Maybe I Need To Blogpost About My Facebook Page... And Printscreen...

As I said, re my Facebook page and printscreens of it:

So I Was Reading Parsha Lekh L'kha, And Then I Noticed This...

And here are two pictures of it, in reverse order (I think.).

Speaking of Great-Grandma Czarnecki And En El Primero de Novembre de 2011...

Y en el Dia de Los Muertos 2011, I think of and remember Great-Grandma Czarnecki. I think of the woman who was my great-grandma and who I took for granted all those times that we visited her at Apartment 214, 10 E South Street in Wilkes Barre. I think of the woman whose history I never knew or took time to knew-- so she's Pop-Pop's mom, Great-Granddad's widow, the one who's Lithuanian (I assumed from what I was told.). I think of the woman whose life came to a cold, callous end in a hospital with its possessor's leg amputated and with a murder-malice-intenting son who committed Social Security in it.

I think of the good Jewish Evagelical Catholic mother and wife, aunt and sister, and daughter who I've learned so much about since she's been gone-- the daughter of a gentile Trudniak and Jewish Catholic Monkaova of Kacwin and Lapsze Nizne, Poland (both then in Slovakian Austria Hungary), the mother (and grandmother and great-grandmother) of Jews herself ("And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”"; "and in your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed;"-- and if she didn't know, she'd at least be tickled to know that her seed and her mother's seed are also descendants of at least many of the nations of the earth); the wife, aunt, grandaunt, great-grandaunt, and otherwise a relative of a diverse Jewish family

(e.g., I don't think that she'd care anymore that her son Tony's wife is Irish-- she didn't like that Grandaunt Mary Ellen is Irish. Maybe she wanted, but just never said that she wanted, Granduncle Tony to marry a good Jewish girl-- particularly an Ashkenazic Jewish Catholic girl, Anusit or open about her Jewishness-- and not make the same mistake that she did and marry a meshugener, who would've been a meshugene in Granduncle Tony's case. V'chalilah when Pop-Pop married Grandma-- she did not like her. She even cut her out of a picture and replaced her with a Christmas tree.).

And looking back on all I've learned and all that I saw for myself, especially in a Jewish context; I see an elter-bubbie for whom I will pursue tzedek-- "Tzedek, tzedek, tirdof."-- and let her son learn that of all things that he's done, (so to speak) stepping all over his good Jewish Christian mama is one thing with which he will not get away.


I am a Monkaova Trudniak, no question.

Great-Grandma Czarnecki her grandson Gary on my dad's first wedding day, July 22, 1989. This is how I remember her-- except that she was much older when I met her.

At Dad's baptism. Great-Granddad is next to her.

She is holding Aunt Mary, Great-Granddad next to her and holding Dad. Granduncle Red is on the right, Granduncle Jim next to Great-Grandma.



Great-Grandma Czarnecki on her wedding day, May 10, 1934. I should've known-- she was too pretty to be just Slovakian.

With mama Anna Trudniak nee Monkaova

I'm Doing A Little Better, And It'll Be A Day-To-Day-Thing...

A day-to-day and pray-to-pray thing. Having Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy plus OCD/Anxiety/Depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (and the BRCA1 gene), plus being a "mamzerah" Jewish American in a culture and in communities that don't accept Jews-- especially Messianic Jews-- is hard. Add having an imperfect-- e.g., covetous, adulterous, faithless, hopeless, hypocritical-- human nature to all that, and you've got a situation where a day-to-day, pray-to-pray thing is needed. Also, I'm still living with Great-Grandma Gaydos' avodah koferah (If you think that we have Vilmosz's et. al.'s blood removed from our hands-- although Vilmosz and others did survive-- you're meshuga: you don't understand what guilt down to the third and fourth generations is). And I'm living with Great-Grandma Czarnecki's blood because of Pop-Pop's avoda kofer and how he is left unprosecuted after almost five years.

So as a disabled, trying-to-figure-out-my-identity-as-a-Jew Jew and Jewish-American Christian with more than just Cerebral Palsy and meshuges un tsuris in di mispoche to deal with; I have a long, painful way and road to go-- though prayers have been answered so far, even if (over the years) not always in ways in which I'd've liked them to be answered.

Piano Lessons (And Calling Myself To the Carpet Is A Process)

In piano lessons today and during other times, I realize that I freak out and am not as focued as I should be on the music. Per my OCD/Anxiety/Depression and possible Aspberger's-- and non-medicated AD(H)D--, I can't stay as fully focused. I think about getting through practice as quickly as possible, or at least trying to, and being like the others who can (so to speak) churn out something like Bach's "Prelude in A Minor" in a minute or two (I can't play as fastly because of my Cerebral Palsy.). I worry about what other people will think, even if and though they're not in the practice room. For example, on the cover of the "American Soldier" sheet music is a picture of Toby Keith-- it's almost or somewhat like Toby is there and watching me-- and what would he think? (As I said, calling myself to the carpet, including sharing my weirder thoughts, is a process.)

And I don't practice as much as I should. Due to OCD, etc. and escapism, etc.; I just don't practice as much as I should-- I practice in small spurts, too-small spurts. And during my spurts, I often have the computer in my room by me. And as I said,  I think about getting through practice as quickly as possible, or at least trying to, and being like the others who can (so to speak) churn out something like Bach's "Prelude in A Minor" in a minute or two-- and get to their computers and go on Facebook or whatever.

I'll, unless by some miracle, never be Mozart, Beethoven, or Sallieri.

How Jews Can Celebrate the Day of the Dead-- Exclusively-Shared Political Cartoon

This isn't what his grave looks like, by the way. It's just a Jewish-Hispanic representation. He was an Anusi Ashkenazi Yehudi who was born in the Diaspora in Tsuman, Ukraine (then Cuman, Wolyn, Ukraina, Rusia). His birth name is unknown, and his shem l'mikveh katoli was Antoni Jan Julianowicz Czerniecki (Czarniecki).  

As I Said, I Do Not Sugarcoat and Am Calling Myself To the Carpet, Even If I Get Shunned...

And you know, people like me when I didn't sugarcoat the first time-- when, for example, I talked about what I knew about my family history (which keeps slowly and shockingly unfolding before me-- now if only either the Rapture, some crisis that'll make Dad or Pop-Pop or someone else confess what he, or she, knows; or the AG and Luzerne County DA hurry up and prosecute Pop-Pop. Once the Jack Czarnecki that either everyone dreads and dislikes or fears and likes moves out of the way, someone will talk-- and he brought his own downfall by committing Social Security fraud and murder-malice action).

Incidentally, this reminds me that Great-Great-Granddad Rusnak was born today in 1877 (P'rushi Cheshvan 25, 5638). Hopefully, he wasn't an SOB like his kapo daughter was a Holocaust enabler and his grandson-in-law was a murderer (and as I said, I still have to say that Great-Grandma Czarnecki still doesn't have justice nearly five years later-- nor does the family who Pop-Pop and others hid a lot from and caused a lot of pain to).

In this lifetime, I won't get over what quite a few in my family did in a lot of ways-- and that's why I call them out. And that's why I call myself out: I don't want to be like them. I want to be honest about the imperfect and hypocritical human being that I am with imperfect and many hypocritical or hypocrisy-tainted thoughts, reservations, intentions, etc.

I told you (and G-d) about quite a bit of what was on my heart and in my mind; and there's a lot more for which I would and will get shunned-- besides for being disabled, of course; but being disabled plus all that will get me shunned more.

And I don't (or at least I try not to) hide that I'm probably in a lot of trouble for being human, and I might get hurt for being human and being honest about being human. But so what? As I said about Mitt Romney versus Hermain Cain, "I'd rather have a self-admitted-imperfect candidate like Mitt Romney than any seemingly-too-good-to-be-true person on the Presidential ticket any day"-- which means that in any given situation, I'd rather have a self-admitted-imperfect person than any seemingly-too-good-to-be-true person any day.