I Need A Big Break Because....

1. While I'm not the pinnacle embodiment of a rags-to-riches story, I've certainly had struggles in my life. Here's a (so to speak) Molotov Cocktail (or worse of a cocktail) of struggles which I've had:
1. Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy, for which I spent 75 days in the hospital. Born January 23, 1990, I came home on April 7, 1990.
2. OCD/Anxiety--this comes from my dad's Levitical family, the Foskos (Foczkos).
3. Major Depressive Disorder--my dad's paternal granddad committed suicide over this. Relatedly, two Foczko great-great-granduncles and their dad (my great-great-great-granddad) committed suicide.
4. ADD--All I know is that this come from Dad's side.
2. My family history, to say the least, is very sordid. For example:
1. My dad's family in particular was Crypto Jewish from around 1755-after March 12, 2008. I was the on who was chosen to catch them in their fanciful ignorance and deceit.
2. My great-grandma Mary Rusnak Gaydos was a kapo--to not send the money to the Rusznaks who desperately broke the protocol of Evel Rabbati 2I  for the sake of piku'ach nefesh (whether Vilmosz was the one really writing or a Nazi was posing as Vilmosz--though, safe to say, Vilmos had to be the one writing given that Vilmosz survived the Shoah and is still covered up by the family). Because of this, my family is broken and cursed--and I am of the third generation removed from Vilmosz's curser, and of the second removed from his curser's enablers.
3. Because of Points One and Two, my family story is not well known--and besides for what was noted in Point Two, my family is broken.
4. Great-Grandma Czarnecki's blood is left unavenged (As much as I forgive Pop-Pop, I'd still like what he did to catch up with him.).
5. Pfc. Bernard S. Czarnecki (Army, 111th Infantry Division Medical Corp, WW2) is left unrecognized and unavenged.
6. A lot of the verbal and other abuse that I had to endure from 1996 (from when Dad twisted Mom's arm--which is pretty traumatic for a six-year-old child to have to see--and after seeing my dad sleeping on the couch one time at 7:00 on dark morning in 1994) to November 2006 (to when I had endured quite a bit of my own abuse, thank you) is explained by the family history--"Hurt people hurt people"; abuse begets abuse, and (as Granduncle Tony quoted), "Like [dad], like son." (The couch thing--to see parents sleeping separately from each other is also traumatic--if I didn't realize that something was wrong then, I can look back and say that I should've realized that something was wrong then.)
3. I'm no Jeremiah, Elijah, or even faithful son; but I've been a Christian since Easter 1996 or 1997--long before I even suspected that I am Jewish, by the way.
4. I get that "having one's cake and eating it, too" is not a Biblical concept (or usually one), but David, Solomon, and even the disciples (excepting Judas, and counting Mathias) had their cakes and ate them, too (at least in the end).
5. I've never fit anyone's mold--a psychological case with a physical disability, a sordid family history, a broken home, and a situation in which I don't fit in the Christian or the Jewish worlds (and mainly because I'm that interfaith, interethnic[?], broken-home kid with a sordid family history and a medical record to boot. By the way, Mom's--as far as we know--a gentile of Jewish and Latino [Sephardic Jewish?] descent.).
6. I've been a victim of abuse (including what I've mentioned previously and cyberbullying), rejection, and dejection.  
7. I've had two crazy exes, both of whom I've had to call the police on; and I'm only 23. Therefore, my chances of ever getting married--let alone ever staying married--are nill. Besides:
1. My dad and both of his siblings divorced, and my dad and his brother remarried.
2. Out of my mom and her eight born siblings, only two have never divorced or remarried.
3. My Allen great-great-grandparents and my Green-Carroll great-great-grandma all divorced. My "McCoy" great-great-grandparents may have also divorced.
4. There were other divorces in my family.
5. There were terrible marriages in my family, including those of my Czernecki great-great-grandparents and Czarnecki great-grandparents.
6. Take all five previous "Besides" points and Point Seven together, and I'm bound to be a divorce statistic. Also take that I was born disabled and (thus) into the lower level of the American de-facto caste system,  and you get that I'll be perpetually an alte moid  or someone's to-cheat-on "gimp" of a wife (and, yes, I have been called a "gimp").

The list goes on, but my point is that I'm one who needs a break from God. In other words, someone who needs a break from God is me, if there was or has been someone who needed a break from God. Otherwise, my life's going to amount to less than worthless--and I'm just looking at factual and statistical reality.

Besides, someone needs to get my family back together; someone needs to tell the stories of--e.g.--Vilmosz's side of the Rusznak Family, Great-Grandma Czarnecki, and Great-Granduncle Bernie; and someone needs to show that a lower-caste, born-disabled, broken-home, chanceless kid can overcome by God. 

Sitting Shiva Isn't Always About Physical Death

I know this because I'm well read enough and have delved enough into my own family history. Shiva can be sat when:

1. A child or other relatives intermarries (This happened to the late Ruth McBride Jordan, nee Rachel Deborah Shilsky [Ruchel Dwajra Zylska] when she was even just in a relationship with Dennis McBride.). This normally doesn't happen if a child marries solely a "shvartze"--as the Yiddish pejorative was thrown about back then. This happens if a child marries any gentile who doesn't convert or is not accepted for conversion into Judaism.
2. A child or other relative converts out of particularly Non-Messianic Judaism into--e.g.--Roman Catholicism (or other so-called "denominations of Messianic Judaism [Christianity]"), even if they remain Non Messianic and are merely Anusim. Sometimes, shiva isn't even sat and there's a rowdy hatefest where the convert's "death" or death is celebrated (See "Evel Rabbati", which takes work to find but is worth fighting. As the Anti Semites like to tripe on about and the Karaites note, this is what the P'rushiyin do not want you to know.). The P'rushiyin particularly hated Jesus, and revisionists like to pretend that another Yeshua is mentioned, but all one has to do is look at Bava Metzi'a 59b and the New Testament to get the idea pretty quickly.
3. A child or other relative acts so despicably that the circumstances play out as if he or she is dead, would rather be dead, or would be better off as such.
4. A child or other relative is in circumstances in he or she is dead, would rather be dead, or would be better off as such. For example, a child who is inevitably going to die of terminal cancer and not be miraculously healed may have shiva sat for him ot her early on.

Shiva can always be reversed for the living. For example, Ruth McBride Jordan did get back in touch with one of her cousins who she hadn't seen in years and who was in California. Even relatives who had sat shiva for her (viz. her aunts Mary and Bernadette) had contact with her, even though that contact was telling her that they sat shiva for her and she was to stay out of their lives (which Mary did)--as well as slamming the door in her face when she reached out to them for help (which Bernadette did).

In my own family's case, I have been in touch with Rusnak relatives before. Also, the Czerneckis did write to us once to ask for the deed to be changed. Shiva will also be reversed for Aunt Mary if she ever reaches out to me again (See #3 to give you an idea of what she did. All that I'll say is that, that took hutzpah to cut me off without at least telling me why she would--at least Ruth McBride Jordan's aunt Mary told her that she cut her off and gave her a hint as to why she did.).

Shiva cannot be reversed for the dead (unless they of course miraculously rise again).

Even God Doesn't Create Like He Used To...

We are in the Never-Was-and-Never-Again Time, and people are particularly wicked and apostate. Therefore, even God is creating more cheaply than he used to--even most of the vilest of sinners used to have a redeemable or redeeming quality back then (There were exceptions like Mohammed and, arguably, Martin Luther who had no redeeming quality whatsoever--after all, Luther stole the Reformation from Jan Hus.). Now the vilest of sinners has no redeemable or redeeming quality.

I know that the Bible admonishes to not look back on the days of old or preserve usable objects of this age, but I can't blame my mom for not wanting me and my sister to use Nana Pundt's heirloom family teapot but for special occassions. After all, "They just don't make them like they used to"--and neither does God.

Nice Try...

    

Perry Hall, Maryland left via kred.com from "The Nicole Factor: Israel As A Delegitimzed Abuse Victim: "He Didn't [Do "A"], Though He [Did "B"].""

23:32:56 -- 10 minutes ago

    

Perry Hall, Maryland left via imdb.com from "The Nicole Factor"

23:28:40 -- 14 minutes ago

    

Perry Hall, Maryland arrived from bing.com on "The Nicole Factor" by searching for nicole czarnecki blog.

23:07:50 -- 35 minutes ago

I'm watching you, and you are not getting any comments published. Caught you once, shame on you; caught you twice, you're just a plain idiot; caught you three times, God help you--I don't have time for people like you, and I discourage people like you from reading my blog.

For Only Fellow Messianic Jews To Answer: About Marriage, Love, Etc.

The B'rit Hadashah reads, "I suppose that in a time of stress like the present it is good for a person to stay as he is. That means that if a man has a wife, he should not seek to be free of her; and if he is unmarried, he should not look for a wife. But if you marry you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin." I am single and have never married, and have already had two crazy exes (the first from August 4, 2004- about May 19 2005, the second from February 26-March 2, 2013), and am not sure what to do in terms of either continuing to wait on the Lord (since waiting for seven years didn't work last time, and I've even had to call the police on both exes, for example) or entering into a Messianic shidduch process. So, what should I do, especially since entering into shidduch may be in violation of "he [or, in my case, she] should not look for a wife [or, in my case, husband]"?

PS If any Anti Messianic answers, I guarantee you that you will be reported for hate speech: you are violating my First, Ninth and Fourteenth Amendment rights. I don't bother you about Non Messianic; you don't bother me about being Messianic. Besides, "if this idea or this movement has a human origin, it will collapse. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop them; you might even find yourselves fighting God". Also, "You must judge whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than God."
Gentiles, I need a Jewish perspective because I was raised not knowing that I am Jewish and found out that I am Jewish only in 2008; so I'm well aware of what the gentile perspective is: wait on God; marry for love, etc.. I need to know how to approach my situation Jewishly, especially since my Crypto-Jewish Czarnecki great grandparents found detriment in following the gentile way of marrying for love.

Re Baltimore City, GTA, Anti-Cop Sentiment, and Memorial Day

As someone once asked, "Instead of saying, 'Fuck the police', how about you stop breaking the law?" You want to be the Jane Fonda types and give law enforcement officers excuses to be Officer Rivieris, or you want to respect our cops and soldiers in the first place and gain respect from them back? Follow the law and you won't have the police following you. In fact, the police have saved my own life several times, and they want to save yours instead of make it Hell.

By the way, RIP Great-Great-Granddad DeBoy (1874-1958; served in the BCPD 1900-c. 1910). And yes; he could be a real SOB, but maybe part of that had to do with Baltimore City's belligerents wearing him down.

His 1910 Census Record. 

I'm Not Going To Be Intimidated When I Stand Up For Myself and Others...

As I wrote to someone who apologized if his or her actions merely offended me (and not for the actions themselves), " I do not feel that the apology was sincere or for the actions themselves. I will not remove anything since it was on a public forum and it is evidence that I need to use to prove that I am not the first or last victim of UMBC JSU/Hillel. I understand that I am not the only victim, and who one of the victims is was disclosed to me in confidence partly because of how he or she has been bullied by UMBC JSU/Hillel.

"As I stated, my promises are not idle. I will not be back and allow others to get hurt by UMBC JSU/Hillel. As Gamali'el once stated,'Men of Isra’el, take care what you do to these people. Some time ago, there was a rebellion under Todah, who claimed to be somebody special; and a number of men, maybe four hundred, rallied behind him. But upon his being put to death, his whole following was broken up and came to nothing.  After this, Y’hudah HaG’lili led another uprising, back at the time of the enrollment for the Roman tax; and he got some people to defect to him. But he was killed, and all his followers were scattered.  So in the present case, my advice to you is not to interfere with these people, but to leave them alone. For if this idea or this movement has a human origin, it will collapse.  But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop them; you might even find yourselves fighting God!'

"Perhaps instead of bullying me and others, UMBC JSU/Hillel and those associated with it can take Gamal'iel's words to heart. "Forgiven" does not mean "forgotten" or "like the situation never even happened", since I am neither the first to whom it has happened nor will I (I'm afraid) be the last."

UMBC JSU/Hillel is only one group of bullies who I have faced, and they are rightly held out as an example of bullies--since the evidence shows that they are. As Hillel the Elder once stated, "If not me, then who?" Someone needs to stand to bullying in general, and UMBC JSU/Hillel are just an example of bullies.

Imagine if Anan ben David had not stood up to the P'rushiyin of his day. Would there even be a Masoretic Text--which the Kara'im scribed? Imagine if Jan Hus and John Wycliffe had not stood up to the Roman Vatican "Church"--would the Reformation and all that resulted from or because of it have happened? (Bullies such as Martin Luther--a virulent Anti Semite--and John Calvin--a known hater of the disabled and of children--deserve no credit for the Reformation. While God can and did use evil for good, Luther and Calvin were snake-tongued Pseudo Christians. Luther is known about, but that Calvin thought disability to be an automatic sign of predestined damnation is a dirty secret that so-called "Christians" among the Church keep. However, that Calvin thought a span of babies to be in Hell is oft too quoted by Anti Messianics/Anti Christians who want to paint Christians with the brush of Calvin.)

More examples come to mind as well. Nonetheless and in conclusion, I've given enough examples of why I myself am not going to be intimidated when I stand up for myself and others--"If not me, then who?" After all, I have a mitzvah  to do tikun-ha'olam--and to do so begins with fixing my world within the world, and fixing my world within the world includes standing up against those who have bullied me and others.