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Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts

Thursday, August 25, 2016

"Do Doggies Pray?", "However Doggies Pray", "However Puppies Pray"....

I'm pretty sure that puppies, including adult puppies ("dogs") like Reilly, pray. I've, for example, asked Reilly and Camille to pray however puppies can pray. I also have a minhag katan leli of taking some anointing oil and modifying the "Birkat HaKohanim" with "Yevarekakh Yehovah v'yishmerekakh"—Reilly is, after all, a girl, and a bark-mitzvah whom seems to get the purpose of being anointed as she lets me anoint her, waits patiently as I pray the blessing, and sniffs in the air as the scent of the oil goes up to Heaven.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

If I Didn't Keep Asking People To Pray For Me (And For Others), Then...

People would have to worry. Right now, I'm only getting older every day and not strong enough for myself—I'm still, e.g., jobless, single, etc.—and I've blogged and otherwise written, as well as spoken about, my struggles with Cerebral Palsy, mental illnesses, etc..

Besides, I can ascertain that many other people with disabilities and mental illnesses can relate—and who knows whether or not they feel like they wish they had the courage to speak up like I'm speaking up; despite that I'm just talking about what I endure in part to keep myself from doing something detrimental to myself, as opposed to being courageous? After all, addictions (e.g., Alcoholism) and suicide run in my family; and bottling anything up can become dangerous to the point of fatality.

If nothing else, keeping myself alive for some reason is somehow being for others and not just myself, isn't it?

This one is a Vincent van Gogh drawing that found on Wikimedia Commons.

This one I found on Facebook as I was browsing. This speaks to a lot of what I'm enduring—the loneliness, missing a lot of people, some secrets that even I, the type that believes in as much full disclosure as possible, have; and, in my case, knowing that people like me are out there and wondering why I have to numb, mitigate, or suppress my own pain just because others are suffering. Incidentally, I think about my two ex boyfriends, each of whom I had to report to the police and should not have dated in the first place—I dated one from August 4, 2004 to about May 19, 2005; and the other one I dated for literally six days, or at least I initially remembered from about February 26, 2013 to March 2 or 3, 2013. Maybe it was 10 days, from about February 20th to March 2nd—either way, that came after almost eight years of being single again and is being followed by over three years of being single again for a second time.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Part Of What's Exacerbated My Depression Of Late, And A Prayer Request

A few months ago, a family friend to whom I had not talked in a while reached out to me. Once he began to talking to me again, and after four to five years had passed, I began viewing him as a father figure, a writing mentor, and a friend whom is more dear to me than he'll ever know—"There are friends that one hath to his own hurt; but there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Needlessly to say, he became "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother". Then one day, he suddenly stopped talking to me. The only explanation was this, and it came quite a bit of time later—and remember that he is, or at least was, a writing mentor: "Going through a difficult time. Keep writing."

After that, a major news story broke; and I asked him if one of the parties whom was involved in the news-making situation was associated with him—and I received no response to that inquiry. In the next day and the following days, I was left to guess whether the news story had to do with him in even any remote way (e.g., if one of his family or friends of friend was involved), other news stories involved him, or anything else had happened. After all, what did (and does) "a difficult time" mean?

This family friend, father figure, writing mentor, and closer-than-a-brother friend of my own had reached out to me in the first place, and he ditched me without explanation. Given, among other factors, my C.P. and mental illnesses, his ditching of me was absolutely the last thing that I needed—or at least wanted, since only God ultimately knows why I needed it. I've also needed other ditchings as well, by the way, and only God has also known why I needed those—and one more-recent one came from an in-law cousin, might I add.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a broken spirit who can bear?" That kind of broken spirit is what I've endured once again in the past few months—and as if OCD/Anxiety. Depression, ADD, and IBS weren't enough in of themselves; and only God ultimately knows why He's exacerbated them.

"I am the LORD, and there is none else, beside Me there is no God; I have girded thee, though thou hast not known Me; That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside Me; I am the LORD; and there is none else; I form the light, and create darkness; I make peace, and create evil; I am the LORD, that doeth all these things.

"Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness; let the earth open, that they may bring forth salvation, and let her cause righteousness to spring up together; I the LORD have created it. Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker, as a potsherd with the potsherds of the earth! Shall the clay say to him that fashioned it: 'What makest thou?' Or: 'Thy work, it hath no hands'? Woe unto him that saith unto his father: 'Wherefore begettest thou?' Or to a woman: 'Wherefore travailest thou?' Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: Ask Me of the things that are to come; concerning My sons, and concerning the work of My hands, command ye Me. I, even I, have made the earth, and created man upon it; I, even My hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded."

I know, too, that God's ways are not our ways, as Isaiah also speaks by the Holy Spirit. So, for example and as bad as this sounds, I don't know whether God reminds me of my friend on a daily basis to remind me to pray for him or to allow HaSatan to make fun of me (as He allowed HaSatan to torment and persecute Job, whom was already suffering with the question of whether his children loved God: "'It may be that my sons have sinned, and blasphemed God in their hearts.'")

It could also be—and this is where the "as bad as this sounds" comes into play—that God's making fun of me or punishing me for some reason that only He ultimately knows: "Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any way in me that is grievous, and lead me in the way everlasting." Having my guesses about hurtful situations, what I've done or not done, etc. hurts; and even if I know and the person whom I've wronged or whom's wronging me won't tell me, that really hurts.

Incidentally (as the year went from 2015 to 2016), I saw another reminder of him, since I discussed genealogy with him and wondered if a name in his own family wasn't an allusion to this verse: "The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is set up on high."

Please pray for me, pray for my friend, and pray for others whom need prayers on their behalf, meanwhile—may we all call on HaShem Yehovah, HaMigdal HaChazaq; and may Yehovah bring reconciliation or whatever is needed to be brought between me and my friend (אם ירצה, יהוה.), and may our friendship be almost as strong as Yehovah Himself.

Monday, May 11, 2015

The Raisin Incident

My little miracle survived her Raisin Incident. Long story short, Auntie Michelle left granola with raisins on the floor. Reilly got one raisin and parts of one, which the vet pumped from her stomach. Her bloodwork came back "Perfect" as well, and she behaved well at observation. She ultimately pulled through only because Yehovah heard and listened to many call on His Name, praised be Yehovah—even if, God forbid, the results had turned out terribly. I dreaded the worst of the worst because of how toxic even a part of a raisin is to most dogs. Even if the results had been the worst, "Yehovah gives and Yehovah takes away—may the Name of Yehovah be praised"—and even, beyond our comprehension, the worst results would have been for the best, as Yehovah creates both light and darkness, and peace and chaos.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Quick Update

I've been busy with Reilly (and I'm still never employed!). I should have a new video tomorrow/later in the day (אם ירצה יהוה). By the way, today is September 3, 2014/ח'' בחודש השישי 5774. Incidentally, it is a week from the 13th memorial of September 11th...

לעולם שכחו ; לעולם עוד פעם. זכרו דנה פלקנברג והאחר קדושים מעונים, ז''ל והי''ד.

Also, I have a few prayer requests:

  1. For Reilly. She is scheduled to get fixed on September 6th. I'm scared because I think about Darby Conley's late dog Patch, who almost died while she was under anesthesia. I also think about when I had surgery and had to have oxygen for a while after I came out of the anesthetic state that I was put in. By the way, I also think about the caffeine withdrawal. So, I'm concerned and asking for prayer about any complications that Reilly might (חס ושלום) have (לרפואה שלמה לריילי).
  2. For my cousin Brodie (I do not have a Hebrew name for him. I am unsure as to whether Christina Kiefer Deboy was Jewish, and I am also unsure about her husband was Jewish (The Brauns and others may have been. They would either have been Anusim or Jewish Christians if they were Jewish. Brodie's mother is a DeBoy through her paternal grandma.). I know that his dad's Hebrew name would be Avigdor; so, ben Avigdor would work for his Hebrew name for anyone who wants to use his Hebrew name.
  3. For my late cousin Joe Shaw's family, who just lost Joe's widow. I do not have a Hebrew name for her or any idea if she was Jewish. By the way, Joe's mom was a DeBoy. 
  4. For a job or career for me. 
  5. For my sister (Michelle)'s final year of college.
  6. For more family/genealogy answers and for me to be able to make עליה.
  7. For Nechama bas Mordechai v'Perl and Yisra'el ben Sh'mu'el v'Chana.
  8. For the rest of us in the Diaspora, including my family in Ferguson, Missouri and in Ukraine, Russia, and vicinity
  9. For my granduncle Tony's family (His יום השלושים was on August 28, 2014 or ב'' באלול [He died on ג'' באב 5774].)

Monday, October 28, 2013

My "PS" Status For October 28, 2013 (Cheshvan 22, 5773) at 1:37:57 AM EDT

I definitely went insane in describing how badly I need G-d to send me someone, my experience as a disabled Levite, &c.. I deservedly got a status unshared for that one, and I apologize for that. Meanwhile, to be fair, though, it does show you how serious the implications are considering that the disabled among my ancestors could not serve in the Temple (cf. Leviticus 21:17-24; and remember that Rosalia Dudayova Nagyova was a kohenet, and Johanna Hanzokova Foczkova was one if Helena Lazarova Hanzokova was one and perhaps a descendant of Ele'azar ben Aharon).

Also, consider how Avraham and Ya'akov—men who looked to the coming of the Messiah (quite technically, among the first Christians)—cheated on their non-disabled wives (Sarah and Leah, respectively. Avraham cheated on Sarah with Hagar, for example; and look who took three wives besides Le'ah instead of having the grace to annul his marriage to or divorce Le'ah when he realized that they were both tricked into taking each other instead of him being given Rachel. And none of those women were disabled—yet Abraham and Jacob cheated on them; and I'm descended from Leah's son Levi, and the Messiah made Himself to be descended from Levi and his brother Yehudah, but that doesn't make what avi Ya'akov did right.).

Do I feel encouraged, then? Not at all! I even asked another friend, when he said "I believe God will help you find that man that will be with you for the rest of your life.", "what if "the rest of [my] life" entail until he cheats on me for a younger, more-able woman and I commit suicide?"

In other words, I apologize for going insane and still hold that desperately needing prayer for G-d to send me someone isn't just smack talk with which I'm playing around—it has a lot of implications from me as a disabled Levite who's descended from at least one kohenet and can't guarantee that a Christian (including any given Messianic Jewish) man wouldn't cheat on her for even a younger, more-able woman, either.

Friday, October 11, 2013

My Facebook and Twitter Update For October 11, 2013 (Cheshvan 6, 5773) at 10:09 PM EDT

I'm just going to bed. It's obviously just not been a good day or a good week for me. As I said before, pray that I can put G-d (G-d willing) to the bachan (בחן; not the nasah [נסה]) and that G-d sends me the love of my life or someone better. I'm probably (as usual and again) the only one praying that I can put G-d to the בחן, and there I go again having to do all of the work; and I resent that I'm the one doing all the work again—G-d won't hear my prayers when few or no others are praying with and/or for me.

And some can think that I'm faking it or s***ing around, but they have no idea until they live with that which I've lived. Let me give you an idea in case you haven't been paying attention or even cared to do so:

  1. Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy
  2. Obsessive Compulsive/Generalized Anxiety Disorder
  3. Major Depressive Disorder
  4. Attention Deficit Disorder
  5. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
  6. Being a divorce statistic without ever even having been married. Ready? My dad and both of his living siblings have all divorced and/or remarried; my mom and all but two of her living siblings have divorced and/or remarried; my Czarnecki great-grandparents had an extremely-miserable marriage; and my Green great-great-great-grandmother divorced—plus my Cassilly-Farrell great-great-great-grandparents separated at least twice. I've also been in two failed relationships—one from August 2004-May 2005, and one from February 2013-March 2013. Statistically, I am set to get divorced—and counting that men have left wives over Breast Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, and other issues, you may gladly add in my CP, OCD/GAD, MDD, ADD, and/or IBS as all reasons why a guy wouldn't even want to date me. By the way, you may add in the CP alone. Who wants to deal with, e.g., the girl with the "casts on [her] legs", the "gimp", etc. if he certainly won't stay with a woman with breast cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, or anything else—even the common human condition known as getting old?
  7. My sordid family history—please consider alone that my paternal grandmother's mother and her dad both betrayed relatives during the Holocaust. And what is my family under? A third-generation curse (counting from Great-Grandma Gaydos) or a fourth-generation curse (counting from Great-Great-Granddad Rusnak). "‘The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.’" Not only Numbers 14:18 states this; and you may add in, e.g., Genesis 12:1-3 as well. Also please consider that I'm a bat-Anusim.
  8. I am still in college and I am 23 years old.
I can add more, but I will sum up my life up for you with what eight points I've given:

I am the dirty little secret or (so to speak) elephant in the room about whom most people—even most people in my life over the course of my lifehave been or are socially polite (and/or with whom they've dealt because they've felt that they've had to do so for whatever reason), who most people have hated or hate, and.or who many of most of the socially-polite and hating people wish to see dead. After all, I am the "gimp" with the "casts on [her] legs" who has more than the CP with which to deal—for example, four other conditions than the CP and being a never-married divorce statistic with two failed relationships at the age of 23.

As I have said, people don't think that I notice this s*** or want me notice what they really think of me—I am well aware of what I am and I know what people really think of me. I have also said that while things will get better if G-d is willing that they do so, He doesn't guarantee anythingHe just promises what's in His will. I have furthermore said that G-d can beat what odds He's created, but He often doesn't—just, for instance, look at that I've already had two failed relationships at the age of 23 and as a descendant (not just a child, but a mulit-generational, multi-familial descendant) of divorce. Also, again, count that  CP, OCD/GAD, MDD, ADD, and/or IBS as all reasons why a guy wouldn't even want to date me,.since men have left wives over Breast Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, and other issues.

As I have even furthermore said, I am certainly not the stupidest person or (so to speak) dullest bulb in the bunch, dullest knife in the shed, etc.. That's part of why I at least need some people to pay attention and, as I asked that more people do, pray that I can put G-d (G-d willing) to the bachan (בחן; not the nasah [נסה]) and that G-d sends me the love of my life or someone better.

But I'm not going to get a guy, let alone a good guy, right? There's the paradox: because of my CP alone—let alone my other conditions and sordid family history—I need a guy for practical purposes! Don't you get it?! That's why I need you to pray, pray, pray, and pray if you will do at least something for me—praying for me is a heck of a lot better than being socially polite about me or just dealing with (i.e., tolerating, putting up with) me, hating me, and/or wishing me dead (As I said, I notice what you really think of me; and to be more honest with you, some of you are affecting me to be driven to outright calling you morons—although I suppose that that's giving you too much credit! I should be calling the morons among you "fools"!).

By the way, I'm not Jesus (and I know that I'm not Jesus; much less Jeremiah, Job, Amos, Habakkuk, or any other person who has gone through worse pain than me); but my pain is not taken away or mitigated (at least in proportion, since G-d gives pain to each person his or her proportionality to how much he or she was created to handle if he or she could)—and what did Jesus say? "‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’" and, conversely, "‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ "

In conclusion, perhaps you will consider your own sakes if (and, for the fools, since) you won't consider what I need; so I'm giving you a chance to do that by quoting Jesus and reminding you that I am—believe me or not, and if I am nothing else to you or anyone else—one of the least of these. Save your own tuchuses and do something worthwhile for me—even if just for you in the endfor once instead of being socially polite toward/dealing with/tolerating me, hating me, and/or wishing me dead.

Also, as usual, ל'לילה ושבת טוב תכתבו. (although I know that have of you wish even the opposite for me). 

Monday, September 30, 2013

I Dedicate This To the Foczkos, Etc. Who Were Never Properly Mourned, And...

That includes those of us who went through becoming Anusim and going through the Shoah (such as little Joszef Foczko of blessed memory). "El Male Rachamim" is a prayer that is recited in memory of the deceased in the Ashkenazi Jewish community. Shlomo Katz HaKohen sang this version.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Just Pray For The Two Guys Involved In This Conversation...

As a sidenote, I know that the Devil redragged me into this debate while I was trying to write the last blog entry and take a stand for Israel.