No...You Think, Alec Baldwin?

Blaming other people for your verbal and other abuse only damages your daughter more, by the way:

"'It’s thrown in your face every day. There are people who admonish me, or attack me, and use that as a constant spearhead to do that. It’s a scab that never heals cause it’s being picked at all the time by other people. My daughter, that’s hurt her in a permanent way.'”

Of course verbal-abuse and other-abuse survivors (and others whom were affected, such as primary and secondary witnesses) never forget—we may forgive, though it may take a long time and we may relapse into unforgiveness; and we may not hold grudges (which is what "forgive and forget" really means*, although part of relapsing into unforgiveness includes relapsing into holding grudges); but what we won't forget, even when specific instances are far enough in the back of our minds, in our subconsciouses, or repressed altogether and in the inaccessible parts of our memories.


*It's as when God says that He'll "remember [our] sins no more" and that love "keeps no record of wrongs"—in other words, He won't hold what we did against us; but He doesn't forget what we did.

Though I Forgive And Don't Begrudge, I Don't Forget

I'd be absolutely foolish to let my guard down and pretend that someone didn't wrong me when he or she did wrong me, especially when he or she comes back to slander and/or libel me about what he or she said and/or did. In fact, as I've come to know because of how I was abused during my childhood, one's placement of blame on his or her victim of slander and/or libel is abuse on top of abuse—that kind of abuse is known as verbal abuse and/or emotional/mental abuse:

• Verbal Abuse occurs when one person uses words and body language to inappropriately criticize another person. Verbal abuse often involves 'putdowns' and name-calling intended to make the victim feel they are not worthy of love or respect, and that they do not have ability or talent. If the victim speaks up against these statements, they are often told that the criticisms were "just a joke", and that it is their own problem that they do not find the joke funny. They may also be told that no abuse is happening; that it is "all in their head". Verbal abuse is dangerous because it is often not easily recognized as abuse, and therefore it can go on for extended periods, causing severe damage to victim's self-esteem and self-worth. Damaged victims may fail to take advantage of opportunities that would enrich their lives because they come to believe they are not worthy of those opportunities.

• Psychological Abuse (also known as mental abuse or emotional abuse) occurs when one person controls information available to another person so as to manipulate that person's sense of reality; what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. For example, [a form of the most-extreme kinds of] psychological abuse [occurs] when a pedophile tells a child victim that [he or] she caused the pedophile to abuse [him or] her because [he or] she is a 'slut' who 'tempted' the pedophile. Psychological abuse often contains strong emotionally manipulative content designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser's wishes. It may be emotional abuse in this sense when it is designed to cause emotional pain to victims or to “mess with their heads” in attempts to gain compliance and counter any resistance. Alternatively, psychological abuse may occur when one victim is forced to watch another be abused in some fashion (verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually). Like verbal abuse, psychological abuse is often not recognized as abuse early on and can result in serious sequela (psychological after effects) later on.

You'd be foolish to think that I won't call you out on it or take other actions of admonishment regarding you, and I have even reported threats of violence on Twitter to both Twitter and the authorities. Imagine, then, what actions of admonishment I'd take offline if I'm willing to report threats that are seemingly small because they are online—for example, I'd threaten to sue you if I had to do so, whether I'd get a pro-bono lawyer or ask the court to make you pay legal costs and any necessary damage payments. By the way, ask a few people whom I had to threaten with legal action for their clear violation of the ADA—once I threatened the action and reaffirmed my threat, they suddenly decided to make the accommodation which they needed to make.

In conclusion, I remind you that "forgive and forget" means "forgive and don't begrudge"—not "forgive and pretend that it never happened".

Forgiveness And Compassion...

Jesus even said to love our enemies. And I have a hard time with that as well, and I nonetheless have a choice: I can either forgive or I can be left unforgiven by God. I can either have compassion or be left without God's compassion.

Even Corrie ten Boom had a hard time with forgiveness [She also mentions this incident in The Hiding Place]:

“Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’

“And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?

“But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.

“ ‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me.

“ ‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’

“And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?

“It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

“For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’

“I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.

“And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’

“And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

“ ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’

“For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then”

This is not to say, by the way, that I don't think that the Ex Nazi should not have turned himself in to the International Criminal Court or whoever else, since he should have turned himself in if he was fully and/or truly sorry. After all, on a way-lesser and -different level, Achan ben Karmi took the punishment for his own sin. Why, therefore, couldn't the Ex Nazi who had attempted to murder Corrie ten Boom and murdered others take the punishment for his own sin?

In terms of compassion, we have to remember that (for example) not all who speak incorrigibly are being malicious. In terms of Robin Williams' suicide, for example, Rosanne Barr was in denial (She later deleted her denial-filled tweets.), and Shepard Smith and a Facebook friend of mine either do not understand depression and suicidal tendencies or even have experiences with suicides their lives and have opened-up wounds:

"Those who were able to forgive their....enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the...scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that."

Also, again:

 The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’

Furthermore:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

So What Does Forgiveness Do?

Besides what was already mentioned (and forgive me if I repeat myself), forgiveness:

1. Sometimes makes you even forget what the person who offended you did in the first place.
2. May not make you forget what the person who offended you did in the first place, but it may make you realize that what the person did in the first place is not worth holding a grudge over or actually even that bad. This doesn't mean that the person is right for what he or she did—in fact, he or she may be (at best) completely misguided in what he or she did (and may even continue to be doing), and even (at worst) deliberately wanting to be blind to what he or she did (and may even continue to be doing). Also, what did Jesus say? "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (I don't have the reference right in front of me, by the way...it's Luke 23:34a. I was darned close—I thought that it was Luke 23:24 or something like that.).
3. Make you the better person in that moment. "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”" (Luke 17:3-5) 
4. Make you realize how much you need to be forgiven and hypocritically fall or fall back into unforgiveness. "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who arespiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." (Galatians 6:1)

After all, Rabbi Jesus warned, "But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison." (Matthew 5:22-25)

Therefore, especially if you're Jewish like me—especially if you are Non Messianic and still under the Old Covenant—, for you to fast on Yom Kippur (which is on or around October 3, 2014, depending on which calendar you observe) would be quite hypocritical and pointless, for you will not be forgiven despite that you are שומר או שומרת הצום של כיפור.

Unforgiveness Hurts...

"Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart; thou shalt surely rebuke thy neighbour, and not bear sin because of him. Thou shalt not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD. "

(Leviticus 19:17-18, JPS)

Sometimes, people show how far they can go with unforgiveness. Oh well; it's still worth the risk of seeing if they forgive you & forgiving them for not forgiving you. Now, are most people going to agree with Jesus' words on this? Absolutely not! In fact, I know that some of the people who have left me unforgiven vehemently disagree with Jesus, but they would at least came to agree with the passage from Leviticus—they some apparently do not. 

Nonetheless, what did Jesus—despite what he was, whether or not he was the Messiah or just a great rabbi—say?

"“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5:43-48, NKJV)

Meanwhile, what about me? Is there unforgiveness in me? Sure, and I know that I won't be forgiven until I forgive—and even if I'm not forgiven for my faults, I have to forgive others for theirs (including for not forgiving me). Again, what did Jesus say?

• "And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plankis in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:35)

• "And when He had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”" (John 20:22-23)

As my mom said, by the way, only those who have and/or trust in the Holy Spirit can truly forgive.

• "Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37c)

• "“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15)

Again, there is unforgiveness in me; and I won't be forgiven until I forgive, even if I'm actually not forgiven in the end. But why is this there unforgiveness in me? Am I not a believer? I'm a believer, and one who is both:

• Left unforgiven for my faults by some people (and I am being generous and forgiving by not naming names, at least this time if I've ever named you—you know who you are, and may what I am able to write here convict you of your unforgiveness)

and

• Blamed for and left unforgiven for sins that I didn't even actually commit. For example, I was abused as a kid and blamed for things that I did not do and called a sinner for righteous things that I did do.

Why is this relevant? Jesus said, "[T]o whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”" (Luke 7:47b) This is why I myself have a hard time forgiving people—especially since some people might take my forgiving of them as a sign that they can hurt me again. Plus, I have Obsessive Compulsive and Generalized Anxiety Disorder; so, I'm afraid that I might take it as a sign that they can hurt me again just because I've forgiven them.

Meanwhile, here is one more word from Jesus (through his emissary Paul, whether or not you believe that Jesus spoke directly or indirectly through Paul) before I go back and conclude with one more passage from Tanakh (not counting Hadashah):

"[I]f anyone has caused grief, he has not grieved me, but all of you to some extent—not to be too severe. This punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. Therefore I urge you to reaffirm your love to him. For to this end I also wrote, that I might put you to the test, whether you are obedient in all things. Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive. For if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence of Christ, lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices." (2 Corinthians 2:5-11)

Unforgiveness truly does hurt. As stated, "This punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow."

In conclusion, I urge you to think about the following passage and watch the video that follows it:

"Didst thou not just now cry unto Me: 'My father, Thou art the friend of my youth. Will He bear grudge for ever? Will He keep it to the end?' Behold, thou hast spoken, but hast done evil things, and hast had thy way...

"Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the LORD thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every leafy tree, and ye have not hearkened to My voice, saith the LORD. Return, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am a lord unto you, and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion; and I will give you shepherds according to My heart, who shall feed you with knowledge and understanding. " (Jeremiah 3:4-5, 13-15, JPS)

"Forgiving Maximo Rothman"...

I quietly wondered (and not-so-quietly wonder) if Forgiving Maximo Rothman has anything about Pepi and Zoli in it (and maybe, if I'm blessed, other family members--besides other Rusznaks, not to mention Miklos and Sandor). For example, look what I recently copied and saved from JewishGen (with my own note at the end):


USCHYNSKIJ, Michail 05-May-1921
Russian
In Longwy
11176
Forced Labor A3355/2/2
A3355/90/TELI-VAA
9573

USZYNSKI, Franz
Polish
In Leonberg
12720
Political A3355/3/6
A3355/90/TELI-VAA
11193

Possible relatives


Who knows? After all, Great-Granddad was Michael ("We're Russian!"), his younger brother Francis, and his mom Katarina Szuanna Uszinskyova Gadjoszova. That reminds me, meanwhile, that I have to get back to writing down my family story (though can I really, as I'm learning new-to-me facts, etc. every or almost every day?).