The Sad Part Is That I Feel Guilty For Being Depressive When People Care...

Then only later am I reminded that most don't. As I told a friend, "I tell you, honest to Christ, I really don't think that many people want me around. I guarantee you that when push comes to shove (and vice versa), most'd rather see me gone." Excuse me; but with all due respect, how else am I going to interpret most of what little YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, and other interaction I get when most of it is negative and critical? By the way, my friend told me, "Night. TTYL." (What a real friend you are, Gordon.).




When most of my online interaction reflects most of my offline interaction, do you expect me to always be happy and acting like everything's okay; like I didn't cry before I made the last blog post and last YouTube video, like I don't want to go off in a corner and just die-- since trying to commit suicide would get me in Sheppard Pratt or not end well otherwise, such as if I survived a suicide attempt and wished that I died as a result?




As I've said, "They sure as Hell didn't care when Dad and his ilk were putting me through all that they put me
through. They sure as Hell didn't care when the now-University of Notre Dame of Maryland put me through all
that they put me through. "They" includes my Laodecian church, by the way. Where the Hell is Cathy Dallwig calling me like she promised she would (and I warned Charles Polk that she probably wouldn't)?"


As I also asked, "And who the f***'s going to tell me that they don't want me to go other than they have to, right?" Gordon already proved that he wouldn't. And wishing me well and just saying "Hey" don't help the issue either. A simple well wish or greeting doesn't always make any situation better:


¹⁴ What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? ¹⁷ Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. 




And


¹⁰ For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. 
      But woe to him who is alone when he falls, 
      For he has no one to help him up. 
       ¹¹ Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;     
But how can one be warm alone?
       ¹² Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. 
      And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 


By the way, food, clothes, and warmth aren't always literal or at least physical.