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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

You Know What? Great-Great-Granduncle Frank, Sr. May've Been a "Great Depression Suicide"...


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Then again, that was only a small part of it. The Swoyersville are was a poor area, so 154 Owen Street was among the last to get hit by the Depression. At the time, Great-Great-Granduncle Frank was the widower of Anna Kraal Fosko and had three children to support, and lost three children previously (which I just found out, and he lost one of the children just on September 23, 1928). He was also an Anusi with a brother and his parents deceased back in Aranyida, and trying to balance the deaths that he had to deal with (which included two suicides) and living a good, Crypto-Jewish Catholic life on 154 Owen Street in Swoyersville.

Then again, the search may've led to a blog entry about Great-Granddad Czarnecki. Well, what difference would that make, really? He was in a Wood River, Illinois mental hospital and far from his Diasporan home in Sugar Notch in 1930; he lost his firstborn son in 1934 (and Great-Grandma was pregnant when they married); he lost his difficult mother the same year that his second son came along, and had his ailing mother with an on-the-way son and a soon-to-be-orphaned (Cecelia) to help look after-- that is; help his sister Alexandria Alice look after their mom and Cecelia, and his wife after his coming son. His depression was in part a product of his experiences during the Great Depression.

Meanwhile, I'm a product in part of Great-Great-Granduncle Frank's sister Julia and of Great-Granddad Czarnecki; so is any wonder that I've been depressed and suicidal in the past (including recently, which got me into a lot of trouble for even mentioning it)? By the way, I've promised that I would never act out on any suicidal feelings that I would have-- I'm afraid of what happens if I survive a suicide attempt. Besides, I could end up like Great-Granddad-- change my mind and kill myself, anyway: in other words, like him, I could do something to myself and then want to live when the opportunity to keep living comes too late.

We'll See Who Gives A Darn: How I Found Out That I'm Jewish, The Short Story

How did I find out that I'm Jewish? I typed in jewsforjesus.com for a joke (or so I thought), just to where the URL would go. As I found out that G-d got the last laugh, I got into Jews For Jesus. Then I remembered my dad calling me "Nicole Charnetski" a few times. "Charnetski"... so I researched. I had no doubt when I found this.




When "Danilowicz" showed on the death certificate and as I continued to research, the story came together. To begin, "Antoni" Chernetski was born to Julian Jan "Feliks" and Aleksjondria Alicja Andrulewicza Chernetski, who gave both sets' of her son's grandparents the names "Antoni" and "Katarzyna". Antoni was born October 24, 1904 in Tsuman, Ukraine; either en route to or from Buzhanka, Zvenigorodka, Kiev, Poland Ukraine, Russia-- where his mother's cousin Vil'gel'm Andrulevich lived. His parents, in contrast, were born at his Diasporan home of Lipsk nad Bierbza (where the Chernetskis owned a family farm) and in Bose, Sejny, Poland Russia (far from the Andrulewicz Diasporan homestead in Buzhanka).

Sat shiva for, the Chernetskis were kicked off the Lipsk nad Biebrza farm and forced to either stay in Poland as Anusim without their home in Lipsk or immigrate to America (which didn't have a much-better Pro-Jewish record) and live as Anusim. In his new Diasporan home of Luzerne County, Pennsylvania, the Antoni Chernetski who immigrated to Luzerne on May 18, 1908 married Mary Theresa Trudniak on May 10, 1934. Married to a Matrilineal Jew and daughter of Michael and Anna Monkova Trudniak, Antoni had five sons.

The oldest-surviving one, John "Jack" Gregory Czarnecki, followed his dad's footsteps and posed as the Ethnic Polish-Lithuanian son of Anthony "Tony" and Mary Czarnecki. Like his dad, who did change his name to Anthony John "Tony, Sr." Czarnecki, Jack carefully hid his Jewish background and also married a fellow Jew-- and a fellow Crypto Jew. He was married on September 23, 1959 to the Anusit Joan Adele Gaydos; the daughter of Michael "Mickey", Jr. and Marysia "Mary" Elizabeth Rusnak Gaydos-- the son of Anusim Mihal "Michael" and Katarina Maria Ushinskyova Gajdosz, and the daughter of Andrej Stef "Andrew Stephen" and Juliana Elizabetha "Julia Elizabeth" Rusznak.

I am the oldest daughter of Jack's and Joan's oldest child, Gregory "Greg" Matthew Czarnecki, who is just like his dad and granddad-- who committed suicide in part because of how hiding his Jewishness and his real story took a toll on him and his family. 

We'll See Who Gives A Darn: January 12 - April 2006

To make a long story short, I got into another fight with Dad and Cindi over another Wednesday dinner (Michelle even wanted to throw a chair at Cindi in my defense.). Then began my downhill going, downward spiral to April 2006. I threatened to jump out of my mom's car and to do something to myself right in my then youth pastor's office, among other things that I threatened to do. Then came that day when I told my then psychiatrist that I was going to do something to myself, and I had a plan to do something to myself.

When he was going to put me in Sheppard Pratt, I began looking for alternatives right away-- but to no avail. So, I ended up in Howard County General Hospital and at Sheppard Pratt. So began that awful week. Top the week off that I had to meet with my dad before I could leave Sheppard Pratt, and that I was asked by one of the meeting facilitators "Are you an overall liar?".

Not that I can exactly recall all of this well since almost six years have passed, that week was traumatic, and I just had another breakdown within the past two hours. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

We'll See Who Gives A Darn: Depression And Suicide

Since I'm feeling depressed and suicidal right now, what better way to write the next chapter than to talk about the depression from my dad and granddad, and the suicide attempts in my family? Actually, to be fair, depression and suicide come from both of dad's parents families. Great-Granddad Czarnecki committed suicide on December 2, 1964: he drowned at the now-long-gone Falls River Bridge in Exeter, Pennsylvania. By the way, you obviously know that dad's paternal granddad is Great-Granddad Czarnecki, so I need not elaborate further.

As for dad's maternal family, the suicide from them doesn't go directly down the line. Grandma's maternal grandma, Julia Fosko Rusnak, wasn't (as far as we know) suicidal-- she died of an appendicitis operation, anyway. Her brothers Alexander and Frank, Sr. were suicidal; and they committed suicide on, respectively, March 22, 1913 and February 10, 1935. Thus their dad, Istvan Foczko, committed suicide; and he did so in about 1905-- their mother, Johnanna Hanzokova Foczkova, died of a stroke on October 9, 1913. This means that, obviously, suicide from the Foskos is a recessive occurrence on the Julia Fosko Rusnak side.

As for me, I threatened to commit suicide twice-- once over erasing a Pokemon game when I was eight (and some peer had tricked me into doing so. Besides, as I realize looking back, that was a difficult time in my life. Anyway, so I literally had a knife in my hand and threatened to stab myself in front of my mom the first time), and the second was in April 2006 over a January 12th, 2006 fight with my now-estranged dad and stepmom.

I'll write the next part later if anyone cares and I'm still here tomorrow-- I honestly pray to be Raptured or otherwise to not wake up on Earth in the morning. 

We'll See Who Gives A Darn: Intro To My Story


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So, where do I begin? I'm tired at almost 2:00 in the morning, but I might as well begin somewhere. My intent isn't for my story to be a so-called "sob story" or whatever else you could deride my story as; my story is just story. I am a 22-year-old woman who had Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy, Obsessive Compulsive, Generalized Anxiety, and Depressive Disorders; possible Aspberger's, definite Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and unmedicated Attention Deficit Disorder. I'm the so-called "mamzerah" daughter of a Self-Despising, Anusi Jew and a possibly-Jewish, mostly-Irish American; and I did not know that I am a mixed-blooded Jew until I was 18.

I get the OCD/Anxiety from the Foskos (my dad's maternal grandmother's maternal family-- there's a tongue twister or otherwise-confusing phrase! Anyway; I get OCD from the Foskos-- I know this because my cousin Kevin Fosko has OCD/Anxiety.); I get Depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome from my dad's dad, but I'm not exactly sure from which of his families (since his mother was the Matrilineally-Jewish daughter of Anna Trudniak nee Monkova; and Deuteronomy 28 talks of "emerods"-- what we call hemorrhoids-- and other Jewish curses, including other digestive-system problem. By the way, studies have shown that Chron's-- which my dad and granddad have-- is most prevalent in Ashkenazic Jews, of which people we are. We also carry the BRCA1 gene, since my granddad has in-remission colon cancer, for which he lost 18 inches of his colon.).

The ADD comes from Dad's side as well, but I'm not sure which family-- all I know is that Aunt Mary has it and, like me, is not on medication for it. As for the Cerebral Palsy, it comes from my being born prematurely and having a Category-3 brainbleed. By the way, I spent 75 days in the Saint Agnes Hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit because of my early birth and Cerebral Palsy-- I almost did not survive even to 75 days, by the way! I was also never to walk, talk, be smart (although I'm still not the smartest person in the world, although I'm not stupid), and write-- I walk with AFOs (something-something-Orthoses or -Orthodics-- I've heard them called either); I talk (not as much as my twin, though!); I'm smart enough, I guess; and I write (though I was supposed to only type, if anything).

Now that I've given you my medical history and some of my other history, let me wrap this chapter up, keep you in suspense, and go to bed. L'laila tov tikatevu-- may you be inscribed (in the Book of Life) for a good night!