Speaking of Great-Grandma Czarnecki And En El Primero de Novembre de 2011...

Y en el Dia de Los Muertos 2011, I think of and remember Great-Grandma Czarnecki. I think of the woman who was my great-grandma and who I took for granted all those times that we visited her at Apartment 214, 10 E South Street in Wilkes Barre. I think of the woman whose history I never knew or took time to knew-- so she's Pop-Pop's mom, Great-Granddad's widow, the one who's Lithuanian (I assumed from what I was told.). I think of the woman whose life came to a cold, callous end in a hospital with its possessor's leg amputated and with a murder-malice-intenting son who committed Social Security in it.

I think of the good Jewish Evagelical Catholic mother and wife, aunt and sister, and daughter who I've learned so much about since she's been gone-- the daughter of a gentile Trudniak and Jewish Catholic Monkaova of Kacwin and Lapsze Nizne, Poland (both then in Slovakian Austria Hungary), the mother (and grandmother and great-grandmother) of Jews herself ("And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”"; "and in your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed;"-- and if she didn't know, she'd at least be tickled to know that her seed and her mother's seed are also descendants of at least many of the nations of the earth); the wife, aunt, grandaunt, great-grandaunt, and otherwise a relative of a diverse Jewish family

(e.g., I don't think that she'd care anymore that her son Tony's wife is Irish-- she didn't like that Grandaunt Mary Ellen is Irish. Maybe she wanted, but just never said that she wanted, Granduncle Tony to marry a good Jewish girl-- particularly an Ashkenazic Jewish Catholic girl, Anusit or open about her Jewishness-- and not make the same mistake that she did and marry a meshugener, who would've been a meshugene in Granduncle Tony's case. V'chalilah when Pop-Pop married Grandma-- she did not like her. She even cut her out of a picture and replaced her with a Christmas tree.).

And looking back on all I've learned and all that I saw for myself, especially in a Jewish context; I see an elter-bubbie for whom I will pursue tzedek-- "Tzedek, tzedek, tirdof."-- and let her son learn that of all things that he's done, (so to speak) stepping all over his good Jewish Christian mama is one thing with which he will not get away.


I am a Monkaova Trudniak, no question.

Great-Grandma Czarnecki her grandson Gary on my dad's first wedding day, July 22, 1989. This is how I remember her-- except that she was much older when I met her.

At Dad's baptism. Great-Granddad is next to her.

She is holding Aunt Mary, Great-Granddad next to her and holding Dad. Granduncle Red is on the right, Granduncle Jim next to Great-Grandma.



Great-Grandma Czarnecki on her wedding day, May 10, 1934. I should've known-- she was too pretty to be just Slovakian.

With mama Anna Trudniak nee Monkaova

I'm Doing A Little Better, And It'll Be A Day-To-Day-Thing...

A day-to-day and pray-to-pray thing. Having Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy plus OCD/Anxiety/Depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (and the BRCA1 gene), plus being a "mamzerah" Jewish American in a culture and in communities that don't accept Jews-- especially Messianic Jews-- is hard. Add having an imperfect-- e.g., covetous, adulterous, faithless, hopeless, hypocritical-- human nature to all that, and you've got a situation where a day-to-day, pray-to-pray thing is needed. Also, I'm still living with Great-Grandma Gaydos' avodah koferah (If you think that we have Vilmosz's et. al.'s blood removed from our hands-- although Vilmosz and others did survive-- you're meshuga: you don't understand what guilt down to the third and fourth generations is). And I'm living with Great-Grandma Czarnecki's blood because of Pop-Pop's avoda kofer and how he is left unprosecuted after almost five years.

So as a disabled, trying-to-figure-out-my-identity-as-a-Jew Jew and Jewish-American Christian with more than just Cerebral Palsy and meshuges un tsuris in di mispoche to deal with; I have a long, painful way and road to go-- though prayers have been answered so far, even if (over the years) not always in ways in which I'd've liked them to be answered.

Piano Lessons (And Calling Myself To the Carpet Is A Process)

In piano lessons today and during other times, I realize that I freak out and am not as focued as I should be on the music. Per my OCD/Anxiety/Depression and possible Aspberger's-- and non-medicated AD(H)D--, I can't stay as fully focused. I think about getting through practice as quickly as possible, or at least trying to, and being like the others who can (so to speak) churn out something like Bach's "Prelude in A Minor" in a minute or two (I can't play as fastly because of my Cerebral Palsy.). I worry about what other people will think, even if and though they're not in the practice room. For example, on the cover of the "American Soldier" sheet music is a picture of Toby Keith-- it's almost or somewhat like Toby is there and watching me-- and what would he think? (As I said, calling myself to the carpet, including sharing my weirder thoughts, is a process.)

And I don't practice as much as I should. Due to OCD, etc. and escapism, etc.; I just don't practice as much as I should-- I practice in small spurts, too-small spurts. And during my spurts, I often have the computer in my room by me. And as I said,  I think about getting through practice as quickly as possible, or at least trying to, and being like the others who can (so to speak) churn out something like Bach's "Prelude in A Minor" in a minute or two-- and get to their computers and go on Facebook or whatever.

I'll, unless by some miracle, never be Mozart, Beethoven, or Sallieri.

How Jews Can Celebrate the Day of the Dead-- Exclusively-Shared Political Cartoon

This isn't what his grave looks like, by the way. It's just a Jewish-Hispanic representation. He was an Anusi Ashkenazi Yehudi who was born in the Diaspora in Tsuman, Ukraine (then Cuman, Wolyn, Ukraina, Rusia). His birth name is unknown, and his shem l'mikveh katoli was Antoni Jan Julianowicz Czerniecki (Czarniecki).  

As I Said, I Do Not Sugarcoat and Am Calling Myself To the Carpet, Even If I Get Shunned...

And you know, people like me when I didn't sugarcoat the first time-- when, for example, I talked about what I knew about my family history (which keeps slowly and shockingly unfolding before me-- now if only either the Rapture, some crisis that'll make Dad or Pop-Pop or someone else confess what he, or she, knows; or the AG and Luzerne County DA hurry up and prosecute Pop-Pop. Once the Jack Czarnecki that either everyone dreads and dislikes or fears and likes moves out of the way, someone will talk-- and he brought his own downfall by committing Social Security fraud and murder-malice action).

Incidentally, this reminds me that Great-Great-Granddad Rusnak was born today in 1877 (P'rushi Cheshvan 25, 5638). Hopefully, he wasn't an SOB like his kapo daughter was a Holocaust enabler and his grandson-in-law was a murderer (and as I said, I still have to say that Great-Grandma Czarnecki still doesn't have justice nearly five years later-- nor does the family who Pop-Pop and others hid a lot from and caused a lot of pain to).

In this lifetime, I won't get over what quite a few in my family did in a lot of ways-- and that's why I call them out. And that's why I call myself out: I don't want to be like them. I want to be honest about the imperfect and hypocritical human being that I am with imperfect and many hypocritical or hypocrisy-tainted thoughts, reservations, intentions, etc.

I told you (and G-d) about quite a bit of what was on my heart and in my mind; and there's a lot more for which I would and will get shunned-- besides for being disabled, of course; but being disabled plus all that will get me shunned more.

And I don't (or at least I try not to) hide that I'm probably in a lot of trouble for being human, and I might get hurt for being human and being honest about being human. But so what? As I said about Mitt Romney versus Hermain Cain, "I'd rather have a self-admitted-imperfect candidate like Mitt Romney than any seemingly-too-good-to-be-true person on the Presidential ticket any day"-- which means that in any given situation, I'd rather have a self-admitted-imperfect person than any seemingly-too-good-to-be-true person any day.

People, I'm Realistic; I'm Not Just a Disabled Depressive Who's a Pessimist

And it ain't just what I described in the video. Oh, I've read the horror stories-- e.g., one non-disabled girl was laughed at and ignored by boys in her church because of her breast size. Also, the actress from "Facts of Life" (I stand corrected for saying "Different Strokes")-- her story didn't end like J.R. Martinez's did, and she was born with a disability: she couldn't have gone and served, let alone bravely gotten injured, in the military if she wanted to.

I appreciate and value who I am in the eyes of even the Church and G-d, or else I wouldn't be honest about it: I'd pretend that everything's going to be okay, and that everything work out like it does for a typical person or even for Cinderella. As I said, I wouldn't be honest about who I am if I didn't value and appreciate it; and valuing and appreciating it means accepting it and accepting the reality of it, and accepting the reality (even the cold, bitter reality) that it brings and has brought.

If I Were Tiki Barber, I'd Go Home And Seek Forgiveness and Reconciliation...

Tiki Barber can hopefully come to his senses and realize that a for-the-time-being ex-wife and children at home is enough. Sure Traci Johnson may get hurt, but who was hurt first? A college sweetheart and pregnant wife with two other kids to raise as well. Tiki Barber can come home to Ginny Cha, beg forgiveness for his affair, beg forgiveness of Traci Johnson and wish her the best, and try to reconcile with Ginny Cha and the Cha-Barber kids.

Or maybe Ginny Cha won't take him back, figuring "He Ain't Worth Missing", but a try while there's still time is worth a try.

I'm Probably In Big Trouble For Some of My Confessions...

I know that I should be thankful for some things (After all, that was a heck of a blog prayer to write.), but now I'm probably (maybe I'm freaking out,  probably) for the worst being followed on Twitter by Geraldo Rivera's producer-- I'm probably being watched like a hawk watches a mouse or a bear watches whoever goes after its young.

This is why I surprisingly, for wanting to bring so much to light, don't confess a lot of my own thoughts, reservations, etc.-- if and when I do, I usually get shunned or in trouble for them as though I'm worse than anyone else. I admit that I'm imperfect, which is part of why I fight to have a moral compass-- having one makes easier that a brother or sister (or other fellow human being) should not be affected or effected to stumble. But I normally don't confess things lest I get shunned for them-- and I normally do.

If I Were To Write A Quick Blog Prayer To G-d, Well...

Let me for once have a break. Sure, I've had blessings; and I'm not asking for my thorns in the flesh to be taken away-- in fact, I've dreaded what'll happen if you do. You'll make me give up politics and go into math and science, for example; because then I won't have CP and OCD and be physically healed and able to go into math and science. In fact, you didn't take Paul's thorns in the flesh away-- or Nick Vujvicic's. Let me at least manage my OCD, etc. for once.


I could go on and on, but this is why I don't pray a lot-- not long prayers, anyway. Besides, you can read my thoughts; and you have answered my prayers, and many not always in a way which I've liked or prayed for.

A Scary Realization About My Own Life-- At This Rate, It Might Not End Well Either Way

This is not a Halloween joke or Halloween scary story-- though incidentally, October 31-November 1, 1877 is the Gregorian equivalent of the Holocaust enabler (Great-Grandma Gaydos)'s dad's birthday (The P'rushi date was Cheshvan 25, 5638.). On that same-- the Holocaust enabler's-- side, I come from a great-great-great-granddad (Istvan Foczko) and with at least two great-granduncles (Andras "Alexander" and Ferencz "Frank, Sr.") who all committed suicide. Then I have Great-Granddad Czarnecki, and who the hell knows if the "sudden fall of rock" that killed Great-Great-Granddad Czarnecki wasn't a deliberate suicide attempt? (My friend may have a point-- that it wasn't just an accident? And Great-Great-Granddad was an Anusi and schicker with a meshugene vayb who obviously didn't pass Yidish or Yidishkeit down to her grandchildren and their grandchildren, either; but had no problem causing her son's Yidishe froyen-- e.g., Teresa nee Makaczyk and Mary M. nee Trudniak-- tsuris, because they apparently weren't Yidishe or Anusit enough for her. )

I guess that I gave enough examples as to why my life is careening toward suicide as alternative one-- couple the statistics with the meshuges un tsuris in di mispoche, and I'm in trouble. The second alternative is just to wait for the Rapture and figure, "Ah, it's all going to Gei Hinnom for the rest, anyway-- and in many ways, for me". Then I remember Eliyahu, Yirimiyahu, etc.-- they were all told to get the geihinnom up and keep going-- and as for the guy who buried his talents, though he wasn't saved...

The Rapture had better come soon or life needs to get better soon or I'm in trouble-- because with OCD/Anxiety/Depression, Cerebral Palsy, and meshuges un tsuris in di mispoche; and in this culture and without a lot of support (or at least close and strong support, as at least even Eliyahu and Yirimiyahu had two or three of at a given time), I'm screwed, I'm done, I'm finished, I'm f_____-- and not in a good way.

Iran Can And Will Not Destroy Israel

Excerpts From Ezekiel 38-39:

1.  ² “Son of man, set your face against Gog, of the land of Magog, the prince of Rosh,^[a] Meshech, and Tubal, and prophesy against him, ³ and say, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Behold, I am against you, O Gog, the prince of Rosh, Meshech, and Tubal. ⁴ I will turn you around, put hooks into your jaws, and lead you out, with all your army, horses, and horsemen, all splendidly clothed, a great company with bucklers and shields, all of them handling swords. ⁵ Persia, Ethiopia,^[b] and Libya^[c] are with them, all of them with shield and helmet; ⁶ Gomer and all its troops; the house of Togarmah from the far north and all its troops—many people are with you.
2. ¹⁸ “And it will come to pass at the same time, when Gog comes against the land of Israel,” says the Lord GOD, “that My fury will show in My face. ¹⁹ For in My jealousy and in the fire of My wrath I have spoken: ‘Surely in that day there shall be a great earthquake in the land of Israel, ²⁰ so that the fish of the sea, the birds of the heavens, the beasts of the field, all creeping things that creep on the earth, and all men who are on the face of the earth shall shake at My presence. The mountains shall be thrown down, the steep places shall fall, and every wall shall fall to the ground.’ ²¹ I will call for a sword against Gog throughout all My mountains,” says the Lord GOD. “Every man’s sword will be against his brother. ²² And I will bring him to judgment with pestilence and bloodshed; I will rain down on him, on his troops, and on the many peoples who are with him, flooding rain, great hailstones, fire, and brimstone. ²³ Thus I will magnify Myself and sanctify Myself, and I will be known in the eyes of many nations. Then they shall know that I am the LORD.”’
3.  “And you, son of man, prophesy against Gog, and say, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Behold, I am against you, O Gog, the prince of Rosh,^[d] Meshech, and Tubal; ² and I will turn you around and lead you on, bringing you up from the far north, and bring you against the mountains of Israel. ³ Then I will knock the bow out of your left hand, and cause the arrows to fall out of your right hand. ⁴
4. ¹¹ “It will come to pass in that day that I will give Gog a burial place there in Israel, the valley of those who pass by east of the sea; and it will obstruct travelers, because there they will bury Gog and all his multitude. Therefore they will call it the Valley of Hamon Gog.^{[e] 12} For seven months the house of Israel will be burying them, in order to cleanse the land.

A remnant of Persia, which is also Elam, will be preserved:

 
³⁴ The word of the LORD that came to Jeremiah the prophet against Elam, in the beginning of the reign of Zedekiah king of Judah, saying, ³⁵ “Thus says the LORD of hosts:


‘ Behold, I will break the bow of Elam,
The foremost of their might.
³⁶ Against Elam I will bring the four winds
From the four quarters of heaven,
And scatter them toward all those winds;
There shall be no nations where the outcasts of Elam will not go.
³⁷ For I will cause Elam to be dismayed before their enemies
And before those who seek their life.
I will bring disaster upon them,
My fierce anger,’ says the LORD;

‘ And I will send the sword after them
Until I have consumed them.
³⁸ I will set My throne in Elam,
And will destroy from there the king and the princes,’ says the LORD.
³⁹ ‘ But it shall come to pass in the latter days:
I will bring back the captives of Elam,’ says the LORD.”

Yet:

²⁷ “ But do not fear, O My servant Jacob,
And do not be dismayed, O Israel!
For behold, I will save you from afar,
And your offspring from the land of their captivity;
Jacob shall return, have rest and be at ease;
No one shall make him afraid.
²⁸ Do not fear, O Jacob My servant,” says the LORD,

“ For I am with you;
For I will make a complete end of all the nations
To which I have driven you,
But I will not make a complete end of you.
I will rightly correct you,
For I will not leave you wholly unpunished.”

So, either way, Iran but for a remnant is going bye-bye.