Remembering When, Part One

Scrapping my old family-history memoir and writing a new one, I begin with the following conversation that I had with an acquaintance. I begin with this particular conversation because it'll help you understand why Alan Jackson's "Remember When" is really my Czarnecki great-grandparents' story, and their story is (if you will) the linchpin story in my family story—that is, the story that connects the other one and really makes up my family history. Of course, I'm well aware that almost everyone (as can be seen on the YouTube version of "Remember When") could, would, or even did say that this is their story, or their relative's story, or whoever else's story. Nonetheless, you would see that (as I saw that) "Remember When" was written almost as if Alan Jackson knew my family story well before I did and even continued to probe into my family history to complete the song.

For copyright reasons (and, incidentally, part of which adds to my disdain for Ann Stuart and the Copyright Act of 1708-1710), I cannot get into a breakdown of the lyrics. However, you will be able to break down the lyrics for yourself and find my Czarnecki great-grandparents' story in them when you read their story (and, incidentally again, I guess that Ms. Stuart forgot the wisdom of another monarch—an ancient Jewish monarch by the name of Shlomo ben David—to whom I may be related, as you will find out, by the way. Also, "the wisdom of...Shlomo ben David" is actually the wisdom of Yehovah [Blessed be He.]—and I will make clear throughout that I—as many of my relatives did and do—believe that the Bible is the inerrant, infallible God in written form Himself.).

Meanwhile, here is the conversation that started the rewriting of this memoir (and it heavily indicates that my Messianic Jewish beliefs define who I am, how I view my family history, and every other factor in my life and background):

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

Ever been in the states?

10/4, 2:02am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Oh yes.

I'm still in them.

I was born in the Diaspora.

I plan to make aliyah as soon as Netanyahu and Likud find their government collapsed on themselves.

10/4, 2:03am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

Whr is that?

10/4, 2:04am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Netanyahu and his government don't allow Messianic or Patrilineal Jews to make aliyah as Jews.

We have to call ourselves gentiles of Jewish descent or convert, and I won't do either.

10/4, 2:05am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

oh i have to google this.

10/4, 2:05am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

They even let Yad L'Achim infiltrate the Interior and Foreign Affairs Ministries.

Good idea.

I had to learn a lot by Googling and following the news, etc. myself.

I even had no clue that my dad is Jewish.

10/4, 2:06am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

Well if your in new york holla at me. Wow yr dad??

10/4, 2:07am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Yep. He still gets mad at me for finding out. When I told him that, e.g., his paternal grandmother (Mary Trudniak Czarnecki)'s dad's maternal family (the Nagys) converted because of Anti Semitism, etc., he was like, "I don't want to go there." and "You can't ascribe motives to" why they converted.

10/4, 2:08am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Also, for years, this is the story that I got...

10/4, 2:08am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

Wow girl i feel for ya!!!

10/4, 2:09am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Anthony Czarnecki, a relative or even descendant of Polish-Lithuanian szlachta Stefan Czarniecki, comes over here as an adult and marries Mary Trudniak. He serves in Korea, and--after working in the coal mines for years--dies of Black Lung in 1972.

I feel more for them. They miss the richness of our real story by denying it.

Real story, beginning with Tony (as they called him)...

10/4, 2:10am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

hhmmmm allot of rich history; shouldbe made into a book.

10/4, 2:11am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

I tried to do that for a while, actually. Once I can put more of the story together (Oy vey!), I'll pick up writing it down back up.

10/4, 2:12am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

So go back into it might even turn out to be a movie!!

10/4, 2:13am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

It could be. I have thought about that.

Especially since my last Fosko-Rusnak great-granduncle (of blessed memory) just died.

10/4, 2:14am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

Don't waste time, move with the spirit and put ypu heart and soul into it. You have a gold mind here!!! What you waiting for??

your

10/4, 2:15am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Point taken. You're right.

I gotta figure out where to get started.

10/4, 2:16am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Anyway, beginning with Tony: a Czernecki boy was born in Cuman, Poland (Tsuman, Ukraine) to a Jewess from the Andrulevicus (Andrulewicz, etc.) family on October 24, 1904. The Jewess, Aleksjondria Andrulewiczowna Czernecka was en route to or from visiting a cousin, Vil'gel'm Andrulevich, in Buzhanka, Zvenigorodka (Buzhanka, Cherkas'ka) when she gave birth. Then came the pogroms, and Aleksjondria and her husband, Julian Jan "Feliks" Czernecki (whose birth names are actually unknown), converted themselves and their son "Antoni Jan" (as he became). Needless to say, their families were pissed and done with them...

10/4, 2:17am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

Start where it hurts!! Im a filmaker.We have a thing we say in the field the first 10 minutes should be shocking to the viewer.

10/4, 2:18am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

They joined other Crypto-Jewish family over in America. As my granduncle Tony put it (and I love that he wrote this, not knowing that I suspected that we are Jews):

I don't know who came with the group to America. It seems that there were only a few family members and friends. These people mostly settled in NE PA. Your Great Grandfather had a few cousins living within 50 miles of Wilkes-Barre but none that were mentioned living in Patterson, NJ. The Patterson family may have, in fact, moved to PA at or after the same time as them. There were several "friends" in Sugar Notch and the area that would periodically return to Lisco Poland to visit family and mail was occasionally received by them from family in Poland. One of the friends who lived in Sugar Notch would bring pictures of Great Grandpop's family to share with him. Since he left at a young age, he didn't recognize anyone but as I recall they all had names of the people in the pictures on the back.

The move from Poland was permanent. There was never any talk of returning. Not even for a visit. After moving to Sugar Notch the family flourished economically. Julian & Alexandria eventually owned houses at 203, 205, and 207 Freed Street. They lived in 207 and sold 205 to Son, Joseph and 203 to Son, Anthony(great grandpop). All the boys worked at first in coal mine related jobs.

I never seen nor did anyone mention anything special brought from Poland. A friend from Sugar Notch, Mrs. Bertha Wawrzyn, visited Poland every few years to see her family and would visit the family while there. All she ever brought back were photos that she took of the Polish Czarnecki's (see earlier comments).

There was very little discussion of the Polish life and family. Usually, when there was, it was a brief mention of the farm that was left behind. There did not seem to be any regrets about leaving for a better life. After all , they settled among Polish, Slavic, Hungarian, Lithuanian, and Ukrainian people just like themselves. Similar language, similar customs, similar faces, houses, churches, etc. But life was much better than on the farm. They were quite happy in America and much better off. The motherland, Poland, was far off and just a memory, not to be forgotten but no regrets for leaving either.

Periodically a church pastor would run a heritage trip back to Poland for a group. Very few of those who immigrated would return. Occasionally someone "in the family" in America would join a relative for the return trip, Usually meeting the Polish or Slovak relatives for the first time and occasionally maintaining a letter writing relationship afterwards. This DID NOT happen in our family.

There was not very much correspondence with the Polish family. Only an infrequent letter. There were no exchanges other than through the Polish Church which would have clothing drives and send clothes to Poland in general, but not to specific family members. Bertha's photos which came after the trips were the only contact until they asked for the deed to be changed in the mid 1960's.

10/4, 2:19am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

That's only part of the e-mail. But we didn't write and they didn't write. Once the Holocaust was over and they made aliyah, they wrote to us only to ask for the farm back. Otherwise, all contact was done through Bertha.

To them, they wanted nothing to do with us. We were minim (heretics), koferim (apostates), and meshumadim (baptized koferim).

10/4, 2:20am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

yes a book!!

10/4, 2:21am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Will do, and thanks for the encouragement.

10/4, 2:21am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

anytime!

10/4, 2:21am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Meanwhile, both the Foskos (Foc(z)kos and Rus(z)n(y)aks) were Levites.

10/4, 2:22am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

yea?

10/4, 2:23am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

The great-granduncle was Staff Sgt. Andrew Lewis ("Levi's"?) Rusnak (I just realized that. I think that he changed it to "Louis".).

That's a long story, too.

So, Grandma's a Maternal Levite, and I have no clue what Pop-Pop is.

All I know is that Dad is a Maternal Levite, maybe of kohen descent.

10/4, 2:24am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

Wow i want to chat wit u in vid sometime we talk more deeply about this.

10/4, 2:25am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

The kohenim would be the Dudays ("Dudaj" or "Duday" means "horn" in Hungarian and could allude to shofars.).

Ok. That'd be cool. And thank you for listening to my story, by the way.

10/4, 2:26am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

anytime babe

10/4, 2:27am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

Thanks.

Have a good night, and thank you again.

10/4, 2:27am

[Acquaintance—Identity Protected]

you to lets talk again around sun if its good 4 u?

10/4, 2:53am

Nicole Maratovah Czarnecki

That'd be great.

(By the way, I have a Facebook page and a separate Facebook account for my public work and other public activities—I urge family to reach out to me on my private account. Also, good luck to the family who want to sue me—nothing that I have stated is untrue or even uninferable; you did not copyright our family history or the pictures that you provided, and I am as much a part of our family or families as you are. As Dad, of all people, told Pop-Pop, "You can't change history".)

Response to John Kingdon’s "Agendas", Chapter One (Originally A Short Paper For Class)

As far as I am concerned, John Kingdon raises many factors. For one matter, he raises the parallels between Presidents Jimmy Carter and President Barack Obama—each of whom has been called “the worst president in [United States] history”. For another matter, he raises the question of why the federal government ultimately should count at all—that is, he provokes me to ask, “Why, for example, do we not have a top-down government? Did that not work under President Ronald Reagan? What was the Army Corps of Engineers doing by repairing the Lock and Dam 26 at the Mississippi River in Alton, Illinois, anyway? Should not the residents of Alton be willing to do that? After all, World War Two vets and others were willing to (if you will) raise Hell to get the World War Two Memorial open in Washington, D.C.. I even tweeted that the Obama Administration ought to let the veterans and other volunteers maintain the World War Two Memorial; so, I would apply the same logic to the Lock and Dam 26 at Alton.”

Also, mental health was not even discussed by the government until a localized, New York City reporter at ABC News stole a key to expose the New York State-run institution of Willowbrook (page 15). For mental health to be discussed at more than at 5% rate by even 257 people in the federal government, a city-bound lawyer turned journalist had to be the voice for horribly-underrepresented, mentally- and physically-disadvantaged constituents in Staten Island. Even then, the second hub for the federal government after Washington, D.C. (New York) was really disregarded until one of its denizens, the lawyer-turned-journalist denizen, became a voice for other denizens. That journalist, by the way, caused a ripple effect and did more in terms of policy for the disabled altogether than even 237 federal health and transportation workers could do or wanted to do. Thanks to that journalist, the impetus for writing and implementation of policies such as HIPPA and the Americans With Disabilities Act came about.

Speaking of localized denizens and top-down government, the Carter and Obama presidencies did indeed influence local movements to spring up. With Carter, the Reagan Republicans mobilized the winning votes for the 1980 Presidential Elections. With Obama, the Tea Party gave the U.S. House of Representatives back to the Republicans.

Both presidencies also involved the “Lion of the Senate”, the now-late Edward “Ted” Kennedy. Both times, Senator Kennedy pushed for healthcare reform, succeeding in his goals with his affects on Obamacare—whereas compromise was involved with involved in his pushes for healthcare reform during the Carter administration.

This does not mean that the Carter, Obama, and Kennedy healthcare reforms were good, though—they were actually deforms. They also contributed to hazardous economic effects, including uncertainties that birthed gas-station lines for Carter and a to-be debt-ceiling default for Obama during his government shutdown—which, by the way, should have been an opportunity for a lesson from the late Senator Kennedy for President Obama. The question, therefore, remains thus: ““Why, for example, do we not have a top-down government?”

“Top-down” obviously means devolution, deregulation, and faith-based initiatives as President Reagan and President Bush 43 promoted. I have argued that the government would not be involved if the communities were. President Reagan and President Bush 43 gave this a chance to happen by involving, for example, the faith-based initiatives and top-down (“trickle-down”) economics. Lessons were clearly taken from Reagan and Bush when the government attempted to block off the World War Memorial, and the community of World War Two veterans and United States military supporters stood up and told the government to reopen the memorial. The lessons summed up to that the government will either be uninvolved or even back off if “we the people” will truly be a “government for the people by the people”.

In conclusion, Presidents Carter, Reagan, Bush 43, and Obama along with Senator Kennedy taught movements such as the Reagan Republicans, the Tea Party, and the World War Two Memorial reopeners how to get involved and mobilize for top-down devolution, deregulation, and capitalistic economics—so that such as Presidents Carter and Obama might truly back off and perhaps even reverse their disasters or at least compromise on them (like the late Senator Edward Kennedy compromised on Carter healthcare, although he did not think that he had to do so on ObamaCare—and, boy, was he proven wrong when the Tea Party sprung up and mobilized; and he would hopefully see that he was all the more wrong now that the U.S. is ~$17 Trillion dollars in debt, close to falling, and angering many of its veterans). They—including Senator Kennedy in their group—should have, of course, learned from a local New York lawyer-turned journalist at Willowbrook in Staten Island—who affected at least some other 5% of the 237 federal health and transportation workers to change their tone on mental (and even physical) health really quickly.

Perhaps they can take these lessons and apply them the next time that a lock and dam—perhaps the one at the Mississippi River in Alton, Illinois—breaks—in other words, let the residents at and near the dam site fix the lock and dam instead of letting or having the Army Corps of Engineers come and fix them.

I Resent The Judgement-Without-Understanding Aspect, And...

Those who judge me:

1. Are the hypocrites who act like Proverbs 31:9 and 1 Corinthians 5 don't mean anything in terms of the context of Matthew 7:1-3—they think that judging means not to judge at all!
2. Refused to let me ever say that "I have an ideal.", etc.
3. Don't listen to me when I'm speaking from experience. Having been called a "gimp" several times (not just by that one person, as I found out when I was searching my saved mail for her comment yesterday), having attracted nothing but those who are not right for me (e.g., gentiles or Non-Messianic Jews) and slimeballs (including one who used taqiyya on me in order to date me), and not having been able to even encounter my ideal at all, I know what I'm talking about.
4. Say that I'm selling myself short—and I know me better than they know me. Even a friend said, "[W]e attract which mirrors us"; and that's scary if that's true—and I'm selling myself short? Give me a break! If my friend's logic holds, I'm not selling myself short at all.
5. Tell me that I'm not getting blessed because I'm sinning—really?! I acknowledged that "he's already taken." I also stated, "I'll never tell unless and until the times comes to tell". I furthermore stated, "He may not be my ideal or a perfect diamond, but he's a diamond in the rough who would definitely be worth having—and, given my own history, I'll take what good guy I can (hopefully, G-d willing) get."
6. Say that I have to do all of the work by saying that I'm maybe not ready for the guy and that I have to do this or this. When I add, "What about him?", then they might add that he might have to do something; but they still say that I have to do something.
7. Say that I'm not getting blessed because I'm sinning. I, for example, waited seven years between Guy One and Guy Two (both slimeballs) and followed the mandate to not seek a spouse, am not pursuing the love of my life unless and until the time right, am even confessing what's going on, and I'm sinning?! Give me a break. Besides, as I said,  "He may not be my ideal or a perfect diamond, but he's a diamond in the rough who would definitely be worth having—and, given my own history, I'll take what good guy I can (hopefully, G-d willing) get." Also, assuming (for the sake of argument) that I'm sinning, people do worse all of the time and they get blessed—even David slept with Bathsheba, murdered Uriah, and got a son in place of the one that he lost for his sins.

And as if I'm the only disabled and/or child-of-divorce person with a sordid family and/or dating history going through the kind of experience that I'm going through? Bullcrap! As I said, I am at least confessing what's going on and asking for prayer about it and waiting on God to send me the love of my life should He will to do so. 

If nothing else, I at least have a backup unless and until God sends me my ideal guy—and one of my judgerers said that she liked my ideal. Also, perhaps my judgerer can give me a favor and  produce my ideal guy, who I haven't been able to get or have at all—until she does, I am not giving up the hope and the prayers that I get the love of my life; since I would be extremely stupid not to have a backup because:

1. I could end up an alteh moid otherwise.
2. I could end up with a Mr. Wrong or another Mr. Slimeball.
3. I could actually end up with him someday or, on the other hand, risk a missed opportunity. Say that I've given up on him and he's available by then, but I can't get him because I gave up on him—and then I missed an opportunity! And sometimes God does create missed opportunities! See Isaiah 45:7 and Romans 9:19-21. Also, "if it was meant to be" doesn't mean that'll it'll always happen—sometimes "it was meant to be" just means "it was the ideal", not that it was planned and was going to happen that way. Even Moses was "meant" to lead the Israelites into Canaan, but it was meant that he should struck the rock and die.

In conclusion, my judgerers must:

1. Think that I'm stupid.
2. Never have had an experience like mine in their life.
3. Never have lived in glass houses themselves—since, after all, they say that "judge not" means "don't judge at all".
4. Must think that they know me better than myself—and the judgerer who said that she like my ideal said that she does know me better than I know myself in some areas; while, according to Jeremiah 17:9, she can't even know her own heart!

As I said, I resent the judgement-without-understanding aspect and really resent that all of the work is put on me, especially when I know that I'm not stupid and even that I'm not the only one going through an experience like I'm going through! 

Why The Hell Do I Care About My Self-Loathing Family, Especially When They Persecute Me?

I'm more worried about my family than I am about me, and I worry about other families who think that: a) I and others are joking. b) I and others are lying. Jeremiah 8:1-6 is going to be applying to my and other families if we don't get our **** together really soon, and that's what scares me—I didn't choose to find out that, in my own family's case, we're Jewish and we betrayed relatives during the Holocaust. I, as was everyone else who didn't know, was told that relatives wrote to us during the Great Depression to ask for money. Nobody told me that a cousin named Vilmosz Rusznak was desperately reaching out to cousins whom he considered apostates, let alone that we stopped writing to him—and the worst part is that not only are we in denial about what happened and the consequences of the happening, but we're also getting awfully close to making the same mistakes and having worse befall us for doing so.

We have relatives who were closer to those relatives and who are in Israel now, and we could very well let them fall into the hands of Rouhani, Putin, etc. if we don't get our **** together—and what does G-d say will happen if we even stay in the Diaspora, let alone leave our relatives who are already in Israel unhelped? 
"“At that time,” says the Lord, “they shall bring out the bones of the kings of Judah, and the bones of its princes, and the bones of the priests, and the bones of the prophets, and the bones of the inhabitants of Jerusalem, out of their graves. 2 They shall spread them before the sun and the moon and all the host of heaven, which they have loved and which they have served and after which they have walked, which they have sought and which they have worshiped. They shall not be gathered nor buried; they shall be like refuse on the face of the earth. 3 Then death shall be chosen rather than life by all the residue of those who remain of this evil family, who remain in all the places where I have driven them,” says the Lord of hosts." (Jeremiah 8:1-3)


Nonetheless, I really resent that people would say that I am lying about what happened. What reason would I have to lie? You think that I like what happened, let alone that I'm getting persecuted for finding it out and talking about it? Give me a break—and I'm not here to help only our family: I'm here to help both our family and families who have been in situations like ours.

By the way, the United States is currently ~$16.965976 Trillion dollars in debt. We're not going to have a place to which to turn when push comes to shove—Vilmosz tried to make aliyah when the time for him to do so came too late; and our secret is out now—Poland, Slovakia, the Czech Republic, etc. are not our lands—, so Europe won't back accepting us when "each shall flee to his own land" (cf. Isaiah 13:14 and Jeremiah 50:16).

That said, "“Now therefore, fear the Lord, serve Him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord! And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”"

You do what you want; I'm making aliyah, and I'm not helping you when push comes to shove—I have family who will listen to help out. 

Update: Here's how I put it to a friend with pictures:

• I am worried.

  My one cousin in particular thinks that I'm making **** up and that this is all a joke to me.

  And looking at what times we're in now, I'm really worried about his fate.

  This is the nasty comment that I received from him—and this after I found out that my great-great-granddad Rusnak was complicit in the deaths of his cousins who were murdered in the Holocaust:
• 
  

  "How could you possibly presume guilt from a picture taken years later? You must really hate your family and hate your ancestry. Andy and Julia were not ethnic Jews, and had no cousin named Vilmosz. Vilmosz's family never reached out to the Zlata Idka Fosko/Rusnaks. Your thinking and your comments about Andrew Rusnak make me sick. Why don't you share your beliefs with Joseph Rusnak and see what he thinks about your comments about his grandfather?"
• 
  

  
  

  And I've told Joe—he laughed.

  That is, I told him that we're Jewish. He doesn't believe it.
• 
  

  And what am I supposed to do when the U.S. and global economies crash; WWIII happens, and they get wiped out? After all, "death shall be chosen rather than life by all the residue of those who remain of this evil family, who remain in all the places where I have driven them,” says the Lord of hosts."
• 
  

  Not only that, but we're still ****ed up from what my great-great-granddad and my great-grandma (his oldest daughter did). If you count from him, I am of the fourth generation from him. From her, I am of the third.

  
  

  "‘The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.’"
• 
  

  And this is what he looked like 27 vs. 69, by the way....

  At 27: https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1070017_206618619494801_1559005036_n.jpg

  

  At 69 (about two years after Vilmosz and other cousins died at Auschwitz): https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/995923_206618582828138_1461355789_n.jpg

  

  And he had quit working in the coal mines in his 30s to 40s. He did not do any more hard labor after that. He was a church sexton and cemetery caretaker.
• Where else would that kind of wearing down come from? G-d curses those who do such heinous things as my great-great-granddad did. And this was him shortly before that...

  https://scontent-b-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/581641_206618032828193_1103245314_n.jpg

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Update: I want to know what you would do: 

  
  

  Public OpinionPoll Results

  
  

A Few Fosko-Rusnak Pictures Later, And...

I'm learning that: 

1. I wasn't kidding about Vilmosz et. al., was I? "Who has believed our report? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?" What the Hell did you do, Great-Great-Granddad? Besides the obvious (You, along with your daughter, destroyed many of Vilmosz's side of the family.), you destroyed yourself. Unlike Moshe achinu—whose "eyes were not dim nor his natural vigor diminished" when he was 120—, you looked like you came from the crypt at 69—and you left behind a curse, too: "‘The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.’" I gave you the benefit of the doubt because you were so old—and the picture shows that Vilmosz reached out to you! You worked as a church sexton for years after you had to quit working at the coal mines—your wear and tear came from your destruction of Vilmosz, Zoli, et. al.; from your sending them to their murders!
2. We assimilated. Yes; we can eat treif, but Jewish—let alone Levite—systems weren't made for that. "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify." "Jeshurun grew fat and kicked; You grew fat, you grew thick, You are obese! Then he forsook God who made him, And scornfully esteemed the Rock of his salvation."
3. I'm proud to have escaped. "I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion."
4. I don't need your recognition: 

And of Levi he said:

“Let Your Thummim and Your Urim be with Your holy one,Whom You tested at Massah,And with whom You contended at the waters of Meribah, Who says of his father and mother,‘I have not seen them’;Nor did he acknowledge his brothers,Or know his own children;For they have observed Your wordAnd kept Your covenant. They shall teach Jacob Your judgments,And Israel Your law.They shall put incense before You,And a whole burnt sacrifice on Your altar. Bless his substance, Lord,And accept the work of his hands;Strike the loins of those who rise against him,And of those who hate him, that they rise not again.”

"For the hurt of the daughter of my people I am hurt. I am mourning; Astonishment has taken hold of me." Nonetheless, I will not be there to help you when push comes to shove. I have found out our past; I intend to help other Jews who are in situations like ours find out theirs. I have acknowledged what we did to Vilmosz and his side of the family; I cannot help you acknowledge it if you won't acknowledge it. I will not assimilate and pass for a gentile when I am a Jew; you do what you want and be warned that "death shall be chosen rather than life by all the residue of those who remain of this evil family, who remain in all the places where I have driven them,” says the Lord of hosts."

I was born a Jew, a Levite, and a bat-Anusim; and I will die or be Raptured as such. PS You cannot change that I am yours; I am a Fosko; I am a Rusnak; and we are Levites:

By the way, I mean "those among the family who hate me" when I talk about  "they", "you", etc..

The Love Of My Life Versus The Ideal, And Why I Would Prefer the Not-Completely-the-Ideal Love Of My Life

I've obviously been kvetching about the love of my life, and I can tell that I've been utzing some people and wanting to make them brekhn. Nonetheless, I wouldn't talk about my true love if there weren't quite a few factors in play. The factors include that:

1. I'm never going to get my ideal.
2. What I have attracted are guys who are either not right for me and/or don't fit my ideal, anyway; are slimeballs, or both.
3. I've had enough of a rough life as my life has been—for example (going back to Factor Two), I had the first relationship from August 2004 to May 2005 and waited seven (almost eight) years only to end up in the other failed relationship (February 26, 2013-March 2, 2013). Both relationships were with people who turned out to be slimeballs, and both of whom I had eventually to call the police on. Add that I'm already a divorce statistic (My parents are divorced; both of my dad's living siblings are divorced as well [and my dad and my uncle each remarried]; only two of my maternal grandmother's born children have never been divorced; two of my Trudniak great-granduncles were divorced—one was divorced two or three times—; and my mom's maternal granddad's maternal grandmother was divorced—and there were other divorces. There've also been miserable marriages—e.g., that of my dad's paternal grandparents.)—now know that I'm statistically likely to get divorced.
4.  I have Cerebral Palsy with an ITB Pump inside of me, OCD/GAD, MDD, IBS, and ADD. Add in Factor Three, and you have why Factor One is in play whether or not Factor Two is added to it.

So, what is my ideal? Besides what I've already mentioned, here's a list:

1. A Messianic Jew—preferably a Levi or a kohen—and one who knows that we are no longer obligated to keep all 613 mitzvot.
2. A virgin (I'm a virgin; and—yes—that should've been obvious on the fact that I have CP alone.).
3. One who is a political scientist, historian, or similar type of professional.
4. One who can deal with my disabilities, family history, etc. 

I could keep listing more points; but just given  that I have CP and that—e.g.—men have left women who have had more-common conditions such as breast cancer, you should have been able to figure out that I wasn't going to get my ideal. Besides, all the good, I'd-never-be-able-to-get-one-of-them-anyway guys are taken by (mostly) non-disabled women and/or who don't have the kind of family history that I have. I'm well aware of all this to the point that I have cried many times over it (I'm crying right now—and, since Mom's sitting next to me, I'm praying that she doesn't see the tears.). After all, I'm the "gimp" who—by someone's suggestion—should've dated "poor jazz player" Charles Polk (I'm well aware at how the disabled are even viewed by even the good people in society, and the good and bad ones who would never say that kind of stuff out loud.).

So, who is the love of my life? As I said, I'll never tell unless and until the times comes to tell—especially since, e.g., he's already taken. Here's some of what he's like, though (I have to be vague since I don't want to give too much away, since some people know or might be able to figure out who he is.):

1. He cares about tikun ha'olam and social justice, and has done and does avodah l'tikun ha'olam that has affected and affects many people, including people like me.
2. He's Jewish and actually comes from a mixed background like I do.
3. He's handsome.
4. He's an acquaintance of mine.
5. Any woman be blessed to have him, despite his foibles and flaws.
6. He's honest.
7. He knows what he believes and why he believes it.

Do you see now why I talk (albe too much) about him and ask desperately for prayer that I may get him? He may not be my ideal or a perfect diamond, but he's a diamond in the rough who would definitely be worth having—and, given my own history, I'll take what good guy I can (hopefully, G-d willing) get.

In Memory of Staff Sgt. Andrew Louis Rusnak (Andrash HaLevi ben Andrash v'Aviva; USAF-WW2)

I didn't really know Great-Granduncle Andy (z'l), but I know this much:

1. He was humble. Even when he talked about his military service, he tried to make "Andrew Rusnak" and "Mr. Andrew L. Rusnak" look completely different—and they were the same Andrew Rusnak, even though he surely didn't (though he could have) noted "self" as the relationship of the honorer to the honoree. 
2. He loved his parents—he's even being interred at their gravesite.
3. He had that 1900s movie quality in his voice—I wish that I had recorded the call or calls that I made. If you'd wanted to hear a voice from that era, you'd've wanted to hear his.
4. He loved his family.
5. He—and I just figured this out—clearly loved his heritage. He is being cremated and interred at his parents' gravesite—like Tibor (z'l), who directly went through the Holocaust, he felt guilty about surviving (Why else would he want to be cremated when his siblings were all buried? Also, he served on the homefront—and his brothers, Sgt. Carl Stephen Rusnak and S2C Joseph John Rusnak [z'l], served overseas.). Tears came to my eyes when I figured that out—what could he do? As far as I know, he wasn't the one to whom Vilmos and Zoli wrote—Great-Grandma Gaydos (Great-Granduncle Andy's elder sister) had the mitzvah of helping Vilmos, Zoli, et. al. out; and she reneged on her mitzvah (He was single and serving in the Air Force; she was married with four to five children—he was doing what he could; she wasn't.)

I could list more points, but Point Five sticks in particularly with me. Think about this: Every Jew at the time of the Shoah—whether Anusim or openly-Jewish Jews, Messianic or Non Messianic, and inside or outside of Europe—went through the Shoah—whether directly or indirectly. Every Jew who could help fellow Jews had the mitzvah to do so, and Great-Granduncle Andy fulfilled his part of the mitzvah. 

"‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’" and "‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world"

Great-Granduncle Andy died of Alzheimer's Disease—and, in a way, thank God that he did; for:

 "The righteous perishes,And no man takes it to heart;Merciful men are taken away,While no one considersThat the righteous is taken away from evil.
He shall enter into peace;They shall rest in their beds,Each one walking in his uprightness."

Would God have been fair to Great-Granduncle Andy to have him be able to comprehend such times? After all, he died on October 2nd—the middle of the week of the government shutdown—, and he'd been battling Alzheimer's Disease for a long time—and what times in which we live, and what times from which God had Great-Granduncle Andy escape!

Alzheimer's Disease was, in a sense, a blessing for a man such as Staff Sgt. Andrew L. Rusnak—a Levi tzedek, a good son, brother, and dad (and if you just know about—let alone at all know—any of his children, you know that); and (indeed) the last of the Fosko Rusnaks (Incidentally, Grandma and I were on the same brainwave—that is, about the mantle passing on to the next generation.).

Staff Sgt. Andrew Louis Rusnak HaLevi ben Andrash v'Aviva, shemo v'zichrono l'bracha (12 Kislev 5677 -25 Tishrei 5773).

From the 1999 Rusnak Family Reunion Cookbook (I should've scanned in the picture better at the time that I did so.).

From one of the Rusnak family reunions. 

From the 1999 Rusnak Family Reunion Cookbook (I should've scanned in the picture better at the time that I did so.). Here is Andrew L. Rusnak with his surviving brothers, Carl and Joseph (of blessed memory)—their oldest sibling, John, died shortly after he was born

From the 1999 Rusnak Family Reunion Cookbook (I should've scanned in the picture better at the time that I did so.). Here is Pvt. Andrew L. Rusnak with his mother (of blessed memory).