So I Got Two Prayers Answered, But...

One came at the expense of my adviser. I prayed that I could listen to a radio show today and get out of my advising appointment in time to do so. Instead, the appointment was cancelled due to an emergency in her family. So, I'm listening to the show and got back early, but at whose expense? The other prayer was semi answered and has yet to be fully answered.

Meanwhile, I came back to a know-it-all and self-righteous comment on one of my YouTube videos, among other persecutions and tick offs:

"I think to comment on something as personal as a career decision for an individual....you should at the very least..know them...you don't...your point however unmerited, is considered..You should use your vast energy on self improvement...take a speech class...read more books...I Know the Family...Krystal is an amazing young woman, not only talented singer/songwriter...but polished and educated...I am sure she, along with her family will make wise decisions regarding her future!"


I told him straightly, "Good for you, Mr. Self Righteous and Know It All." Nobody else told him that. Nobody stood up for me and told him that I'm a college student who's majoring in Political Science and who's taken a Public Speaking class that I passed; and I know that people stand by and watch or join in as I get persecuted, yet they know enough to stand up for and support me.


People like my persecutors, such as this person who is apparently privileged enough to know Krystal Keith and thinks that he knows everything because he knows a celebrity's family, make me want to jump out of a window when I have to stand up against them alone. I should have told and am going to tell him, "'Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had.'"


That quote and verses such as Philippians 1:29 are the only quotes and verses to give me hope to stand up for myself and go on instead of jump out of a window, since almost nobody else cares about my life enough to even pray for me-- let alone help and stick up for me. 

I Hope That I Don't Wake Up From My Sleep Tonight Because...

I just don't see a long-term good future for myself. What difference will doing anything right now make? I can count on one hand all that I've accomplished: for example, getting Krystal Keith more Twitter followers instead of more overall blog views for myself (That's why everyone who searches for Krystal Keith in any way, shape, form, or capacity likes my blog: they want to find Krystal Keith's Twitter, not read my blog. Isn't that nice?).

I'm not famous; I'm infamous. My family (or at least half of my family) hates me-- at least half of them for no good reason; but in fact, for every bad reason; I have a disability (Cerebral Palsy) among other conditions, and I am stuck on SSI benefits; and on the list goes.

Don't be surprised if-- if the Rapture doesn't come first or my future doesn't get better-- I'm gone in the next couple of days, weeks, months, or even hours (and hours are obviously shorter than days, weeks, months, and years). If any possibility in my life is the most likely to become an occurrence any time soon, that I'll've died from a heavy or broken heart (especially in my sleep) or suicide is that occurrence. Good night, and a Belated Happy Jewish New Year.

By the way, if you want, pray that my future gets better if you want; but I am sure that few, if any of you, will-- since few to none have (or seemed to have) in the past.

Why Are Still So Few People Considering That Trayvon Martin's Killer May've Been Mentally Ill?

I've said this before and again, but why is everyone still willing to give peeing-on-cars Jason Russell the psychosis pass all the way back to giving John Hinckley, Jr. a psychosis pass; but everybody calls George Zimmerman a racist murderer? Or was Jason Russell a famewhore? Was John Hinckley, Jr. just using Jodie Foster as an excuse because neither he nor she liked Republican actors from Hollywood? Even Geraldo Rivera forgot to consider that George Zimmerman could've had a manic or paranoic, or some other mental episode of some kind. Wait and see if George Zimmerman can and does plea not guilty by reason of insanity.

When You're Mentally Ill, Anyone and Anything Can Set You Off...

I would set off George Zimmerman. If I, an Ashkenazic Jewish woman of White (Slovakian-Polish, Irish, and other) and Hispanic (Spanish) descent, was wearing a hoodie and even looking at George Zimmerman, I'd be shot. George Zimmerman could've honestly thought the Skittles to be bullets or pellets of some kind. When you're mentally ill, anyone and anything-- including someone like me wearing a hoodie-- can set you off.

 

Could George Zimmerman Have Had A Psychosis Or Mental Episode?

George Zimmerman was very distrusting of authority-- he didn't even want to give his address out to help police--, he apparently is normally non racist, and he had prior problems, although he himself once stopped a crime in progress:

1. "In 2005, a woman filed a petition for an injunction against Zimmerman, claiming that he came to her house and became violent when she told him to leave, the Orlando Sentinel reports. Zimmerman, 21 at the time, filed a petition of his own in response. Just a month before that, the paper reports, Zimmerman was at a bar near the University of Central Florida when a friend was arrested on suspicion of serving minors. Zimmerman became profane and pushed a law enforcement agent who tried to escort him away. He was arrested after a short struggle. That arrest had been reported previously."
2. "Zimmerman, 28, was born in Virginia, aspired to be a law enforcement officer, and moved with his family to Florida about a decade ago. Though he appears not to have been an official member of the national Neighborhood Watch program, he was zealous -- perhaps over-zealous -- about patrolling his Sanford community, neighbors say.
   ""He once caught a thief and an arrest was made," Cynthia Wibker, secretary of the homeowners association in the gated community where Zimmerman lives, told the Miami Herald. "He helped solve a lot of crimes.""

Were Items 1a and 1b episodes of extreme anger and action thereupon which were related to extreme mental-function or emotional disorders? As for Item 2:

"Zimmerman...aspired to be a law enforcement officer...Though he appears not to have been an official member of the national Neighborhood Watch program, he was zealous -- perhaps over-zealous -- about patrolling his Sanford community, neighbors say."

He was also so paranoid about the type of professional which he wanted to be-- as I said, he didn't even want to give his address out to help police. And why was he out in the rain himself, by the way? A lot of questions are unanswered here. After all, for example, regarding Items 1a and 1b "injunctions have kept the cases' outcomes sealed"

Transcripting Videos Is Going To Be Hard, But...

Since WaterGuardCP on YouTube did ask me "Please put subtitles" on one of my videos, I figure that transcripting videos will just be better for a couple of reasons. The reasons include:

1. I've had people suggest that I write what I want to say before.
2. Writing out what I want to say first is practice for when I have to do what I have to do if and when I'm a political commentator, or public speaker, or whatever else.
3. There are sometimes audio problems in my YouTube videos.
4. I type blog entries as video descriptions for many of my videos, anyway.
5. There are deaf and other hearing-impaired people who I have to consider.
6. I may get more blog views, anyway.
7. I'll have general writing practice, since I have to write a copious amount at my education level, anyway.

Illegal Aliens and Driver's Licenses

Remember this "bustup" that looked like a Jack and Greg Czarnecki fight (My family will get this reference.)? LAPD Police Chief Charlie Beck and Sheriff Lee Baca want to track illegal immigrants using drivers' licenses. How do this bustup and the LAPD plan connect? Alfredo Ramos could've easily been tracked this way in Virginia Beach (where at least two of my cousins and their sides of the family live, and I wonder how they were affected by the Ramos-caused tragedy).

As a Jewish and Latina descendant of illegal-immigrant Anusim, I might be about the only other Republican who agrees with Chief Beck and Sheriff Baca. In other words, yo acuerdo con Geraldo Rivera en eso sujeto respetando a inmigrantes ilegales.

Maybe From Now On, I'll Take More Computer Shabbats...

To have the day off from the computer, blogging, etc. was kind of nice since (so to speak) the Facebook, YouTube, Blogger, and other fields were allowed to fallow out and regrow some relevancy and view counts. Besides, I had a cough yesterday; so I napped in between finishing part of my reading for this weekend. I also did watch the Nevada Caucus results; and I turned off the coverage the moment that I couldn't stand Newt Gingrich's divisiveness and arrogance, since he started personally attacking Romney instead of going after Obama's even-deliberately-failed policies.

Meanwhile, I'm voting for the Giants because of Tiki Barber's arrogance toward Joe Coughlin and because of Tom Brady-- no me gusta Tiki Barber o Tomas Brady. 

This Kind of "Honest" Dialogue Won't Be Welcomed On My Channel

From dishonest, Antimissionary DarkQuietWyattON, who is not welcome back to my channel until he can indeed engage in honest dialogue:

"It is my hope to engage in honest dialogue with both Jews and non-Jews. "


Which I read after he left this on one of my videos:

DarkQuietWyattON

Comment on your video: I Get That Messianic Jews Are Perceived As a Threat, But C'mon... There is no such thing as a "messianic Jew". They say they reject Rabbinic law but in fact use the trappings of Rabbinic law to try to sell themselves as Jews. Xtians say what they are. Jews say what they are. A "messianic Jew" is a xtian and sometimes they have NO connection to Judaism at all and were born into Gentile families. Some were born Jews and converted out. My belief is if you are a xtian say so. If you are a Jew say so. I can respect that. I have NO RESPECT for "messianic Jews" 7:12 I Get That Messianic Jews Are Perceived As a Threat, But C'mon... I say plenty in this video that I generously left out of the reply to the e-mail, by the way: As for Bose, we are not familiar with a town by that name. Can you tell us anything more about where it was located? It was in what was then Gmina Sejny.... See all comments

So I Read A Friend From A Letter, And...

Just pray for me and pray for the friend. To make a long story short, because of my OCD/Anxiety/Depression/unmedicated-mild ADD, possible Aspbeger's, Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy, and "friends" and family either abandoning or even outright abusing me at various points in my life; I realistically have ups and downs, trust issues, etc.. I'm not going to trust everybody (Don't ask; I've already learned not to trust everybody, long story short. There's wisdom in wariness.) and I'm not going to stop speaking the truth (or at least trying to speak the truth) on my family and other people, and religion and other matters.

But from now on, if you abandon or even abuse me, I won't get too mad about it; I'll just let whatever you do against me be your own damned problem. I'll let that I'm so used to being abandoned and abused help me to not even be phased or surprised anymore by any abandonment and abuse that I receive. And as I've told some people; when you need me, I might not be there for you because I might not be able to be-- and then what are you going to do?

I See That Some People Read My Open Letter And...

Removed me on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Good! I don't need you, anyway. As I wrote:


 I define Facebook as "Face"book-- meaning that I'm not hiding my face or anything else from you. If I have something not to hide, I don't hide it. I didn't ask you to agree with me on everything, but as I've said, I can back up what I say. If you want to agree to disagree and even not debate, you can choose to keep any reservations to yourself. 


I also stated, "I will always back up what I say." That you can't back up your disagreements with me is a shame. You're the kind (at least some of you are the kind) who "have affected me to state, 'At points, if I weren't a Christian, I wouldn't be a Christian.'" You don't know how to agree to disagree and still maintain love and friendships-- and you even have the hutzpah to go behind my back to my mom and my sister. What a shame! 

Unless By Some Miracle, the Old Page Isn't Coming Back...

Yesterday's post explains more. Let's just say that (unless I become aware that the page was actually buggy and not reported) some very-vicious and -unjust people reported the page because they couldn't take accountability and responsibility. The old page may come back someday; and if that day comes, I'll link the old and new pages. Up to 44 people liked the old page at last count; only four like the new page. And valuable pictures and copies thereof, posts, etc. are gone; and some are not available for the new page.

As I said; my only vindication is that G-d will vindicate me and rebuke the vicious and unjust people, and that this page is a clean slate. However, if you want or still want to, kindly bug Facebook to bring back the old page (http://www.facebook.com/nicoleczarneckiakanickidewbear).

I'm Pretty Confident That the Old Page Isn't Being Just Buggy...

I know by now that the page, if not just being buggy, was reported unfairly and unjustly by certain people who couldn't handle being called to account to do their jobs, and reported the accounting as bullying. If you want more details, read this post. As I asked before:


If you could help get "Nicole Czarnecki (aka, "Nickidewbear")" at http://www.facebook.com/nicoleczarneckiakanickidewbear restored, I'd appreciate it. You were able to bug certain people... when I needed help and reaching out to... I know that you can certainly rally for Facebook to restore http://www.facebook.com/nicoleczarneckiakanickidewbear, as I myself am trying to do...


So, if you follow and befriend me on YouTube, Facebook (with the new, backup page at present), and Twitter; please do what you did during my time of need... and kindly bug Facebook in the same way. Thank you, and Merry Christmas, L'Hanukkah Tovah v'Shabbat Shalom, and Happy New Year.

Repost: Getting My Old Facebook Page Restored, And I Don't Think That There's Just a Bug...

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2011

Getting My Old Facebook Page Restored, And I Don't Think That There's Just a Bug...

If you could help get "Nicole Czarnecki (aka, "Nickidewbear")" at http://www.facebook.com/nicoleczarneckiakanickidewbear restored, I'd appreciate it. You were able to bug certain people at Chapelgate (who are a major part of why I never want to talk about or go to Chapelgate again) when I needed help and reaching out to (which they certainly did not give, and in fact gave me quite the opposite of-- in other words, negative and unhelpful outreach, to generously say the least). I know that you can certainly rally for Facebook to restore http://www.facebook.com/nicoleczarneckiakanickidewbear, as I myself am trying to do. I have already sent them three e-mails generously explaining that there may be a bug involved; but I think that those certain people unjustly and unfairly reported that page. My only vindication concerning them, meanwhile, is that G-d is just and will rebuke them in time.

So, if you follow and befriend me on YouTube, Facebook (with the new, backup page at present), and Twitter; please do what you did during my time of need when I still affiliated with a certain church and kindly bug Facebook in the same way. Thank you, and Merry Christmas, L'Hanukkah Tovah v'Shabbat Shalom, and Happy New Year.

Getting My Old Facebook Page Restored, And I Don't Think That There's Just a Bug...

If you could help get "Nicole Czarnecki (aka, "Nickidewbear")" at http://www.facebook.com/nicoleczarneckiakanickidewbear restored, I'd appreciate it. You were able to bug certain people at Chapelgate (who are a major part of why I never want to talk about or go to Chapelgate again) when I needed help and reaching out to (which they certainly did not give, and in fact gave me quite the opposite of-- in other words, negative and unhelpful outreach, to generously say the least). I know that you can certainly rally for Facebook to restore http://www.facebook.com/nicoleczarneckiakanickidewbear, as I myself am trying to do. I have already sent them three e-mails generously explaining that there may be a bug involved; but I think that those certain people unjustly and unfairly reported that page. My only vindication concerning them, meanwhile, is that G-d is just and will rebuke them in time.

So, if you follow and befriend me on YouTube, Facebook (with the new, backup page at present), and Twitter; please do what you did during my time of need when I still affiliated with a certain church and kindly bug Facebook in the same way. Thank you, and Merry Christmas, L'Hanukkah Tovah v'Shabbat Shalom, and Happy New Year.

My New Facebook Page...

http://www.facebook.com/NicoleCzarneckiNickidewbear

Let's just say that I can't access my old one. I believe that some very-angry, vengeful people who hate me reported the old one. But as I called my new page a clean slate, I believe that my new page will work out much better. So, "Like" my new page.

I've Blogged About This Before, But...

At this point, 198 YouTube subscribers and YouTube "Friends" in the 200s, 237 Twitter followers, and only 44 "Likes" on my Facebook page; and little to no interaction on either Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, or other sites-- which, as I said, reflects (reflects!) my offline life. And I try to be humble and not even "Like" my own page until I get 70 other "Likes"... and people wonder why I get depressed.

I'm not asking for everyone to agree with me on everything, coddle me, etc.. But come on: what am I missing to not get 26 more people out of more than 198 and/or 237 other people? I must be doing something royally wrong-- all I get is little to no support, and backlash from a variety of people or Moron proselytization from an "Anonymous" Mormon named Frank  most of the time.

I'm no mathematician or marketer, but something's got to give when I can reach only even less than 70 other people out of more than... (198 + 237)... 435 people. Any suggestions (not from Frank and my other haters) on what I'm doing wrong?

The Sad Part Is That I Feel Guilty For Being Depressive When People Care...

Then only later am I reminded that most don't. As I told a friend, "I tell you, honest to Christ, I really don't think that many people want me around. I guarantee you that when push comes to shove (and vice versa), most'd rather see me gone." Excuse me; but with all due respect, how else am I going to interpret most of what little YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, and other interaction I get when most of it is negative and critical? By the way, my friend told me, "Night. TTYL." (What a real friend you are, Gordon.).




When most of my online interaction reflects most of my offline interaction, do you expect me to always be happy and acting like everything's okay; like I didn't cry before I made the last blog post and last YouTube video, like I don't want to go off in a corner and just die-- since trying to commit suicide would get me in Sheppard Pratt or not end well otherwise, such as if I survived a suicide attempt and wished that I died as a result?




As I've said, "They sure as Hell didn't care when Dad and his ilk were putting me through all that they put me
through. They sure as Hell didn't care when the now-University of Notre Dame of Maryland put me through all
that they put me through. "They" includes my Laodecian church, by the way. Where the Hell is Cathy Dallwig calling me like she promised she would (and I warned Charles Polk that she probably wouldn't)?"


As I also asked, "And who the f***'s going to tell me that they don't want me to go other than they have to, right?" Gordon already proved that he wouldn't. And wishing me well and just saying "Hey" don't help the issue either. A simple well wish or greeting doesn't always make any situation better:


¹⁴ What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? ¹⁷ Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. 




And


¹⁰ For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. 
      But woe to him who is alone when he falls, 
      For he has no one to help him up. 
       ¹¹ Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;     
But how can one be warm alone?
       ¹² Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. 
      And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 


By the way, food, clothes, and warmth aren't always literal or at least physical.

Not Getting Much Feedback On This Blog or YouTube, Likes On My Page, Etc...

What not getting much feedback, etc. means to me is that I honestly still reflect on committing suicide. I even looked up "1000 Ways to Die", and thought that I may as well stick with the conventional ways of committing suicide if I try to do it. I mean, who's really going to care in the end? Not many people in real life (many of whom are friends on Facebook) do. They sure as Hell didn't care when Dad and his ilk were putting me through all that they put me through. They sure as Hell didn't care when the now-University of Notre Dame of Maryland put me through all that they put me through. "They" includes my Laodecian church, by the way. Where the Hell is Cathy Dallwig calling me like she promised she would (and I warned Charles Polk that she probably wouldn't)?

Also, every miracle in my life comes with a curse-- even on the smallest levels. By the way, what feedback I do get is mostly and usually negative feedback and criticism, not support and even positive criticism. As I said, "I'm more disliked than liked for good and bad." So, not getting much feedback, etc. (and with what feedback I get being negative and unsupportive for the most part, etc.) reflects to me that I might as well be done if the Rapture doesn't come soon.


And who the f***'s going to tell me that they don't want me to go other than they have to, right?

From A Lot of What's on Geraldo Rivera's Facebook Page....

That many people don't respect him is quite clear. Since I can't seem to get engagement on my Blogger polls, I want to try a Facebook poll and ask, "Do you respect Geraldo Rivera? " Go vote on the poll, and please "Like" my Facebook page; follow me @Nickidewbear on Twitter, and view my videos on YouTube (You don't have to subscribe!).