I Know That People Care, But It's Still A Long Battle...

And anyway, I was finally able to give the "Director" of "Caring" Ministries the rebuke that she deserves:

-----Original Message-----
From: Nickidewbear
To: cdallwig
Sent: Wed, Dec 21, 2011 9:31 am
Subject: Re: Ride to Chapelgate

And you were supposed to call me, but you never did. What happened to your being the Caring Coordinator and reaching out to church members?

...

Nicole, 

I understand that you have been inquiring about getting a ride to Chapelgate?  Please call me to let me know what your need is and we can discuss.....I would appreciate it if you would refrain from posting my name on facebook posts without trying to contact me first.  You have my e-mail and phone number available to you as well as anyone else would......

T hanks. 

Cathy Dallwig

Director of Caring Ministries

Chapelgate Church 

410-442-5800, ext 128

cdallwig@chapelgate.org

*Office Hours, 9-3  Mon - Thurs

=

I don't think that after this, she'll hypocritically leave me off of the "Practical Needs List- CPC", which she did. What a hypocrite she can be! Keep bugging her and tell her with me that I mean that she's supposed to live up to her job title and at least put me on the "Practical Needs List- CPC". Let me give you the example that I mean from this morning:

In a message dated 12/21/2011 12:31:11 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, cdallwig@chapelgate.org writes:

Practical Needs List - CPC CPC Member Announcements at Chapelgate Presbyterian Church Message from: Cathy Dallwig Hi all, Listed below are a couple of needs that I have become aware of in our congregation. Please contact the person with the need directly, if you are able to help. 1.[Censored] is looking for ... 2. [Censored] is recovering from... 3.[Censored] is in immediate need of.... Thank you. Cathy Dallwig Director of Caring Ministries 410-442-5800, ext 128 cdallwig@chapelgate.org

Let me give you a hint: I'm not one of the three people on that list. And pray for all those people, by the way. One did get their needs provided for, by the way. Now also pray that this disabled Jew with a divorced parents and meshuga mishpacha on both sides does, and keep bugging Cathy Dallwig so that she can't kick out this outcast like she'd like to; and you and I both know that she doesn't want to deal with me.

But if I get the need to get a consistent ride to church, I can at least have some of my problems (also including the OCD/Anxiety/Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and ADD) helped to be managed by G-d. And Cathy Dallwig can't say a darn if G-d does provide because saying something against G-d's will would be very stupid.

I'm Not Trying To Get Attention When I Write About Depression and Suicidal Thoughts, and Loneliness In General...

What amazes me is that I think that people think that I am fucking kidding or trying to get attention when I say that I'm tempted to commit suicide. I wasn't kidding when I ended up in Sheppard Pratt in April 2006, was I? I wasn't kidding when I tried to attempt suicide in 1998 (when I was eight years old), was I? And when I called the Suicide Hotline tonight, I hung up twice-- I wasn't going to be able to tell them what's going on, at least without crying and bursting into incoherence while crying. I also couldn't tell them because I'm a Christian and they might not be able to understand some of what I'm going through.


Also, my mom calling my psychiatrist isn't going to help a lot-- he's not a Christian and (as I've told him and others) there are issues that the Sertraline and Abilify can't touch. I even got so desperate as to try Match.com to find the one for me-- one of my Hanukkah and Christmas wishes. Not only was Match.com a violation of 1 Corinthians 7, anyway-- since Christians are to follow the mitzvah that states, "Are you loosed from [without] a [spouse]? Do not seek a [spouse]."; but Match.com just wasn't worth what I need in a man, anyway. Remember, I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety/Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, mild ADD, and possible Aspberger's. Also, my family has ilks that are (as I will continue to point out that Mia Danilowicz, part of the ilks actually so kindly proves about herself) "fucking psycho" (Todah, Mia; v'l'Hanukkah Tovah Tikatevi.). I need a man who can provide for and deal with all of and every aspect of me (including my medical and family history.).


PS I'm still waiting for that call from Cathy Dallwig about transporting disabled members to Chapelgate. Please kindly email her for me (as Charles Polk already did; and I know that Charles Polk is one out of few who actually care for me), and bug @ChapelgateNews on Twitter for me. I'm unkindly not leaving their church, no matter how much they don't want a disabled Jew with divorced parents and a crazy dad to not worship G-d among them.

I Don't Need To Be A Lonely Jew On Christmas...

I'm already a lonely Jew on Hanukkah, and I celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas. As one of my last videos reflects:

"To be fair and not greedy, taking the mean of eight days and 12 days (for Hanukkah and Christmas; and for the 12 tribes who will be of the 144,000 in the end); I have 10 wishes for Hanukkah and Christmas-- the top three being to find the one for me, to have dreams and visions that I need, and to have the Rapture come. The fourth would be for more interaction and popularity at least on  Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter.The fifth would be find more relatives and family information.The sixth would be a pet. The seventh, eighth, and ninth would be to have some political cartoons published get my novels finished and published, to firmly confirm the establishment of my Jewish lineage and find more family info, and have the unsaved in my dad's and mom's families saved while the saved ones grow in faith. The tenth would be to get through college successfully and to make aliyah if I can."

See how many of the wishes reflect a desire not to be lonely? Actually, all of them do; and let me break it down for you slowly:

1. To find the one for me-- self explanatory
2. To have dreams and visions that I need-- even the loner is content with dreams and visions; and if he or she uses them right, won't be lonely in the end. Yosef ben-Ya'akov wasn't.
3. To have the Rapture come-- self explanatory if you think about it
4. The fourth would be for more interaction and popularity at least on  Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter-- self explanatory
5. To find more relatives and family information-- you can't be lonely knowing that you're part of a family and having at least some relatives who care and, for once, believe you about at least certain things.
6. To have a pet-- self explanatory
7. To have some political cartoons published-- you can't be too lonely with some fame.
8.  To get my novels finished and published--  you can't be too lonely with some fame.
9. To firmly confirm the establishment of my Jewish lineage and find more family info, and have the unsaved in my dad's and mom's families saved while the saved ones grow in faith--  you can't be lonely knowing that you're part of a mishpacha and having at least some relatives who care and, for once, believe you about at least certain things; especially if your relatives are going to Heaven with you.
10.  To get through college successfully and to make aliyah if I can-- you can't be too lonely with some potential and success, and being where 'amikha are.

L'Hag Hanukkah Tovah Tikatevu

As a Messianic Jew, I have my electric hanukkiah ready to be lit ner l'ner, l'yom l'yom (and I'm still trying to convince Mom to let me use the manual one as well). I will be celebrating Yeshua, Asher Ze Ha'Or L'Ha'Olam and that the Koheinim shel HaMakabim did what was okay under the B'rit 'im Moshe (which would not be okay under B'rit Chadashah-- long story). I have my Complete Jewish Bible copy with the parshot ready to be read, and everything but the necessary food (I'm trying to get Mom to at least get latkes. I should've put gelt l'Hanukkah on the grocery list as well.).

L'Hag Hanukkah Tovah Tikatevu!

I've Blogged About This Before, But...

At this point, 198 YouTube subscribers and YouTube "Friends" in the 200s, 237 Twitter followers, and only 44 "Likes" on my Facebook page; and little to no interaction on either Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, or other sites-- which, as I said, reflects (reflects!) my offline life. And I try to be humble and not even "Like" my own page until I get 70 other "Likes"... and people wonder why I get depressed.

I'm not asking for everyone to agree with me on everything, coddle me, etc.. But come on: what am I missing to not get 26 more people out of more than 198 and/or 237 other people? I must be doing something royally wrong-- all I get is little to no support, and backlash from a variety of people or Moron proselytization from an "Anonymous" Mormon named Frank  most of the time.

I'm no mathematician or marketer, but something's got to give when I can reach only even less than 70 other people out of more than... (198 + 237)... 435 people. Any suggestions (not from Frank and my other haters) on what I'm doing wrong?

So How Do We Help the North Koreans? By Learning From Experience With China and Africa...

• Actual excerpted conversation with names censored for privacy. Just a reminder that we don't want to further shell shock and impoverish the transitioning North Koreans: this...child's ignorance makes me sick.  Agreed. That makes him just look disgusting and heartless. Ignorant people gross. I cannot believe there are people out there that legitimately feel like this.  I would be ashamed to be an American if we turned our backs and ignored the starvation of people especially children in other countries when we had the means to help. American or Somalian we are all human. I hope that stupid fucker gets shot I don't hope he gets shot. However I definitely hope he gets shipped to Somalia. Mayhap then he'd do something meaningful with his life, make an impact and do humanity some good.  Ignorant dumb shits like that never change, and will never make a difference. Sadly if someone can say something like that about starving children and be so heartless, he will probably always have that mentality. I hope he comes across people who treat him they way he treats them so he can have a taste of his own medicine.  that's more then likely due to the fact that people come at them with comments like that. You have to educate and inform, not throw around death wishes and insults. If he were to visit that country, I could almost guarantee his tune do a 180.  It's an incredibly sad fact that people with that mindset exist. I definitely agree on that. It pisses me the fuck off.. Agreed.  That guy is a horrible person. In, like, the essence of the word. He pointed out we shouldn't help them due to the fact they didn't 'ask'. I am wondering...how the hell do they ask? Write an email with their non existent internet? Send a letter with there probable illiteracy? Call the president up? What the hell!! Somalia hasn't had a functioning government since 1993. So.... yeah. Obviously, what with all their means of communication and stable social conditions, it's totally the Somalians' fault for not asking. What a fucking idiot. Correction: no functioning government since 1991. Well other than the warlords who run the various pirate gangs they have no functioning government. Seriously, why should we help starving malnourished children you ask? BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING PEOPLE! Children nonetheless!!! This makes me facepalm so hard. Okay, you all are jumping on him for STATING HIS OPINION. Remember this, just because you all have different views, does not mean that one person is right over the other person. ... While I do agree that his post was a little on the cold side, people still need to look at it from both sides, or else we will become the "Ignorant Dumb Shits" in being one minded. Also he does bring up a good point on natural selection... WOW... really, educate yourselves please.:(   An opinion like this is awful. It doesn't matter what compares or not. It's the fact that people are suffering and someone can look at that and say 'who cares? this is meant to happen so let it.' It's one thing to think that about a civil war, or a natural disaster, still fucked but more understandable. But these are children. There is nothing RIGHT about thinking this is alright. This is a UNIVERSAL WRONG. There is no 'other side' to see here. 3 hours ago ·  ·  2 Nicole Czarnecki ...'s probably a Ron Paulite. 3 hours ago ·  ... actually, we are right, and he (and you) are wrong. Just because a person has a different opinion doesn't make it a VALID opinion.   ·  1 Nicole Czarnecki ‎"Things Fall Apart" gives the perspective, however, that there were some ways where we overreached or allowed overreaching and didn't let the Africans help themselves within the context of what actual help we were giving them. In other words, we went too far with the religious and political proselytizing. We should've let the Africans choose their culture, and we contributed to much of the Third World Africanism in that way. 4 minutes ago ·  Nicole Czarnecki Another book on a similar vein is "The Good Earth", based on Pearl S. Buck's watching where we overreached in Asia. So, the one point that at least the (you can fill in the blank)s like ... affected the bringing up of is that we only made some Third Worldism worse by religiously and politically overreaching.

  
  
  What the Ron Paulite said is that Africa is naturally selected for doom and failure, thus we shouldn't help them in any way, shape, or form. Some could argue the same for North Korea and Pyongyang. But just because all the nations except Israel (including the US, the Kushite nations, and the Koreas) will indeed be made an end to (cf. Jeremiah 30:11)  does not excuse an abandonment of tikun ha'olam. Yet in no way should religious and political proselytizing, including Torah el hagoyim v'Mamlahkah Adonai, be done but b'Adonai yachid. As I said, "We should've let the Africans choose their culture" and not made proselytization a condition or an incentive for helping them. The same is with the North Koreans.
  
  
  The best that we can do is say:
  
  
  “Now therefore, fear the LORD, serve Him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which [the Hebrews'] fathers served on the other side of the River and in Egypt. Serve the LORD! And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which [their] fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land [they would] dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” 

An Untitled Novel, Part 11

"Couldn't they haven't just gone to the Beth T'filoh beit knesset?" I asked imi this after I Googled more to see what I had missed of what I had just left.

"They were very shomrim haredim," she answered my question in the negative. "And since when did you start calling me 'Ima'? Did you encounter your sava?" She knew that I had become more Jewish in spite of her family. "And why are you browsing the Internet on your phone? Avikha would kill you." She also knew that I'd been browsing Google. "At least you're learning halashon shel 'ameinu with Google; I'll you give you that." She knew that despite my identifying with her heritage, my Hebrew was limited in even what I had learned from her. "What about that Anusi mishpacha? What did you find out about them? They seemed very interesting to you, anyway."

I told her that the Reverend Vincent Dang caught me on the grounds of the church and cemetery while he was walking around them, befuddledly asked me what I wanted, somehow handed me some copies of records when I told him what I wanted, and walked away while mumbling, "Take a look at these." He was an Asian man whose second language was relatively-limited English with a strong accent to accompany it, and the former longtime priest of Holy Family Church. I had found nothing in the records yet, and was just still recovering from the shock that he had not called the police on me for trespassing on the church and cemetery grounds.

"As I asked you before, what b'Gei Hinnom did you need to compare that Anusi mishpacha to my Yehudi mishpacha for, anyway?"

"Man b'Gei Hinnom I needed to compare the mispachim for, as I answered before, is to get a broader picture of my Jewish heritage and kol 'am Yisra'el." I still made her wonder man b'Gei Hinnom she was going to do with me. After she wished me a laila tov and hung up, I began thumbing through the record copies that the Reverend Dang had, not knowing what else to do, given to me.

An Untitled Novel, Part 10

"You're not allowed here, schvartze! You're not allowed here, schvartze!" A Jewish man stopped me as I was trying to get into my grandparents' neighborhood in the Upper Park Heights shtetl to explore it and perhaps catch a glimpse of my grandparents. Then the only encounter I had with sabi shel HaLevi'im-- my Levite granddad-- was this: he spit on me when he recognized that I was his daughter's Kushi son and having what he considered the hutzpah to argue with a Yehudi.

As the look of recognition was still on his face, he angrily yelled, "You disappoint me! You disappoint me!" After that, I left for Sugar Notch to go inquire about that Anusi mispacha to which I was going to compare to mispachti-- my family, who were Yehudim and wanted their Kushi neched gone. I never saw mishpachti shel Ha'Levim except for imi again.

"Beni, beni," my mother lamented. "You left for Sugar Notch in this cold weather? And avi spit on you? Oy! Next time just stay in Baltimore for the yom haba, to recover and get away from mispachti as much as possible." But as I lamented to imi and became all the more proud of my Jewish heritage, having been persecuted as a Kushi and a kofer because of it, I revved up the engine in my car to see what that Anusi mishpacha had, anyway.

Just as I thought, Sugar Notch had cold weather that gave me enough time to sit in the car and then make a mad dash for the Town Hall or Holy Family Church, whichever I felt like parking my car in front of and rooting through records in. This time, I wasn't staying in a hotel-- not in poor to below-poverty-line Sugar Notch. So sleeping in my car would be nothing unusual, I figured as I parked near the old Holy Family Cemetery and stayed there.

Perhaps the church would figure that I was a sojourner or pilgrim just spending my night in the car, or a transient or schicker who couldn't make the night home. Little would they know that I was a Kushi Jew coming here to inquire about a family who they had no idea were Jews-- and to see what this family of Yehudim had to gain from running from persecution and being Anusim instead of facing persecution like my family and me.

I Don't Know or Remember Too Much About Havel & Dubcek, But...

I know that the Velvet Revolution gave my Jewish and other Czechoslovakia-born cousins and other relatives hachofesh that they hadn't experienced since 1929, or even their whole lifetimes. Not all of them could or did make aliyah if they were Jewish and/or survived the Shoah and/or Communism. Some of them were born into comparatively-free Czechoslovakia, some born in Slovakian-Hungarian Austria and tasting at least some chofesh for the first time in their lives. Others were born into not-so (if at all)-free Czechoslovakia in either HaYamim-HaShoah or the days of the Iron Curtain.

For the ones that are still alive and couldn't or didn't make aliyah (or didn't emigrate otherwise, as some did), they have what chofesh they have b'HaGalut thanks to Vaclav Havel and Alexander Dubcek. And they have a fragile chofesh that's quickly fading b'Ha'Acharit-HaYamim. And with few or no Havels and Dubceks in these toldot, the freedom is fading even more quickly and all the more fragile-- especially given that Slovakia is threatened by Rosh, Meshech, v'Tubal again.

Reform Judaism and Babylon: Why Moving the Capital to Baghdad Would Not Impossible For the URJ (UHAC)

"Here's the big problem that I see: To rebuild Babylon into the economic world center, as described in the bible, it will take much money and time. Money will not be a problem when the Arab nations consolidate, but economic empires (cities) are not physically built overnight (e.g. Hong Kong). And until this is completed along with the temple for the world's religious center (see: Zech. 5:5-11; note: "in the land of Shinar" = Babylon = Iraq), then the prophecies can not be fulfilled. This is of concern, because it appears that this "problem" area will take some time to complete, thereby possibly moving the future, yet unfulfilled prophetic events well into the next century (and millennium). The only consolation is the proposition that with the "New World Order" (NWO), all nations cooperating together as with Babel (Gen. 11:1-9), this could then speed up the progress of rebuilding Babylon. After the flood mankind built Babel with one united purpose. God confused the language (with many languages) and further inhibited this "world order" by also separating the continents in Peleg's time (Gen. 10:25; 1 Chron. 1:19). Since then the world, with it's technology, has now overcome these two major obstacles placed by God. Thus, the way is clear for the NWO and the building of the great city Babylon (Rev. 18:9-21). Nevertheless, as I've said, considering these realities, it could still take some time to built such a great city that's the world's economic and religious center according to the biblical prophecies."


This was written before Saddam Hussein was caught and executed in Tikrit. "Nevertheless, as I've said, considering these realities, it could still take some time to built such a great city that's the world's economic and religious center according to the biblical prophecies." Enter the Union of Reform Judaism (formerly the Union of Hebrew American Congregations), who had no problem moving the capital of Israel to Berlin, the "Yerushalayim Chadash":


"Berlin and Jerusalem have an interesting relationship. Ever since the 19th Century, when there was widespread sentiment that "Berlin is the New Jerusalem", the cities been, in a sense, antipodal. We all know about the prescient words of the Meshekh Chokhma, and we know about the fortunes of the two cities since then."

The Union of Reform Judaism, since they don't take Tanakh or Zionism seriously (and I already blogged about the URJ's belief in Tanakh as "not divinely-authored") would more than be willing to declare Bavel as Ha'Yerushalayim Chadasha. Even one (so to speak) flip little bird stated, "And yet I do not believe that the Torah was dictated by God to Moses on Mount Sinai." Another commented, "Shavuot is not even understood by most Reform Jews, and since most don't believe that the Torah was given at Sinai as the word of God, how is this relevant to us? The same can be said of Sukkot--who wants to live in a shack for eight days?"

If even Shav'uot is not taken seriously, why would Yerushalayim l'Yerushalayim be? Besides, Reform Judaism believes in a Yom Meshichi (Messianic Age) rather than a Mashiach. So, in order to use tikun ha'olam to bring about HaYom Meshichi, the URJ would be willing to do as they did as UHAC-- expect that they would substitute Bavel for Berlin.  

Why I Envy Ebenezer Scrooge In A Way

In a way, I must confess, I envy Ebenezer Scrooge. While he's certainly (as far as I know) not Jewish or the 19th-Century equivalent of a compassionate conservative (at least until the end of "A Christmas Carol"), he at least gets to have visions and dreams. And for what? To bring him to teshuvah? Is that I am reminded of and complain like the non-prodigal son any wonder: "‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends.  But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’"? Only by grace am I considered as though I have never sinned; but why does a fictional character like Scrooge get all the luck of having dreams and visions, while the Jew who I am with thorns in the flesh doesn't?

After all, while I know not to talk back to God, isn't that "if [our] fall is riches for the world, and [our] failure riches for the Gentiles, how much more [our] fullness!" as Jews? And why did Joseph get his dreams? He had a fairly-good dad (though Jacob did marry four wives and was named "Ya'akov" for a reason, since he would supplant and deceive; and put Joseph and Benjamin above the rest of his children)? He didn't have any thorms in the flesh. He had brothers who loved him in the end. He had a wife, children, and the second-highest position in Egypt. Me, I have a dad who I consider and even wished dead (for how else will I get the truth about our family history, pictures, etc. unless Dad and Pop-Pop die and are thus out of the way? Also, how will I and others, and Great-Grandma Czarnecki's blood be avenged?). I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and possible Aspberger's.

And I can't even have one dream or vision-- about my family history, about the future, whatever? And as much as my mom's my mom, my night comes down watching a movie with her while Michelle is at a party with her friends and where she might meet the one for her? And I can't even find the one in my life, and I have to instead watch a movie with my mom when I could be watching a movie with the one for me-- 0if and who ever he might be? So much for compensating for my thorns in the flesh; huh, G-d? And as I said, I know not to talk back;  and "I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread." But then why am I begging for at least a dream or vision, or the man for me, or something if I can't get the Rapture? And I know that I am a descendant of evildoers, but I'm also a descendant of some who were righteous.