבורך לכולם. (For a peaceful and blessed Passover and Sabbath to all.)
  2. For Messianic Jews/Jewish Christians, remember why we (and gentile Christians) celebrate פסח: 
  • "שמרו זאת בזיכרון של לי."
  • "בכל שעה שאתם אוכלים מצה הזאת ושותים הכוס הזה, אתם מכריזים המות שלי עד אני באה."
(If you don't read even some Hebrew, use Google Translate to translate it. Incidentally, I used Hebrew-Verbs.co.il, Milon, and other sources [including what I remembered from studying Hebrew in college] to translate it into Hebrew].)

Also, G-d willing, I'll try to record videos on, among other subjects:

  1. Bladder cancer, since I do volunteer for the Bladder Cancer Advocacy NetworkAs I explained to the recruiter (Natalie Bennett), I have a history of other cancers (e.g., Colon Cancer) in my family (e.g., Pop-Pop had it. BTW, he also died of Myelodysplasia that turned into Leukemia), and I can imagine that Bladder Cancer is exacerbated by conditions such as IBS (which I have) and, of course, Colon Cancer.  By the way, when I talked to Natalie, I learned that Bladder Cancer is the most-diagnosed cancer in the United States, despite that it hardly gets awareness raised for it (compared to, e.g., Breast Cancer. Great-Granddad's cousin Katarzyna Czerniecka Czokola, as I found out, did die of Breast Cancer, by the way.).
  2. Why Russia and the Middle East are, quite frankly, their own continents, despite their current classification. Technically, Central America could be its own continent, too.
  3. What "few in number" for Israel might actually mean (i.e., depending on who is considered Jewish ethnically and/or spiritually Biblically and amongst Jews. Either way, we're "few in number" from at least an ethnic standpoint.)
Meanwhile, ללילה ושבת ופסח טוב ושלום ומבורך לכל ישראל וצדוקים מגויים.

PS Part of the reason that I promoted my Facebook page is to (hopefully) get noted for my commentary and (G-d willing) get a job as a commentator and an analyst. Being, e.g., on SSI benefits sucks (and I opposed being on them at first, feeling that doing so was a form of socialism and being a burden on the tax payers. Besides, I have been persecuted for being on them [See below for a horrid example.]. But what can I do when, e.g., I have C.P., no paying job, etc.?)


JohnLeePedimore has replied to your comment on Shocking Video: Should "Adult Baby" Collect Social Security Benefits?:
@Nickidewbear

Let me guess,your family actually works for a living and turned their back on you because you are a lazy pig.
You can reply back by visiting the comments page.
By the way, did you know you can rent movies from YouTube? Check it out now: youtube.com/movies.
© 2011 YouTube, LLC
Also PS: I save most of my emails. BTW, I just noticed this now-just-reported comment, too:
It's bad enough that you people leech off the American taxpayer like parasites,but what really pisses me off is the utter contempt you have for the hard working people who foot the bill for your lazy ass.You don't appreciate anything you have because you didn't have to work for it. You are a thief.
Then people swear that attitudes toward people with disabilities has changed...actually, it has gotten worse. Then they want me to represent people with disabilities when they act like I, a person who lives with a disability, don't know what I'm talking about....no kidding, as one Haggadah reads (with my emphasis and bracketed additions), that :
Access to affordable housing, quality health care, nutritious food and quality education is far from equal. The disparity between the privileged and the poor is growing, with opportunities for upward mobility still gravely limited. Maimonides taught, “Everyone in the house of Israel is obligated to study Torah, regardless of whether one is rich or poor, physically able or with a physical disability.” Unequal access to basic human needs [e.g., being treated as a human being who was created in the image of G-d], based on one’s real or perceived identity, like race, gender or disability, is a plague, antithetical to the inclusive spirit of the Jewish tradition.
And
We do not adequately address violence in our society, including rape, sex trafficking, child abuse, domestic violence and elder abuse [including verbal, mental/psychological, religious/spiritual, and other intangible/non-physical abuse; and neglect], even though it happens every day within our own communities.

Monday, October 28, 2013

My "PS" Status For October 28, 2013 (Cheshvan 22, 5773) at 1:37:57 AM EDT

I definitely went insane in describing how badly I need G-d to send me someone, my experience as a disabled Levite, &c.. I deservedly got a status unshared for that one, and I apologize for that. Meanwhile, to be fair, though, it does show you how serious the implications are considering that the disabled among my ancestors could not serve in the Temple (cf. Leviticus 21:17-24; and remember that Rosalia Dudayova Nagyova was a kohenet, and Johanna Hanzokova Foczkova was one if Helena Lazarova Hanzokova was one and perhaps a descendant of Ele'azar ben Aharon).

Also, consider how Avraham and Ya'akov—men who looked to the coming of the Messiah (quite technically, among the first Christians)—cheated on their non-disabled wives (Sarah and Leah, respectively. Avraham cheated on Sarah with Hagar, for example; and look who took three wives besides Le'ah instead of having the grace to annul his marriage to or divorce Le'ah when he realized that they were both tricked into taking each other instead of him being given Rachel. And none of those women were disabled—yet Abraham and Jacob cheated on them; and I'm descended from Leah's son Levi, and the Messiah made Himself to be descended from Levi and his brother Yehudah, but that doesn't make what avi Ya'akov did right.).

Do I feel encouraged, then? Not at all! I even asked another friend, when he said "I believe God will help you find that man that will be with you for the rest of your life.", "what if "the rest of [my] life" entail until he cheats on me for a younger, more-able woman and I commit suicide?"

In other words, I apologize for going insane and still hold that desperately needing prayer for G-d to send me someone isn't just smack talk with which I'm playing around—it has a lot of implications from me as a disabled Levite who's descended from at least one kohenet and can't guarantee that a Christian (including any given Messianic Jewish) man wouldn't cheat on her for even a younger, more-able woman, either.

Friday, October 11, 2013

My Facebook and Twitter Update For October 11, 2013 (Cheshvan 6, 5773) at 10:09 PM EDT

I'm just going to bed. It's obviously just not been a good day or a good week for me. As I said before, pray that I can put G-d (G-d willing) to the bachan (בחן; not the nasah [נסה]) and that G-d sends me the love of my life or someone better. I'm probably (as usual and again) the only one praying that I can put G-d to the בחן, and there I go again having to do all of the work; and I resent that I'm the one doing all the work again—G-d won't hear my prayers when few or no others are praying with and/or for me.

And some can think that I'm faking it or s***ing around, but they have no idea until they live with that which I've lived. Let me give you an idea in case you haven't been paying attention or even cared to do so:

  1. Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy
  2. Obsessive Compulsive/Generalized Anxiety Disorder
  3. Major Depressive Disorder
  4. Attention Deficit Disorder
  5. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
  6. Being a divorce statistic without ever even having been married. Ready? My dad and both of his living siblings have all divorced and/or remarried; my mom and all but two of her living siblings have divorced and/or remarried; my Czarnecki great-grandparents had an extremely-miserable marriage; and my Green great-great-great-grandmother divorced—plus my Cassilly-Farrell great-great-great-grandparents separated at least twice. I've also been in two failed relationships—one from August 2004-May 2005, and one from February 2013-March 2013. Statistically, I am set to get divorced—and counting that men have left wives over Breast Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, and other issues, you may gladly add in my CP, OCD/GAD, MDD, ADD, and/or IBS as all reasons why a guy wouldn't even want to date me. By the way, you may add in the CP alone. Who wants to deal with, e.g., the girl with the "casts on [her] legs", the "gimp", etc. if he certainly won't stay with a woman with breast cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, or anything else—even the common human condition known as getting old?
  7. My sordid family history—please consider alone that my paternal grandmother's mother and her dad both betrayed relatives during the Holocaust. And what is my family under? A third-generation curse (counting from Great-Grandma Gaydos) or a fourth-generation curse (counting from Great-Great-Granddad Rusnak). "‘The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.’" Not only Numbers 14:18 states this; and you may add in, e.g., Genesis 12:1-3 as well. Also please consider that I'm a bat-Anusim.
  8. I am still in college and I am 23 years old.
I can add more, but I will sum up my life up for you with what eight points I've given:

I am the dirty little secret or (so to speak) elephant in the room about whom most people—even most people in my life over the course of my lifehave been or are socially polite (and/or with whom they've dealt because they've felt that they've had to do so for whatever reason), who most people have hated or hate, and.or who many of most of the socially-polite and hating people wish to see dead. After all, I am the "gimp" with the "casts on [her] legs" who has more than the CP with which to deal—for example, four other conditions than the CP and being a never-married divorce statistic with two failed relationships at the age of 23.

As I have said, people don't think that I notice this s*** or want me notice what they really think of me—I am well aware of what I am and I know what people really think of me. I have also said that while things will get better if G-d is willing that they do so, He doesn't guarantee anythingHe just promises what's in His will. I have furthermore said that G-d can beat what odds He's created, but He often doesn't—just, for instance, look at that I've already had two failed relationships at the age of 23 and as a descendant (not just a child, but a mulit-generational, multi-familial descendant) of divorce. Also, again, count that  CP, OCD/GAD, MDD, ADD, and/or IBS as all reasons why a guy wouldn't even want to date me,.since men have left wives over Breast Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, and other issues.

As I have even furthermore said, I am certainly not the stupidest person or (so to speak) dullest bulb in the bunch, dullest knife in the shed, etc.. That's part of why I at least need some people to pay attention and, as I asked that more people do, pray that I can put G-d (G-d willing) to the bachan (בחן; not the nasah [נסה]) and that G-d sends me the love of my life or someone better.

But I'm not going to get a guy, let alone a good guy, right? There's the paradox: because of my CP alone—let alone my other conditions and sordid family history—I need a guy for practical purposes! Don't you get it?! That's why I need you to pray, pray, pray, and pray if you will do at least something for me—praying for me is a heck of a lot better than being socially polite about me or just dealing with (i.e., tolerating, putting up with) me, hating me, and/or wishing me dead (As I said, I notice what you really think of me; and to be more honest with you, some of you are affecting me to be driven to outright calling you morons—although I suppose that that's giving you too much credit! I should be calling the morons among you "fools"!).

By the way, I'm not Jesus (and I know that I'm not Jesus; much less Jeremiah, Job, Amos, Habakkuk, or any other person who has gone through worse pain than me); but my pain is not taken away or mitigated (at least in proportion, since G-d gives pain to each person his or her proportionality to how much he or she was created to handle if he or she could)—and what did Jesus say? "‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’" and, conversely, "‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ "

In conclusion, perhaps you will consider your own sakes if (and, for the fools, since) you won't consider what I need; so I'm giving you a chance to do that by quoting Jesus and reminding you that I am—believe me or not, and if I am nothing else to you or anyone else—one of the least of these. Save your own tuchuses and do something worthwhile for me—even if just for you in the endfor once instead of being socially polite toward/dealing with/tolerating me, hating me, and/or wishing me dead.

Also, as usual, ל'לילה ושבת טוב תכתבו. (although I know that have of you wish even the opposite for me). 


Monday, June 10, 2013

An Epiphany That Occurred To Me Only After My Last Blog Entry...

With All Due Respect To Survivors Of Suicide (Even Myself, You Have To Remember)...

I had to laugh in my head when someone talked about losing her friend to the "dark tunnel of suicide"--she, like others, talks about how suicide is "difficult" for the survivors. Survivors of suicide like her (even if they don't say it) also think about how suicide is selfish, etc..

Well, firstly, the "dark tunnel of suicide" wasn't that dark for him--he committed suicide! Besides, secondly, like he probably thought, I'm thinking more and more that I agree with the sentiments (and I've--when I've Googled "Why shouldn't I commit suicide?", for example--seen and/or picked up the sentiments) that:

  1. Suicide may not be that damned selfish after all.
  2. The survivors may be being the ones who are selfish--who are they really crying for, after all? (By the way, Wayman Tisdale did not commit suicide, but you get the point.)
  3. Since people are complaining about population control, it wouldn't (or at least shouldn't) kill you (pun intended) if we kill ourselves, anyway. After all, you sure don't feel--or at least act like you feel--that losing us would kill you while we're still alive--or at least most of the time, you don't. In fact, you usually act quite the opposite way while we're alive--that is, that you'd even want to see us gone and are just too tactically polite to say that. Even, for instance, while the one person talked about how her loved one "was close to me and all his friends and family" and was a "great friend", the loved one sure didn't feel like he was--or why else would he have committed suicide? Or maybe he felt like he was on his end but not on his loved ones' ends--after all, why didn't he stick around if he truly felt like he was loved by his loved ones.
  4. Since you don't care for or even want us around while we're around and alive, that we'd be no longer around or alive would be better for all parties. Besides, you can really put your sentiments behind your "I miss you when you're not around" and "I'll always love you" words when we're really not around.
  5. Suicidal people and suicide committers may, in some senses, be ahead of their time. For example, my great-granddad committed suicide on the day that Mario Savio spoke and helped usher in Jacob's Trouble--and he had seen enough of Jacob's Trouble on the horizon in his day. By the way, in case anyone's asking, I did tweet that I gained a whole new respect for Great Granddad for that in a perhaps-perverse since.
  6. Since, again, you don't care for or even want us around while we're around and alive, that we'd be no longer around or alive would be better for all parties. After all, if and/or since we're really that much trouble to you while we're alive and around, we'd be putting an end to both our and your miseries if we decided to commit suicide. Also, again, that'd solve your population-control issue.
  7. Since we may be well ahead of our time and you don't want us around, quit your (for a lack of a better term and with all due respect) bitching--we're perhaps even escaping to Heaven. Even if we're not, we were predestined for Hell (where you at least surely acted like you wanted us, anyway). Regardless, we'd be cutting our days short--perhaps to your satisfaction, as you made it seem half of the time.
  8. The only reason that we don't commit suicide is because we're too damned in dread of what would happen if we did commit suicide or--worsely--if we actually survived a suicide attempt and had dreadful consequences associated with our failed suicide attempts and survivals thereof (or therefrom--whichever; you get the point). 
So, give suicide commiters and those of us who've been suicidal--for good reason--a break. You didn't seem to care for your suicide-victim loved one when he or she was still here--or else he or she would still be here, because he or she would know that he or she had a friend who's even a sibling or even close than one. You don't seem to care for us now--in fact, you're sending us the same messages that you sent your suicide-victim loved.

And that's why I laughed--not because I thought that his suicide was funny, but because I thought that (as he must've thought or would think) she's a damned hypocrite for saying what she should've said and meant while he was alive. Had she truly meant all that she said now that he's been gone for two years, he would've never gone through that suicide attempt--even Jeremiah stayed alive because he had Baruch and Hanamel, and Elijah had 6,999 others .

So, with all due respect to survivors of suicide (including those who've been suicidal like I have), give suicide victims and those who've been suicidal (including yourselves if you've been suicidal) a break! At least if you give us a break, we'll stay around to at least make you selfish brats and hypocrites happy--even if you really don't care for us, and at least to prove that we're not selfish like you--nor would we actually be selfish if we decide to take ourselves out of your lives! 

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Life's Looking Up...



   

This means that, if nothing else, I could have opportunies in social media if and when I graduate from UMBC.