My Facebook and Twitter Update For October 11, 2013 (Cheshvan 6, 5773) at 10:09 PM EDT

I'm just going to bed. It's obviously just not been a good day or a good week for me. As I said before, pray that I can put G-d (G-d willing) to the bachan (בחן; not the nasah [נסה]) and that G-d sends me the love of my life or someone better. I'm probably (as usual and again) the only one praying that I can put G-d to the בחן, and there I go again having to do all of the work; and I resent that I'm the one doing all the work again—G-d won't hear my prayers when few or no others are praying with and/or for me.

And some can think that I'm faking it or s***ing around, but they have no idea until they live with that which I've lived. Let me give you an idea in case you haven't been paying attention or even cared to do so:

1. Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy
2. Obsessive Compulsive/Generalized Anxiety Disorder
3. Major Depressive Disorder
4. Attention Deficit Disorder
5. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
6. Being a divorce statistic without ever even having been married. Ready? My dad and both of his living siblings have all divorced and/or remarried; my mom and all but two of her living siblings have divorced and/or remarried; my Czarnecki great-grandparents had an extremely-miserable marriage; and my Green great-great-great-grandmother divorced—plus my Cassilly-Farrell great-great-great-grandparents separated at least twice. I've also been in two failed relationships—one from August 2004-May 2005, and one from February 2013-March 2013. Statistically, I am set to get divorced—and counting that men have left wives over Breast Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, and other issues, you may gladly add in my CP, OCD/GAD, MDD, ADD, and/or IBS as all reasons why a guy wouldn't even want to date me. By the way, you may add in the CP alone. Who wants to deal with, e.g., the girl with the "casts on [her] legs", the "gimp", etc. if he certainly won't stay with a woman with breast cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, or anything else—even the common human condition known as getting old?
7. My sordid family history—please consider alone that my paternal grandmother's mother and her dad both betrayed relatives during the Holocaust. And what is my family under? A third-generation curse (counting from Great-Grandma Gaydos) or a fourth-generation curse (counting from Great-Great-Granddad Rusnak). "‘The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.’" Not only Numbers 14:18 states this; and you may add in, e.g., Genesis 12:1-3 as well. Also please consider that I'm a bat-Anusim.
8. I am still in college and I am 23 years old.

I can add more, but I will sum up my life up for you with what eight points I've given:

I am the dirty little secret or (so to speak) elephant in the room about whom most people—even most people in my life over the course of my life—have been or are socially polite (and/or with whom they've dealt because they've felt that they've had to do so for whatever reason), who most people have hated or hate, and.or who many of most of the socially-polite and hating people wish to see dead. After all, I am the "gimp" with the "casts on [her] legs" who has more than the CP with which to deal—for example, four other conditions than the CP and being a never-married divorce statistic with two failed relationships at the age of 23.

As I have said, people don't think that I notice this s*** or want me notice what they really think of me—I am well aware of what I am and I know what people really think of me. I have also said that while things will get better if G-d is willing that they do so, He doesn't guarantee anything—He just promises what's in His will. I have furthermore said that G-d can beat what odds He's created, but He often doesn't—just, for instance, look at that I've already had two failed relationships at the age of 23 and as a descendant (not just a child, but a mulit-generational, multi-familial descendant) of divorce. Also, again, count that  CP, OCD/GAD, MDD, ADD, and/or IBS as all reasons why a guy wouldn't even want to date me,.since men have left wives over Breast Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, and other issues.

As I have even furthermore said, I am certainly not the stupidest person or (so to speak) dullest bulb in the bunch, dullest knife in the shed, etc.. That's part of why I at least need some people to pay attention and, as I asked that more people do, pray that I can put G-d (G-d willing) to the bachan (בחן; not the nasah [נסה]) and that G-d sends me the love of my life or someone better.

But I'm not going to get a guy, let alone a good guy, right? There's the paradox: because of my CP alone—let alone my other conditions and sordid family history—I need a guy for practical purposes! Don't you get it?! That's why I need you to pray, pray, pray, and pray if you will do at least something for me—praying for me is a heck of a lot better than being socially polite about me or just dealing with (i.e., tolerating, putting up with) me, hating me, and/or wishing me dead (As I said, I notice what you really think of me; and to be more honest with you, some of you are affecting me to be driven to outright calling you morons—although I suppose that that's giving you too much credit! I should be calling the morons among you "fools"!).

By the way, I'm not Jesus (and I know that I'm not Jesus; much less Jeremiah, Job, Amos, Habakkuk, or any other person who has gone through worse pain than me); but my pain is not taken away or mitigated (at least in proportion, since G-d gives pain to each person his or her proportionality to how much he or she was created to handle if he or she could)—and what did Jesus say? "‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’" and, conversely, "‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ "

In conclusion, perhaps you will consider your own sakes if (and, for the fools, since) you won't consider what I need; so I'm giving you a chance to do that by quoting Jesus and reminding you that I am—believe me or not, and if I am nothing else to you or anyone else—one of the least of these. Save your own tuchuses and do something worthwhile for me—even if just for you in the end—for once instead of being socially polite toward/dealing with/tolerating me, hating me, and/or wishing me dead.

Also, as usual, ל'לילה ושבת טוב תכתבו. (although I know that have of you wish even the opposite for me).