I Could Kill Myself, But...

1. I already discussed that an attempt to do so could result in survival of the attempt, and not for the better.
2. There's still the possibility of the Rapture any day now (Quite literally.).
3. There must be some way that I can have my cake and eat it too. David and Solomon and others have.... Oh, but I forgot... they were David and Solomon.
4. Jeremiah, etc. went through a lot, too... Oh, but I forgot... they were Jeremiah, etc. and were ultimately greater than I'll ever be. Most of them in't have disabilities, divorced parents (even if they had parents who hated them, gave them up, etc.), etc. either... and when they had to go through things, they had G-d in a special way and ultimately got to have cake that they could eat, too.

So, only the top two reasons (besides the Fifth Commandment) stand... so far.

I'd Still Love to Cover Toby Keith's "Mockingbird" With Someone...

I already posted at least separate covers and one vocal part of the cover on my YouTube channel. Someone please contact me-- I have Skype, Facebook, e-mail, Windows Movie Maker (so that you can do the one part and I could merge our clips together). I'd put the cover on YouTube, my Facebook page, etc..

Drake's Birthday, Toby Keith's Anniversary... Nothing Like Great-Granddad Czarnecki's Life

So who was Antoni Jan "Anthony 'Tony', Sr." Julianowicz Chernetski? Born en route between Lipsk nad Biebrza and Tsuman (then Cuman, Wolyn), the first child of Julian Jan "Feliks" (December 24, 1875-1877 - September 11, 1922) and Aleksjondria Alicja Andrulewicza (June 26, 1882 - April 6, 1936) Chernetski was born into a mishpacha b'HaGalut l'Yisra'el-- in other words, he was a Diasporan Jew. His dad's family included the Chernetskis and Danilowiczes of Lipsk, Krasne, Suwalki, and Bialystok; and his uncle Teofil was born in Lipno, the hometown of the Laczinskys (the surname of whom Julian would later use on his Ellis Island record). His mom's family included the prominent Andrulewiczes (Andruleviches) of Buzhanka (then in Zvenigorodka, Kiev).

Then came the pogroms, and his parents chose to become Anusim. As has come to light recently, "Antoni" was chosen in connection with the saint born on his birthday (October 24) for him when he became a meshumad, a baptized Jew. "Antoni" was also given by Aleksjondria to both of his granddads (her dad and her in-law dad), as was "Katarzyna" to both his grandmothers. Because all the records for Yehudim in his birth area were destroyed, his and his grandparents' real names are not known-- and "Julian" and "Aleksjondria" are uncertain as given names as well (Neither name has a Saint's Day on December 24 or June 26.).

Sat shiva for and effectively kicked out of Lipsk, then-three-year-old Antoni came with his mom to join Julian in Sugar Notch, Pennsylvania on May 16-18, 1908. Then he lived with his mom and dad at 132 Main (now North Main) Street, Sugarloaf in Sugar Notch Borough for a while. There, "Tony" became a brother twice: to Regina (April 1909 - June 23, 1925), and Alexandria Alice, Jr. (September 28, 1910 - November 1978).

Tony became a brother nine more times at his next home. His survivings siblings were Stanley Peter, John "Johnkie" Felix, Edward "Ed" Leo, Josph "Suzy" Paschal, Sr.; Pfc. Bernard "Bernie" S. (March 15, 1920 - July 16, 1963; WW2, KIA, long-term dying process), and Cecelia "Celia" R.. His siblings in law: John Dombroski, Sr.; Theresa nee Makarczyk, Jennifer "Jennie" Gladey nee Ulawski, Evelyn, Eleanor nee Hadala, and Michael James Guhanick, Sr..

His own spouse was the Jewish Mary M. nee Trudnak, a daughter of the (as far as is known) gentile Michael A. and Jewish Ana Monka Trudnak. He and she met at the silk mill where he, she, and their sisters-- his sister Alexandria and her sister Helen Elizabeth Kostka nee Trudnak-- had all worked. Thoroughly managing to piss off his Anusit ima, he married the Jewish Catholic Mary Trudnak on May 10, 1934; while she was pregnant with the first Tony, Jr. (1934 - 1934), who died two days after being born.

He and Mary lived at his home at 203 Freed Street while Alexandria (called Alice) lived at 207 and Suzy lived at 205, since the home was actually three houses in a row-- originally three houses bought for 14 total (12 surviving) people (two parents, 12 total children born from 1904 to 1922). There, he had born to him the following besides the first Tony, Jr.: John Gregory "Jack" (that murderous Jack), Francis Anthony "Red", James "Jim" Julian, Sr.; and the second Tony, Jr..

He worked as a coal miner in Sugar Notch until 1964, when he had to move to Watervilet, NY to take a job as a lawn-mower operator at a high-end apartment complex. Damaging his right leg up to his knee, including his three middle toes, with the lawn mower; he came back to Sugar Notch and then, due to Depression, committed suicide on December 2, 1964 in neighboring Exeter in Wyoming County.

At the time; he was survived by all of his siblings but his previously-deceased siblings (the ones who died in the 1910s and 1920s) and Pfc. Bernie Czarnecki, his sons, and five grandchildren (including one on the way). He also widowed Mary M. Czarnecki nee Trudnak, who outlived her first and only husband until her death by murder on February 12, 2007.

He wasn't remembered or known as particularly good to his family; having himself been abused during childhood by his mother, who sent him to a mental institution in far-from-Sugar-Notch Wood River, Illinois in 1930. He also had a schicker dad; but liked his dad more than his mom, yet became like his abusive and controlling mom.

I'm Going To Keep Sharing My Views After All-- At Least For Those Who Appreciate My Views

Besides, if anyone wants to know, here's a nice parsha from my sefer shel toldot shel mishpacha:

1) Fockos/Foczkos/Foskos: Jews of Diosgyor and Miskolc, Hungary; flee to Slovakia (then Slovakian Hungary) to become Anusim by the 1770s, when first baptism records for a Foczko ever show up anywhere, as the LDS documents.

2) Hanzoks: Became Anusim by 1840s or perhaps earlier. Absorbed into Foczko family. Hanzoks and Foczkos continue to marry to this day. A recent union was in the 60s, Josephus Foczko and Aurelia nee Hanzokova.

3) Rusnaks and Novaks: Ya'akov Rusnak and his wife Marysia "Maria" Novakova Rusnakova convert by 1876, are effectively sat shiva for until 1930s-1940s. Daughter of Julia nee Foczkova and Andrej "Andrew" Rusnak is reached out to in 1940s by Rusnaks, etc. (mostly Rusnaks, as far as is known) back home during Shoah. Daughter Mary Elizabeth Gaydos nee Rusnak, who is her grandmother Marysia's namesake, betrays reaching-out family by stopping to write to them. Shoah-surviving Rusnaks make aliyah, immigrate to America far from Mary's family, etc. and never talk to her again. Surviving Novaks-- hard to say. Leopold Novak dies in Early Shoah, Anti-Semitic attack in Zlata Idka (then Aranyidka) in 1936.

4) Monkas: Converted at some point, perhaps around 1860s-1870s.

5) Huglinksys, Homas, Gajdoszes, Ushinskys, etc.: Conversions around 1840s-1850s.

6) Chernetskis, Danilowiczes, Andrulewiczes, etc.: convert either during pogroms, or between pogroms and Post-Shoah period. Ones who did not convert sit shiva and mutually never contact converts again except in matters over family farm owned by Chernetskis, etc.

So this "mamzerah" is absoultely qualified to speak as a Jew, and a Jew for Jesus.

Maybe I Just Ought To Quit Trying To Engage People & Share Any of My Views, or Should I?

And in case anyone's wondering, suicide has been thought of from time to time; but the consequences of a suicide attempt could be dire: e.g., What if I would survive said suicide attempt with consequences of survival making me or others wish that I were dead? What if I end up in Sheppard Pratt again?

And I don't write, make YouTube videos, etc. just for myself; or what would be the point of me even leaving up comments which I mark as spam instead of remove? I mean, as I said, I even leave removable comments up for others to see at their own behest.

If nothing else works, there's either the hope of the Rapture or that I successfully die like Great-Granddad, Great-Great-Great-Granddad Foczko, Great-Great-Granduncles Andras "Alexander" and "Frank, Sr." Foczko. But as I said, the consequences of a suicide attempt could be dire. So, I'm stuck-- stuck alive on this Earth (b'olam haba) feeling hopeless and lonely.

I Never Really Get Feedback On These Posts....

I've gotten some spam comments that I can't mark as spam and leave up for anyone to see at their own behest like I can do with spam comments on YouTube. But on any given post, with few exceptions, I've gotten less than 20 views total, no comments, and no other response. I've also gotten no votes but my own onm the polls which I've put up. What gives?

So I Found Krystal "Krystal Keith" Covel's Twitter Account, But...

I really don't see her promoting it (See @KrystalKeith.). She's also, for example, using her dad's name and not her family name ("Covel") or married name ("Sandubrae"), and her first single is a song that she wrote for her wedding-- "Daddy Dance With Me". She even is on her dad's label and she isn't breaking out as much as she could be even on the label:

 "”She sang all her life, of course. But getting in the studio, she was a little anxious. She sang her butt off today.” He adds, “I’ve never worked in the studio with her very much. When we did ‘Mockingbird,’ I wasn’t there for when she laid her vocals down.” So is dad pretty easy on his little girl? Keith admits, “Unfairly, I’m probably a little harder on her. But the other artists came in and I said, ‘I won’t step in too much until you guys ask me to.’ And with her it’s like she wants me to take the lead on it.”"

You can Google if you want to read more about Krystal. But unless Krystal makes some major changes, she'll be known only as Toby Keith's daughter and not as a country singer in her own right.

We Stopped Talking Because...

And here are a few to whom I've stopped talking, and we stopped talking because:

1. You're a liar & a murderer. You hurt me, your other granddaughters, your great-granddaughter (not Madison, and she's not Great-Grandma Czarnecki's great-granddaughter), Great-Grandma Czarnecki (your good, Jewish Evangelical Catholic mother), your now-former in-law daughters, and your daughter, Mary (not "Mary Jo". Get used to that she dropped "Jo(an)" a long time ago.).
2. You're a Far-Right ideologue and agnostic who persecutes my sister for her faith, and why she continues to hang around you is beyond me. And your Apsberger's is no excuse, whether you use it or deny it as an excuse. I have OCD/Anxiety/Depression and possible Aspberger's myself, and I don't act like you do.
3. Both of you started hanging around Chris Dick. For the life of me-- or rather for the lives of yourselves, you couldn't have kept better company?
4. You care for your music more than you do your cousins. Get used to that I was reviewing your music and using it in a Fair Use way. See if I ever like mjturner916 again. In fact, I would've encouraged people to boycott you if I weren't generous enough.
5. You defended Great-Grandma Gaydos and acted like our trief eating-- besides getting away from our Jewish heritage otherwise-- has nothing to do with why many of us are sick and/or have thorns in the flesh. You're cursed, too, because of what Great-Grandma did and how you'd defend you once you'd found out-- I mean, your divorce and remarriage happened before either one of us (or at least I) knew about what Great-Grandma did. I honestly would not be surprised if you somehow knew beforehand and G-d cursed you with one divorce because of that.
6. You're not proud of our Jewish heritage-- and you might even be like Janet. Good riddance, Kristy and Ally.
7. You removed me. Sorry, but get used to it: your in-law-granduncle Jack is a murderer and murderer your husband's grandmother; and we're Jewish, so get used to it. I hope that you decide to raise Tony the Fourth and the girls with more integrity than your granduncle Jack has ever had. In fact, I hope that you take after your in-law dad and do even better.

Several Reasons Why I'm An Introvert-- Not Anti Social, By the Way

1. The fighting-- for example, my mom and my extrovert sister were fighting as my sister was finalizing plans for tonight (She's going to a friend's birthday party.). There's too much fighting with self and others-- the conflict with others such as Mom and Michelle fighting, the conflict with self such as trying to figure out what to wear, how to style hair, etc.
2. My disability-- Brian Ferrick knows what I'm talking about, and he's an example of (for a lack of a term, and excuse my incivilty) a so-to-speak "weasel". He damned well knows that he didn't invite me to that one event because he didn't want to make accomdations for me-- and he's a weasel especially for trying to make excuses for it and not apologizing. Besides, especially because of the Brian Ferricks in and of this world, to do what everyone else is doing-- i.e., dancing-- is both physically and socially hard; and in terms of the social aspect, you're a saint or a liar if you say otherwise: how many of you would honestly dance with the girl with Cerebral Palsy, or chat with the girl with Spina Bifida?
3. The fallout from all that I've had to deal with besides my disability.
4. The fact that I'm a Jewish Christian, conservative-but-Non-Far-Right Republican. Most of my peers are either Far Right or Far Left, Drudge or ABC/CNN/CBS/(MS)NBC/BBC, Rush Limbaugh or "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report", and otherwise-polarized people. I don't look forward to being perceived as the "fundamentalist" and "right wing" (in a derogatory way) or "libtard" and "Christian and Republican In Name Only" guest at the party.
5. My family gatherings are enough, and my family exemplifies the aforementioned and following reasons well.
6. Much of the food-- I'm a kosher foodie. If you offer pork and sauerkraut, I may take it; but I would prefer that you offer all kosher and organic food without artificial sweeteners, hydrogenated oils, etc..
7. The noise and music-- I'm not interested in Slipknot, the more-recent stuff from Toby Keith, etc.
8. The uselessness of being social when all I enjoy at parties is the food, picture and video recording, and a few other things, anyway; and that sense of loneliness.

A Jewish Evangelical Catholic Shares the Struggle of an Evangelical Catholic Thailander Against Roman Catholicism

Aron Ben Gil'ad gives us insight into an Evangelical Catholic Thailander's struggle against Roman Catholicism. Keep in mind that I have made the distinction between Evangelical and Non-Evangelical (Regular, Actual Orthodox) Roman Catholicism several times. Evangelical Catholics-- even if they share differences with us Non Catholics (e.g., Protestants and Anabaptists), Jewish and gentile, re Miryam Ha'Almah v'Ima shel Yeshua, Kefa, etc.-- believe the following:

1. The inerrancy of Tanakh
2. That Tanakh ze d'var l'dvar shel Adonai, lo shel ha'ishim u ishot (i.e., Tanakh is ad verbatim from G-d, not any words of any man or human)
3. That enumah, lo avodot, ze haderekh el yeshuat (i.e., faith, not works, is the way to salvation)

And I could go on, but you get the point.

Anyway, here's part of what the Thailander Evangelical Catholic struggled against:

"He was liked and respected by his priests until he had a conversion to orthodox Catholicism. Most of his priests turned on him except for a handful. Any one who knows the church in Thailand knows that its priests are very arrogant and full of their own importance. They all want to be in charge of big Catholic Schools that have over 90 percent Buddhist teachers and students not because they have a missionary spirit but because they want to make money. Many of the priests have girlfriends or boyfriends and are not very spiritual at all. They have no sense of mission (even to the refugees in camps on the borders of Thailand)."

The Thailander bishop actually converted to Evangelical, and away from Orthodox, Catholicism (Given that I went to the Orthodox Roman Catholic College of Notre Dame of Maryland, and come from Anusi v'Katoli families, I should know.). The Thailander bishop dealt with a similar problem to that at Notre Dame and in the rest of the Roman Catholic Church-- they do not believe in the inerrancy of the Word of G-d, target Evangelical (Christian) Catholics and Non Catholics as "fundamentalists" (in the derogatory sense; and at Notre Dame, "fundamentalists" were often very persecuted), and specifically fill their institution with Non-Evangelical Roman Catholic and even other Non-Messianic (Non-Christian) people.

By the way, for example; I can name you a Non-Messianic professor who teaches at Notre Dame and openly admitted that he is not a Christian: Dr. Alan Walden, and Dr. Walden was one of the very few people at Notre Dame by whom I not even at all persecuted (though we had our disagreements and tiffs, none of which were persecutory) and for whom I had kavod. As much as we have the First Amendment and the Vatican is their own schtick; Dr. Walden, Buddhists, and other Non Messianics would not be hired at Roman Catholic schools were Roman Catholicism actually Christianity.

And the Evangelical Catholic Thailander bishop faced Roman Catholic opposition to Tanakh for all of his days. I just hope that Aron ben Gil'ad understands that he and the Thailander bishop have been among the very few Evangelical (Christian) Catholics throughout history.

Can There Be A Nonpartisan Feminist Movement? Likely Not

On one hand, you have the creeps at the College of Notre Dame of Maryland (e.g., Dr. Jeanne Del Rosso, a total creep and Dr. Susan Barber-- both Anti-Protestant, anti-moderate, anti-conservative, Anti-Republican creeps), NARAL, Feministing, and the Women's Media Center. On the other hand, you have the Ann Coulters, Michelle Malkins, and Sarah Palins; who Dr. Del Rosso and Dr. Barber love to lump people like me in with (and I may be being a grump here again, but they were maybe even Feminazis. Ann Coulter's also a Feminazi, and a plan Nazi-- or rather, a female Ron Paul-- nonetheless, creepy).

This Is Why I'm Not A Mathematician...

How can I have 406 Facebook friends, 235 Twitter followers, 192 YouTube subscribers and a ton of YouTube Friends, yet only 44 people who like my Facebook page? And I can't "Like" my own page until 70 other people "Like" it. So, here I have a potential of at least (since some Facebook friends are also Twitter followers, and a few already like my page) about... let's say... (406 + 235 + 192 + 388 - 3 =) 1218 likes, and 44/1218 is about 3.6% of my "Like"s potential.

So, where I am going wrong on ganering only 3.6% of "Like"s out of "Like"s potential?

"HaTikvah"... And Gadaffi's Death Remind Me of Great-Grandma Gaydos' Own...

Gaddafi was an Anti Semite, Great-Grandma Gaydos a traitor. And I still want to apologize to the Rusznyaks who themselves and whose aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. did not get to live to sing "HaTikvah" and rejoice that another Anti Semite is gone. I especially apologize for Great-Grandma herself and her cover-upers and defenders. Our side of the family has just as much blood as Gaddafi did on his hands and as much as the Lybian rebels have on their hands until we admit and apologize for what Great-Grandma did.

East Med Sea Peace Said It Best

Or at least said it better than I did. I should've mentioned that the Putim treated Gaddafi no better than the Pleshetim treated Sha'ul Hamelekh shel Yisra'el.

Can You Imagine How Graphic the bin Laden Death Pictures Were?

The Gaddafi ones were graphic enough to affect me to think, "Couldn't they just have chucked Gaddafi's body into the sea?" They chucked bin Laden's in. Instead of being animalistic or worse than animals quite frankly, they should've had the dignity to at least remember that even Gaddafi was human-- and I guess that's what makes the US and some other countries different, too; by the way: we still even treat the most wicked and vile people with respect when they die. Remember that, also, human nature is so that none of us is better than Gaddafi or bin Laden save grace-- only grace keeps us from becoming Gaddafis or bin Laden.

The ADL and Susan Sarandon? At First, It Seemed Unusual; Then...

I came to realize were Benedict XVI a creationist, Evangelical Catholic, pro-death-penalty, pro-Israel, and conservative "pope" (Vatican City Head of State); the ADL would've never defended Benedict XVI against Susan Sarandon. As Benedict XVI is; he's even warned against believing in creationism and is a Non-Evangelical Catholic (e.g., warning against creationism), anti-death-penalty (So I guess that he's against Jesus taking the death penalty for us?), Anti Semitic (e.g., He once allowed a conference calling for Jews not to be in "Palestine".), and liberal.

By the way, at 15, he did not have to join (I can't believe that I'm even uttering the name of) the hate group known as the "Hitler Youth": he could've ran away and risked his life. He was well past confirmation and bar-mitzvah ages (given that 12 or 13 makes even a gentile old enough to be a bar mitzvah, or an adult), and he knew better. A much-older, with-more-to-lose Oskar Schindler risked his life, didn't he? Given that Benedict knew enough to know that joining hate groups even if the state requires it is wrong, he surely would've been judged for that had he lost his life.

A Rant About Education, and Some Examples

To begin, I don't see why my mom made me take Statistics. Since I wasn't going back to Notre Dame after all, and I'm not a Math major or aspiring pollster or statician; to have me take Statistics was pointless. Computer Forensics, I can see. Introduction to Corrections-- the only problem is the pompus, know-it-all, macher professor (I'll write more later; so, keep reading.). But Statistics-- as Albert Einstein stated,  "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education." (Toda el I <3 Hebrew.)

As for the pompus professor (I have no problem naming names.): Dr. Traurig. I mean, the professor wants us to memorize everything from the book, for example-- forget real-world application, for which he'll actually deduct points from a student's grade; even if said student has been to a four-year college, by the way. Meanwhile, that's why I like his colleague Dr. Del Rosario better-- she gets that education isn't about indoctrination and regurgitation, but about learning and application.

He's also admitted that he might've had "too much to drink" when grading assignments sometimes, and he mocks the Bible and G-d. For example, I pointed out that Drakon and the Britons didn't come up with the punishment to fit the crime, weirgild, and lex talions: Torah did. He stated that if someone wanted to get right with G-d, they come to me; but if they wanted to deal with criminal justice otherwise (or something like that)....

By the way, I absolutely intended the pun on "macher"-- self-proclaimed maven, Mr. Know-It-All. So, he's been a lawyer on both sides (defense and prosecution), Marine (which he admitted was an intermediate sanction that a judge gave him an option of when he first started out as an adult), warden, and other kinds of executive personnel (and the Marines are a form of executors -- so there you go). He was also other kinds of personnel (e.g., a judge, I think) as well. So?

"Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? ²¹ For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. ²² For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; ²³ but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks^[a] foolishness, ²⁴ but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. ²⁵ Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men."

Knowledge is drek without wisdom, and education without application. Without applying knowledge instead of just regurgating what some macher maven wants one to read from a book, you're like a rabbit eating its own drek-- and rabbits do eat their own drek (which I heard as an argument against Intelligent Design, but which is actually an argument for Intelligent Design-- long explanation).

Lybia Is Not In Africa.... Nor Is The Middle East...

To say that Put (Lybia) is in Kush (Africa) is Afrocentric. To say that the Middle East is in Kush is also Afrocentric. On the other hand, the Middle East is not in Asia, either. Historically, it's really its own continent. It's not a subcontinent like India and its fellow subcontinental regions, either. And by the way, since India is in Asia (or it's considered to be, though India and its surronding areas could be their own continent as well); I can tell you that but for the common humanity shared by all, Iraqis are not similar to Indians, Iranians similar to Koreans, Jews (like myself) similar to Vietnamese people, etc..

Shem and Ham divided up and then subdivided (as did Yefet) into the various 'amim v'eretzim, especially after the incident of Migdal Bavel. Once Migdal Bavel fell, the various lashonim, 'amim,  v'eretzim came about. Later, Shem, Yefet, and Ham rejoined at the pinnacle known as the Middle East-- think Togarmah (including Chaldea), Put, and Aram-- of whom Rivkah Imenu was born, which is why Ya'akov was an Arami (since Yitzchak was the first Yehudi, born of the brit with Avraham).

Gilad Shalit Is Ransomed! Captive Israel Has Been Freed (In Part)...

Whatever idiot doesn't blog about Gilad Shalit today... well, he or she is an idiot. Meanwhile, all we need is Mashiach to come (again), and Yisra'el will be fully free, have complete chofesh. By the way, Gilad did not look well, sadly looking like a better-off Shoah victim or survivor on his or her best day-- were that possible and he or she so lucky as to look even a bit well.

I Hate Getting Ready For Showers...

Because of I have Cerebral Palsy, I take five minutes to get ready for showers. I can't just get ready, get in, and get out like most people. I have to have the help of my mom-- and how good does that do for my future, anyway? Say, independence? Marital prospects? Being able to make aliyah?

*crickets*

Yeah; I thought so-- in other words, I'm doomed. You see why suicide's still a temptation?