Speaking Of the Tone That I Used In My Last Video...

I'm reminded of what conservative African Americans and Jews for Jesus have in common. For example:

1. Both conservative African Americans and Jews for Jesus are told that they are no longer or never were part of their respective ethnic groups.
2. If we're not told that we are no longer or never were part of our respective ethnic groups, we're called all kinds of horrible names. For example, Jews for Jesus like me are called (among other epithets) apostate soul stealers and self-hating Jews who are at the point at which we are trying to finish the job of Hitler and the other Nazis (Yemach shemam). As for conservative African Americans, they are called names such as "the White man's b****es" and "sellouts".
3. We have heinous lies spread about us—as if being called apostate soul stealers and Nazi-like self haters or "White man's b****es" and "sellouts" weren't being lied about enough. Among those lies are lies that claim our legacies for our persecutors' sides. In the case of conservative African Americans, they have the legacy of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., Ph.D. taken away from them. In the case of Jews for Jesus, the same happens in the opposite way—that is, Messianic Jews see our Messianic Jewish compatriots like Chosen People Ministries founder Dr. Leopold Cohn perverted into fraudulent and goyische drunkards instead of kohanim who were part of a genuine strain of Judaism (See Dr. Cohn's Wikipedia entry, for example. It doesn't even recognize him as a Hungarian Jew or an American Jew.).
4. We're threatened consistently. For example, Yad L'Achim and Jews for Judaism were created for the sole purpose of persecuting Messianic Jews and trying to dissuade people from even hearing about Messianic Judaism and the Jewish roots of Christianity. As for conservative African Americans, they have their families threatened—as I recall, Colonel and Former Representative Allen West once talked about how some young punks either came to or otherwise connected to his office and threatened his wife.

So when African Americans and Jews go against the grain of what is apparently supposed to be—since Jews are apparently not supposed to be Christians (although Christianity is a form of Essenic Judaism), and African Americans are apparently not supposed to be like Colonel and Former Respresentative Allen West, Dr. Bill Cosby, Reverend Martin Luther King, Ph.D.; and Former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, Ph.D.—, we are persecuted in every way from being called ethnic posers and self loathers, to be slandered and even threatened. 

Who Am I More To Complain Than Anyone Else; Right? Well...

Example One and Example Two might give you a clue. Also, I majored in Political Science at UMBC, and I thought that majoring in Poli. Sci. might get me picked up by someone, especially if I was already blogging, on LinkedIn, etc.. I also always heard about how UMBC grads get so hired, and even how one of Fox News' contributors (Kirsten Powers) is a UMBC grad! Either I'm the exception to the rule (since, as I recall, Megyn Kelly and Laurie Dhue are two of numerous examples of Political Science majors who have careers and have even taken off in them), or (if some articles that I've read are correct) I fell for the exceptions (since Poli. Sci. majors are among the least likely to get employed).

If you didn't read Examples One and Two, by the way, keep reading: I'll gladly add for you why being a possibly-unemployable person who went through college just to be stuck on SSI benefits and perhaps even better off in a corner drinking myself to death might be my life (and then you'll see why I might be better off in a corner drinking myself to death, although I surely as Heaven and Hell wouldn't do it):

1. I'll have gone through all the crap in my life for, at best, just the same or, obviously at worst, even worse in the end.
2. Since I'll have gone through what I've gone through for just more of the same or even worse, then (for instance) getting a ITB pump and going to physical therapy will really have been a worthless, meaningless, waste of time.
3. I'll be living as an alteh moid (read: "spinster") in my mom's house until (unless the Rapture comes) she dies (and she's in her late 50s; so, God forbid, anything could happen within 10-15 years at minimum); and I'm not going to be able to take care of her like I otherwise could if something does happen and/or she doesn't live up to or beyond 70-80 years.
4. Again, I'll be on SSI benefits. So, I won't have my own income. Besides, who is going to want to take in the disabled relative or friend who might cramp his or her style and/or inconvenience his or her life? He or she might say that he or she would be wiling to take me in, but push to shove will tell both of us quite differently (and he or she will either prove to have not known him- or her-self well enough or come to light as a lying hypocrite who doesn't want the disabled around). After all, one can ask the Delta Airlines crew who shoved the crying Marine in the back of the plane, and Texas State Senator Wendy Davis—their victims weren't even born disabled, and they were more than willing to put them out of sight or use them as open targets.
5. I won't be exalted above my enemies (including my unforgivers), and God's promises will seem to mean nothing for me. My enemies will roundly say, "Aha! We knew that, that bitch wouldn't go anywhere. We knew that we'd beat her!"—or (as the Psalms can be applied to my situation) "They also opened their mouth wide against me, And said, “Aha, aha! Our eyes have seen it.”" (Psalm 35:21) Then what will God's promises about being humble, etc. (e.g., Psalm 70:2-4, Matthew 23:12, and James 4:6-10) mean for me and in my life? My enemies will, thus, have reason to gloat.

I could go on, but I already know at least some the responses that I'm going to get:

1. "Oh, poor baby....Shut the fuck up!"
2. "You think that you have it bad? Bullshit!"
3. "You might have it bad, but some people have it worse than you!" (as if that takes my pain away. Cue Response One or something similar—e.g., "Get over yourself!" or "Suck it up!")
4. "Other people are going through things, too." (Again, as if that takes my pain away! Nonetheless, Cue Response One.)
5. "You're proving your enemies' points!" (Or, if you are my enemy, "You're proving my point!")
6. "You'll get better when you get to Heaven!" (Sure; and even if I do, have you read about David and Solomon, for example—and they got the best of both worlds?!)
7. "You can't have your cake and eat it, too, anyway." (Again, what about David and Solomon?)
8. Eye rolls
9. "By the way, if you wanted to be a voice for people who are going through crap or someone to whom they can relate them, you surely aren't that voice or that someone. Nice try, though—oh no; wait: your effort makes you look pathetic and worsening your fate at best, and adding to even others' miseries at worst."
10. Just being ignored (And Job and Jeremiah had it better. I even sometimes wish that my enemies would yell at me and say, "I hate you!" or "I hate you because...". At least Jeremiah had his enemies hate him to his face. Mine, whether I'm wrongly hated or just plain unforgiven, usually leave me to guess what I apparently or actually did and won't tell me.).

The even-sadder part is that I'm going these kinds of responses from supposed or even actual friends as well. At least Job had friends who could simply keep their mouths shut and comfort him for a while. Heck, I even got relatively-little support during my ITB Pump surgery in the end, for example. 52 likes on a post at max by one of my uncles, a couple of visits, and returned comic books from my dad, for instance—and I was on anesthesia for two consecutive days, I was throwing up from caffeine withdrawal (I couldn't even hold water down.), and I was in the hospital from July 17-August 2, 2013! I've seen and heard people get more support and well wishes for even less! 

Then people wonder why I complain, ask for prayer, etc....and add something like one of the 10 example responses above!  

If fame isn't all that it's cracked up to be, then why...

1. Do people keep becoming famous?
2. Do people who say that they hate fame either return to the spotlight once they leave it or never leave it in the first place?
3. Do people who say that they wouldn't want to be famous and/or don't like famous people continue to make people (especially famous people who they don't like) famous?

For example, why does this culture continue to create and/or endorse shows such as American Idol, The X Factor, awards shows such as the Golden Globes and Grammy Awards shows, and OWN's television programming? In addition, why do retired and done-with-Hollywood celebrities such as Garth Brooks, Michael Jordan, and Meg Ryan make comebacks all of the time? Furthermore, why are the Kardashians, Kayne West, Justin Bieber, Meryl Streep, Joan Rivers, Jennifer Lawrence, and countless other celebrities continued to be made celebrities by—for instance—being in the news in the first place, and continuing to be in the news? 


I'm not buying that fame isn't all that it's cracked up to be and/or that the price of fame isn't a great one (i.e., that the cost of fame is greater than its worth). Are you, and am I one of the few people—or maybe the only person—that doesn't buy that fame is worth less than its price?

Why I Don't Feel Like Going To Bed....

Besides that I'm a night owl—what's worth another night just knowing that:

1. I shouldn't expect to wake up anything good?
2. If I was going to wake up to anything good, I might have jinxed it by writing this blog post?
3. If I thought that I was going to jinx it and maybe didn't jinx it after all, thinking that I might be surprised and have something good happen after all might just end up jinxing it, anyway—at least eventually?

And so goes that endless vicious cycle of:

1. I'll be disappointed.
2. I'll think, "Wait a minute. Maybe I'll be surprised."
3. I'll be hopeful.
4. I'll be disappointed after all, and perhaps more than I expected.

In the end, I'll probably be disappointed. Somehow, I always am. So, my life philosophy goes:

That is, "Always expect the worst...you'll rarely be disappointed [or at least surprised]."

Hungary, the Holocaust, And the Russian Pale

As quite a few have requested, Hungary is hopefully starting to work on curbing or eradicating its Anti Semitism (for the time being. After all, (יהוה (ב''ה warned that all nations but for Israel and the remnants of every other nation would come to end.). After all (as at least some people have learned, and I think because of בני אנוסים like me), Hungary was a hub for אנוסים from the Warszawa, Radom, and Lodz Foc(z)kos to (as I found out recently) some Andreloviches (which surprised me) and the Trudnyaks (who, as an 1811 baptism record indicates, originally came from Krakow gubernia after they had already allegedly fled Jablunka in Moravia), to openly-Jewish Jews like the Rusznaks and Uszinskys (and the Uszinskys did indeed sneak out of the Russian Pale and/or Congress Poland into Saros megye—I just don't know exactly when or from where). Incidentally, I think that "Jablunka" was actually "Jablonka" in Nowy Targ—as Great-Great-Granddad Trudnyak (ז''ל) claimed to be born in Kacwin, and his wife (ז''ל) claimed to be born in Lapsze Nizne and resided in Nowa Biala before she left for New Jersey.

Even though Hungary forced all Jews to have surnames by 1787 and had nominal religious freedom by 1868, it was actually a hub for escaping openly-Jewish Jews and אנוסים. It was also a hub for those who became אנוסים in Hungary and stayed there. Even Wikipedia, for example, begrudges that the Hungarian city of Aranyida (now Zlata Idka, Slovakia) is "almost entirely Slovak in ethnicity". The begrudgement was written when the Wikipedia page, which was last edited on September 17th of 2013, was first written on September 15, 2006. So, even Wikipedia concedes that some Non-Slovakian ethnic groups reside there, and has done so since 2006—long before I knew who the Foczkos and Rusznaks really were—and that אנוסים and בני אנוסים resided in an "almost entirely Slovak" small town must really wrangle them, since (as I've learned from experience) they don't like אנוסים and בני אנוסים, or יהודים משיחיים (especially יהודים משיחיים  who are בני אנוסים).

By the way, Kacwin is "Kaczvin" or "Kacvin"; Lapsze Nizne is "Alsolapos"; Jablonka is just Jablonka, and Nowa Biala is Ujbela. As for Saros megye, that covered a broad range of Slovakia and Hungary. Also, notice that the Trudnyaks allegedly fled from Moravia in the Austrian Empire into Hungary (before it was a part of Austria Hungary), the Foczkos and Uszinskys fled in Hungary, and Michael and Anna Munkova Trudnyak (my Trudnyak great-great-grandparents) claimed to be born in Polish-Slovakian Hungarian small towns (and to be fair, Anna Munkova did reside in Nowa Biala and was named after her Levoca [Locse]-born and -baptized sister. Mihaly Trudnyak, however, was baptized in the Nagy hub of Terezvarosi, Budapest—and the Nagys were אנוסים who were far from Kacwin, and certainly not in the Austrian part of Austrian Hungary at any time!).

In conclusion, Hungary (at least for the time being) is hopefully becoming the country to whose dependencies and proper אנוסים and open Jews fled, and where quite a few אנוסים who became אנוסים stayed. 

When Tragedy Is Close To Home Or Even At Home

I was born in Baltimore, Maryland, and lived in Columbia, Maryland throughout my childhood. I still live in the Baltonapolis Area (I'm not saying where), and I can tell you that the tragedy was close to home. In fact, I was under the impression that Columbia, Maryland is the county seat of Howard County (It is not, though—Ellicot City is. Incidentally, that's how much I've been unable to get out.). I was even under the impression that Columbia, Maryland is the Wilkes Barre of Maryland (As I said,  I was under the impression that Columbia, Maryland is the county seat of Howard County.).

Who knew that Columbia, Maryland would make the news this way? My sister was angry that Julia-Louis Dreyfus called Columbia "dreary". I just thought that she doesn't know Columbia. From schools like Owen Brown and Oakland Mills, and even (quite frankly) Jeffers Hill (and I went to both Owen Brown and Oakland Mills Middle Schools, as well as Jeffers Hill Elementary), to the busstops at Howard Community College and signs in the neighborhoods (at least my childhood neighborhood), the culture of Columbia is quite evident—and "dreary" is a compliment (especially since, for example, some brats burned a bridge in my childhood neighborhood a while back. The bridge has long since been rebuilt, by the way.).

As far as I know, I didn't know the victims (of blessed memory) and I don't know their families (May they be comforted at this difficult time.). I also don't know whether I knew the shooter, and speculation is indeed vain. Nonetheless, I would not be surprised if the shooter did end up being one of my classmates—after all, one of my classmates was involved in a second-degree murder (I thought that, that kid was a brat; but I never expected him to be involved with a second-degree murder. Could it even be him who was the shooter? I doubt it, but I don't know—the last that I heard is that he'd been arrested for his part in the second-degree murder, although he wasn't the one charged with second-degree murder. Unless the Columbia Mall shooter does turn out to be him, I won't name who he is—and if you want to know, Google for his name, since that's how I found out that there was an incident that he was involved in at all.).

Another classmate, meanwhile, died of a drug overdose and left a son behind. Also meanwhile, I was once at an arraignment hearing for the at-the-time boyfriend of one of my classmates. I could talk about other incidents concerning Columbia and Columbians as well.

So, this shooting shouldn't have surprised me. It did, and it shouldn't have. Columbia, Maryland, is more than "dreary" after all—and now it's on the news as more than a "dreary" city. It's not the city that Edward Norton is (or was) proud of (and I didn't even know that Hollywood had Jim Rouse's Columbia-raised grandson in it for the longest time.). It's not the city that Aaron MacGruder is (or was) proud of (I guess. From what I recall, he was raised here—or at least raised around Howard County. For some reason, the idea that he went to Oakland Mills High School came to mind—though I could have a wrong idea.). It's not the city that Jim Rouse would be proud of, either.

Again, I can tell you that "dreary" is a compliment for Columbia, Maryland—especially after an incident like this, and an incident that should not have surprised me as at all.

Part Of Why I Just Feel Like Giving Up Quite Often

https://twitter.com/GeraldoRivera/status/426684163291226112I didn't necessarily know how to start answering the question of why I just feel like giving up quite often. Then I found a Sodahead poll that gave me a start. As I answered, life is getting worse in general. "It's a paradox. On one hand, we'll always have poor people (cf. Matthew 26:11, Mark 14:7, John 12:8). On the other, much is required from whom has much (cf. Luke 12:48). Now, nobody was poor among the Church in its early days (cf. Acts 4:32-5:11), but we're in the End Days and life is getting worse and worse (cf. Daniel 12:1, e.g.)."

Since (as the old saying goes) it's all going to Hell (quite literally, and at least for a little while, anyway—for "Heaven and earth will pass away," as Matthew 24:35a states) and there will be a new Heaven and new Earth (cf. Revelation 21:1, e.g—meaning that this age will pass away, and a new age that'll last for 1,000 years and eternity will come), just to throw in the towel (so to speak) is quite tempting. Besides, I just found out that my major may indefinitely leave me in unemployment limbo—and I obviously still don't have a job, or else I wouldn't be in unemployment limbo (well, really, non-employment limbo—since I've never been employed, so I can't have ever been unemployed). Also, as my Political Science 301 class's textbook reads, Political Science is a major for those who want to study (e.g., research in) the science of politics, not actually practice politics—and I may have majored in History or Journalism had I known that, and even Mom says that I should have majored in Computer Science or Information Systems instead of Political Science—and here, I thought that I had a major that would help me get into the news business or politics! 

Furthermore, my attempt at getting even an interview miserably has failed so far—and both times!—and on the day that I was going to improve my interview video (long story short), I was unable to make the video due to audio and other problems (e.g., a fight with my sister that did not end well—and to end that fight took a lot of time and energy). Also, being on LinkedIn has not helped.

Apparently, doing a YouTube video and utilizing social media to even seek an interview in this day and age has ironically (and/or paradoxically) backfired—here, as a friend noted, I was trying to be innovative and, in my innovation, miserably failed. In addition, Mom said that I should do it the traditional way and send out resumes, cover letters, etc..

Well, excuse me, Mom—if I could drive around to employment places and send out resumes, etc., I would. Then again, I really have no resume on which to go. In addition, being (or at least trying to be) humble and honest (as is my Christian duty) leaves me all the more in non-employment limbo. One of the criticisms that I got was that I was too personal in my interview video. Well, excuse me—what would have happened if I didn't disclose that, for instance, I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD until an interview? Either way, I'm screwed: damned if I do, and damned if I don't!

Furthermore (again with Mom not knowing what the heck she's saying), disabled people are still looked at as liabilities and scapegoats (and again, what would have happened if I didn't disclose that, for instance, I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD until an interview?). After all, Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott (who was not born disabled) was scapegoated by both Texas State Senator Wendy Russell Davis and her supporters, and (allegedly—as I read on Twitter, since I slept in late and missed "Geraldo" on WABC this morning) Geraldo Rivera—and I'd like to believe my sister that Geraldo meant "handi-CAPABLE", but (if he really said what @seaheather alleges that he said) I don't think that he meant "handi-capable". Even Geraldo Rivera apparently (and disappointingly so) goes to prove my point!

Meanwhile, I gotta go....while I'm typing this, my mom and sister are trying to justify not owing me an apology for not knowing what they're talking about when it comes to being disabled in society!