#ThursdayThoughts: How Reilly Helps—And Tests!—"Momma"'s Sanity, and Other Thoughts

PS Absolutely no Reillys were harmed in the making of this video. The Reilly in this video just hates looking at the camera—which can actually exacerbate "Momma"'s OCD/Anxiety when she gently has to turn her little face toward the camera!

Commentary: How To Repeal the Second Amendment & Still Have the Right To Bear Arms

Mandate the Second Amendment.

• Change the language from "right" to "mandate".
• Emulate Switzerland, though go a lot further:

1. Switzerland "allows [its] citizens or legal residents over the age of 18, who have obtained a permit from the government and who have no criminal record or history of mental illness, to buy up to three weapons from an authorized dealer, with the exception of automatic firearms and selective fire weapons, which are banned." The United States needs to require that each of its citizens who are registered to vote—including those who are registered at 17—and all  citizens as well as legal residents who are at least 18 years old to own at least one firearm except for if he or she has a criminal record or has a legitimate religious objection to owning a gun. 
2. A person who has a mental illness should not automatically be banned from owning a gun, either—in fact, people with mental illnesses are more likely to be victimized and in need to defend themselves than to victimize and harm others.
3. Swiss "men between the ages of 18 and 34 deemed "fit for service" are given a pistol or a rifle and trained." Each American man who is registered with the Selective Service and fit the previously-mentioned criteria (i.e., has no criminal record or legitimate religious objection to owning a gun) needs to be given one firearm and training upon registering with the Selective Service.
4. Swiss "gun owners who want to carry their weapon for 'defensive purposes' also have to prove they can properly load, unload, and shoot their weapon and must pass a test to get a license." That should be a given in terms of what both Swiss and American citizens and legal residents should be trained to do. However, the United States needs to require that each its citizens and legal residents who fit the aforementioned criteria openly carry one weapon at all times for defensive purposes.

In conclusion, the United States needs to essentially mandate the Second Amendment by having a stronger amendment with language such as the following:

"The mandate to bear arms, with the People being the well-regulated militia on the domestic front, shall not be infringed. To this end:

1. Each citizen of the United States who is registered to vote (including those who are registered at 17) as well as each citizen and legal resident who is at least 18 years of age, has no criminal records, and has no legitimate religious objections to the bearing of arms shall be at all times required to possess at least one firearm and openly carry said firearm on his or her person. 
2. He or she is to possess said firearm for the defense of self and the defense of others as well as other lawful and legitimate purposes such as sustenance provision (namely, the hunting of game or the humane killing of an animal that he or she might raise for sustenance).
3. He or she is to openly carry said firearm on his or her person in public at all times for especially the defense of self and the defense of others.
4. If the citizen or legal resident in question is a man who is registered with the Selective Service, he shall be given one firearm and training in the lawful and proper use and handling of firearms upon registering.
5. A citizen or legal resident shall not be denied the ownership or use of a firearm merely because of any mental illness and/or any other infirmity that he or she has unless he or she can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt and with probable cause to be prone or otherwise liable to commit unlawful and/or other unnecessary violence with any firearm due to his or her illness or infirmity. In fact, given that those with such illnesses and infirmities are in fact more than likely to need firearms for the defenses of selves and for self sustenances due to their vulnerable condition, the Congress of the United States shall take into account the needs of self defenses and self sustenances of people with mental illnesses and other infirmities when it enforces this provisions of this article with legislation pertaining thereto and in light thereof.
6. The Congress shall have power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article."

Now I Can Announce the Following

After quite a few months, I've finished and published my most-recent book with Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing. It should be available on Amazon soon. PS Part of the reason that writing the book took so long: Depression, ADD, and OCD/Anxiety flareups got in the way. This is also part of why I haven't been as active on any social media (e.g., responding to messages) as much as I could be. I acknowledge thar mental illnesses can definitely affect the quantity and quality of my work (e.g., how much I write and publish and how quickly I write and publish as well as how well I write).

PPS I'll admit that I'm checking constantly to see when the Kindle edition will go live.

PPS:

A Reminder From Reilly and "Momma"

Commentary: Plainly Abusive Or Not-Entirely-Willingly Abusive?

Truth be told, people like the abusive person in this video may truly love their partners and are nonetheless abusing them and themselves by doing something for which the partners may need to take the hard step of leaving them: refusing to get treatment for mental illnesses if they can get that treatment.

In the video, the abusive person has Alcoholism for which he is clearly not getting treatment, although he can treatment for Alcoholism. Other mental illnesses which unfortunately can effect people to abuse other people include Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia: when people are in the throes of untreated mental illnesses like that, they're not even aware of what they're doing. According to the Mayo Clinic re Bipolar Disorder alone, "Despite the mood extremes, people with bipolar disorder often don't recognize how much their emotional instability disrupts their lives and the lives of their loved ones and don't get the treatment they need.".

Sometimes, then, the abused partners have to leave and say to their abusive partners something like, "I will come back if you seek the mental-health treatment that you need, and I will be fully supportive of you as you undergo the mental-health treatment. I cannot continue to let you hurt me and, ultimately, hurt yourself, and the only way that you can begin to heal yourself and mend the ties that you have cut is to acknowledge that you have a mental illness and get help for yourself."

Commentary: I Haven't Delayed Getting Back Into Writing. Something's Delayed Me, And That Something Is That...

The sheer combination of—among other factors—the energy drain and other problems (including exacerbations of my Cerebral Palsy and IBS) that my mental illnesses cause me (and I'm even feeling nausea and anxiety over an OCD/Anxiety-effected thought as I type), discouragement because few to no people seem to be really buying my books (and am I really supposed to feel encouraged when few to none will read what I write?), and confusion and frustration regarding personal matters which affect my medical conditions to be exacerbated have really assailed me—not to mention that (as much as I love Reilly and Camille) Reilly's and Camille's inappropriate barking affect my focus to be taken away

Thus, feeling energized to write is hard. Feeling encouraged to write is hard. Finding the time and space to write is hard. Therefore, to get back into writing is hard.

What else can I say, then?

"How does depression kill people?"

My great-grandfather did exactly this [that is, "jump[ed] out of a burning building to escape fire"], except that he jumped off of Falls River Bridge. His final Depression flareup killed him inside, and he got to the point of wanting to commit suicide. As for me, I could’ve died [due] to starvation due to a Depression flareup that caused me to oversleep and even miss much of my puppy’s first year:

Reilly and Camille are a main reason why she is alive right now—and, to the chagrin of many, she has said this before. She wonders what would happen to especially Reilly if something ever happened to her, and something almost did happen to her before she got Reilly—she overslept to the point at which she could have died due to starvation due to oversleeping because of a Depression flareup had the flareup become worse than it already had been.

As she's also mentioned before, she missed much of Reilly's first year because of her Depression flareup—not to mention "Auntie Michelle"'s Depression-exacerbating insistence that her apparent "experience" was more important than her reading, talking to pet owners in the neighborhood, c..

People get mad when I say that my “dogter” and furniece keep me alive, though I have even thought about suicide despite that they are around. Depression kills one inside first and then may cause him or her to kill himself or herself.

#WoofWednesday: More Of "Momma"'/"Auntie Nicole"'s Lifesavers

Meanwhile, Reilly's apparent equivalent of hadibrot harishonah v'shlishit (as she jealously sat on "Mom-Mom"'s lap):

"You shall have no other dogs before me, for I, Reilly the dog, am a jealous dog, visiting the slights of others upon the fur children of those whom provoke me to jealously, but showing affection to thousands, those whom love me and give in to my demands for scritches and belly rubs."


(PS 10 pictures for all of the 10 Dibrot! "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" did not expect that!)

PS "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" removed the videos, forgetting that they included private jokes until now.

Somewhat To Mostly Offbeat: "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" Means When She Says That...

Reilly and Camille are a main reason why she is alive right now—and, to the chagrin of many, she has said this before. She wonders what would happen to especially Reilly if something ever happened to her, and something almost did happen to her before she got Reilly—she overslept to the point at which she could have died due to starvation due to oversleeping because of a Depression flareup had the flareup become worse than it already had been.

As she's also mentioned before, she missed much of Reilly's first year because of her Depression flareup—not to mention "Auntie Michelle"'s Depression-exacerbating insistence that her apparent "experience" was more important than her reading, talking to pet owners in the neighborhood, &c.. Luckily, Reilly did—as all pre-adult puppies do—need 16-20 hours of sleep per day, and at least "Auntie Michelle" would bring up Reilly to see her in the mornings—so, she got to spend more time with her than she would and could have spent otherwise.Nonetheless, she swore to take a hands-off approach and not help  Miss "Experience" at all once Camille came home, since Miss "Experience" insisted that she knew better than her. She ended up capitulating, anyway, and became a helpful-enough "Auntie Nicole".

She also tried becoming a better "Momma". Then in January of 2016, she began to experience a really-rough time that has gone on in an up-and-down way for more than two years now—and an event that relates to that happened in May and really affected confusion in her that is still affecting her to have draining Depression, OCD/Anxiety, ADD, and other flareups that affect her to too often be—among other things—a bad "Momma" to patient-anyway-though-quite-often-understandably-frustrated Reilly. Meanwhile, Reilly has often reminded her to stay alive when she has reached really-low points and entertained not-so-good thoughts. She also has taught her patience while, for example, she awaits a certain answer for both of their sakes.

So people can keep feeling chagrin when "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" states that she would be dead right now were Reilly and Camille in her life, even though—as has been observed by at least a few people—facts never base themselves on anyone's feelings—including feelings of chagrin.

Something That I Thought About Re A Friend's Facebook Post Re A TV Character's Comment On Anorexia

(This was originally a reply on Facebook. I have added more thoughts within the thought here.)

To be honest, I've wondered what Holocaust survivors and their descendants think of that, even in regards to the ones whom have Anorexia whether or not it's in remission. Especially were I a first-generation Holocaust survivor, I might be thinking, "I was starved in the [']concentration['] [actually, murder] camps, and you girls and boys are willingly starving yourselves? Don't you realize that you have the privilege to eat?" 

(Let's face, by the way, that "concentration camps" either understates or obscures exactly why the Nazis built the murder camps, which they built solely to hold as hostages and enslave Jews in order to try to commit full-scale ethnocide—and while there were Jews whom were complicit in that, many or most Poles and other gentiles were the main ones whom were either passively or actively complicit in that. To see why my family decided to become Anusim, also by the way, is not that hard, especially when one looks solely at the experiences of my great-grandfather Czarnecki's maternal family during the Holocaust.

On the other hand, I am sadly certain that some Holocaust survivors experienced of some form of Anorexia because they thought that they weighed too much in comparison to other Holocaust survivors and victims whom died of starvation. I've read of parallel cases in which, for example, Holocaust survivors whom have died deliberately had themselves cremated because they felt guilty about surviving while their loved ones and others were cremated either alive or after they were otherwise murdered.



Incidentally, I've also read of first- and subsequent-generation Holocaust survivors experiencing onsets of other mental illnesses, including OCD/Anxiety and of course Depression and PTSD. I can relate to that because mental illnesses certainly onset in family members of mine and in myself after traumatic incidents of lesser degrees except for when those incidents have been almost- or entirely-equal-in-degree Anti-Semitic incidents such as the Belostok Pogrom. After all, for instance, I am a fourth-generation pogrom survivor, and I would not be surprised if the Depression that caused my father's paternal grandfather's suicide was at least partly related to being affected by the Belostok Pogrom. I would also not be surprised if the onset of my OCD/Anxiety and Depression was related to my being a fourth-generation pogrom survivor and being therefore all the more affected by 9/11 and its fallout as well as beginning to learn about the full extent Holocaust during the fallout, although only when I found out that I am Jewish was when I looked back and realized that my nefesh Yehudit was sensing all of the Anti Semitism that my own family endured and responding to what I was learning and 9/11 with its fallout in light of my own family's experiences

In Response To A Friend's Public Facebook Post, And What Became A Long Comment(!)

(By the way, he—along with basically everyone else who's ever read what I've written, heard me speak, etc.—knows that I have Depression, OCD/Anxiety, and ADD. He also knows how I've seen my family destroyed by when they've not admitted that they have conditions such as Depression, not to mention comorbid conditions such as Alcoholism—which, for example, destroyed my great-great-granddad Julian Czerniecki as he coped with Depression that was exacerbated by having to live as a Crypto Jew in order to survive the pogroms and then Anti Semitism in the United States.)


At some point, it's wrong of him or her to not admit it if he or she is able to admit it. Jesus, as they say, didn't call us to act like we're perfect and (forgive the language) we have our shit together. Besides, as Jesus Himself said, He called the sick and not the well. How many people without mental illnesses and/or other disabilities and/or circumstances in which all seems well turn to Jesus? Very few if any at all. Why? Again as Jesus said (and He said this through his apostles), He doesn't call many according to the flesh. 

One example of this is when a guy sitting next to Max Lucado (as Max Lucado recounts in 3:16) told him straight to his face that because he has a good life, "I don't need God." People who don't (or apparently don't) have thorns in the flesh and/or bad circumstances don't want to think that they need God. After all, why (they think) should they need God if they don't need a Great Physician, an Advocate, and a Wonderful Counselor, let alone One Whom can guide them to good doctors (including psychiatrists), advocates, and counselors whom are physically present and directly treat them on Earth? 

Of course, very few people would ever say that they don't need God because they have a good life! As I've seen, most people who say that they don't need God say that they don't need God because they think that they can be good enough without Him or think that they already have Him in their hearts.

As I Submitted To the Patients For Affordable Drugs Website: Why I'm For Lower Drug Prices

I am one of the ones whom is both unlucky and lucky. I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, ADD, and IBS; and I have to be on three medicines for my mental illnesses. I also have to use a Baclofen Pump for my CP, and at least the medications that I take for my mental illnesses help somewhat with the IBS. I additionally have to be on Medicaid and receive SSI benefits as well as be on my mom's insurance for the time being.

Without being on Medicaid and my mom's insurance (since she's a single mom whom works for the federal government, and I still have to live at home at 28 because of my conditions) at present, I don't know what I do. For example, my psychiatrist doesn't accept insurance; so I have to pay the full $125 every time that I have a psychiatry appointment. I can only imagine, then, how much I'd have to pay without being on Medicaid and my mom's insurance, and receiving SSI benefits in my current situation.

Of course, I'd like to get married and not have to be on Medicaid or SSI benefits, and I'd surely like to not have to be on my mom's insurance. Part of what scares me nonetheless is the idea of never getting married and having to depend on my mom for the rest of her life, and being on SSI benefits and Medicaid for the rest of my life. Another part of what scares me is if I get cheated on and get divorced if I do get married because I'm ableistically seen as worth cheating on, and being cheated on will hurt enough without me having to fall back on SSI benefits and Medicaid to afford the Baclofen Pump appointment followups, medications for my mental illnesses, etc.

I can only imagine, then, the circumstances of those whom are in worse situations than I am. That's why I'm for lower drug prices and reasonable drug prices, and especially for the rich and otherwise better off to philanthropically help the poor and otherwise less fortunate afford the drugs that we need.

Re "Depression and a Love of Food"

"Her vitamin bottles on the nightstand caught my eye. I realized later they were antidepressants."

My father did the same thing regarding his "Vitamin B12" bottles, except that he was malicious about it. Long story short, there are a lot of family secrets in my dad's family (some of which I've blown off the lid, about which my father and others are not happy), and the Depression was one of them. Only later did I find out about how the paternal grandfather from whom he partly inherited his Depression really died, and I didn't find out until long after I had been in a Baltimore-area mental hospital for threatening suicide due to (among other factors) Depression and the abuse that exacerbated it.

He also inherited Depression from his mother's side. My guess is that she is a carrier for it unless she has Depression about which I don't know, because two of her maternal granduncles and her great-grandfather who was their father committed suicide. Also five of her maternal aunts and uncles had Alzheimer's and/or Dementia, which are linked to Depression.

I will say, then, that Julie Charnet's experience with her mother certainly contrasts my experience with my father.

PS Incidental note: I wonder if Julie Charnet's father was originally a Charnetski and related to my family:

1. That's a variant that we used for Chernetzky/Czerniecki (See note below.)
2. Without trying to be crude or funny, I have to say that it wouldn't surprise me given the divorce and miserable-marriage rate in our Chernetzky/Czerniecki/Czarniecki (and we must've thought partly that we were trying to be funny by passing¹)/Zernetzky....what else have we used....Czarnecki family.

¹Passing for certain szlachta didn't work—nice try; and we could've at least tried to pass for less Anti-Semitic ones if we were going to pass at all!

Somewhat To Mostly Offbeat: "Momma" As An Example Of Single Pet Parenting Further Complicated For Pet Parents With Disabilities

"Momma" has previously discussed how "Auntie Michelle" and "Mom-Mom" make her being a "Momma" without a "Daddy" for Reilly harder for her because she has disabilities, and they know as well as she knows that they wouldn't do half of what they do if she didn't have Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses. In the meantime, plenty of recent examples as to how they complicate her "Momma"hood have come up. In fact, one that came up just tonight is as follows thanks to "Auntie Michelle", and is reminiscent of one that is courtesy of "Mom-Mom":

"Auntie Michelle" wanted to try to get the pimple off of Reilly's back, which reminded "Momma" of when "Mom-Mom" didn't tell her what that piece of excess cartilage on Reilly's nose actually was before the groomer unplugged it. "Momma" blames "Auntie Michelle" in this case as much as she blames "Mom-Mom" in the last case, though she would not have minded having the blackhead unplugged had she known what "Mom-Mom" found out—and "Momma" was a little worried with the blood on Reilly's nose at first, although she trusts the groomer (whom, as she found out, is a former vet tech) and the vet (whom told "Mom-Mom" that it was "extra cartilage"). This time, she specifically asked the person in question—"Auntie Michelle"—to not try to get rid of the pimple since she was keeping an eye on it and planning to talk to "Mom-Mom" about it, and the person in question nonetheless proceeded to clean out what she thought might be any blackhead-related blackness out of the pimple area.

"Auntie Michelle" and "Mom-Mom" know that, that would not be happening were "Momma" able to drive and otherwise live unimpeded by disabilities (including debilitating mental illnesses). After all, "Momma" would be able to take Reilly to the groomer and the vet herself, and she'd be able to pay them herself. She'd also be able to run over quickly and stop "Auntie Michelle" right then and there from trying to clean pimples or anything else on Reilly without her permission. 

As "Momma"'s case demonstrates, though, even some families of single pet parents with disabilities consider the pet parents with disabilities as lesser pet parents at some level, even second-class pet parents and overall people at best—whether they mean to or don't mean to think of them that way.

My Next Book Is Being Published. Why I Made The Prices High This Time, By The Way

As I stated in the most-recent excerpt of the book, "[a]fter all, just typing all of this after a partly-mental-illness-affected hiatus from writing has affected my mental illnesses to flare up." For me, having Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses (not to mention IBS) makes writing incredibly hard especially when I'm often drained of energy. Exacerbating the difficulty that I have in writing books is that I type with only one finger at a time, I can't format pictures and adjust screenshots as quickly as those without Cerebral Palsy or similar conditions can (at least physically—for those of them that have mental illnesses and/or other conditions, their difficulties in typing, formatting pictures and adjusting screenshots, etc. can be just as significant as mine).

Thus, I think that the labor that I put into writing this book justifies the $9.99 Kindle-editon price and the $18 paperback-edition price for which I am selling the book. By the way, my arms and legs are feeling tired as I'm typing; and my OCD/Anxiety, etc. is flaring up along with my muscles feeling tired.

Also by the way, I'm still giving away a copy of my first book—especially since its main subject has been incredibly patient with me throughout all of this, including a difficult time that I'm enduring for both my sake and for my first book's main subject's sake.

Update (7:03 PM EST): The new book is published.

Excerpt From My Upcoming Book: “Dark Irish”, Allen, and “Polio”—Three Bubbe Meises That Nana Allen Told To the Younger Kids (With My Maternal Grandfather Being One Of Them)

I seem to have more of a contempt for my late maternal grandfather’s mother the more that I understand about her, at least wherein her bubbe meises are concerned. The three bubbe meises that really (forgive my language) piss me off (as if “shit” wasn’t language for which I might need to ask forgiveness):

1.    That we’re of the “Dark Irish”

2.    [Not excerpted here]

3.    That my grandaunt Kas had polio

The real stories are the following, respectively:

The “Dark Irish”

We’re Portuguese Irish, and likely even Sephardic Jewish and Irish. Nana Allen’s maternal grandfather was a “John McCoy”, and probably an Anusi—and “McCoy” was certainly not his own name, as he is not buried in the McCoy Family Plot in Baltimore’s New Cathedral Cemetery. As for how he immigrated to Ireland, my grandaunt Bernadette “Bern” Allen Dew (z”l) stated that “He fled a war in Spain”—which I found out after I saw the Census record that read “Spain” and “Ireland” for the respective birthplaces of Nana Allen’s maternal grandparents, the parents of the Rosalita “Rose” (or “Rosa”) McCoy Reilly whose 1900 Census record lists the “Spain” and “Ireland” in question for her parents’ birthplaces. As for the “war in Spain”—as “John McCoy”’s 1850 Census record helped me to research—that war was the Peninsular War, from which he as a Lisboa-born infant fled with his parents to Ireland.

About three decades after he immigrated to Ireland as a war refugee—and almost certainly an Anusi one at that—he immigrated to the United States as—as far as I know—an immigrant. By 1850, he had been married to MaryAnn Elizabeth née McCoy for at least eight to ten years and had the following children:

1.    John, Jr.

2.    MaryAnn Elizabeth, Jr. (whom, per a record of her second husband’s family history, told the bubbe meise that her mother was born “Mary Dolan”)

3.    Ann

He seems to have named the first two children per minhag Sephardi—after all, the first son was named for his father, and the first daughter was named for her mother (and apparently got a flair for spreading bubbe meises from—ironically—her, as the 1880 Census Record for a “Rose Riley” lists both of Mrs. “Riley”’s parents as having been in Ireland—and even while the 1880 Census record for MaryAnn’s and Rose’s sister Lavinia lists them as having been born in Maryland.)

Then he had four more children, and a nasty divorce to boot about six years after the youngest one was born. While I don’t know the exact circumstances of the divorce, I know—as I said—that he is certainly not buried in the McCoy Family Plot in New Cathedral Cemetery, and that his wife told the Census taker that she was a widowed mother of four daughters as of 1870.

By 1880, he had a grandchild whom proved that his Sephardish Yidishkeit was still around and alive within the family, even though he apparently hadn’t been around or alive since 1870—his daughter Rosalita had a daughter whom she named “Ann(e)”, and his ex-wife and his daughter’s in-law mother both went by “Ann(e)”. Then he had more grandchildren by Rosalita with a mark to prove that no real Catholicism was to be found as far as he was concerned: after all, none of the granddaughters carried “Mary” or any variant thereof for either a first name or otherwise as an honorific for the mother of Jesus.

Even Alice Marie Reilly named none of her daughters “Mary” or any variant thereof insofar as the prénom d’honorifique de la Virginé is concerned—the first names of her daughters were “Marguerite” (since her in-law mother was Margaret Conley Allen—and I’m now realizing where her Sephardish Yiddishkeit showed up in that regard, if I hadn’t already realized it a little bit), “Katherine”, “Bernadette”, and “Dolores”.

 (Per JewishGen, by the way and although JewishGen covers mostly Ashkenazi Jewish communities, “Marguerite” and “Katherine”—and variants thereof—were used among Jews; and as one rabbi told me when I asked if naming Reilly for Nana Allen and her mother was permissible in Jewish tradition, “There are no rules for such a thing. You may name your pet anything you like.” Also, Ariela Pelaia of ThoughtCo—formerly About.Com—captures what I’ve generally read regarding both Hebrew and Non-Hebrew names when she states, “[T]here is no hard and fast rule when it comes to giving your child a Hebrew name.”

(Also by the way, Sephardic Jewish girls will sometimes be named after living grandparents as opposed to living parents—the minhag varies in that regard.) 

As far as Alice Marie’s sisters, they were (besides Anne—z”l—whom died at the age of seven or eight):

1.    Rosa

2.    Sara—not “Catherine”, but “Sara Catherine” (and contrary to what Mom claims, “Sara” is not a common Catholic name—or at least too common of one—as it would arouse suspicions, especially in a family in which the first girl is not named “Mary”)

3.    Helen

4.    Agnes—whom later became “Sister Mary Rosalita Reilly”

By the way, Alice Marie’s first son was Edgar Joseph, for his father and distinguished as “Edgar Joseph Eymard”—and I’m now really beginning to see the Sepharidish Yiddishkeit (or “Sefardishkeit” or even “Ladinokeit”— and I’m going to assume that I coined those despite I can’t say that I made those up—after all, “Sefardish” and “Ladino” were long around before I was, and making  “Sefardishkeit” from “Sefardish” and “Yiddishkeit” is simply just making a compound word that can be used to describe the Yiddishkeit of Sephardim in Yiddish.

(Also by the way, I’m pretty sure that this is at least part of why my maternal grandfather took an interest in Yiddish, although he was—even if he didn’t know that he was—reasonably ascertainably a matrilineally-Jewish grandson of a patrilineally-Jewish bat Anusim—and his widow, my maternal grandmother, is my maternal grandparent whom is of Ashkenazi Jewish heritage.)

Meanwhile, this alone (as I’m now realizing) helps to explain why I thoroughly and even defensively  explain quite a bit of what I explain—as if getting called “an overall liar” at Sheppard Pratt by a caseworker whom fell for my father’s lies about me wasn’t enough, having Nana Allen throw her younger children and their descendants for a loop really affected me to start laying out every detail of quite a few cases once I found out about being thrown for such a loop—and as if many of my matriarchs and patriarchs on Dad’s side didn’t do enough loop throwing, todah rabah (and their loop throwing was more understandable than her loop throwing, as—as I later read—the Inquisition ended in 1834, whereas increasing Anti Semitism still affects many of my paternal relatives loathe to admit that we’re Jewish—even to the point at which one relative is trying to paint me as an overall liar in regard to what my father’s maternal grandmother did, and notwithstanding that I can neither help what happened or conjure up evidence to fit the narrative of what he wants to believe what happened.

(Incidentally, that will—God willing—probably end up in More Shit And Other Stuff That I Can’t Make Up—after all, just typing all of this after a partly-mental-illness-affected hiatus from writing has affected my mental illnesses to flare up.)

“Polio”

This one probably pisses me off the most. Despite articles that discuss the Irish Catholic “shame” of the Kennedys regarding Rosemary Kennedy (with “shame” being the word that the Kennedys themselves used), Nana Allen—who herself identified as a strong Irish Catholic—still has no excuse for lying about Grandaunt Kas’ Cerebral Palsy.

The story still goes that Grandaunt Kas contracted polio when she was seven or eight—this despite that she wasn’t going to have time to contract polio in the midst of the Spanish Flu Epidemic of 1918 and the Rheumatic Heart Fever Epidemic of 1923-1925 or thereabouts. Rheumatic Heart Fever is what actually killed Grandaunt Dolores, whom died on January 25, 1923, by the way (and as for where I got the 1925 date, Great-Granddad Czarnecki’s sister Regina died of Chorea due to Rheumatic Heart Fever on June 23, 1925).

Grandaunt Kas was born on November 6, 1911, and Grandaunt Bern somehow remembered that Grandaunt Dolores died in the Spanish Flu Epidemic. Either way, no way was Grandaunt Kas going to be going anywhere where she could contract polio—she was probably as housebound when the Spanish Flu hit the Allen household as much as all of the Allen children were when Rheumatic Heart Fever hit the Allen household. The more that I thought about that, then, the more that I had to conclude that Nana Allen told another bubbe meise—even my grandmother at first said that she didn’t know for sure, and that Nana Allen had “a lot of stories”.

Besides:

1.    Mild Cerebral Palsy can become worse after illnesses such as the flu and Rheumatic Heart Fever—and with illnesses that can cause fevers, you’re messing with illnesses that can cause some serious brain damage. So either way, Grandaunt Kas either had exacerbated Cerebral Palsy after the Spanish Flu Epidemic or she had a fever that effected brain damage and resulting Cerebral Palsy.

2.    The person whom told me that Grandaunt Kas had Cerebral Palsy, he would have no reason to lie—he worked for her when he and my mother were in high school, and she could tell a kid like him what she wouldn’t have dared to tell peers of hers or quite a few people within her own family!

That would also explain the real reason that Grandaunt Kas turned down three marriage proposals—not because she wanted to be single and independent, but because she was afraid that each of her suitors would run if they found out what she really had—and I can tell you that because I’ve lived being both implicitly and explicitly rejected by peers of mine due to my Cerebral Palsy.

Closing Thought For The Night Of Cheshvan 17, 5777 (November 6-7, 2017)

Once again, part of why I'm a Republican: real Republicans, unlike RINO *****, don't set up people with mental illnesses to be demonized. ***** set up people with mental illnesses to be demonized by using this man whom may have even used his mental illnesses as an excuse, or at least has people whom are using them as an excuse for him (since he doesn't even seem to acknowledge that he had them, let alone needed medication for them).

Congratulations, Democrats (including RINOs) and Clinton Dreaders: you've either been had by RINO ***** or are known as being complicit with him.

Mind you that this isn't to all Democrats and Clinton Dreaders: this is to just the ones whom've either been had by RINO ***** or are known as being complicit with him. There are many reasonable Democrats and Clinton Dreaders whom can wake up and either start or restart fearing God over dreading Clinton.

Excerpt From My Upcoming Book: What Knowing Would've Helped: e.g., My Father Passed His Mental Illnesses Down To Me

April 2006, Spring Break, a threat of suicide, and thus a whole week in April of 2006 and a whole Spring Break spent in Sheppard Pratt...and this after I reached my breaking point with my father's abusiveness. Not to mention that learning about the Holocaust 4.5 years earlier, right after 9/11, actually partly effected the onset of my OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD—and that I would eventually figure out that that's why he had all of those pill bottles in his apartment, and that other matters would be explained by my father's OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD.

So went my life with the fallout of 9/11, the times shortly before it, and the times shortly after it. At least my father's admitted to having ADD since then, but the Depression and OCD/Anxiety are still—albe an open secret to me and others—a secret. Of course, knowing about my father's Depression and OCD/Anxiety would've helped before I had to end up in Sheppard Pratt, let alone after I ended up in it. The worst part is that my mother knew about it and didn't tell me even about the day that she ended up discovering that he took Wellbutrin^®, the generic of which I currently take (at least when I have the energy and time to be at consistent with my medication as possible) and any given form of which I have no idea in regards to whether my father still takes it.

Speaking of medication, my father's paternal grandfather—whom took medication for his own Depression—did not have medication work for him, and he subsequently took his own life as a result of ultimately-medication-resistant Depression. That, too, would've helped to know, especially when the bubbe meise about him dying of Black Lung was pulled together from three facts that were quite the opposite of the facts of his too-late-to-abort suicide attempt:

1. An Anthony Czarnecki was born in October 1908 and died in 1972—and my father claimed that his grandfather died when he was 12. That Anthony Czarnecki died in a fire in Philadelphia, in contrast to the Anthony Czarnecki whom was actually born in October 1904 and jumped off of Exeter's long-since torn-down Falls River Bridge in December 1964.
2. He did have Black Lung as a result of being a miner and did actually immigrate from Poland. However, he as a pogrom survivor came over here with his parents, and his brothers Bernard "Bernie" (whom was subsequently exploited by my great-granduncles John and Joe), Joseph "Susi" (whom my granduncle Tony, z"l, understandably described as an "SOB"), and Edward "Ed" Czarnecki (whom subsequently served at Fort Knox when my grandfather served down there in the days of mandatory service) served in World War Two. In other words, the bubbe meise about a lone immigrant from Poland whom became a miner, served in Korea, and died of Black Lung obscured a darker story and helped my try to father steal valor from Great-Granduncles Bernie (whom died in 1963) and Ed (whom served stateside during Vietnam and prior to the draft, and probably Korea). Thus, not ever occurring to me was that a child survivor of the pogroms and an Anusi felt the ultimately-fatal weight of his being an Anusi and other matters in his life (including his brother Bernie's death from a Schizophrenia-caused coronary occlusion after years of suffering either a botched shrapnel-removal operation or a lobotomy, and his brother Susi's exploitation of a fellow veteran—and one whose botched shrapnel-removal operation or a lobotomy left him a child-like and easily-exploitable state for the rest of his 43 years.)
3. If Anthony Czarnecki wasn't the grandfather whom apparently died when my father was 12, then it would've been his grandfather Michael Gaydos. After all, a Michael Gaydos whom was born in 1891 did die in 1972. Of course, it wasn't the 1904-born Anthony Czarnecki whom died in 1972, and it wasn't actually Michael Gaydos, either—Great-Granddad Gaydos died of a heart attack when my father was 15.

Only a copy of Great-Granddad Czarnecki's death certificate that a maternal cousin of my father sent me cleared up that matter for me—and my father's excuses that I was too young to know before did not help my father, either, as he just added insult (his excuse) to injury (his bubbe meise). My mother's excuse that it was up to him and not her to tell me also didn't help, as she once again went along with my father's secrecy.

By the way, Depression also killed my paternal grandmother's granduncles Frank, Sr. Fosko and Andrȧs "Alexander" Foczko, as well as—despite the denials of some of my family in spite of the statistical evidence—her grandfather Istvȧn Foczko—whom died young and had seven children, with six of them being sons, and with 2/7 of his children and of his sons taking their own lives.

As for five of her maternal aunts and uncles, they had Alzheimer's and other forms of Dementia—and Alzheimer's and Dementia are linked to Depression.

Do the math, and you will figure out why knowing that I inherited Depression (as well as comorbid OCD/Anxiety and ADD that only exacerbate the Depression) from my father would've helped long before I was in Sheppard Pratt and long after I was in Sheppard Pratt, and long after I maybe wouldn't have been in Sheppard Pratt had I known about that the mental illnesses that I have and set on as a result of my father's abuse, the fallout of 9/11, and other factors came from that same father whom abused me partly by hiding that he has those mental illnesses. 

Small Puppies, Big Accidents

That Reilly might have OCD/Anxiety is rough enough on "Momma", especially since "Momma" has OCD/Anxiety that flares up on days like yesterday and today. To hear that "Mimi" accidentally kicked Camille under the chin flares up "Auntie Nicole"'s own OCD/Anxiety, and to hear "Mimi" describe it as her "accidentally kick[ing] Cam in the throat" really flares up "Auntie Nicole"'s OCD/Anxiety!

When "Mimi" described what actually happened, "Auntie Nicole" felt a little more relieved. Nonetheless, she's still worried about Camille's throat in the long term, despite that Camille seems fine so far. Besides, "Mimi"/"Auntie Michelle" could've simply described what happened in the first place as that:

1. Camille (who's a small adult puppy whom tends to blend in with the kitchen floor, anyway) was behind her when she was getting Reilly a treat.
2. She either lifted her foot up or moved it back to walk backward.
3. Her heel landed under Camille's chin.
4. Camille understandably (as "Auntie Nicole" heard) squealed. 

"Mimi" obviously apologized to Camille, all while worried "Auntie Nicole" kept wanting to make sure that Cam is okay.

"Minimal Brain Damage" & "A Touch Of OCD": aka, Some Ridiculous Statements That Mom Made This Morning

1. "Everyone has MBD—"Minimal Brain Damage."
2. "Everyone has a touch of OCD."
3. "Nobody comes out with a perfect brain."

"They say..."

Who's "they", by the way? I think that I asked Mom, and she didn't tell me. Statistically, meanwhile, she can't even back up her argument:

"Prevalence Of Mental Illness

• Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S.—43.8 million, or 18.5%—experiences mental illness in a given year.1 
• Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S.—9.8 million, or 4.0%—experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities.2
• Approximately 1 in 5 youth aged 13–18 (21.4%) experiences a severe mental disorder at some point during their life. For children aged 8–15, the estimate is 13%.3
• 1.1% of adults in the U.S. live with schizophrenia.4
• 2.6% of adults in the U.S. live with bipolar disorder.5
• 6.9% of adults in the U.S.—16 million—had at least one major depressive episode in the past year.6
• 18.1% of adults in the U.S. experienced an anxiety disorder such as posttraumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and specific phobias.7
• Among the 20.2 million adults in the U.S. who experienced a substance use disorder, 50.5%—10.2 million adults—had a co-occurring mental illness.8"

Also see the 2017 MentalHealthAmerica.net Report and USAToday's May 2017 Report on the CDC's Statistics.

Incidentally, I think that Mom has OCD to which she won't admit—which entails a long explanation and might explain why she makes the kinds of statements that she made this morning.