An Untitled Novel, Part 11

"Couldn't they haven't just gone to the Beth T'filoh beit knesset?" I asked imi this after I Googled more to see what I had missed of what I had just left.

"They were very shomrim haredim," she answered my question in the negative. "And since when did you start calling me 'Ima'? Did you encounter your sava?" She knew that I had become more Jewish in spite of her family. "And why are you browsing the Internet on your phone? Avikha would kill you." She also knew that I'd been browsing Google. "At least you're learning halashon shel 'ameinu with Google; I'll you give you that." She knew that despite my identifying with her heritage, my Hebrew was limited in even what I had learned from her. "What about that Anusi mishpacha? What did you find out about them? They seemed very interesting to you, anyway."

I told her that the Reverend Vincent Dang caught me on the grounds of the church and cemetery while he was walking around them, befuddledly asked me what I wanted, somehow handed me some copies of records when I told him what I wanted, and walked away while mumbling, "Take a look at these." He was an Asian man whose second language was relatively-limited English with a strong accent to accompany it, and the former longtime priest of Holy Family Church. I had found nothing in the records yet, and was just still recovering from the shock that he had not called the police on me for trespassing on the church and cemetery grounds.

"As I asked you before, what b'Gei Hinnom did you need to compare that Anusi mishpacha to my Yehudi mishpacha for, anyway?"

"Man b'Gei Hinnom I needed to compare the mispachim for, as I answered before, is to get a broader picture of my Jewish heritage and kol 'am Yisra'el." I still made her wonder man b'Gei Hinnom she was going to do with me. After she wished me a laila tov and hung up, I began thumbing through the record copies that the Reverend Dang had, not knowing what else to do, given to me.

An Untitled Novel, Part 10

"You're not allowed here, schvartze! You're not allowed here, schvartze!" A Jewish man stopped me as I was trying to get into my grandparents' neighborhood in the Upper Park Heights shtetl to explore it and perhaps catch a glimpse of my grandparents. Then the only encounter I had with sabi shel HaLevi'im-- my Levite granddad-- was this: he spit on me when he recognized that I was his daughter's Kushi son and having what he considered the hutzpah to argue with a Yehudi.

As the look of recognition was still on his face, he angrily yelled, "You disappoint me! You disappoint me!" After that, I left for Sugar Notch to go inquire about that Anusi mispacha to which I was going to compare to mispachti-- my family, who were Yehudim and wanted their Kushi neched gone. I never saw mishpachti shel Ha'Levim except for imi again.

"Beni, beni," my mother lamented. "You left for Sugar Notch in this cold weather? And avi spit on you? Oy! Next time just stay in Baltimore for the yom haba, to recover and get away from mispachti as much as possible." But as I lamented to imi and became all the more proud of my Jewish heritage, having been persecuted as a Kushi and a kofer because of it, I revved up the engine in my car to see what that Anusi mishpacha had, anyway.

Just as I thought, Sugar Notch had cold weather that gave me enough time to sit in the car and then make a mad dash for the Town Hall or Holy Family Church, whichever I felt like parking my car in front of and rooting through records in. This time, I wasn't staying in a hotel-- not in poor to below-poverty-line Sugar Notch. So sleeping in my car would be nothing unusual, I figured as I parked near the old Holy Family Cemetery and stayed there.

Perhaps the church would figure that I was a sojourner or pilgrim just spending my night in the car, or a transient or schicker who couldn't make the night home. Little would they know that I was a Kushi Jew coming here to inquire about a family who they had no idea were Jews-- and to see what this family of Yehudim had to gain from running from persecution and being Anusim instead of facing persecution like my family and me.

I Don't Know or Remember Too Much About Havel & Dubcek, But...

I know that the Velvet Revolution gave my Jewish and other Czechoslovakia-born cousins and other relatives hachofesh that they hadn't experienced since 1929, or even their whole lifetimes. Not all of them could or did make aliyah if they were Jewish and/or survived the Shoah and/or Communism. Some of them were born into comparatively-free Czechoslovakia, some born in Slovakian-Hungarian Austria and tasting at least some chofesh for the first time in their lives. Others were born into not-so (if at all)-free Czechoslovakia in either HaYamim-HaShoah or the days of the Iron Curtain.

For the ones that are still alive and couldn't or didn't make aliyah (or didn't emigrate otherwise, as some did), they have what chofesh they have b'HaGalut thanks to Vaclav Havel and Alexander Dubcek. And they have a fragile chofesh that's quickly fading b'Ha'Acharit-HaYamim. And with few or no Havels and Dubceks in these toldot, the freedom is fading even more quickly and all the more fragile-- especially given that Slovakia is threatened by Rosh, Meshech, v'Tubal again.

Reform Judaism and Babylon: Why Moving the Capital to Baghdad Would Not Impossible For the URJ (UHAC)

"Here's the big problem that I see: To rebuild Babylon into the economic world center, as described in the bible, it will take much money and time. Money will not be a problem when the Arab nations consolidate, but economic empires (cities) are not physically built overnight (e.g. Hong Kong). And until this is completed along with the temple for the world's religious center (see: Zech. 5:5-11; note: "in the land of Shinar" = Babylon = Iraq), then the prophecies can not be fulfilled. This is of concern, because it appears that this "problem" area will take some time to complete, thereby possibly moving the future, yet unfulfilled prophetic events well into the next century (and millennium). The only consolation is the proposition that with the "New World Order" (NWO), all nations cooperating together as with Babel (Gen. 11:1-9), this could then speed up the progress of rebuilding Babylon. After the flood mankind built Babel with one united purpose. God confused the language (with many languages) and further inhibited this "world order" by also separating the continents in Peleg's time (Gen. 10:25; 1 Chron. 1:19). Since then the world, with it's technology, has now overcome these two major obstacles placed by God. Thus, the way is clear for the NWO and the building of the great city Babylon (Rev. 18:9-21). Nevertheless, as I've said, considering these realities, it could still take some time to built such a great city that's the world's economic and religious center according to the biblical prophecies."


This was written before Saddam Hussein was caught and executed in Tikrit. "Nevertheless, as I've said, considering these realities, it could still take some time to built such a great city that's the world's economic and religious center according to the biblical prophecies." Enter the Union of Reform Judaism (formerly the Union of Hebrew American Congregations), who had no problem moving the capital of Israel to Berlin, the "Yerushalayim Chadash":


"Berlin and Jerusalem have an interesting relationship. Ever since the 19th Century, when there was widespread sentiment that "Berlin is the New Jerusalem", the cities been, in a sense, antipodal. We all know about the prescient words of the Meshekh Chokhma, and we know about the fortunes of the two cities since then."

The Union of Reform Judaism, since they don't take Tanakh or Zionism seriously (and I already blogged about the URJ's belief in Tanakh as "not divinely-authored") would more than be willing to declare Bavel as Ha'Yerushalayim Chadasha. Even one (so to speak) flip little bird stated, "And yet I do not believe that the Torah was dictated by God to Moses on Mount Sinai." Another commented, "Shavuot is not even understood by most Reform Jews, and since most don't believe that the Torah was given at Sinai as the word of God, how is this relevant to us? The same can be said of Sukkot--who wants to live in a shack for eight days?"

If even Shav'uot is not taken seriously, why would Yerushalayim l'Yerushalayim be? Besides, Reform Judaism believes in a Yom Meshichi (Messianic Age) rather than a Mashiach. So, in order to use tikun ha'olam to bring about HaYom Meshichi, the URJ would be willing to do as they did as UHAC-- expect that they would substitute Bavel for Berlin.  

Why I Envy Ebenezer Scrooge In A Way

In a way, I must confess, I envy Ebenezer Scrooge. While he's certainly (as far as I know) not Jewish or the 19th-Century equivalent of a compassionate conservative (at least until the end of "A Christmas Carol"), he at least gets to have visions and dreams. And for what? To bring him to teshuvah? Is that I am reminded of and complain like the non-prodigal son any wonder: "‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends.  But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’"? Only by grace am I considered as though I have never sinned; but why does a fictional character like Scrooge get all the luck of having dreams and visions, while the Jew who I am with thorns in the flesh doesn't?

After all, while I know not to talk back to God, isn't that "if [our] fall is riches for the world, and [our] failure riches for the Gentiles, how much more [our] fullness!" as Jews? And why did Joseph get his dreams? He had a fairly-good dad (though Jacob did marry four wives and was named "Ya'akov" for a reason, since he would supplant and deceive; and put Joseph and Benjamin above the rest of his children)? He didn't have any thorms in the flesh. He had brothers who loved him in the end. He had a wife, children, and the second-highest position in Egypt. Me, I have a dad who I consider and even wished dead (for how else will I get the truth about our family history, pictures, etc. unless Dad and Pop-Pop die and are thus out of the way? Also, how will I and others, and Great-Grandma Czarnecki's blood be avenged?). I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and possible Aspberger's.

And I can't even have one dream or vision-- about my family history, about the future, whatever? And as much as my mom's my mom, my night comes down watching a movie with her while Michelle is at a party with her friends and where she might meet the one for her? And I can't even find the one in my life, and I have to instead watch a movie with my mom when I could be watching a movie with the one for me-- 0if and who ever he might be? So much for compensating for my thorns in the flesh; huh, G-d? And as I said, I know not to talk back;  and "I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread." But then why am I begging for at least a dream or vision, or the man for me, or something if I can't get the Rapture? And I know that I am a descendant of evildoers, but I'm also a descendant of some who were righteous. 

B'HaNefesh L'Hanukkah... Lo! Is "The Jewish Journal" Going El She'ol?

Here's a parsha from the "Jewish Perspectives On the New Testament" comments:

OK, though I KNOW I am wasting my time responding to egomaniacs like Ben Plonie I will respond:
1) Because Plonie is not alone and most Jews in their over-zealous concern for “Jewish unity” speak in “we” and “us” terms constantly. Thereby arrogantly taking it upon themselves to speak for “me”.
2) I would not trust you ugly, 4-eyed, bald-headed, obese or scrawny, physically and morally wretched creatures to give me the time of day. You will NEVER speak for me.
3) The physical ugliness of so many Orthodox Jews (and other peoples) is a reflection of their inner ugliness, I have concluded. I know it is harsh and politically incorrect to judge a book by its cover, however I don’t do politically correct unless it is correct.
4) Even if Plonie was joking or half-joking in his previous reply to me, I know and believe that “much truth is said in jest.” I assume he means what he said, but like a coward, which many Jews consider brilliance, he can always say, ‘I was only joking.’ Hence try to make me feel inferior/stupid and as usual add more to the already over-inflated egos of too many Jews.

Comment by theleviteline.com on 12/17/11 at 2:53 pm

Now I’ll waste more of my time on this Sabbath (and typing in cyberspace is not a violation of Shabbat, because I decide the limits, not the ugly Orthodox rabbis or their brain-washed bully followers), replying to Ben Plonie:
Plonie said, “It is my authoritative ruling in your favor that you are indeed no longer a Jew.” I believe I already made that decision, independent of you (whether that you is singular or plural).
Plonie also says, “There is no coercion in Judaism…” While Plonie and most (Ashke)nazi Jews will not comprehend this, my Jewishness was ethnic as well as religious. As far as Judaism or Christianity/paganism or any other brain-washing and brain-washed cult/religion, that is definitely OUT. However my ethnicity as a Jew (and I reiterate that the many like Plonie who think because their ancestors lived in Poland for centuries or now live in America, makes them Poles, like other Poles, or Americans like everyone else; there are/were gas chambers for such willfully ignorant morons.) I now consider myself a Hebrew and a Levite (hence my tag as theleviteline.com) and neither a Jew by religion (or any other religion) nor exclusively part of the Judean nation. A nation which now calls itself Israel without any cognizance or even interest in comprehending the actual meaning of the word and person Israel. Again, completely inexcusable. To read the Torah (5 written books of Moses) and the prophets and not even question, never mind answer and comprehend who Israel is, is again completely inexcusable. God damn you for this and I believe He has and will continue to do so. I hope He does, you deserve it. Your life may be a big joke, mine is not.
As for my organization, I have two board members, both non-Jews, because you are all too brain-washed and brain-dead to have a clue, as usual, of your own needs, or of God’s plan. Again INEXCUSABLE! I also have people signing up on line along with a growing email list. I also have visitors from all over the world everyday!! I’m quite certain nothing I could ever do would impress the likes of you. However, I do not respect you ugly 4-eyed, blue-eyed, obese, scrawny, bald-headed, physically and mentally diseased people enough to seek your approval. I can just look and say, Uh Uh. No thanks!
Finally, because you cannot grasp the meaning of my words, you should suppress your arrogance and ignorance by blaming me. It is your lack of depth of comprehension that is the problem.
I hope you won’t respond Plonie, but of course you have the right to do so.
For all the polite cowards who think I’m being disrespectful there is good reason for this. I do not respect such people, nor the religions that produce them.

Comment by theleviteline.com on 12/17/11 at 3:24 pm

To theleviteline guy,
you wrote that you were writing to Plonie but went on to attack “While Plonie and most (Ashke)nazi Jews will not comprehend this..” Yes, we do. We know Judaism is but one branch on the tree of the Jewish people. We understand that it can be a religion, culture, civilization, an ethnic identity and entre in to a nation. But I am certain many of us understand when someone defines himself outside the group - a very large and diverse group - they are, as you said, no longer Jewish. That is fine. It happens everyday. There is no problem with that. There is a problem when you burst into a Jewish Newspaper blog and dam people because you disagree with them OR they do not care to follow you. If this hurts your feelings or bothers you.. as my late father use to say to people who did not follow his jokes, fuck you.

Comment by Phillip Cohen on 12/17/11 at 3:55 pm 

And My Mom Still Isn't Helping Look For My Glasses....

But she doesn't mind telling me what a "hellhole", "death trap", "safety hazard", etc. my room is. She also doesn't mind yelling at me "It's TRASH!" when I worry that she hasn't checked a paper or back thereof, or sets of papers or backs thereof for any song lines or ideas, cartoon ideas, or anything else that I've written or even drawn that I might want to keep.

I might also want to keep papers, etc.. I'm really trying to build a personal and documentary-historical type of library for if and when I do become famous-- or if nothing else, for if and when to share things when progeny comes in time. I don't remember half of what I've written, drawn, and/or want to keep, anyway; so that's why I keep all that I keep.

And besides with my OCD/Anxiety (besides with keeping everything), I would and do take a long time going through everything; and as I've, I dread even accidentally throwing away something valuable. Frankly, I'd rather burn up my "safety hazard" of a room and take me with it.

Then I'd have no more worries. "No more worries" includes no more worrying about throwing valuable items away and about my glasses. And about Mom yelling at me and throwing things away for me, and telling me what a "hellhole" and "death trap" of a "safety hazard" my room is.

The Sad Part Is That I Feel Guilty For Being Depressive When People Care...

Then only later am I reminded that most don't. As I told a friend, "I tell you, honest to Christ, I really don't think that many people want me around. I guarantee you that when push comes to shove (and vice versa), most'd rather see me gone." Excuse me; but with all due respect, how else am I going to interpret most of what little YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, and other interaction I get when most of it is negative and critical? By the way, my friend told me, "Night. TTYL." (What a real friend you are, Gordon.).




When most of my online interaction reflects most of my offline interaction, do you expect me to always be happy and acting like everything's okay; like I didn't cry before I made the last blog post and last YouTube video, like I don't want to go off in a corner and just die-- since trying to commit suicide would get me in Sheppard Pratt or not end well otherwise, such as if I survived a suicide attempt and wished that I died as a result?




As I've said, "They sure as Hell didn't care when Dad and his ilk were putting me through all that they put me
through. They sure as Hell didn't care when the now-University of Notre Dame of Maryland put me through all
that they put me through. "They" includes my Laodecian church, by the way. Where the Hell is Cathy Dallwig calling me like she promised she would (and I warned Charles Polk that she probably wouldn't)?"


As I also asked, "And who the f***'s going to tell me that they don't want me to go other than they have to, right?" Gordon already proved that he wouldn't. And wishing me well and just saying "Hey" don't help the issue either. A simple well wish or greeting doesn't always make any situation better:


¹⁴ What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, ¹⁶ and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? ¹⁷ Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. 




And


¹⁰ For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. 
      But woe to him who is alone when he falls, 
      For he has no one to help him up. 
       ¹¹ Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;     
But how can one be warm alone?
       ¹² Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. 
      And a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 


By the way, food, clothes, and warmth aren't always literal or at least physical.

In Response To Analytical Adam (And Watch the Negative Reaction Which I Talked About Pour In)...

This blog entry is going to be carefully broken down and responded to one by one, point by point:

• "To respond to this I do think  a persons followers do shed some reflection on the individual. Either these people weren't really his followers or in some ways he did promote that certain ideas of the Jewish bible were heartless and evil and Jesus's ideas were better. Of course they take from the Jewish bible when they want to.   Not sure where his followers would somehow twist his ideas to this degree and truly be his followers."

I don't think that Adam's ever tried reading Galatians 1:6-12 and Romans 7:4-25, has he? Adam's commenter also has not read the same (See the comment on Adam's blog entry.).

• "You hear that about some Jewish leaders as well that their followers twisted their words and many times that really isn't the case as some Rabbis think they have more compassion then God does and God is evil and harsh until they the Rabbi came along and they also just pick and chose from the bible and not try to understand why in certain situation God was fairly harsh and in some other cases it is not literal and to know this you have to know Hebrew which thankfully I know.  " 

First of all, Adam, slow down and breathe. Secondly, Jesus said right out that He was doing only what the Father (G-d-- that is, G-d the Father) told him to do. And if you know Hebrew, then why do you ignore that "echad" and "Elohim" are plural and refer to a pluralunity?

• As someone Jewish who is been picked on for this I have to say that my view is that Christianity and Jesus certainly brought the ideas of the Jewish bible into circulation which since the Jewish people in their own way distorted their religion that it seemed odd to most people because of the ways they distorted it this was needed for some group to bring these ideas to non-Jews as well although some of these people as well had their imperfections. 

At least Adam is not an Antimissionary like Skylar Curtis (who, as a ger, has hutzpah to be telling Yehudim and goyim alike not to even consider Jesus).

• I do think that it is wrong to worship Jesus as God and I do think it distorts God since God is one and both male and female unlike humans who God separated the full being when God took the rib out of Adam and formed Eve.  And I see that it is easier for women to worship Jesus and the reason is because Jesus was a man and it is natural for a woman to love a man and be their helpmate.  But not some religious figure to take the place of a husband.  This distorts male-female relations in a bad way. 

I already talked about Adam ignoring the Hebrew that he claims to know. Adam v'Chava were echad per Beresheet 2:24, by the way. Also, what does Adam make of this from Hoshea 2?

 ² “Bring charges against your mother, bring charges;
      For she is not My wife, nor am I her Husband! 
      Let her put away her harlotries from her sight, 
      And her adulteries from between her breasts; 
       ³ Lest I strip her naked 
      And expose her, as in the day she was born, 
      And make her like a wilderness, 
      And set her like a dry land, 
      And slay her with thirst. 
       ⁴ “ I will not have mercy on her children, 
      For they are the children of harlotry. 
       ⁵ For their mother has played the harlot; 
      She who conceived them has behaved shamefully. 
      For she said, ‘I will go after my lovers, 
      Who give me my bread and my water, 
      My wool and my linen, 
      My oil and my drink.’ 
       ⁶ “ Therefore, behold, 
      I will hedge up your way with thorns, 
      And wall her in, 
      So that she cannot find her paths. 
       ⁷ She will chase her lovers, 
      But not overtake them; 
      Yes, she will seek them, but not find them.
      Then she will say, 

      ‘ I will go and return to my first husband, 
      For then it was better for me than now.’ 

Is G-d trying to get women to have Him take the place of a husband? Why does Adam ignore metaphors and context?

And this?

Psalm 112

The Blessed State of the Righteous

 ¹ Praise the LORD!
         
         Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, 
         Who delights greatly in His commandments. 
         
 ² His descendants will be mighty on earth;
         The generation of the upright will be blessed.
 ³ Wealth and riches will be in his house,
         And his righteousness endures forever.
 ⁴ Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness;
         He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous.
 ⁵ A good man deals graciously and lends;
         He will guide his affairs with discretion.
 ⁶ Surely he will never be shaken;
         The righteous will be in everlasting remembrance.
 ⁷ He will not be afraid of evil tidings;
         His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
 ⁸ His heart is established;
         He will not be afraid, 
         Until he sees his desire upon his enemies. 
         
 ⁹ He has dispersed abroad,
         He has given to the poor; 
         His righteousness endures forever; 
         His horn will be exalted with honor.
 ¹⁰ The wicked will see it and be grieved;
         He will gnash his teeth and melt away; 
         The desire of the wicked shall perish.

Who has zerah m'ha'aretz? Look at this part of Yesha'yahu 53:

 ¹⁰ Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him; 
      He has put Him to grief. 
      When You make His soul an offering for sin, 
      He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days, 
      And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand. 
       ¹¹ He shall see the labor of His soul,^[b]and be satisfied. 
      By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many, 
      For He shall bear their iniquities. 
       ¹² Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, 
      And He shall divide the spoil with the strong, 
      Because He poured out His soul unto death, 
      And He was numbered with the transgressors, 
      And He bore the sin of many, 
      And made intercession for the transgressors.

And since "Vai'yivra Elohim et-ha'adam b'tzalmov, b'tzelem Elohim bara otov", who is to say that G-d could not have become Man, as "the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth."?

Not Getting Much Feedback On This Blog or YouTube, Likes On My Page, Etc...

What not getting much feedback, etc. means to me is that I honestly still reflect on committing suicide. I even looked up "1000 Ways to Die", and thought that I may as well stick with the conventional ways of committing suicide if I try to do it. I mean, who's really going to care in the end? Not many people in real life (many of whom are friends on Facebook) do. They sure as Hell didn't care when Dad and his ilk were putting me through all that they put me through. They sure as Hell didn't care when the now-University of Notre Dame of Maryland put me through all that they put me through. "They" includes my Laodecian church, by the way. Where the Hell is Cathy Dallwig calling me like she promised she would (and I warned Charles Polk that she probably wouldn't)?

Also, every miracle in my life comes with a curse-- even on the smallest levels. By the way, what feedback I do get is mostly and usually negative feedback and criticism, not support and even positive criticism. As I said, "I'm more disliked than liked for good and bad." So, not getting much feedback, etc. (and with what feedback I get being negative and unsupportive for the most part, etc.) reflects to me that I might as well be done if the Rapture doesn't come soon.


And who the f***'s going to tell me that they don't want me to go other than they have to, right?

New Blog Layout For More Emphasis On My Posts and To Declutter

Tell me what you think about my new blog layout. I'm trying to put more emphasis on my posts and less on the other Blogger feautres. I'm also trying to (perhaps inappropriately for a Christian, though) self promote a little more. In other words, I'm trying to focus on content and promotion of the blog, though I honestly feel guilty about putting the "Yerushalayim Time" clock in a lower position-- as a Jewish Christian, my priorities ought to be concerned with Yerushalayim, Y'hudah, v'kol Yisra'el, even though-- and perhaps, in at least some ways, especially-- I'm b'HaGalut.

By the way, I don't put the ads on the "Yerushalayim Time" clock-- the ads come with the application from which I got the "Yerushalayim Time" clock.

This Is One of the Best Pictures That I've Seen of Geraldo Rivera In A Long Time...

This is from Geraldo's public Facebook page.

Seeing Without My Glasses Is Hard and Makes a Lot Impossible

I'm nearly as nearsighted as one can get. I can hardly see.. (measuring... if I can find a ruler in front of me... oh well, relative measure...).. a foot in front of me. I don't have my prescription in front of me, but what I can see for the most part does have a little to complete blur. That makes practicing my piano impossible, drawing political cartoons hard to impossible, reading things besides my music books that are not too close to me hard to impossible, etc.-- and even the computer screen a little to completely (when I sit up straight, completely or nearly-completely) blurry.

If not completely blurry, at least squintably blurry is how blurry the computer screen can get. I inherited my dad's and granddad's sight-- my dad needed contacts and my granddad contacts (?) and (at least) bifocals (or at least reading glasses if not bifocals) for (at least) reading.




Great-Granddad certainly needed them.

Maybe I'm Crazy For Having This Image, But...

Maybe, just maybe, Christopher Hitchens did have the deathbed conversion that he called a possibility, albeit a slim one: maybe after losing his mom, who left his dad and committed suicide shortly after her leaving, and losing his dad; plus growing up in a poor family then having a divorce when he started his own family, maybe he's being rocked in G-d's arms tonight.

 Maybe he's being rocked in G-d's arms tonight and being told that it's okay, like a dad would rock his child and comfort him or her. After all, Christopher Hitchens was Jewish and had a hard life, so he was biologically a     ben-Elohim-- a son of G-d-- who had a lot of suffering from which he needed to be saved.

In other words, any Jew is a ben- or bat-Elohim, since he or she is created (as all humans are; but unlike other humans, created) and set apart and chosen as part of 'am-Elohim in keeping 'im hab'rit im Avraham, Yitzchak, v'Ya'akov. So, Christopher Hitchens was, by nature (that is, ethnicity; not, as the Mormons would put it, sexuality or G-d-human sexual relations) a biological (but not, as I said, G-d-human-sexual relations-wise) a ben-Elohim, thus part of the chosen 'am-Elohim.

As for the suffering aspect, who does G-d seek out?

Matthew 9:12-14

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹² When Jesus heard that, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. ¹³ But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’^[a] For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”^[b]


G-d has been called the Great Physician, the only one who could ultimately heal or save Christopher Hitchens from throat cancer in either lifetime. Let's just hope that Christopher Hitchens as a ben-Elohim got a bikur chol visit from the Great Physician Himself and yeshuat 'im habikur.

Staying Silent Is Yielding To the Apostates and Legalists, So...

Since Paul openly rebuked Peter for giving up on something "pagan", I am not afraid to do the same to some others regarding Christmas (cf. Galatians 2:5). I know that if Christmas were pagan, it would not be attacked as such. Because Christmas was deliberately designed to celebrate the birth of Yeshua (Jesus), and as a redemption of and counter to the Winter Solstice, it is attacked as pagan (cf. Galatians 1:6-2:4, 5:7-12 Romans 14, Acts 15, Colossians 2:16-17, Hebrews 6:4-6). If I have to name names of those who are attacking Christmas as pagan, I will start naming names. 

If I have to lose friends and "friends", so be it. If I make enemies, good: that means that I stood up for something, sometime in my life. I'll stand up for this:

In the early years of Christianity, Easter was the main holiday; the birth of Jesus was not celebrated. In the fourth century, church officials decided to institute the birth of Jesus as a holiday. Unfortunately, the Bible does not mention date for his birth (a fact Puritans later pointed out in order to deny the legitimacy of the celebration). Although some evidence suggests that his birth may have occurred in the spring (why would shepherds be herding in the middle of winter?), Pope Julius I chose December 25. It is commonly believed that the church chose this date in an effort to adopt and absorb the traditions of the pagan Saturnalia festival. First called the Feast of the Nativity, the custom spread to Egypt by 432 and to England by the end of the sixth century. By the end of the eighth century, the celebration of Christmas had spread all the way to Scandinavia. Today, in the Greek and Russian orthodox churches, Christmas is celebrated 13 days after the 25th, which is also referred to as the Epiphany or Three Kings Day. This is the day it is believed that the three wise men finally found Jesus in the manger.

And:

hy do we have a decorated Christmas Tree? In the 7th century a monk from Crediton, Devonshire, went to Germany to teach the Word of God. He did many good works there, and spent much time in Thuringia, an area which was to become the cradle of the Christmas Decoration Industry.

Legend has it that he used the triangular shape of the Fir Tree to describe the Holy Trinity of God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The converted people began to revere the Fir tree as God's Tree, as they had previously revered the Oak. By the 12th century it was being hung, upside-down, from ceilings at Christmastime in Central Europe, as a symbol of Christianity.

The first decorated tree was at Riga in Latvia, in 1510. In the early 16th century, Martin Luther is said to have decorated a small Christmas Tree with candles, to show his children how the stars twinkled through the dark night.

Don't you ever to my face again twist the meaning of this parsha, which is not a reference to Christmas trees:

 To whom will you liken Me, and make Me equal 
      And compare Me, that we should be alike? 
       ⁶ They lavish gold out of the bag, 
      And weigh silver on the scales; 
      They hire a goldsmith, and he makes it a god; 
      They prostrate themselves, yes, they worship. 
       ⁷ They bear it on the shoulder, they carry it 
      And set it in its place, and it stands; 
      From its place it shall not move. 
      Though one cries out to it, yet it cannot answer 
      Nor save him out of his trouble. 

And do not twist this, either. It is a reference to ba'alim, not Christmas trees:

 ¹ Hear the word which the LORD speaks to you, O house of Israel.
² Thus says the LORD: 


      “ Do not learn the way of the Gentiles; 
      Do not be dismayed at the signs of heaven, 
      For the Gentiles are dismayed at them. 
       ³ For the customs of the peoples are futile; 
      For one cuts a tree from the forest, 
      The work of the hands of the workman, with the ax. 
       ⁴ They decorate it with silver and gold; 
      They fasten it with nails and hammers 
      So that it will not topple. 
       ⁵ They are upright, like a palm tree, 
      And they cannot speak; 
      They must be carried, 
      Because they cannot go by themselves.
      Do not be afraid of them, 
      For they cannot do evil, 
      Nor can they do any good.” 

With Miracles Come Curses, Which I Should've Remembered

So I probably (unless by a miracle) failed the Math exam, and I got flack about doing the dishes today. Excuse me; but Michelle was home all day, so she could've easily done the dishes. Besides, when she was texting friends, she could've done the dishes; and all while waiting for a callback from someone. I've waited for things while doing the dishes, cleaning things, etc.. And so what if she already did a first load? She could've done a second one-- and she'd apply that standard to me if I was home all day. Besides, she has an easier time putting the dishes away.

She gets everything (or almost everything)-- the social life, the friends, the not having Cerebral Palsy, etc.. And what do I get? Nada. Lo d'var. She has people reaching out to her left and right, and I don't-- in fact, at least sometimes, I have people deliberately shunning me-- because of my Cerebral Palsy.

As if to prove my point, one of her friends just called her now and she's talking to him or her. I don't have friends call me daily like that-- and yet, my Facebook friends see my numbers on my profile. I hardly even get a text. By the way, she's whining because I'm posting "our private life" on my blog.

Grow up, Michelle; and "[w]henever you feel like criticizing anybody, just remember that [I of] all of the people in this world haven't had the privileges that you've had." And count your blessings.

So A Miracle Did Happen (See My Twitter Status.), And...

This month and my life are still going to be rough. This month alone-- forget being (as Kyle Brofslovski sings) "a lonely Jew on Christmas" (let alone a lonely Messianic Jew), even though I have family and friends surrounding me. I won't have consistent presence but for G-d, and even many nevi'im and others got lonely-- so of course, I'll get lonely with even the presence of G-d. Also, I haven't found the one-- what a lonely thought during Mo'ed Chag Mashiach and in general (especially for someone like me). And Kislev 29 (Hanukkah 4) is Great-Granddad Czarnecki's P'rushi Lu'ach yahrzeit-- he committed suicide on Kislev 29,  5725 (December 2, 1964) by P'rushi Lu'ach calculations.

And my life-- well, I've blogged about that.

I Mean, I Do Have People Praying For Me and All, But...

What big miracle's going to happen this time, huh? Maybe my Computer Forensics professor will have a calculator that I can borrow for my Statistics exam? Maybe I'll find the one? Maybe whatever other big miracle? When some small thing doesn't happen, a bigger miracle sometimes or usually happens. For example, my mom accidentally picked up my sister's bag instead of mine. So, I calculator and other stuff at home, and I can't borrow a calculator or pencil for now. As if my life couldn't get worse...

I can't drive home to get it (I have Cerebral Palsy and OCD/Anxiety/Depression, remember?). My keys are in my bag as well and my sister's asleep, so driving home to get them would be non sequitir. Do you see part of why I'm still tempted to commit suicide?

I Wonder Why I Bother Sometimes...

Suicide looks better. Firstly, I'd be in Heaven (I'm a Christian, so I know where I'm by-grace going.), and I wouldn't have to wait for the Rapture. Secondly, Mom, Michelle, and others (including many who'd like to see me dead and/or never really cared, anyway) would be left to pick up the mess that I leave behind. Also, for what being more known in death than life is worth, I'd be more known in death than life-- I even prewrote my own obituary in case something does happen to me, though (G-d willing) I might have to go back and edit it. At least an obituary, a Facebook, a Twitter, and other updates, and other ways of communication are coverage.

Thirdly, I'm a survivor of a suicide attempt from when I was eight to ten years old. Long story short, after I foolishly erased my Pokemon game on the advice of a "friend", I threatened to stab myself-- with the knife in my hand. I chickened out and put the knife down and away from me.

Fourthly, I'm the survivor of a suicide threat-- I ended up at Sheppard Pratt for that threat, and quite a few of my dad's family don't believe what happened even though the Sheppard Pratt incident finally helped provoke the courts to believe what happened. Fifthly, as I've implied, I'm more disliked than liked for good and bad; and as I said, others would be left to pick up the mess that I leave behind. For some of them, picking up my mess would be pure punishment and judgement against them.

I could go on; but as an endnote, I also consider that children in the Third World segments of the human population have a fate better than mine (since they get, for example, plenty of reward in Heaven and not as much judgement because of what they've suffered and because of the "to whom much is given" standard-- including the age of accountability implication). Sexual abuse victims even also have a better fate than mine because some of them parallel (and sometimes even are) the children in the Third World-- they get sympathy and people who'll help them at some point and juncture, some reward in Heaven just for their suffering alone, etc..

With me; my situation's like, who the hell (including my own church) cares (or really or ultimately cares) about a 'mamzerah' Messianic Jew with Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety/Depression, and mild-enough Cerebral Palsy that she can (seemingly) get by?

I Keep Getting Visitors From Russia... Relatives?

Look, guys (and gals); if you're mishpacha, do not be afraid to contact me. Besides, I still am looking for specifically Jewish (including Messianic) and Anusi (including Messianic, but just understandably scared to admit any Jewishness):

1. Rusznaks (Rusnaks, etc.)
2. Fockos (Foskos, Foczkos, etc.)
3. Novaks (Nowaks)
4. Gajdoszes (Gaydoses, etc.)
5. Ushinskys (Uszinskys, etc.)
6. Huglinksys
7. Trudniaks (Trudniaks, etc.; since one did marry a Jewish Monka)
8. Monkas
9. Chernetskis (Czarneckis, etc.)
10. Morgiewiczes (Margiewiczes, etc.)
11. Andrulewiczes (Andruleviches, etc.)
12. Danilowiczes (Daniloviches; even ones related to Kirk Douglas-- mi estomago!)
13. Laczinskys (Latshinksys, etc.)
14. Hanzoks (Hanssaks, etc.)
15. Homas (Hamas-- plural of "Hama", not the terror group which no Self-Respecting Jew would hang around)

Contact me-- I don't bite.