My Mom Jokes That I Ought To Become Catholic...

Yeah; I've been down that road before. I was baptized Roman Catholic, raised English Catholic (Episcopalian), went to a Roman Catholic college that.... I'd better stop before I talk about a certain church to which it could be paralleled. I also still have Anusi Catholic and Non-Catholic (and openly-Jewish and Non-Jewish Catholic) family members. So, I get the gist of being Catholic, and I'm far from becoming Catholic any time soon.


That doesn't mean that I don't think that there are Evangelical Catholics, though-- my cousin Sue is an Evangelical Catholic. My maternal grandma, as far as I know, is an Evangelical Catholic. My late, seminary-educated granddad was an Evangelical Catholic and actually getting ready to leave the Roman Catholic Church before he died; and his sister Margaret studied the Bible quite a bit if not every day (Her GNT version has markings in it, bookmarks and other placeholders, etc.). There are other Evangelical Catholics; but being Catholic, even an Evangelical Catholic, is not for me. In order to be considered a good Catholic and not a "fundamentalist", one has to:

• Disbelieve the inerrancy of the Word of G-d. I keep coming back to Reform Judaism and Amy Scheinerman on this because Reform Judaism is the Catholicism of Judaism in many senses:

"Reform Jews, however, understand the texts to have been written by human beings -- our ancestors. In my personal opinion, the texts are certainly divinely inspired and reflect our ancestors' best understanding of God and their covenant with God, as well as their view of God's will, but that is not the same as being divinely-authored. Hence, Reform Jews read the texts through the spectacles not only of a religious person, but those of the scholar as well. Some institutions are considered to be a product of the cultural milieu and societal norms of the ancient Near East when the Hebrew Scriptures were written down, and do not speak to our lives today." 

Take those words and Catholicize them, and you'll have stolen them right from the mouths of "Doctor" Lyle Weiss, Marcus J. Borg, Sisters Sharon Kanis and Eileen Eppig, etc.. "Dr." Weiss once said that the Bible is (or at least he said something like) "Man's experiencing G-d... with some nuances." 

A good Catholic also has to:

• Be Anti Death Penalty.
• Be Democrat or Socialist (Look at how Speaker John Boehener was excoriated for being a Republican by Catholic universities.).
• Believe in transubstantiation.
• Allow that priests, nuns, and other clergy not marry.
• Believe in Miryam bat-Eli as the daughter of a Joachim and Anna who stayed a Virgin after Jesus was born, and that Miryam is the Queen of Heaven who can intercede for us just because she gave birth to Yeshua; regardless of what Scripture says.
• At least observe Christmas and Easter if not also the Feast Days, Days of Solemnity, Sunday mass, etc.
• Go through baptism, confirmation, etc. if he or she can.
• Go to Pre Confirmation and Confirmation Preparation classes.
• Go to Sunday school and even Catholic school if he or she can.
• Pray the rosary at least once in his or her lifetime.
• Believe that he or she can lose his or her salvation by doing a bad work and has to get it back by confession and penance.

The list goes on, but the point is that being a Non-Evangelical (Non-"Fundamentalist"), good-enough Catholic entails being a "good enough" person and doing works that are good within the context of Catholic thinking. Catholicism isn't about faith through grace alone, salvation through mercy alone, etc..

So no matter how much I joke or say that I'm going to Hell for doing something bad or seemingly bad, I won't be a Catholic.