I actually feel like going off in a corner and dying-- I just feel that hopeless and perhaps that sick from a cold. I probably caught a cold from my mom or someone at UMBC, but I know that I caught a cold either way. I also was depressed a lot during Valentine's Week, and I strained my throat at one point from holding my crying back because my roommate was around-- I didn't want to cry in front of her. Also, as my last two videos attest, my view on my Diasporan country (the United States) has changed significantly; and that changing my views is easy is just not the case-- last week, I still cried when I watched the "Star Spangled Banner" played on YouTube. But my changing views on America have been a long time coming, and I want either to make aliyah or be Raptured (at least preferably, and preferably be Raptured).
Also, I-- like my Ashkenazic Jewish dad-- struggle with my weight (We Jews are foodies; I'm not going to lie.), and I-- also like my estranged dad-- struggle with OCD/Anxiety, Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (and he has the more-severe form of Chron's, while his dad has in-remission Colon Cancer-- so I carry the BRCA1 gene), and ADD (for which I'm not on medication).
Meanwhile, I should be happy for Elizabeth Smart, but the news of her marriage reminds me of my own struggles (of which I highlighted examples)-- and the situation seems as if G-d's rubbing my struggles in my face. As I said in the video, take my Cerebral Palsy alone: what am I going to do when I'm beyond college? Have my mom help me with everything like showers?
Combine my Cerebral Palsy with everything else that I've gone through, and you'll get why I opined that the situation with Elizabeth Smart seems as if G-d's rubbing my struggles in my face. Remember that Elizabeth Smart doesn't have a disability like mine (though, to be fair, she does have PTSD)-- she wasn't born with a disability. She also doesn't have (as far as I know) a disability like Cerebral Palsy combined with OCD/Anxiety, Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and/or ADD, or either one of the other disabilities that I have outside of the Cerebral Palsy.
Also, I-- like my Ashkenazic Jewish dad-- struggle with my weight (We Jews are foodies; I'm not going to lie.), and I-- also like my estranged dad-- struggle with OCD/Anxiety, Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (and he has the more-severe form of Chron's, while his dad has in-remission Colon Cancer-- so I carry the BRCA1 gene), and ADD (for which I'm not on medication).
Meanwhile, I should be happy for Elizabeth Smart, but the news of her marriage reminds me of my own struggles (of which I highlighted examples)-- and the situation seems as if G-d's rubbing my struggles in my face. As I said in the video, take my Cerebral Palsy alone: what am I going to do when I'm beyond college? Have my mom help me with everything like showers?
Combine my Cerebral Palsy with everything else that I've gone through, and you'll get why I opined that the situation with Elizabeth Smart seems as if G-d's rubbing my struggles in my face. Remember that Elizabeth Smart doesn't have a disability like mine (though, to be fair, she does have PTSD)-- she wasn't born with a disability. She also doesn't have (as far as I know) a disability like Cerebral Palsy combined with OCD/Anxiety, Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and/or ADD, or either one of the other disabilities that I have outside of the Cerebral Palsy.
0 comments:
Post a Comment