#SentimentalSunday & Somewhat Offbeat: What "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" Loves About Walks & Other Thoughts

"Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" loves when she gets to see and meet friends of Reilly and Camille as well as tell Reilly and Camille that she got to see their friends and let them sniff her hands when they greet her at the gate. Not too long ago, for example, she finally met one of Reilly's and Camille's elusive friends known as "Solo", and she of course told Reilly and Camille that she finally met him and let them sniff her hand to confirm that she met Solo. In that instance as well, by the way, she let them confirm that she had seen other friends of theirs, including Shelby.

She also gets to meet potential future friends of theirs as well as well as let those potential future friends sniff her hands—and of course let their current friends sniff their hands! Of course (as she has, as she recalls having, blogged about before), she also runs into friends and acquaintances of theirs whom can get ambivalent and think—as she can tell—thoughts like, "She's been around that jealous Reilly" or "She gave scritches to Reilly—does this mean that Reilly's around and going to come of the blue to give me a hard time?"

After all, Reilly has developed a reputation among her compatriots (or should "Momma" say "com-pup-triots?) as a jealous type!

At least Reilly has the hope of (כ״י״י) seeing (or at least sniffing the scents of) both human, canine, and other friends quite often as well as, for instance being able to get scritches and thoughts toward her and prayers on her behalf when she's enduring hard times. "Momma" doesn't often have that partly because she can't get out as much—let alone to be able to walk Reilly herself, or at least have someone help her care for and be a better "Momma" to Reilly and not give her a hard time about (as she's explained to Reilly) being "not as fast or strong as" others and being not as good of a "Momma" as she could be because of her Cerebral Palsy, Depression, etc..

A Really-Important Reminder From Reilly And Camille

In Response To A Friend's Public Facebook Post, And What Became A Long Comment(!)

(By the way, he—along with basically everyone else who's ever read what I've written, heard me speak, etc.—knows that I have Depression, OCD/Anxiety, and ADD. He also knows how I've seen my family destroyed by when they've not admitted that they have conditions such as Depression, not to mention comorbid conditions such as Alcoholism—which, for example, destroyed my great-great-granddad Julian Czerniecki as he coped with Depression that was exacerbated by having to live as a Crypto Jew in order to survive the pogroms and then Anti Semitism in the United States.)


At some point, it's wrong of him or her to not admit it if he or she is able to admit it. Jesus, as they say, didn't call us to act like we're perfect and (forgive the language) we have our shit together. Besides, as Jesus Himself said, He called the sick and not the well. How many people without mental illnesses and/or other disabilities and/or circumstances in which all seems well turn to Jesus? Very few if any at all. Why? Again as Jesus said (and He said this through his apostles), He doesn't call many according to the flesh. 

One example of this is when a guy sitting next to Max Lucado (as Max Lucado recounts in 3:16) told him straight to his face that because he has a good life, "I don't need God." People who don't (or apparently don't) have thorns in the flesh and/or bad circumstances don't want to think that they need God. After all, why (they think) should they need God if they don't need a Great Physician, an Advocate, and a Wonderful Counselor, let alone One Whom can guide them to good doctors (including psychiatrists), advocates, and counselors whom are physically present and directly treat them on Earth? 

Of course, very few people would ever say that they don't need God because they have a good life! As I've seen, most people who say that they don't need God say that they don't need God because they think that they can be good enough without Him or think that they already have Him in their hearts.

As I Submitted To the Patients For Affordable Drugs Website: Why I'm For Lower Drug Prices

I am one of the ones whom is both unlucky and lucky. I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, ADD, and IBS; and I have to be on three medicines for my mental illnesses. I also have to use a Baclofen Pump for my CP, and at least the medications that I take for my mental illnesses help somewhat with the IBS. I additionally have to be on Medicaid and receive SSI benefits as well as be on my mom's insurance for the time being.

Without being on Medicaid and my mom's insurance (since she's a single mom whom works for the federal government, and I still have to live at home at 28 because of my conditions) at present, I don't know what I do. For example, my psychiatrist doesn't accept insurance; so I have to pay the full $125 every time that I have a psychiatry appointment. I can only imagine, then, how much I'd have to pay without being on Medicaid and my mom's insurance, and receiving SSI benefits in my current situation.

Of course, I'd like to get married and not have to be on Medicaid or SSI benefits, and I'd surely like to not have to be on my mom's insurance. Part of what scares me nonetheless is the idea of never getting married and having to depend on my mom for the rest of her life, and being on SSI benefits and Medicaid for the rest of my life. Another part of what scares me is if I get cheated on and get divorced if I do get married because I'm ableistically seen as worth cheating on, and being cheated on will hurt enough without me having to fall back on SSI benefits and Medicaid to afford the Baclofen Pump appointment followups, medications for my mental illnesses, etc.

I can only imagine, then, the circumstances of those whom are in worse situations than I am. That's why I'm for lower drug prices and reasonable drug prices, and especially for the rich and otherwise better off to philanthropically help the poor and otherwise less fortunate afford the drugs that we need.

Reilly Does Not Have Astigmatism!

"Momma" does not know where "Auntie Michelle" got the idea that she does, notwithstanding that "Auntie Michelle" herself has astigmatism and would be able to notice astigmatism better than "Momma" would. Besides, "Momma" looked at Reilly's eyes today, and she didn't see signs of astigmatism—or at least any significant signs—and the vet didn't see any signs at Reilly's vet appointment. Even "Mom-Mom" saw no signs—and the only reason that "Momma" asked "Mom-Mom" is to have someone else off of whom to bounce "Auntie Michelle"'s idea.

By the way, "Auntie Michelle" apparently saw it in Reilly's right eye, which certainly is not affected by astigmatism; and "Momma" had the impression that it was Reilly's left eye to which "Auntie Michelle" referred!

Somewhat Offbeat: A Few Remarks From "Mom-Mom" Over the Past Few Days & A Note To Someone

"After Mom-Mom" said that "Momma" doesn't love Reilly as much as she loves Cam, "Momma"/"Auntie" got incredibly sarcastic with her and sent her this picture—which she took for her phone wallpaper—this morning: "You're right: I don't love Reilly or ever try to take pictures of her."

She also sent an earlier picture:

"She wanted me to take her picture."

"Mom-Mom" later said that "it's about time" instead of apologizing to "Momma".

Remarks like that sting, and especially after (for example) "Mom-Mom" already accused "Momma" of being "lazy" for not putting Reilly's soft food in the fridge right away or in a jar a few days ago—notwithstanding that "Momma" put it in a bag and tried to put a lid over it before she and Reilly went "night nights"—and "Momma" neither knew or heard that she was supposed to put it way, as she thought that "Auntie Michelle" was supposed to put it away that time. But if se did hear it, she forget that she heard it due to her ADD—and she can't just "train [herself]" to manage it better.

Speaking of which, "Momma" has a quick note for someone:

¿Porqué hiciste pensar que yo fuera áspera con respecto a qué ella dijo a mí a eso un momente? Yo no fuera áspera. Por cierto, pienso que entiendo quiere con respecto a una situación específica en relación a Reily; pero dime lo que quiere á alguno punto, por lo menos si y/o cuando Yejovah quiere que dime lo—¿puede lo hacer?—y esto es muy dificil por mí pedir, pero necesito lo hacer porqué, por ejemplo, no tener una repuesta clara afecta exacerbaciones de mi enfermedades mentales. 

Explaining IBS To Reilly, and How Reilly Deals With "Momma"'s IBS Flareups

For example, one IBS flareup occurred due to the self-cleaning-oven incident today—and Reilly's stress stressed "Momma" out. Others occur quite frequently, with—for instance—poor Ri having to deal with when "Momma" has IBS flareups at night. The ways in which "Momma" has explained IBS and IBS flareups to Reilly include telling Reilly when "['Momma's'] colon and bladder [or bladder and colon] are acting funny" to just telling Reilly that "['Momma's'] having an IBS flareup."

Of course, "Mom-Mom" and "Auntie Michelle" aren't exactly compassionate or helpful about that, and "Momma" doesn't need uncompassionate and unhelpful family*—schwer zu sein genug a Yid, un a Yid vemen hot a shlafkeyt fun gederem 😫 !

*Incidentemente, persisto preguntar al un persona cierto: ¿estás me dando una respuesta clara eventualmente or continuando no me dar una  respuesta clara? La necesito para mí y Reily.

Most Of My Commentary Will Have To Be On Twitter, My Blog, &c..

A couple of reasons for this are:

1. YouTube's continued kiboshing of webcam-upload technology.
2. Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses—part of the reason that YouTube's kiboshing of webcam-upload technology is abysmally detrimental to me (and others with disabilities)—don't allow me to have the wherewithal—physically, mentally, or otherwise—to be able to write, type, hold a camera, etc. 17-15/7. There are even days on which I can't write about Reilly of late.
3. I'm working on becoming an author and I have other things to do as well—I don't have the luxury to write, type, etc.. at least 8/7.

Thus, most of my commentary will have to be on Twitter, Blogger, etc. to save me strength energy, time. 

Why I As a Conservative Stand With Avaaz & Other Leftist Or Left-Leaning Organizations In Certain Cases Against RINO Trump

Donald "Insurance For Everybody" Trump is proving to be just as bad as Barack "You can keep your doctor if you like him" Obama to any reasonable mind—yeah; who's really going to repeal Obamacare now? Who's also going to help the least among us—Dr. "Get people off of it" Ben Carson? Not everyone has the (apparently-)good (mis)fortune of not suffering disabilities (such as in the case of those like Dr. Carson, whom might actually need to suffer disabilities for at least a while to see what it's like).

On the other hand, if Donald Trump and Dr. "[I]f the people had not been disarmed" Carson get their way, I (and others) could always die in another T4—and, in their minds, why not, since we'd be decreasing the load on their entitlement system? Besides, especially to Dr. "[I]f the people had not been disarmed" Carson, I as a Jew am expendable—since, after all, Jews were apparently responsible for the Holocaust because we weren't legally allowed to defend ourselves—I suppose, too, that there's "legitimate" Anti Semitism just as there's "legitimate rape", since "you can't rape your spouse", correct? Not that I could defend myself, anyway—and I'd be an easy target for rapists and rape enablers such as Michael Cohen and Dr. Carson—and get real if you don't think that people like me would not be blamed if Donald Trump et. al. get their way.

As for me, I stand with organizations like Avaaz and even Ultraviolet when I need to stand with them—after all:

If Trump gets his way, he's coming for the Jews—

And if I don't speak up for myself, who will speak up for me?

Then he'll come for people with disabilities—

And if I speak up for only myself, who will speak up for others?

Then he'll come for even quite a few women whom support him—

And if women like me who don't support him don't speak up now, when will we be able to speak up?

After all, this isn't just about if he'd come for me and I'd have nobody left to speak up for me.

More Easily Suitored Than Sought & Loved

Many guys—even good guys—claim that they wouldn't care if a prospect had disabilities, and then push comes to shove. Having Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses, I can tell you exactly what I am—or at least potentially am—regardless of whether a guy could or could not handle it:

1. A medical expense—e.g., I take three medications for OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD. 
2. A burden—e.g., What kind of guy wants to be bound by a woman whom can't drive?
3. An embarrassment—e.g., What kind of guy wants to have to drive a woman to Baclofen Pump refill appointments; and what kind of guy wants to lose friends because of being a woman with Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses?

I'm crying as I'm typing all of this, too, as I know the pain of being a woman with disabilities and a damned statistic unless some miracle saves me—e.g.:

1. Many guys leave women with disabilities and illnesses such as cancer.
2. Many guys don't want women with disabilities in the first place.

What else can I say? I'm still crying as I type this. 

"Momma" Gets Acute Reillyitis When...

Reilly barks like a banshee or even a klipeh. Even this morning (and as "Momma" types), Reilly has been barking ceaselessly—and her friend which is known as the spray bottle was utilized multiple times—not to mention that Camille was sprayed, too.

Of course, working-from-home-today "Mom-Mom" was of no help—had she rolled over Reilly and asked "Who rules?" like a friend of "Grandaunt Frannie" taught "Momma" while they were visiting her, Reilly would've stopped barking. As "Momma" has written:

"This is also another reminder of why "Momma" needs a "Daddy" for Reilly as both "Momma" and "Reilly" get older—besides, an as-possible-as-able man would be able to have authority over Reilly than 5'1.75"-and-afflicted-with-CP-and-Scoliosis "Momma". Granted that, for example, the main person who inspired "Momma" to write about Reilly got frustrated when "Momma" once complained about her state in her life—as he understandably viewed "Momma"'s complaining as being a pity-party schtick, as most other people view it because they don't get how hard it is for "Momma"."

Seriously, the sooner that God sends "Momma" a helpmate and Reilly a "Daddy", the better.

Originally On LinkedIn: Why I Don't Want To Start Off With An Entry-Level Job: Hint: It's Not Because I Feel Entitled

It's because an entry-level job may be my only job if I were to take one. Having Cerebral Palsy as well as OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD, I am not viewed as an employable person whom happens to have a physical disability and mental illnesses—I am viewed as an unemployable disability and cocktail of mental illness whom is good enough only for an entry-level job if I'm good enough even for that, and never up able to move in the career ladder because I am a disability and cocktail [of] mental illnesses—I am viewed as a would-be embarrassment, liability, expense, and burden to employers.
I know how I'm viewed because I've lived it in all realms of my life—e.g., familial, romantic, academic, and obviously professional. 


That's part of why I'm working on becoming an analyst-commentator and author—I do not want to be viewed as an unemployable disability whom's good only for entry-level jobs if I'm ever be employable at all. I also do not want to be defined by my disabilities—in fact, I just yelled at my sister as I was about to type "stop telling me to be an advocate for people with disabilities":

There you ******* go.

Too many a family member, friend, and other kind of person have suggested that I be an advocate for people with disabilities—just as my sister suggested that I start an organization for people with disabilities—I compare it to when African Americans were viewed as disabilities because of their skin color and definable only by their skin color, which was viewed as a disability.

Just like Martin Luther King, Jr. and other African Americans whom did not want to be defined "by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character", I did and do not want to be viewed as and defined by my Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD—I want to be defined as an employable person and contributing member of society whom happens to have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD.

More About Deeply-Thought-Of Considerations: Why I've Become A Skeptic About Finding Someone (e.g., More Of Part Of the Ugly Part)

Since I have, e.g., Cerebral Palsy and Depression, I might be a burden and medical expense in of myself to many a guy, which is part of what I've considered: I know that many a guy would not end up staying with someone like me in the long term—besides, I need someone whom's physically and mentally stronger than me, and would be willing to be strong enough for me.

I've seriously become a skeptic about finding someone because of that—that is, because I have C.P., Depression, etc.. On one dating website, I had to block one person because of his ableism, etc.. Another, I'm pretty sure, rejected me because of my disability:

"Thank you for the kind message, but unfortunately I'm looking for a different type of girl." 

Yeah; "[d]ifferent type of girl" my tuchus—he could've just been honest instead of backhandedly polite. I also think that prospects have gone down since I posted a picture with me with my cart (What did they want me to do: lie?!). 

As I stated, I've seriously become a skeptic about finding someone because of that—not to mention the rampant ableism in our society, anyway; such as regarding the awful case of the ableist (and perhaps Anti-Semitic) TSA agent whom battered a girl named Hannah Cohen.

If I Didn't Keep Asking People To Pray For Me (And For Others), Then...

People would have to worry. Right now, I'm only getting older every day and not strong enough for myself—I'm still, e.g., jobless, single, etc.—and I've blogged and otherwise written, as well as spoken about, my struggles with Cerebral Palsy, mental illnesses, etc..

Besides, I can ascertain that many other people with disabilities and mental illnesses can relate—and who knows whether or not they feel like they wish they had the courage to speak up like I'm speaking up; despite that I'm just talking about what I endure in part to keep myself from doing something detrimental to myself, as opposed to being courageous? After all, addictions (e.g., Alcoholism) and suicide run in my family; and bottling anything up can become dangerous to the point of fatality.

If nothing else, keeping myself alive for some reason is somehow being for others and not just myself, isn't it?

This one is a Vincent van Gogh drawing that found on Wikimedia Commons.

This one I found on Facebook as I was browsing. This speaks to a lot of what I'm enduring—the loneliness, missing a lot of people, some secrets that even I, the type that believes in as much full disclosure as possible, have; and, in my case, knowing that people like me are out there and wondering why I have to numb, mitigate, or suppress my own pain just because others are suffering. Incidentally, I think about my two ex boyfriends, each of whom I had to report to the police and should not have dated in the first place—I dated one from August 4, 2004 to about May 19, 2005; and the other one I dated for literally six days, or at least I initially remembered from about February 26, 2013 to March 2 or 3, 2013. Maybe it was 10 days, from about February 20th to March 2nd—either way, that came after almost eight years of being single again and is being followed by over three years of being single again for a second time.

Deeply-Thought-Of Considerations That I've Made In Light Of Wanting Love While Getting Older And More Vulnerable Everyday

Part of why these past couple of months have been rough for me is because I'm 26 and continuing to be in a bad position simply because of being among the many people whom have disabilities, not to mention being a person with disabilities in other minority groups—the Jewish people and the female gender, for example. Incidentally, this is why I signed up for Maplematch: I prefer to have someone whom would consider moving to Canada (from which I could perhaps make aliyah) or making aliyah with me (despite Netanyahu and Agudat Yisra'el) if Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton becomes the POTUS.

I also did and have done way more than just sign up for MapleMatch. For example:

1. I once dabbled in online dating on, e.g., DateMySchool because I got a random invitation to that website. Needlessly to say, it didn't work out.
2. I've even used at PlentyofFish at the recommendation of a friend whom met her own bashert on there, for example. I know what I want in and with someone, and why I want what I want. I've also made sure to warn others why they might not want me, even if they would claim otherwise—and if you're a potential prospect whom's reading this, you might be among those whom might not want me despite what you might claim. Of course, that's part of what hurts me repeatedly; though it is what it is.

That's why I'd let any prospect know—or be reminded of—and be aware of  whom he'd be getting involved if I were a prospect of his. After all:

1. I have Cerebral Palsy—which is why I can't drive and am still looking for full-time work, for which I'm using volunteering as a stepping stone in part
2. I have mental illnesses: OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD—all of which I am getting treated with medication and counseling
3. I want to thus spare him from having to deal with that, including having to help me with any medical and other expenses—e.g., I have an Intravenous Bacloften  Pump and, as I stated, I can't drive.
4. I want to also spare myself from being hurt by anyone whom cannot handle that

In other words, I don't want to be any kind of liability or burden to any man, let alone be hurt in the process of being a liability or burden to any man—I'm already a liability and/or burden in non-romantic relationships as is, despite that others claim that I'm not at all a liability or burden. Thus, any prospect of mine'd need consider if he'd be able to deal with me in the long term and not just in a moment or just the short term. I also hasten to add that—besides that I can't drive—I can't swim or participate in risky activities such as rock and mountain climbing, motorcycling, messing with pyrotechnics such as fireworks, and ice skating—besides, one of my mother's second cousins died in a motorcycle accident, and I've heard and read the horror stories about amateur fireworks users losing their limbs and/or lives.

Also, I can't just snap up and out of anything, and be healed of everything with which I'm dealing—life doesn't work like "name it, claim it" faith healing—I'd've been healed by now if God willed to heal me, and He didn't will to heal me:

1. I'm 26; I got the ITB Pump when I was 23.
2. My mental illnesses set off in the timespan of 2001-2013, from when was 11 to 23.

Getting worse overtime's not what I call healing, let alone healing overtime. I can only, then, guess why His strength is made perfect in my weakness, as His strength was made perfect in Paul's weakness*.

Besides, I've been hurt enough in my lifetime; and I want to just find someone and/or have someone find me at this point, and I just want the one whom God wills to somehow come into my life:

1. 26 is quite old for someone like me to have never been married, and 26 is older for people like me than it is for most, given how ableist society is.
2. Since I've never been married and I'm still—if you know what I mean—waiting for marriage, I'm really getting old and—at least in the eyes of many, if not most, in this ableist society—losing time and viability. 
3. I prefer to in a same-faith relationship, as interfaith dating backfired on me twice despite that each of my two exes claimed to be a Christian at a point in the beginning of the relationship.
4. While I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect or going to turn down anyone just because of a few bad choices and/or mistakes, I also prefer to avoid being used by or dealing with any man whom lives by being a player and/or other type of backstabber, an ableist and/or other type of bigot, and/or otherwise a man of bad character—each of my two exes was enough of that.

*Incidentally, perhaps I will be healed if I am able to make aliyah—Jesus did all of His known healing in Israel, and Jewish Christians were the ones whom healed others, both Jewish and gentile, as the Gospel was spread throughout the Roman Empire. Even, for example, Ananias healed fellow Jewish man Paul.

Originally On LinkedIn: Not Checking Or Using LinkedIn As Often

As I've written before, I've just tired of LinkedIn being used as a kind-of-office-party forum instead of a professional-networking website. I'm a Millennial whom's disabled and looking for a job, not a stereotypically-lazy Millennial whom doesn't give two darns. I'm, meanwhile, volunteering for a few organizations (which I found through LinkedIn) and working on my next book in order to, e.g., get my foot in the door and become an official author as well as pay my student loans—you try being on SSI benefits and Medicare despite that you have a college degree, and just because you have Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses; and then you can laugh and talk.

You also try having almost $25K in student loans while you're jobless because of your disabilities (including mental illnesses), and then you can laugh and talk. You try reading everything in (or at least skimming the headlines of) Jeff Woodward's articles and finding that they confirm everything that you've been telling others about ableism and being disabled in our society, and then you can laugh and talk.

I could go on, although I think that I've made the point about why I stay more and more out of the online office party that LinkedIn is becoming. 

Part Of What's Exacerbated My Depression Of Late, And A Prayer Request

A few months ago, a family friend to whom I had not talked in a while reached out to me. Once he began to talking to me again, and after four to five years had passed, I began viewing him as a father figure, a writing mentor, and a friend whom is more dear to me than he'll ever know—"There are friends that one hath to his own hurt; but there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Needlessly to say, he became "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother". Then one day, he suddenly stopped talking to me. The only explanation was this, and it came quite a bit of time later—and remember that he is, or at least was, a writing mentor: "Going through a difficult time. Keep writing."

After that, a major news story broke; and I asked him if one of the parties whom was involved in the news-making situation was associated with him—and I received no response to that inquiry. In the next day and the following days, I was left to guess whether the news story had to do with him in even any remote way (e.g., if one of his family or friends of friend was involved), other news stories involved him, or anything else had happened. After all, what did (and does) "a difficult time" mean?

This family friend, father figure, writing mentor, and closer-than-a-brother friend of my own had reached out to me in the first place, and he ditched me without explanation. Given, among other factors, my C.P. and mental illnesses, his ditching of me was absolutely the last thing that I needed—or at least wanted, since only God ultimately knows why I needed it. I've also needed other ditchings as well, by the way, and only God has also known why I needed those—and one more-recent one came from an in-law cousin, might I add.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a broken spirit who can bear?" That kind of broken spirit is what I've endured once again in the past few months—and as if OCD/Anxiety. Depression, ADD, and IBS weren't enough in of themselves; and only God ultimately knows why He's exacerbated them.

"I am the LORD, and there is none else, beside Me there is no God; I have girded thee, though thou hast not known Me; That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside Me; I am the LORD; and there is none else; I form the light, and create darkness; I make peace, and create evil; I am the LORD, that doeth all these things.

"Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness; let the earth open, that they may bring forth salvation, and let her cause righteousness to spring up together; I the LORD have created it. Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker, as a potsherd with the potsherds of the earth! Shall the clay say to him that fashioned it: 'What makest thou?' Or: 'Thy work, it hath no hands'? Woe unto him that saith unto his father: 'Wherefore begettest thou?' Or to a woman: 'Wherefore travailest thou?' Thus saith the LORD, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: Ask Me of the things that are to come; concerning My sons, and concerning the work of My hands, command ye Me. I, even I, have made the earth, and created man upon it; I, even My hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded."

I know, too, that God's ways are not our ways, as Isaiah also speaks by the Holy Spirit. So, for example and as bad as this sounds, I don't know whether God reminds me of my friend on a daily basis to remind me to pray for him or to allow HaSatan to make fun of me (as He allowed HaSatan to torment and persecute Job, whom was already suffering with the question of whether his children loved God: "'It may be that my sons have sinned, and blasphemed God in their hearts.'")

It could also be—and this is where the "as bad as this sounds" comes into play—that God's making fun of me or punishing me for some reason that only He ultimately knows: "Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me, and know my thoughts; And see if there be any way in me that is grievous, and lead me in the way everlasting." Having my guesses about hurtful situations, what I've done or not done, etc. hurts; and even if I know and the person whom I've wronged or whom's wronging me won't tell me, that really hurts.

Incidentally (as the year went from 2015 to 2016), I saw another reminder of him, since I discussed genealogy with him and wondered if a name in his own family wasn't an allusion to this verse: "The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is set up on high."

Please pray for me, pray for my friend, and pray for others whom need prayers on their behalf, meanwhile—may we all call on HaShem Yehovah, HaMigdal HaChazaq; and may Yehovah bring reconciliation or whatever is needed to be brought between me and my friend (אם ירצה, יהוה.), and may our friendship be almost as strong as Yehovah Himself.

When (I Feel Like) I've No Reason To Go To Bed At Night (And I'm Sure That Others Can Relate)

I think that these few verses really sum up for me why (I often feel like) I've no reason to go to bed at night—not to mention that I am Jewish, and I'm experiencing part of Moshe's prophecies through no fault of my own (I was not yet born, though I was in the desert those millennia ago.):

"65 And among these nations shalt thou have no repose, and there shall be no rest for the sole of thy foot; but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and languishing of soul. 66 And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear night and day, and shalt have no assurance of thy life.67 In the morning thou shalt say: 'Would it were even!' and at even thou shalt say: 'Would it were morning!' for the fear of thy heart which thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see."

Jews do indeed have higher rates of Depression and other mental illnesses. All the harder is when I am alone in general, anyway—

"9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, and hath not another to lift him up. 11 Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? 12And if a man prevail against him that is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." 

Consider, too, that I have a physical disability as well (not to mention that I have OCD/Anxiety, ADD, and IBS):

"The poor is hated even of his own neighbour; but the rich hath many friends."

"Wealth addeth many friends; but as for the poor, his friend separateth himself from him."5 A false witness shall not be unpunished; and he that breatheth forth lies shall not escape."6 Many will entreat the favour of the liberal man; and every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts.

"7 All the brethren of the poor do hate him; how much more do his friends go far from him! He that pursueth words, they turn against him."

How many other people with disabilities—physical, mental (including mental illnesses), and other disabilities alike—can relate, I'm sure!

"And when ye offer the blind for sacrifice, is it no evil! And when ye offer the lame and sick, is it no evil! Present it now unto thy governor; will he be pleased with thee? or will he accept thy person? saith the LORD of hosts."

How people with disabilities and illnesses are used (including mocked), especially in the name of God! Then people wonder why I and others say "Were it morning!" in the evening and "Were it evening!" in the morning.

I'm sure, too, that, that was the experience of Great-Granddad Czarnecki 51 years ago today, after he'd had a rough life (regardless of that he caused much of it in his adult years) and lost his leg in a lawn-mowing accident on top of all that he endured—and he had Depression! (Great-Granduncle Bernie, BTW, had Schizophrenia; and Great-Great-Grandma likely had Schizoaffective Disorder).

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My Closing Thought For the Night, And.....

I'm definitely thinking about certain people with this one—I could name names, too, though I'm hopefully too nice to do that. If you're worried that you're one of those people, you're most likely not one of those people; and if you're one of those people whom's blaming me re people whom've ditched me (despite that I'm imperfect and as human as anyone else), you're most likely one of those people—and of course you're, I'm guessing, not worried since you're blaming me.

I'm sure, by the way, that others with, e.g., mental illnesses and physical disabilities are thinking the same thought about certain people whom were (or maybe even still are) in their lives that I'm thinking about whom were and still are in my life—e.g., certain family members who've ditched me and would like to think that I'm eradicated from existence, let alone our common families' bloodlines, just because they've ditched; or they'd even like to affect people to think of me as different from whom I really am, and they do this by basically slandering and libeling me,

I made this with Powerpoint 2013, by the way.

Part Of What the Target Shirtgate Highlights

One of the most-pressing issues in the modern world is the increasing mistreatment of others—whether that mistreatment is, e.g., sexism, racism, or ableism. 

When "Treat others as you want to be treated" becomes flouted, that's when societies begin breaking down. Look at, even, e.g., the correlation between bullying and suicides, which is a symptom of societal breakdown:

"Suicide is the third leading cause of death according to the Center for Disease Control. It results in about 4,400 deaths per year. Bullied victims are 7 to 9% more likely to consider suicide according to a study by Yale University. Studies in Britain have found half of the suicides among youth related to bullying.Jul 30, 2014" (Found via Google​) 

I'm not saying that I'm perfect in observing the mitzvah to treat others as I would like to be treated. Nonethless and in this case, Target needs to think about before they make jokes at the expense of people with mental disabilities—they are only affecting the further breakdown of society when they make fun of the less fortunate in society, among whom are those of us with mental disabilities.

As I stated on my Facebook page, "Target and others have no idea what even, e.g. (again, to be frank), having days on which I feel like drilling my brains out, pulling them out of my head, shooting myself in the head, etc. because of how terrible my OCD/Anxiey [sic.] can be is like—as I said, I am being frank: OCD/Anxiety can be that debilitating."

This goes back to my point about the bullying-and-suicide correlation, by the way: think about those of us whom suffer with OCD/Anxiety as is and don't need our suffering multiplied by those whom want to use us as the butts of jokes which they would not like made about them in light of their own situations.