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I am tired of having my Jewishness questioned (and that includes that I’m still upset over the fact that I even was once accused of questioning someone’s Jewish heritage when I defended somebody for being a ba’al teshuvah when he was being treated like a convert instead of somebody who found out about his Jewish heritage and chose to reconvert to traditional Judaism—that kind of stuff hurts, especially when you haven’t been believed about your own heritage). I didn’t even expect that I would ever find it out, and I didn’t even know about it for the first 18 years of my life. That’s not just something that you say that you are. I have also received Anti-Semitic threats, so it’s not just something that I would just say. I could easily pass like many of my ancestors did. I am an Ethnic Jew—albe mixed blooded—and a bat Anusim— that’s why I’m not as lucky as I have the direct evidence that everyone else has, although I do have circumstantial evidence that should be enough.
I could also convert to traditional Judaism just make everybody happy. I choose to be a Jewish Christian for a reason. “Were I to please everybody, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Multiple times – especially because of my Depression and other circumstances, with my Jewishness being questioned exacerbating all of it – I have thought about taking my own life just to be in Heaven and get the answers that way (I’ve also thought about coming back once I get those answers just to give them to everyone else, but who would believe me then? Besides, I wouldn’t want to come back), and there’s also that I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. Yet, I know that Yehovah (B”H) has me here for a reason. “To live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
Also, I’m too much of a coward to try taking my own life— besides, what would happen if I survive an attempt? And what would happen to Reilly if I did take my own life? I’d like to think that part of my purpose is to help others whom have had their own heritage questioned so that they don’t have to suffer what I’ve suffered, but at least the thought of what would happen if I tried to take my own life and survived possibly being worse than not trying to take my own life at all as well as trying to be a good “Momma” for Reilly keep me living.
PS In case it wasn’t obvious, many of the people who are questioning my heritage are just being bullies because of my mixed blood and because of my beliefs. I should clarify that because I was trying to be charitable, though I realize that with some of them being on my Facebook block list, perhaps I should be clear and not as charitable— though that they’re on my block list is enough, I avoided blocking them for a long time, and I will not name them.
I could also convert to traditional Judaism just make everybody happy. I choose to be a Jewish Christian for a reason. “Were I to please everybody, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Multiple times – especially because of my Depression and other circumstances, with my Jewishness being questioned exacerbating all of it – I have thought about taking my own life just to be in Heaven and get the answers that way (I’ve also thought about coming back once I get those answers just to give them to everyone else, but who would believe me then? Besides, I wouldn’t want to come back), and there’s also that I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. Yet, I know that Yehovah (B”H) has me here for a reason. “To live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
Also, I’m too much of a coward to try taking my own life— besides, what would happen if I survive an attempt? And what would happen to Reilly if I did take my own life? I’d like to think that part of my purpose is to help others whom have had their own heritage questioned so that they don’t have to suffer what I’ve suffered, but at least the thought of what would happen if I tried to take my own life and survived possibly being worse than not trying to take my own life at all as well as trying to be a good “Momma” for Reilly keep me living.
PS In case it wasn’t obvious, many of the people who are questioning my heritage are just being bullies because of my mixed blood and because of my beliefs. I should clarify that because I was trying to be charitable, though I realize that with some of them being on my Facebook block list, perhaps I should be clear and not as charitable— though that they’re on my block list is enough, I avoided blocking them for a long time, and I will not name them.
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