I Need An Honest Answer Here...

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I know [that he cares for me], and I'm not sure if we even 
share many interests, for example.

I'm not saying that to be mean. Even with the last two guys 
I dated (and both were bad apples), I almost had few to no things in common 
with them. Compatibility is important in my considering of a good guy. And I'm 
a divorce statistic waiting to happen if I get with the wrong guy—and I did 
that twice. I didn't marry the guys, granted, but I thought that I would.

And just imagine if I had married either one of them!...They 
were [bad, indeed].

I had to call the police on both… Both for harassment. And, as 
I figured out later, one had raped his previous girlfriend[s] (He had claimed that 
he had raped her.). The first almost hit me after we broke up…I was lucky that I was never 
physically hurt by the other one…I know [that this guy would never abuse me], and 
I'm not willing to get into another relationship unless it's with whom I know 
and am sure is the one…So, it isn't you. It's me; and I don't mean that as a 
cliche….I mean...consider this: my dad and both of his born siblings have all 
divorced and/or remarried. Same with my mom and all but two of her born 
siblings (two were not born), and my Green-Carroll great-great-grandma divorced. 
So did two Trudniak great-granduncles [Frank and Edward, and with Edward being 
divorced three times]. And I've been in two bad relationships.

And I've had to turn you and three other guys down in the 
past couple of years (including [a mutual friend]). So, I am having to be 
careful. In fact, by turning you down, I am (as I did with the other three) saving 
you heartbreak and/or a whole lot of other issues. My dad's family will be 
enough of an issue, by the way. Also add in that I have CP and a baclofen pump, 
Depression, OCD/Anxiety, ADD, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome…. And trust me when 
I say that you will thank me for turning you down. That girl [who he likes] is 
way more in your league than I am. And I mean that in a good way.

[See my blog and my Ancestry.com family tree if you want an idea of my dad's family being a issue in of themselves, by the way. You will find them at my About.me page.]

Why I Haven't Been Writing the Memoir For the Past Few Days

I have been going through a lot (as some have read in the past, and as I see that a Ms. Sandubrae tries to use against me—you are not funny; you are not cool, and you are proving to be the "snotty" person that L. Kay and one of your high-school classmates stated that you are, Mrs. Sandubrae. I continue to record visits of my blog from you and/or your followers who are trying to intimidate me. You are also only adding to the through the Hell which I'm going), and that includes being on the verge of suicide, having a cold (My immune system finally wore down—and partly due to what trouble you have caused me, Mrs. Sandubrae; and remember that my threat of prosecution is not idle. Where in the law can one read that public figures may harass and intimidate other public figures as you and your followers have done to me? Get a life and wise up, Mrs. Sandubrae, or you may well be prosecuted.).

Meanwhile, I'm figuring that I'm going to need some life-changing event (as if—and since—having an ITB Pump and being on the verge of suicide several times, for example, apparently—and evidently—doesn't count) in order for those who haven't been supporting me and praying for me to even notice what's going on my life. The event includes the choices of, but is not limited to, getting into my final relationship (I'm not getting into another relationship unless the relationship is with whom I know and am sure is the one.), having a baby (which is not going to happen until after I'm married, if I ever am able to marry), having a grandchild (like lucky Geraldo Rivera did—497 likes and 56 comments in about an hour, and six retweets with 21 favorites and 12 comments in about an hour [at last count]—and which will not happen for me anytime soon unless I adopt a kid who is expecting and/or has kids of his or her own shortly after he or she is adopted), and becoming famous (That's how I'll really get people to notice and give a **** about anything that I say, do, or go through at all.). 

By the way, as much as I forgive people, I certainly think that when bad comes to them for what they've done to me and/or others serves them rightly. For example, Liz's prophecy came true, and I was humbled (and served rightly) when it came true—and while Pop-Pop is not dead, he is certainly not alive—he's one of the deadest living men of whom I have ever heard, and he is served rightly for what he's done to his mother (z"l), his daughter, and others.

Liz told Aunt Mary (Pop-Pop's only daughter) that Pop-Pop wouldn't be alive within five years of January-February 2007—and he has pneumonia and other issues for which he is hospitalized. Indeed, "Let God be true and every man a liar"—and it frankly serves Jack Czarnecki rightly. How dare he commit second-degree murder with murder-malice intent and Social Security fraud! And how dare he affect his daughter—his only daughter!—to be driven to a suicide attempt!

Remembering When, Part Nine

Sometimes, I get too lazy to write because of—among other issues—post-baclofen-pump-surgery muscle pain (as I have discussed as part of the reason for my delay in finishing this memoir) and schoolwork (At this point, as I have been told, I will be the first of Grandma's and Pop-Pop's grandchildren to graduate from college—and I expect, or at least hope, to graduate on December 20, 2013.). So, let me take one more detour. However, let me detour on the way back to Great-Granddad Czarnecki's and Great-Grandma Czarnecki's story by giving more background about it—and while some of this background giving maybe be background regiving, it will nonetheless help you to understand the next part of the story.

 I honestly grew up even being handed that we were related to Stefan Czarniecki and that Great-Grandma Czarnecki was Lithuanian (she was a the daughter of Polish-Slovakian-Hungarian Anusim Mihaly Trudnyak [the son of Mihaly Trudnyak, Sr. and Maria Nagyova Trudnyakova] and Anna Munkova Trudnyakova [the daughter of Samuel and Rosalia Korschova Munka])! I had no clue what the real story was! I was told that Great-Granddad 

1. Came here alone (and not when he was two and escaping the pogroms as an Anusi with his Anusit mother, part of the Andrulevicus [Andrulewicz, etc.] and Morgovich [Morgiewicz, etc.] families. They came here to join his dad, who had already come here once illegally. Of course, they lived as Anusim to avoid Anti Semitism in America; and Northeastern Pennsylvania was somehow the place to do so. Of course, his cousin Jacob Androlowicz did identify as a Jewish war veteran, and he was buried in a Catholic cemetery—the Andrulevicuses were a mix of open Jews and Anusim, Non-Messianic and Messianic Jews.).
2. Married Mary Trudnak (who was actually named for her grandmother—as my aunt Mary was for her grandmothers—and not for Mary the mother of Jesus! Long story short, we have Sephardic heritage concerned somewhere; or at least we adopted a mix of Ashkenazi and Sephardi minhagim—and Grandma did name "Mary Joan" for her mother [Mary Rusnak Gaydos, whose paternal grandma was Marysia Novakova Rusznakova] and herself [Joan Gaydos Czarnecki]—and we used "Maria" and "Marysia" as variants of "Maryam". In fact, Aunt Mary was honestly the first Mary on the Czernecki/Chernetski/Czarnecki side.].)
3. Served in Korea (which he never did or could).
4. Died of Black Lung (instead of his newspaper-worthy suicide).

He did work in the coal mines, to be fair, but the Black Lung wasn't what killed him. Of course, I didn't question or research until I was much older. The Czernecki side is the side on which I'm focusing on for the memoir, meanwhile—and I've gotten relatives angry over finding all this out and talking about this, but (as Great-Grandma told Aunt Mary) I want to talk about it (and may she rest in peace—and I myself remember her as a loving, kind, frail woman—I only knew why she was so frail after she died and I talked to Aunt Mary and others—Great-Granddad and others did not treat her well for at least 73 years [She applied for a marriage license on May 10, 1934—she never got it signed. I have no clue how her parents were, but her two brothers' divorces and how she was attracted to Great-Granddad may indicate something—I can't say, though. A cousin said that they identified as Slovakian Catholics, though—they seemed okay enough, though, from what I can tell. At least they raised Great-Grandma well—Mom even recalls that, when she knew her, she had the Old Country charm—even though she was born in Ashley, Pennsylvania! And, as I said, she was a loving, kind, frail woman—she even loved me and Dad's cousin Jamie, and the disabled aren't looked upon too well in our family.).

By the way, I can say that Great-Grandma's passing and what it brought about was what really got me questioning and researching, now that I think about it.

Remembering When, Part Eight

I have to detour again to talk about the Foczko-Rusznak experience, so that you can get an idea of what my Czarnecki great-grandparents' experience was like in contrast to the Foczko-Rusznak one. By the way, Jacob Androlowicz—who will be mentioned in the following anecdote—was an Andrulevicus (Andrulewicz) cousin of Great-Granddad Czarnecki—remember that Great-Granddad Czarnecki's mother was Alexandria Alice Andrulewicz Czarnecki.

Tablet Magazine recently asked, "Have you or your relatives served in the military? What were your/their experiences serving as Jews?" I answered, "Yes, my relatives did serve. Only one identified as a Jew. We were Anusim—some of us even became Messianic, although we still hid our Jewishness—and the only one who had חוצפה טובה [hutzpah tovah] to identify as Jewish was Jacob Androlowicz. However, one (Staff Sergeant Andy Rusnak, z"l) chose to get cremated and have his ashes interred at his parents' gravesite—he also had a memorial service, and no viewing—he must've felt guilty that his elder sister (my dad's maternal grandma) was responsible for sending our relatives to Auschwitz (It's a long story that makes me want to vomit and still be angry at her.), and that he felt that he couldn't do anything to save his cousins."

I already discussed the awful Foczko-Rusznak debacle in which Great-Grandma Gaydos and her dad entangled us by refusing to write to relatives who asked for help. I should add, incidentally, that a cousin who did survive also got himself cremated when he died in 2006—he felt guilty about surviving. Again, I do not blame Great-Grandma's brothers or the other Foczkos for what she, as a Foczko Rusznak, did—and since her dad was a Rusznak, the responsibility fell on him as a Rusznak to help fellow Rusznaks. The Foczkos were in hiding or somewhere else by then (as, and as you will see below, there is a notable gap between the birth of Jozef Foczko to his Hanzok cousin Aurelia. Also, according to Cemetery.sk, a Jozsef Focko died on September 26, 1941—and you can bet that he did not just die.). Furthermore, a Novak cousin—Leopold Novak—was left abandoned in a mine in which he died in 1936—so, Anti Semitism was touching the Foczko and Rusznak families even before the Nazis invaded Czechoslovakian and Hungarian Slovakia. 

By the way, the translation of Leopold Novak's death cause—according to Google Translate—is as follows—and the cause is listed as "Zasypaný hlinou pri práci v opustenom kameňolome v Zlatej Idke.":

"Peppered with dirt while working in an abandoned quarry in Zlatá Idka."

"Peppered" can also read "Buried", "Buried in", "Off buried", or "Strewn". "[W]ith dirt", meanwhile, can read "the clay"or "with clay". So, the idea is that Leopold was attacked then left abandoned in the mine quarry.

As for Great-Granddad and Great-Grandma Czarnecki, meanwhile and while you are asking, I will get back to their story in the next chapter—I apologize for having to continue to detour like this.

Wilson, E-mail Me...

You and I may just be on the same brainwave.

   

Wilson, North Carolina arrived from bing.com on "The Nicole Factor: Nehemia_Gordon" by searching for NEHEMIAH GORDAN ANTI CHRIST.

19:44:33 -- 2 hours 29 mins ag

My "PS" Status For October 28, 2013 (Cheshvan 22, 5773) at 1:37:57 AM EDT

I definitely went insane in describing how badly I need G-d to send me someone, my experience as a disabled Levite, &c.. I deservedly got a status unshared for that one, and I apologize for that. Meanwhile, to be fair, though, it does show you how serious the implications are considering that the disabled among my ancestors could not serve in the Temple (cf. Leviticus 21:17-24; and remember that Rosalia Dudayova Nagyova was a kohenet, and Johanna Hanzokova Foczkova was one if Helena Lazarova Hanzokova was one and perhaps a descendant of Ele'azar ben Aharon).

Also, consider how Avraham and Ya'akov—men who looked to the coming of the Messiah (quite technically, among the first Christians)—cheated on their non-disabled wives (Sarah and Leah, respectively. Avraham cheated on Sarah with Hagar, for example; and look who took three wives besides Le'ah instead of having the grace to annul his marriage to or divorce Le'ah when he realized that they were both tricked into taking each other instead of him being given Rachel. And none of those women were disabled—yet Abraham and Jacob cheated on them; and I'm descended from Leah's son Levi, and the Messiah made Himself to be descended from Levi and his brother Yehudah, but that doesn't make what avi Ya'akov did right.).

Do I feel encouraged, then? Not at all! I even asked another friend, when he said "I believe God will help you find that man that will be with you for the rest of your life.", "what if "the rest of [my] life" entail until he cheats on me for a younger, more-able woman and I commit suicide?"

In other words, I apologize for going insane and still hold that desperately needing prayer for G-d to send me someone isn't just smack talk with which I'm playing around—it has a lot of implications from me as a disabled Levite who's descended from at least one kohenet and can't guarantee that a Christian (including any given Messianic Jewish) man wouldn't cheat on her for even a younger, more-able woman, either.

Toby Keith Is Probably Jewish? Also, Steve Azar Is Persian...

This was also noted on Wikipedia. As for Toby Keith, there's a possibility that he might be Mr. Self Hating (who's talking now, "Big Dog Daddy"?!). If he is Jewish, he had better watch out and reconsider his career choice—after all, God doesn't like those who won't take a moment to pause and remember His (if not also their own) people on יום השואה. For the schmuck to accept an award from a group which refused to remember Holocaust victims and survivors speaks volumes about him in any case, nonetheless.

Here's what Wikipedia (of all sources and in case you didn't click on "there's...Hating") notes:

His family name, "Covel", is a British "variant spelling of Covell"^[52] and means "habitual wearer of a cloak or perhaps a metonymic occupational name for a cloak maker."^[53]. If, however, the name was originally "Kovel", it is an Americanized spelling of a "Germanized spelling of Slavic Koval."^[54] If this is the case, then "Covel" was originally "Ukrainian, Belorussian, Czech dialect, and Jewish (eastern Ashkenazic), [and was an] occupational name for a blacksmith, from the vocabulary word koval." ^[55].

Whether Keith is perhaps even Jewish is unclear. However, his family tree does not go beyond 1849 on WARGS.com ^[56] or the 1700s on Ancestry.com^[57], and Tracey R. Rich of JewFAQ notes that a Jew or a gentile of Jewish descent is "not likely to simply log onto Ancestry (or even JewishGen) and find a comprehensive tree listing [his or her] family back 300 years, as some gentiles do."^[58] If Toby Keith is Jewish, he would be the second widely-known country singer of Jewish descent (The first would be Kinky Friedman.).

Now songs like "Drinks After Work" really don't look כשר, do they, Mr. Schicker? By the way, forgive that I'm a little upset that two fellow possible Jews:

1. Had no problem going into a possibly-Anti-Semitic industry (Google "Jewish country singers", and you'll find that there are few Jewish country singers—plus, the related search "Jewish country music" shows a lot of discouragement and hesitancy on the part of Jews to be involved in country music in the first place, let alone identify as Jews when they are. PS ברוך יהוה that He rescued me from wanting to be a country singer, even before I even suspected that I am Jewish—now I know at least part of why He waited for me to find out that I am Jewish: he wanted me to jump off of the sinking country-music-industry ship first.).
2. Have treated me like crap for commenting that one of them was riding on her dad's coattails—and if they are Jewish, they'd better feel guilt about treating a fellow Jew like crap.
3. Have treated others besides me like crap—especially if they are Jewish, since they should've been treating their neighbor (including the stranger) with אהבה in the first place.

By the way, I found out that I'm Jewish when I was a kid (before I was 20 years of age—and keep in mind that the age of accountability varies from 12-20 years of age in most cases [See the endnote when you click on this entry.]), and Toby and Krystal have had had more time, resources, and knowledge to figure out if they are—and keep that in mind if that they are Jewish happens to be the case, and think about what that says about them! Also, if that they are Jewish and even knew that they are turns out to be the case, then think about what that really says about them—and a lot of other Jews (especially current and former Jewish country-music fans) would rightly be angry at them, especially since we've had few to no people (Jewish and gentile alike) blessing Israel within the country music industry.