Somewhat Offbeat: When OCD Can Be Broken Down To "Oh, Chocolate Death!" If "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" Is Not Careful

"Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" has posted about this before, so this is obviously nothing new. Still, even doing as minimal as baking a chocolate pie (which, despite her CP, "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" can at least relatively do) gets "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" to have her OCD/Anxiety flare up. What especially makes her OCD/Anxiety flare up all the more is when Reilly and/or Camille can be found in the kitchen at the same time as the worried human mother and aunt in question. Worsening matters all the more so is when "Auntie Michelle"/"Mimi" doesn't let her focus and/or keep Reilly and/or Camille out of the kitchen, especially when one or both of them will scour for whatever can be eaten (notwithstanding its edibility).

One can guess, then, what happened tonight. If he or she can't guess, "Auntie Nicole" will give a hint: copious amounts of half-size paper towels and sprays of Mrs. Meyer*s® Clean Day later, cleaning and double checking, and having to scold Camille for trying to scour for anything spilled and cleaner on the floor, "Auntie Nicole" at least cleaned up (hopefully) thoroughly enough (Reilly was upstairs, for which "Momma" is thankful enough, meanwhile). The OCD/Anxiety flare up and unhappiness with the fact that "Mimi" didn't let her focus and keep Camille out of the kitchen is continuing, nonetheless. Meanwhile, a concurrent ADD flareup just began at least a few seconds ago and was affected by the OCD/Anxiety flareup.

If only "Momma" and Reilly had someone else to help them out and frankly weren't still stuck with not-exactly-as-supportive-as-they-could-be "Mom-Mom" and "Auntie Michelle"—despite how much "Auntie Nicole" would miss her furniece and Reilly might miss her cousin—and keeping Reilly away from chocolate, raw eggs, and flour among other puppy-unfriendly ingredients is a significant part of helping "Momma" and Reilly!

Re "For Some Moms, The Nest May Never Be Empty"

My dad's 49-year-old cousin Jamie was treated for seizures when he was 1.5 years old, and the doctors at the hospital gave him an overdose of codeine. They didn't wait to check with my granduncle and grandaunt, whom were out on a date night and having my grandaunt's sister babysit Jamie, and this was despite that Jamie is allergic to codeine.

As a result of the codeine overdose, Jamie got Cerebral Palsy and had his development stop right then and there. My granduncle and grandaunt were gracious and merciful about it, understanding that my grandaunt's sister tried her best by taking Jamie to the hospital. They also gave the doctors the benefit of the doubt, and they opted to not put him in a Pennsylvania state hospital or school (and this was three years before Willowbrook in New York was exposed).

I can only imagine the "What might've been?" and "Why did this happen?" questions that they've had, and especially since Granduncle Jim's endured a lot of other losses along with Jamie's loss of a normal life. Even before he lost the chance to see Jamie have a normal life, he lost his uncle (my great-granduncle) Bernie (of blessed memoryy) only years before (and Great-Granduncle Bernie had a botched shrapnel-removal operation that resulted in his having brain damage and resulting regression to a child-like state); and he lost his father (my great-grandfather Anthony Czarnecki, whom was a very-difficult man and -abusive father) due to Depression-affected suicide in the year after Great-Granduncle Bernie died at the Veteran's Affairs Home and Hospital in Lebanon, Pennsylvania due to a Coronary Occlusion as a result of a Schizophrenia flareup (and perhaps Granduncle Jim and even other relatives—and I myself recently—have wondered if Great-Granduncle Bernie didn't actually have a DVA-forced lobotomy that did damage similar to the damage that Jamie's codeine overdose did).

As for some of the losses after Granduncle Jim's having to deal with Jamie's loss of a normal life:

1. His brother (my granduncle) Francis (of blessed memory) died at the age of 45 due a heart attack and Alcoholism in 1985.
2. His brother (my granduncle) Tony died unexpectedly in 2014 at the age of 68—and being almost four years older than him, he expected to be outlived by him.
3. His daughter, Denise, has never married or had children due to suspending much of her life to help care for her older sibling—so, he's also watched as Denise has lost a chance to live a normal life.
4. He nearly lost his own life when he could've died due to a fall that he had from a letter in 2007, when he was trying to clean some eggs that some punks had thrown onto his roof. 

As for Grandaunt Annie, she's endured both losses of her own losses that she and Granduncle Jim have shared. Meanwhile, both Granduncle Jim and Grandaunt Annie are in their 70s, and both of them are probably wondering what they're going to do in terms of what happens with Jamie when each of them dies—and what happens, if Denise, who's now in her 40s, and/or other relatives can't and/or won't take care of Jamie after they are gone?

Thus, I think that Granduncle Jim and Grandaunt Annie—and perhaps especially Granduncle Jim—can relate to that feeling of never being able to have an empty nest and especially never being able to watch each of their children live a normal life, let alone having children and grandchildren that'll someday live their own normal lives. 

PS To Miriam Sokol, let me add to the following:

"I didn't know that, for example, my dad's 49-year-old cousin is a "difficult child". But what do I know? That overdose that he had on codeine when he was 1.5 years old must've been his fault. Never mind that the doctors at the hospital didn't wait to check with my granduncle and grandaunt before they tried to treat him due to his seizures."

What I want to add is this:

Jamie is not at all a "difficult child" (and neither is every other child or adult whom's afflicted with especially-severe physical and intellectual disabilities). In fact, Jamie is a very-sweet and -loving person (as I remember from when I and my side of my family would see other sides of the family every year that we could up to Pennsylvania to visit my great-grandmother, of blessed memory).

Homemade Chocolate, A Rubber Band, and Broken Glass: aka, Scarily-Fatal Devices To Puppies

1. When one has a puppy like Reilly or Camille, one has to be careful with chocolate—especially homemade chocolate. "Momma" cannot tell you how much worrying about how getting every chocolate fleck and even wiping off areas where there may have been no flecks was—her Bruxism is still flared up in part because of that!
2. Reilly and Camille thought that they were in trouble because "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" yelled "Nooo!" when she dread that they maybe would've gotten the rubber band that "Auntie Michelle"/"Mimi" left on the floor—and did "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" let "Auntie Michelle"/"Mimi" know how mad and worried for Reilly and Camille she was!
3. When "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" broke a glass by mistake, "Auntie Michelle"/"Mimi" didn't really sweep to help her get the glass pieces off of the floor (You try having Cerebral Palsy and being able to sweep with a standard broom and dustpan—good luck!). "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" still could feel glass pieces when she ran her hand over the floor (and got a sand-grain-sized one to lacerate her hand a tiny bit, with the wound that looks like a dot or mole on her palm), can still hear some under her feet, and had to hide some behind a basket and cover areas where glass is and might be, so that Reilly and Camille couldn't get to it.

As "Momma" and others have said, life definitely changes when you have a puppy—and objects that you could pick up or otherwise clean up later suddenly become emergency causers if they're not picked up or otherwise as soon as possible, and more-dangerous objects such as missed broken-glass pieces become even more dangerous—not that mention that, for example, OCD/Anxiety-flareup triggers become even more triggering. 

Somewhat Offbeat: Two Things That "Momma" Has Explained To Reilly Multiple Times, One Of Which She Has Also Explained To Fellow Humans Of Hers

As patient Reilly continues to wait for night-owl "Momma" on a daily basis, "Momma" thinks about something that she's explained to Reilly multiple times: "Momma" even sometimes gets a goofy look on her face when she thinks about a certain person whom could be in her and Reilly's lives; and to not have an answer from that certain person gets hard especially since "Momma"'s pretty much implied here and explicitly to Reilly how she feels about him, and Reilly seems to think that he's a person whom should be in her and "Momma"'s lives.

By the way, let's just say that "Momma" has a few not-so-nice words for those whom can't figure out by now why she frequently mentions that she needs a helpmate for herself and a "Daddy" for Reilly—especially because many of them don't want to figure it out, and how (un)fortunate they are to have never suffered quite a bit of what "Momma" has suffered or have had anything that they've suffered affect them or their pets (since, for example, they apparently have no need for compassion).

Reilly waits patiently for "Momma" on a pile of "blankies" as "Momma" wraps up for the night.

A Contrast Between Reilly & Camille That "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" Will Never Understand

Even tonight, Reilly was very disobedient about going "peedy" before her evening nap—and now "Mom-Mom" had to take her potty for "Auntie Michelle"—and Reilly's disobedience is a frequent occurrence for "Momma" during the day, and it was similar today to how it was yesterday.

In contrast to Reilly, Camille (generally) goes "peedy" when she goes outside—whether she rings the bell on the backyard-door handle or is taken outside to "go potty" before she goes "night nights", takes a nap, etc.—she doesn't take up to at least half an hour when she goes to go potty, and she (generally) finds her "potty spot" within seconds to a minute or two minutes. She also does not get distracted and tries to stay within the radius that "Auntie Nicole" gives her—unlike Reilly, whom tries to go to "Mom-Mom"'s garden, near the holly bushes, etc. even when "Momma" gives her leeway with the extendable leash to find a "potty" spot closer to the backyard fence.

At least Reilly goes into her crate (for the most part) when she's supposed to do so—unlike Camille, except for when "Auntie Nicole" goes on walks, and "Auntie Nicole" has given up on trying to get Camille in her crate (for the most part). Even "Mimi" and "Mom-Mom" have a hard time getting Camille in her crate when she's supposed to be in her crate—not to mention that Camille tries to pull stunts in trying to get food when, for example, "Auntie Nicole" is eating her lunch and can't help but laugh as Camille tilts her head to her right side and persistently and beggingly looks at her to try to get some of her food.

At least Camille does eventually try to hang out by "Auntie Nicole" and Reilly during their afternoon nap (Incidentally, for "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" to have hypothyroidism—of which she has a family history—would be great in a way, as that would explain a lot about—for example—her Depression flareups—meanwhile, let's see if Camille obeys "Mom-Mom" and gets into her crate before "Mom-Mom" has to drive "Auntie Nicole" to her doctor's appointment.).

Meanwhile, the only explanation that "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" has for Reilly's and Camille's "going potty" and cratetime contrasts is their overall-contrasting personalities. 

In Contrast To How "Momma" Is In One Of Reilly's Typical Days...

Reilly is one of the few bright spots in any of "Momma"'s days of late. Even yesterday, for example, "Mom-Mom" took Reilly along with her when she went to pick up "Momma" from counseling (yes, counseling 😳; partly because "Momma"'s trying to be a better "Momma" to Reilly). At one point, Reilly even let one of the staff at the counseling firm pet her, growled either playfully or jealously, and then went back to allowing scritches and giving kisses.

That's also literally one of the few clearly-enough-rememberable moments from yesterday in which Reilly was involved—some other events that involve Reilly, and some other events within the day, are either not as rememberable (with "Momma"'s ADD, etc. fogging up those events) or not specifically involving Reilly.

As for Reilly, she—"Momma" can assure you—would be embarrassed to have "Momma" as her human mother if she had—or at least could communicate—any canine equivalent of human understanding in regards to "Momma" being an almost-27-year-old female human whom has disabilities (Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses) and, as a result, is still living with her own human mother and without Reilly's "Daddy" in her life for the time being (if there even is a "Daddy" for Reilly at this point—or at least if Reilly's future "Daddy" is whom "Momma" thinks, or at least hopes, that he is ⃰ ).

("Momma" gets jaded and very cynical very quickly, and Reilly would probably be embarrassed by that.)

For whatever reason, though, "Momma" is (or is she) a bright spot in Reilly's day(?).

 ⃰ PS: If it isn't too much to ask of Reilly's possible future "Daddy", couldn't he at least let "Momma" know what he's thinking on his end for her and Reilly's sakes? The ball—so to speak—is in his court and a ball that not even Reilly or Camille could get and/or bring to "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" without him throwing for them first and/or telling them to come get it.

"Momma"'s New Year's Resolutions To Reilly (God Willing)

While "Momma" grants that even Kirk Douglas doesn't have tomorrow unless God wills that he does, "Momma" makes these resolutions to Reilly—and assuming that she's even alive by January, "Momma" will try to fulfill (if Yehovah wills) the resolutions to try to:

1. Not fail Reilly
2. Find whoever Reilly's "Daddy" is for Reilly—whether he is who "Momma" thinks (or at least hopes that he is) or she has to settle for whom she can get
3. Somehow get out of the U.S. or die trying if Trump gets his way
4. Be a better "Auntie" to Camille for Reilly's and Camille's sakes

יהי רצון יהוה לעשות הרצון שלו.

PS After "Momma" got offline after checking some things (including the status of her hopefully-soon-to-be-published second book), "Momma" saw a resemblance to her—and thus to Reilly's "Pop-Pop", and thus Kirk Douglas—in Reilly—"Momma" was both amused and unamused.

As Much As Reilly Taught "Momma" Patience...

Camille taught someone else compassion—the "someone else" happens to be the same can-be-contentious person as before, and Reilly's lesson in patience helped "Momma" to ask her to be compassionate to a mutual friend whom has a lot on his or her plate.

The long story short is this: when "Auntie Nicole" asked Camille to ask the being-contentious person to show some compassion, Camille gave "Auntie Nicole" kisses on her hands (Maybe "Auntie Nicole" is a godmother—or "godmomma"—too. 😉).

Reilly also asked the needing-to-be-compassionate person to be compassionate by going over to the person and giving her kisses!

Maybe Reilly's Teaching "Momma" A Lesson About Patience—Or At Least...

Maybe God's using Reilly to teach "Momma" about patience—or resignation. For example, "Momma" didn't tell someone to stop annoying & loud whistling when she could have told her—and she said that she was "surprised that ["Momma"] didn't tell [her] to shut up"—and "Momma" herself just shut up as this person was whistling.

Meanwhile, "Momma" dealt with this contentious person earlier and saw how the contentiousness affected Reilly—poor, patient, unhappy Reilly—maybe at a subconscious level, "Momma" learned and later applied the lesson that she learned (or relearned at least) from Reilly—i.e., all that you can do in some cases is nothing but pray and otherwise shut up about it, especially if you've tried multiple times to reason with the contentious party or parties.

Reilly clearly got that this person can be contentious and wished that "Momma" wouldn't have to deal with when this person gets contentious—"Momma" could see that on Ri's face!

How Does Patient Reilly Deal With A Lonely & Afflicted—And Thus, Being A Bad—"Momma"?

Last night, Reilly waited patiently as "Momma"—whom thought that she and Reilly were going to go "night nights" earlier than they did—and "Momma" completely understood as Reilly gave her a look of skepticism when she told her that they were "going upstairs now", and it took "Momma" a while to get Reilly to come to go upstairs—and Reilly waited patiently as "Momma" read to get to sleep, too.

Understandably, Reilly was a little sleepy this morning—although she was excited to go downstairs to "go potty" and have her morning "num nums". She also had to be convinced by "Momma" to find "Froggie" in the "blankie" as well.

Incidentally, one's basic vocabulary has to frequently be utilized with her or his puppies—including adult puppies—e.g., with the more-complex "blanket" becoming "blankie" and more-complex "breakfast" becoming "morning 'num nums'", despite that some puppy owners do often use more-complex vocabulary with their puppies—e.g,, when "Grandaunt Frannie" told "Momma"'s fur cousin and Reilly's match Kelso, "Kelso, finish your food."

Speaking of complex vocabulary and matches—and with " Momma" going back to the original point, Reilly fully understood when "Momma" encouraged her in standing up to her match Camille—"Good girl—good standing up to Cam!"—when Reilly growled at Camille for not letting her try to find "Froggie", too. "Momma", of course, had to originally coax Reilly by saying, "You're okay. You don't have to be afraid of Cam."

If only "Momma" had someone like that in her corner—especially as, e.g., the OCD/Anxiety and the Depression take a toll on her and drain her to the point where she can't muster the energy and make the time to frequently brush Reilly's "teethers"—although to be fair, Reilly did (and God must have moved Reilly to) give "Momma" fully-understanding-that-"Momma"-is-going-through-a-hard-time kisses while "Momma" prayed over her for God to protect her "teethers" and prayed with her otherwise.

Nonetheless, not having a helpmate to "Momma" and "Daddy" to Reilly is hard on "Momma"—and if Reilly's eventual "Daddy" is who "Momma" thinks that he is and who might even hope that he is someday (although "Momma" doesn't quite know what he wants and where he is in life), "Momma" wants to know for both her sake and Reilly's sake—especially as, e.g, being lonely during the holidays (even with Reilly around—since there are voids that puppies can't fill) will only drain "Momma" more and compound "Momma"'s Cerebral Palsy that makes chasing Reilly to get recycled oatmeal packets that she somehow got out of her mouth (and luckily, it was an entirely- or almost-entirely-empty packet of just organic Oats and Flax Oatmeal with a little bit of organic sugar—and Reilly had her leash on when "Momma" went to retrieve the packet from her mouth—and Reilly did drop it the first time for a treat).

Added at 2:04 PM EST: Reilly let "Momma" take a picture in order to get a belly rub (12:57 PM EST)