שבת ט'ו באב שלום וט'ו באב שמח! : AKA, Another Card From Reilly

PS Reilly very patiently waited for the treat—and especially because she was so patient, she probably would've that something else to be peanut butter...or yogurt...or pumpkin...or any of the other millions of treats that hi ohevet! By the way, Tu B'Av actually begins tomorrow, since the New Moon was sighted on the 14th of July.

Open Letter To Lori Shandle-Fox

I was reading "As A Southern Jew..." and wondering why you complain when you know that the computer class is at a church. What really upset me though is that you make the case seem like Jacob's getting mixed messages.

On the one hand, you wanted to, frankly, be an antimissionary within a church. If, for instance, Jews For Jesus were at a technology camp at a JCC, I'd get the "Stop it!...Stop it NOW!" But at a church? You went as far as entertaining the idea of frankly doing something borderline close to what Donin and Christiani did. On the other hand, you made Jacob feel like you'd be mad at him for living out the values with which he is being raised. Jacob will certainly have a hard-enough time living the South if he keeps getting mixed messages from within his own family.

By the way, he'll also have a hard time if he learns that projection is acceptable. For example, you said that you thought that you heard something other than, "Do you want juice?" Maybe a sentiment about people whom you don't want to be around is manifesting itself in your thoughts and actions in ugly ways. As Jayne said, don't take Jacob to places where Jesus will be brought up if you don't want to hear about Jesus; and I add, don't hang around Christians if you don't want them around.

I also hasten to add that sending children mixed messages and teaching children "Hate thy neighbor and project thy hatred on thy neighbor" are not Jewish values—and certainly not, contrary to what Donin and Christiani taught, ones that Jesus taught, regardless of what one makes of him.

So, At Least One Elderly Person Died In Her House During Hurricane Harvey's First Days In Houston...

Whatever language you speak:

1. No, people! Check on your neighbors!
2. ¡No, pueblo! ¡Cuidan a tus vecinos!
3. לא, אנשים! ואהבת לרעך כמוך!

As I recall, the woman was 83 years old and couldn't just leave Houston! Thus, everybody in Hurricane Irma's path whom can help others needs to help those whom can't just evacuate from their homes and whom otherwise can't help themselves! 

Re Boni's To-Be Hotel And Fellow People Of Hers Whom Struggle With Mental Illnesses

I think that Boni's hotel will be a place where people whom struggle with mental illnesses like she does (and like I do) will be able to go when their families kick them out for having mental illnesses or when they otherwise move away from their homes due to having mental illnesses and non-supportive families, when they'd rather stay in hotels like Boni's hotel than stay in psychiatric hospitals, and when they are affected by other circumstances.

More Easily Suitored Than Sought & Loved

Many guys—even good guys—claim that they wouldn't care if a prospect had disabilities, and then push comes to shove. Having Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses, I can tell you exactly what I am—or at least potentially am—regardless of whether a guy could or could not handle it:

1. A medical expense—e.g., I take three medications for OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD. 
2. A burden—e.g., What kind of guy wants to be bound by a woman whom can't drive?
3. An embarrassment—e.g., What kind of guy wants to have to drive a woman to Baclofen Pump refill appointments; and what kind of guy wants to lose friends because of being a woman with Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses?

I'm crying as I'm typing all of this, too, as I know the pain of being a woman with disabilities and a damned statistic unless some miracle saves me—e.g.:

1. Many guys leave women with disabilities and illnesses such as cancer.
2. Many guys don't want women with disabilities in the first place.

What else can I say? I'm still crying as I type this. 

What The Outsider Looking In On Debbie Reynolds' and Carrie Fisher's Deaths Knows For Sure

• A strong mother-daughter bond like they had cannot withstand the death of the daughter without the mother's death soon thereafter.
• Given Debbie Reynolds' and Carrie Fisher's mother-daughter bond, Debbie Reynolds' death certificate ought to read something like:

"Cause Of Death: Stroke
"Due to: Medical distress
"Due to: Mental and emotional distress
"Due to: Recent death of daughter
"Contributing factor: Compromised cerebral artery
"Contributing factor: Age of decedent"

• Debbie Reynolds was 84 and lost her 60-year-old and only daughter, and firstborn child a day before. She also lost a colleague and frequent collaborator when she outlived her only daughter and firstborn child.

Meanwhile, keep Debbie Reynolds' and Carrie Fisher's loved ones and friends—including Todd Fisher, Billie Lourd, and Gary Fisher—and everyone else whom's particularly affected by Debbie Reynolds' and Carrie Fisher's deaths in your thoughts and prayers.

Camille Fights Back And A Wondering That "Momma" Has

Camille let jealous Reilly know that she was not having it. Two instances stick out:

1. When Reilly tried to get possessive and block Camille from getting further affection, Camille growled at her and let her know that she could have affection from Reilly's "Momma", "Auntie Nicole", too.
2. As "Auntie Michelle" reported, Camille stood up to Reilly when Reilly tried to block Camille from interacting with her own sister Shelby.

Incidentally, "Momma" thinks that someone may have been romantically jealous like that over "Momma" once—and it baffles "Momma" why even Reilly as a "dogter" would be grateful for her "Momma", let alone that there may actually be some chance that "Momma" will ever have a helpmate and a "Daddy" for Reilly—especially since "Momma" has disabilities and Reilly so far seems to have not been an incentive for any potential guy for "Momma".

Especially When Nobody Else Loves "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole"...

Reilly and Cam are there to remind Reilly's "Momma" that there are loving creatures in the world, including creatures whom are best friends:

And pets who love their human parents, even when they try to avoid having their pictures taken or have to deal with their parents taking those "one last" pictures before "night nights" time:

And pets who can both sit outside on an Autumn-like day and begin misadventures like barking and eating mulch on that otherwise-languid End of Summer day.

Tu B'Av & All Different Kinds Of Love, Including Puppy Love

In short, Tu B'Av is the Rabbinic Valentine's Day, which comes after Tisha B'Av (the fast of the fifth month, after Tzom HaChodesh Tammuz—not, as it formerly was, for the "god" [dybuk] Tammuz), and before Yom Kippur and Asara b'Tevet). The rabbis decided that after two months with fasts and before Yom Kippur, a yom l'simcha was needed—including for, I suppose, pets and their feeling-much-better-after-breaking-the-fast owners—of course, making pets fast would be wrong.

As on Valentine's Day, the theme on Tu B'Av is ahavah (love)—of which there are different kinds, with three words for the main kinds in Biblical Hebrew, including "ahavah". Puppies—including adult puppies (dogs) like Reilly and Camille—show ahavah, including for each other and for their masters—and masters' families!

Reilly and Camille, yesh lahen ahavah l'echad achar—after all, e.g., to clean out each other's ears takes ahavah rabah v'g'dolah.

So does playing as roughly as Reilly and Camille do! 

So does napping together and (and as demonstrated with close ups included) inadvertently forming a heart shape and sleeping side by side!

More About Deeply-Thought-Of Considerations: Why I've Become A Skeptic About Finding Someone (e.g., More Of Part Of the Ugly Part)

Since I have, e.g., Cerebral Palsy and Depression, I might be a burden and medical expense in of myself to many a guy, which is part of what I've considered: I know that many a guy would not end up staying with someone like me in the long term—besides, I need someone whom's physically and mentally stronger than me, and would be willing to be strong enough for me.

I've seriously become a skeptic about finding someone because of that—that is, because I have C.P., Depression, etc.. On one dating website, I had to block one person because of his ableism, etc.. Another, I'm pretty sure, rejected me because of my disability:

"Thank you for the kind message, but unfortunately I'm looking for a different type of girl." 

Yeah; "[d]ifferent type of girl" my tuchus—he could've just been honest instead of backhandedly polite. I also think that prospects have gone down since I posted a picture with me with my cart (What did they want me to do: lie?!). 

As I stated, I've seriously become a skeptic about finding someone because of that—not to mention the rampant ableism in our society, anyway; such as regarding the awful case of the ableist (and perhaps Anti-Semitic) TSA agent whom battered a girl named Hannah Cohen.

Deeply-Thought-Of Considerations That I've Made In Light Of Wanting Love While Getting Older And More Vulnerable Everyday

Part of why these past couple of months have been rough for me is because I'm 26 and continuing to be in a bad position simply because of being among the many people whom have disabilities, not to mention being a person with disabilities in other minority groups—the Jewish people and the female gender, for example. Incidentally, this is why I signed up for Maplematch: I prefer to have someone whom would consider moving to Canada (from which I could perhaps make aliyah) or making aliyah with me (despite Netanyahu and Agudat Yisra'el) if Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton becomes the POTUS.

I also did and have done way more than just sign up for MapleMatch. For example:

1. I once dabbled in online dating on, e.g., DateMySchool because I got a random invitation to that website. Needlessly to say, it didn't work out.
2. I've even used at PlentyofFish at the recommendation of a friend whom met her own bashert on there, for example. I know what I want in and with someone, and why I want what I want. I've also made sure to warn others why they might not want me, even if they would claim otherwise—and if you're a potential prospect whom's reading this, you might be among those whom might not want me despite what you might claim. Of course, that's part of what hurts me repeatedly; though it is what it is.

That's why I'd let any prospect know—or be reminded of—and be aware of  whom he'd be getting involved if I were a prospect of his. After all:

1. I have Cerebral Palsy—which is why I can't drive and am still looking for full-time work, for which I'm using volunteering as a stepping stone in part
2. I have mental illnesses: OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD—all of which I am getting treated with medication and counseling
3. I want to thus spare him from having to deal with that, including having to help me with any medical and other expenses—e.g., I have an Intravenous Bacloften  Pump and, as I stated, I can't drive.
4. I want to also spare myself from being hurt by anyone whom cannot handle that

In other words, I don't want to be any kind of liability or burden to any man, let alone be hurt in the process of being a liability or burden to any man—I'm already a liability and/or burden in non-romantic relationships as is, despite that others claim that I'm not at all a liability or burden. Thus, any prospect of mine'd need consider if he'd be able to deal with me in the long term and not just in a moment or just the short term. I also hasten to add that—besides that I can't drive—I can't swim or participate in risky activities such as rock and mountain climbing, motorcycling, messing with pyrotechnics such as fireworks, and ice skating—besides, one of my mother's second cousins died in a motorcycle accident, and I've heard and read the horror stories about amateur fireworks users losing their limbs and/or lives.

Also, I can't just snap up and out of anything, and be healed of everything with which I'm dealing—life doesn't work like "name it, claim it" faith healing—I'd've been healed by now if God willed to heal me, and He didn't will to heal me:

1. I'm 26; I got the ITB Pump when I was 23.
2. My mental illnesses set off in the timespan of 2001-2013, from when was 11 to 23.

Getting worse overtime's not what I call healing, let alone healing overtime. I can only, then, guess why His strength is made perfect in my weakness, as His strength was made perfect in Paul's weakness*.

Besides, I've been hurt enough in my lifetime; and I want to just find someone and/or have someone find me at this point, and I just want the one whom God wills to somehow come into my life:

1. 26 is quite old for someone like me to have never been married, and 26 is older for people like me than it is for most, given how ableist society is.
2. Since I've never been married and I'm still—if you know what I mean—waiting for marriage, I'm really getting old and—at least in the eyes of many, if not most, in this ableist society—losing time and viability. 
3. I prefer to in a same-faith relationship, as interfaith dating backfired on me twice despite that each of my two exes claimed to be a Christian at a point in the beginning of the relationship.
4. While I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect or going to turn down anyone just because of a few bad choices and/or mistakes, I also prefer to avoid being used by or dealing with any man whom lives by being a player and/or other type of backstabber, an ableist and/or other type of bigot, and/or otherwise a man of bad character—each of my two exes was enough of that.

*Incidentally, perhaps I will be healed if I am able to make aliyah—Jesus did all of His known healing in Israel, and Jewish Christians were the ones whom healed others, both Jewish and gentile, as the Gospel was spread throughout the Roman Empire. Even, for example, Ananias healed fellow Jewish man Paul.

Belated Valentine's/Singles Awareness Day Entry (Which I Needed To Write)

A two-time (not "two-timing"!) ex girlfriend, with each ex having had the police called on him for harassment, I had a single-again woman's Valentine's Day that could not have been lonelier for me; and being a two-time-single-again woman wasn't the only reason. Other reasons concern being a 26-year-old woman and waiting-for-marriage virgin whom has Cerebral Palsy, mental illnesses, no job, and two failed relationships on which she tried to work—and one was from August 4, 2004 to about May 19, 2005, and the other was for six days in 2013. 

Meanwhile, I thought about, saw, and heard how many of my loved ones and friends—including able, neurotypical, and employed ones—had a happy Valentine's Day or Singles Awareness Day, all while I'm a single-again pariah and wondering why I can't have a Cinderella-type story while more-fortunate ones have their happinesses—talk about one having his or her
cake and also eating it!

Some other loved ones and friends, at the same time, had their own Cinderella- or Frog Prince-type stories, all while I fared worse than even Gatsby—whom at least had guests at parties, requited (even though illicitly-requited) love for a while, and even five people at his funeral. Even a fictional character fared better than me, and he could've had his lover had she had the courage to leave her long-time-philandering husband for a man whom loved her!

All I have to show is two broken relationships, unrequited and unrequitable loves over the years (including within the past few years), zero offers to set me up with someone, and failed, fruitless, and little- and non-supported attempts to find someone and/or have someone cross my path. Happy Valentine's and Singles Awareness Day to me, indeed :-/ —or in all seriousness, to those whom had and have what kind of happinesses I could not have this year or for the other past 10 years.

My Closing Thought For the Night, And.....

I'm definitely thinking about certain people with this one—I could name names, too, though I'm hopefully too nice to do that. If you're worried that you're one of those people, you're most likely not one of those people; and if you're one of those people whom's blaming me re people whom've ditched me (despite that I'm imperfect and as human as anyone else), you're most likely one of those people—and of course you're, I'm guessing, not worried since you're blaming me.

I'm sure, by the way, that others with, e.g., mental illnesses and physical disabilities are thinking the same thought about certain people whom were (or maybe even still are) in their lives that I'm thinking about whom were and still are in my life—e.g., certain family members who've ditched me and would like to think that I'm eradicated from existence, let alone our common families' bloodlines, just because they've ditched; or they'd even like to affect people to think of me as different from whom I really am, and they do this by basically slandering and libeling me,

I made this with Powerpoint 2013, by the way.

A Reminder That A Cousin's Cousin Inspired Me To Give

I normally don't do this; so, bear with me:

To all of my Facebook friends and others, I'm asking you to think about this (as a friend of mine reminded me and others) for a second:

1. Among the strongest of people are those whom are also among the most sensitive of people—or at least the ones whom are willing to admit that they are sensitive and are willing to not desensitize themselves.
2. Many who at least try to be kind are also among the ones whom are usually the first ones to be treated unkindly. The reason for that is that unkind people like to take advantage of kind people and see how strong they really are—to them, sensitivity is weakness and/or a witness against them of their own weaknesses; and sensitivity, of course, includes putting the words "I want to talk about it [whatever 'it' is]"* into action.
3. Many who at least try to bear others' burdens are trying to do what someone refused to do for them—and frankly, they're hoping that someone will finally bear their burdens in turn (or at least that God will reward them for helping others)**.

If you find this reminder worth sharing, share it. If you don't find this reminder worth sharing, then decline to share it and leave it at that. Also, feel free to take this reminder and—for a lack of better wordage—modify it to put it in your own words, give your own examples that pertain to this reminder (See the asterisks.), and ultimately have it come from your heart.

Remember, too, that we're all imperfect; and many of us at least sometimes hurt others in the ways in which we ourselves were hurt, whether we realize or don't realize that we do—and I certainly grant that many others (for example, the aforementioned unkind people) do often, or even always, deliberately hurt others

* RIP Mary Trudnak Czarnecki (Those were her words to my aunt when she finally broke down. "No, no; it's okay—I want to talk about it."

(I wish that I knew and understood that that's why I knew such a vulnerable Great-Grandma Czarnecki when she was still alive—she was trying to be strong and hold her own for at least 73 years, 16 of them in which I was alive—she married Great-Granddad when she was 20-going-on-21 years old in 1934, and she died when she was 93-going-on-94 years. I was born in 1990 when she was 76-going-on-78 years old.).

** RIP Mary DeBoy Pundt (I only heard about her and never had the chance to meet her.).

A Sobering Reality That I've Have Relearned This Week

If you don't stick with someone in his or her bad times, you don't deserve to share in his or her good times. I'm not saying that I haven't been that undeserving person at times. Nonetheless, any person who won't stick with another in his or her bad times doesn't deserve to share in his or her good times. Also, especially those who don't have as many and/or heavy burdens to bear should be helping those who does who do have many and/or heavy-enough burdens to bear.

To think about walking away from people who walk away from me is sobering, and I have to walk away from a person to whom I am somehow a burden. Right now, I'm even thinking of the horror that my aunt told me about in regards to my Granduncle Tony when he snapped at Great-Grandma: "You're a burden!" That she was a burden wasn't the case: that Pop-Pop and others were burdens because they would not help Granduncle Tony help Great-Grandma was the case.

That's probably part of what killed Granduncle Tony (z"l), too: he was the only good son who could really help Great-Grandma (z"l), and few stepped up to help him help her. After all, the two other good sons were unable to help: Granduncle Francis ("Red") had been deceased since 1985 (and he had his own issues during his lifetime), and Granduncle Jim has had to devote a significant amount of his time to Jamie (or who else could and would? Then again, Jamie could've been in a Willowbrook. He wasn't, since Granduncle Jim and Grandaunt Annie didn't let Jamie's accidental overdose on codeine come between them and Jamie. After all, they understood that Grandaunt Annie's sister and the doctors tried to do their best when then-1.5-years-old Jamie was having seizures when his aunt was babysitting him. They, by the way, are an example of those who are bearing burdens—not Jamie himself, mind you, since Jamie is not a burden—they could've even sued or filed criminal charges against Jamie's aunt, and they decided to take the position that life happens and that those who tried to help Jamie had no idea that the codeine to which he is allergic would not help him.).

Being one of the few, if not the only one, who is bearing a burden can take a toll on the bearer in question—which is my point about part of what killed Granduncle Tony. Even as far back as 1964, he was the only one to help Great-Grandma—Pop-Pop was living in Glen Burnie with his wife and three children (one of whom was to be born in August 1965); Granduncle Red was living with his wife and two older children (with the youngest one to be born in 1967), and Granduncle Jim was stationed at Fort Meade. Only Granduncle Tony was there to help Great-Grandma especially after Great-Granddad committed suicide, and almost 50 years of being Great-Grandma's primary helper affected him to die at 68 years old of "chest pains" (as Dad related that Granduncle Tony started feeling to the point at which he needed to go to the hospital) and other issues.

Granduncle Tony, by the way, is, of course, not the only one who had to bear a burden alone—besides that Great-Grandma herself had to bear many burdens alone, others have had to bear burdens alone. Even myself, for another example—I've had to bear burdens alone or at least (at best) almost alone.

By the way, I wrote this primarily in regards to people (including family members) who have ditched me offline and online (and who would ditch me offline, as I can ascertain. After all, people online are reflections of themselves offline, including who they would be offline if they could get away with being so.). Now those people can surely know, if they didn't know, why I, for example, started that #unfollowforunfollow trend on Twitter: as I stated, any person who won't stick with another in his or her bad times doesn't deserve to share in his or her good times. Therefore, anyone in my own life who won't stick with me in my bad times doesn't deserve to share in any of times.

In addition, I want to thank my ditchers for showing me who you really are and not letting me find out later than I already did—and so much for the ones who (Jewish and gentile alike) claim to be fellow Christians and flout bearing others' burdens, since many of you (I suspect) also ditch others and will hear "I never knew you" when you cry out "Lord, Lord" to Yeshua (Jesus). I suppose that others will thank that ditchers for the same as well—and sadly, I can guarantee that some are thanking me for the same thing, and I need to do teshuvah for being a ditcher of those whom I have ditched.

By the way, please let me know if or remind me of when I have ditched you in bad times. I will try to be there to bear your burdens as best as I can from now on—after all, I do not want to adversely affect your life (including your health) in the way that others have affected mine or in the way that others (including, probably, I) affected Granduncle Tony's life and health.

Forgiveness And Compassion...

Jesus even said to love our enemies. And I have a hard time with that as well, and I nonetheless have a choice: I can either forgive or I can be left unforgiven by God. I can either have compassion or be left without God's compassion.

Even Corrie ten Boom had a hard time with forgiveness [She also mentions this incident in The Hiding Place]:

“Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’

“And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?

“But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.

“ ‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me.

“ ‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’

“And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?

“It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

“For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’

“I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.

“And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’

“And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

“ ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’

“For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then”

This is not to say, by the way, that I don't think that the Ex Nazi should not have turned himself in to the International Criminal Court or whoever else, since he should have turned himself in if he was fully and/or truly sorry. After all, on a way-lesser and -different level, Achan ben Karmi took the punishment for his own sin. Why, therefore, couldn't the Ex Nazi who had attempted to murder Corrie ten Boom and murdered others take the punishment for his own sin?

In terms of compassion, we have to remember that (for example) not all who speak incorrigibly are being malicious. In terms of Robin Williams' suicide, for example, Rosanne Barr was in denial (She later deleted her denial-filled tweets.), and Shepard Smith and a Facebook friend of mine either do not understand depression and suicidal tendencies or even have experiences with suicides their lives and have opened-up wounds:

"Those who were able to forgive their....enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the...scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that."

Also, again:

 The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’

Furthermore:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

To My Persecutors...

I ask you to examine yourself. Contrary to what you want to think, I mean no harm against you or anyone else. In fact, especially if you claim to be wise, remember that "[r]ebuke is more effective for a wise man
Than a hundred blows on a fool."

This is part of why I am dealing with you. I think about you and I think about others. My actions are not just for me or my benefit. I always dread (read: sadly expect) that someone will eventually try to oppose me. I am not perfect, and I will admit when I am wrong and not walking in integrity. However, I'm right when I'm right, and I'm not right because of me—I'm right when I'm right only because of Christ.

I am not Moses; I am not Jeremiah, and I am not any other of the prophets or righteous people of blessed memories or blessed names—I am not worthy to be even considered among these. Nonetheless, I try to stand up to evil. When I do stand up to evil and you persecute me, I have to ask (as did Moses when our countrymen were persecuting him), "Why do you contend with me? Why do you tempt the Lord?"

Also, why do you glorify the Amaleks—whether or not you mean to do so? The Torah states:

14 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Write this for a memorial in the book and recount it in the hearing of Joshua, that I will utterly blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven.” 15 And Moses built an altar and called its name, The-Lord-Is-My-Banner;[c] 16 for he said, “Because the Lord has sworn: the Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation.”

The Torah does not state that we are to remember Amalek in any other way or context but in regards to what he did against Israel. We are not to revive him, and we are not to enable any Amalek in this generation. Even when we do Purim readings in the synagogues (Messianic and otherwise), we do not revive or remember Haman. In fact, we make a deliberate effort to drown out his name when we read it.

We rejoice that Haman (Yemach shemo u'zichrono.) cannot hurt us anymore, and we don't want to hear his name. Nonetheless, we don't (or at least we shouldn't) rejoice in the death of the wicked. 

My Own Open Letter To Democrats

Firstly, let me disclose that I have Democratic family members. Also, I don't hate Democrats, regardless of the fact that some hate me—in fact, I am to love them; since I am to love my enemies, Democrats and Non Democrats alike. Secondly, love is part of why I am writing this open letter. I have a friend on Facebook who publicly wrote that he has "[a] special message coming tomorrow especially for the liberals and [D]emocrats. Unfriend me or delete me as you wish." For the liberals and Democrats in my own life, I invite you to do the same if you wish to do so. However (as I'm quite sure that my friend does not want his liberal and Democratic friends to do), I do not want my liberal and Democratic friends to unfriend me. Nonetheless, as a friend (and again, out of love), I will speak the truth to you (and other liberals and Democrats).

Let me start by saying that I am a cousin of Delegate Steven Deboy (D-Baltimore) and a granddaughter of the late retired IRS Agent Jack Czarnecki (an ardent Democrat whose mother, of blessed memory, was a Clinton Democrat). So, right off the bat, you know that I have every reason to be a Democrat—and I don't know what more reason I have to be a Democrat if being a cousin of a Democratic state delegate and the granddaughter of a Jewish Democrat who served tax papers to a viciously-Anti-Semitic Republican isn't reason enough. Besides, my granddad probably secretly shared the sentiments against me that Geraldo Rivera once told Senator Eric Cantor that his mother expressed against him—"What's a nice Jewish boy doing being in the Republican Party?" (or something like that—too bad that I can't find a clip of it. In my case, it would be "Jewish girl"—and my granddad hated me for other reasons as well, and he made that quite clear in his obituary when he listed his stepgranddaughters before he listed my sister and me.)

Also, Delegate Deboy's and my patriarch John T. O'Farrell, Sr. served in the Civil War as a Confederate—and if you know history like I do, you can reasonably ascertain that Pop-Pop Farrell (who dropped the "O'" from his name to assimilate, although he was quite proud to be Irish) was not a Republican. By the way, he lived in Richmond and Atlanta; and those were Dixiecrat bastions. As for Pop-Pop and his mother, they both fell for the lie that Jews have to be Democrats—and that Roman Catholics do, too. 

Remember that Pop-Pop was an Anusi v'ben-Anusim, and that Great-Grandma was both a bat-Anusim and Believing Jew—and if she was pressed, she probably would have confessed to being Jewish. In my own experience and from what I understand, I have rarely known about and/or known a more-honest and -loving person. She wasn't given a choice over what was in her obituary, by the way—had she been able to write her own obituary, she probably would have "talk[ed] about it". After all, those were her exact words to my Aunt Mary about how Great-Granddad treated her and other matters—"No, no; it's okay—I want to talk about it.

From people who knew exactly what they were doing (e.g., Pop-Pop Farrell and Pop-Pop Czarnecki) to people who just never thought about questioning what they were doing (e.g., Great-Grandma—since she didn't have the time and strength to do so), plenty of people in my family have lived the lie that certain people—usually, Non-WASP people—are supposed to be Democrats (After all, even the Civil War Era's Southern United States had plenty of Non-WASPS—for example, Irish Catholics like Pop-Pop Farrell and Jews from the Non-Messianic Judah Benjamin to Messianic Levite David Levy Yulee. By the way, as far as I know, Judah Benjamin and David Levy Yulee are not related to me in any way other than we can all trace our family lines back to Ya'akov ben Yitzchak avinu—they're just examples of Non-WASP Southerners who fit the "Non WASPs are not supposed to be Republicans" stereotype.).

Why they bought into the lie is something for which each of them have been or will be held accountable. Nonetheless, and as I said, I will speak the truth in love. After all, as Paul wrote down concerning my own people in general, so I quote concerning especially the Democrats among my family and friends—whether or not they are of my people—"For I speak to you [outsiders]; inasmuch as I am an apostle to the [outsiders], I magnify my ministry, if by any means I may provoke to jealousy those who are my flesh and save some of them." (NKJV, emphasis in the original)

Of course, the original wording in Romans 11:13-15 was "Gentiles". In this letter, I am replacing "Gentiles" with "outsiders" to refer to those who are not among my family and friends—since I want to speak to the Democrats on the outside as well, especially if they are among my own people (who actually are among my family, anyway, since all of the families of Israel are within the family of Israel).

Now that I have disclosed my Democratic family background, the caveat that I don't hate Democrats (much to the chagrin and disappointment of some Non Democrats, I can ascertain), and my at-least-basic knowledge of history, let me get to the letter. The letter is simply this, or can at least be summed up in this—as if the background isn't part of the letter(!):

I do not understand why a person who at least aspires to be—if he or she is not already—a well-informed and wise person of integrity would ever be a Democrat. After all, what kind of knowledge and wisdom could ever affect an upstanding United States citizen to join a party that was first led by a man who signed off on what led to the Trail of Tears? I just do not see how an American could intelligently and wisely support a political party that holds up Andrew Jackson as a good man and politician. 

In the same vein, what kind of knowledge and wisdom could ever affect an upstanding United States citizen to join a party that supported every evil from slavery to Jim Crow, to the Holocaust? Besides, men like Representative Walter Cohen of Louisiana (an African American and a kohein about whom I encourage you to Google) and my cousin Tibor Rusznyak (a Holocaust survivor of blessed memory) had lived through the evils that Rousseauian Liberals (in contrast to Lockean, or Classical, Liberals) enabled, supported, and/or outrightly caused. Because of having done so, they were Lockean Liberals (Republicans). 

In fact, that African Americans such as Representative Cohen were generally Republicans until Barry Goldwater foolishly decided to vote against the Civil Rights is well known, and (as I myself learned fairly recently) Representative Cohen was also not an anomaly among Jews in his day—in other words, Jews were generally Republicans in the 19th Century, and they somehow got (as the saying goes) off the derech after the 19th Century. For whatever reason, that fellow Jews like Tibor Rusznyak had experienced the horrors of Rousseauian Liberalism in its most-extreme form  (e.g., Fascism such as National Socialism) and applied their experiences to their political lives did—and apparently still does—not matter to them. By the way, the other forms of Rousseauian Liberalism in its most-extreme form include Communism, as—for instance—Lockean (Classical) Liberals Gabby and Anna Hoffman, daughters of Communism survivors, can tell you—and I encourage you to follow them on Twitter and Facebook.

In conclusion, I do not understand how an American who aspires to be or already is a learned and wise person of integrity could ever be or a Democrat. After all, how would he or she be able to knowledgeably and wisely vote for any Rousseauian Liberal in good conscience? Since the acts of being a Rousseauian Liberal and voting for Rousseauian Liberals are inherently lacking in knowledgeability, wisdom, and integrity, an American who is a Democrat gives the impression that he or she is uninformed and/or unintelligent, foolish, and of bad character. This is because he or she seems to be a supporter of the kind of racism, Anti Semitism, and all other manners of evil that Rousseauiann Liberals such as Andrew Jackson and other Dixiecrats, and Adolf Hitler and other National Socialists (whose names and memories God will surely wipe out unless they ever repented) enabled, supported, and/or outrightly practiced (and let me assure you that very few Nazis and Nazi supporters have ever repented or truly repented, or they would have turned themselves in to the Nuremburg, Jerusalem, and Hague authorities).

So What Does Forgiveness Do?

Besides what was already mentioned (and forgive me if I repeat myself), forgiveness:

1. Sometimes makes you even forget what the person who offended you did in the first place.
2. May not make you forget what the person who offended you did in the first place, but it may make you realize that what the person did in the first place is not worth holding a grudge over or actually even that bad. This doesn't mean that the person is right for what he or she did—in fact, he or she may be (at best) completely misguided in what he or she did (and may even continue to be doing), and even (at worst) deliberately wanting to be blind to what he or she did (and may even continue to be doing). Also, what did Jesus say? "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (I don't have the reference right in front of me, by the way...it's Luke 23:34a. I was darned close—I thought that it was Luke 23:24 or something like that.).
3. Make you the better person in that moment. "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”" (Luke 17:3-5) 
4. Make you realize how much you need to be forgiven and hypocritically fall or fall back into unforgiveness. "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who arespiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." (Galatians 6:1)

After all, Rabbi Jesus warned, "But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison." (Matthew 5:22-25)

Therefore, especially if you're Jewish like me—especially if you are Non Messianic and still under the Old Covenant—, for you to fast on Yom Kippur (which is on or around October 3, 2014, depending on which calendar you observe) would be quite hypocritical and pointless, for you will not be forgiven despite that you are שומר או שומרת הצום של כיפור.

Unforgiveness Hurts...

"Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart; thou shalt surely rebuke thy neighbour, and not bear sin because of him. Thou shalt not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD. "

(Leviticus 19:17-18, JPS)

Sometimes, people show how far they can go with unforgiveness. Oh well; it's still worth the risk of seeing if they forgive you & forgiving them for not forgiving you. Now, are most people going to agree with Jesus' words on this? Absolutely not! In fact, I know that some of the people who have left me unforgiven vehemently disagree with Jesus, but they would at least came to agree with the passage from Leviticus—they some apparently do not. 

Nonetheless, what did Jesus—despite what he was, whether or not he was the Messiah or just a great rabbi—say?

"“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5:43-48, NKJV)

Meanwhile, what about me? Is there unforgiveness in me? Sure, and I know that I won't be forgiven until I forgive—and even if I'm not forgiven for my faults, I have to forgive others for theirs (including for not forgiving me). Again, what did Jesus say?

• "And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plankis in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:35)

• "And when He had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”" (John 20:22-23)

As my mom said, by the way, only those who have and/or trust in the Holy Spirit can truly forgive.

• "Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37c)

• "“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15)

Again, there is unforgiveness in me; and I won't be forgiven until I forgive, even if I'm actually not forgiven in the end. But why is this there unforgiveness in me? Am I not a believer? I'm a believer, and one who is both:

• Left unforgiven for my faults by some people (and I am being generous and forgiving by not naming names, at least this time if I've ever named you—you know who you are, and may what I am able to write here convict you of your unforgiveness)

and

• Blamed for and left unforgiven for sins that I didn't even actually commit. For example, I was abused as a kid and blamed for things that I did not do and called a sinner for righteous things that I did do.

Why is this relevant? Jesus said, "[T]o whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”" (Luke 7:47b) This is why I myself have a hard time forgiving people—especially since some people might take my forgiving of them as a sign that they can hurt me again. Plus, I have Obsessive Compulsive and Generalized Anxiety Disorder; so, I'm afraid that I might take it as a sign that they can hurt me again just because I've forgiven them.

Meanwhile, here is one more word from Jesus (through his emissary Paul, whether or not you believe that Jesus spoke directly or indirectly through Paul) before I go back and conclude with one more passage from Tanakh (not counting Hadashah):

"[I]f anyone has caused grief, he has not grieved me, but all of you to some extent—not to be too severe. This punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. Therefore I urge you to reaffirm your love to him. For to this end I also wrote, that I might put you to the test, whether you are obedient in all things. Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive. For if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence of Christ, lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices." (2 Corinthians 2:5-11)

Unforgiveness truly does hurt. As stated, "This punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow."

In conclusion, I urge you to think about the following passage and watch the video that follows it:

"Didst thou not just now cry unto Me: 'My father, Thou art the friend of my youth. Will He bear grudge for ever? Will He keep it to the end?' Behold, thou hast spoken, but hast done evil things, and hast had thy way...

"Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the LORD thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every leafy tree, and ye have not hearkened to My voice, saith the LORD. Return, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am a lord unto you, and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion; and I will give you shepherds according to My heart, who shall feed you with knowledge and understanding. " (Jeremiah 3:4-5, 13-15, JPS)