Re "For Some Moms, The Nest May Never Be Empty"

My dad's 49-year-old cousin Jamie was treated for seizures when he was 1.5 years old, and the doctors at the hospital gave him an overdose of codeine. They didn't wait to check with my granduncle and grandaunt, whom were out on a date night and having my grandaunt's sister babysit Jamie, and this was despite that Jamie is allergic to codeine.

As a result of the codeine overdose, Jamie got Cerebral Palsy and had his development stop right then and there. My granduncle and grandaunt were gracious and merciful about it, understanding that my grandaunt's sister tried her best by taking Jamie to the hospital. They also gave the doctors the benefit of the doubt, and they opted to not put him in a Pennsylvania state hospital or school (and this was three years before Willowbrook in New York was exposed).

I can only imagine the "What might've been?" and "Why did this happen?" questions that they've had, and especially since Granduncle Jim's endured a lot of other losses along with Jamie's loss of a normal life. Even before he lost the chance to see Jamie have a normal life, he lost his uncle (my great-granduncle) Bernie (of blessed memoryy) only years before (and Great-Granduncle Bernie had a botched shrapnel-removal operation that resulted in his having brain damage and resulting regression to a child-like state); and he lost his father (my great-grandfather Anthony Czarnecki, whom was a very-difficult man and -abusive father) due to Depression-affected suicide in the year after Great-Granduncle Bernie died at the Veteran's Affairs Home and Hospital in Lebanon, Pennsylvania due to a Coronary Occlusion as a result of a Schizophrenia flareup (and perhaps Granduncle Jim and even other relatives—and I myself recently—have wondered if Great-Granduncle Bernie didn't actually have a DVA-forced lobotomy that did damage similar to the damage that Jamie's codeine overdose did).

As for some of the losses after Granduncle Jim's having to deal with Jamie's loss of a normal life:

1. His brother (my granduncle) Francis (of blessed memory) died at the age of 45 due a heart attack and Alcoholism in 1985.
2. His brother (my granduncle) Tony died unexpectedly in 2014 at the age of 68—and being almost four years older than him, he expected to be outlived by him.
3. His daughter, Denise, has never married or had children due to suspending much of her life to help care for her older sibling—so, he's also watched as Denise has lost a chance to live a normal life.
4. He nearly lost his own life when he could've died due to a fall that he had from a letter in 2007, when he was trying to clean some eggs that some punks had thrown onto his roof. 

As for Grandaunt Annie, she's endured both losses of her own losses that she and Granduncle Jim have shared. Meanwhile, both Granduncle Jim and Grandaunt Annie are in their 70s, and both of them are probably wondering what they're going to do in terms of what happens with Jamie when each of them dies—and what happens, if Denise, who's now in her 40s, and/or other relatives can't and/or won't take care of Jamie after they are gone?

Thus, I think that Granduncle Jim and Grandaunt Annie—and perhaps especially Granduncle Jim—can relate to that feeling of never being able to have an empty nest and especially never being able to watch each of their children live a normal life, let alone having children and grandchildren that'll someday live their own normal lives. 

PS To Miriam Sokol, let me add to the following:

"I didn't know that, for example, my dad's 49-year-old cousin is a "difficult child". But what do I know? That overdose that he had on codeine when he was 1.5 years old must've been his fault. Never mind that the doctors at the hospital didn't wait to check with my granduncle and grandaunt before they tried to treat him due to his seizures."

What I want to add is this:

Jamie is not at all a "difficult child" (and neither is every other child or adult whom's afflicted with especially-severe physical and intellectual disabilities). In fact, Jamie is a very-sweet and -loving person (as I remember from when I and my side of my family would see other sides of the family every year that we could up to Pennsylvania to visit my great-grandmother, of blessed memory).

Some Examples Of Effects Of When Losses Of Relationships, Whether In Life Or Due To Death, Still Affect Someone After A Long Time

The reason that I write this entry, by the way, is because I'm thinking about—among other relationships that I've lost—a relationship with a dear friend and a writing mentor that I've lost—and one effect of that is that I can't finish the manuscript of the next book on which I'm working*. Losses of relationships like that can be paralyzing, and it's paralyzing in this case because he or she was one of the three friends whom inspired me to even write the book.

As far as other examples of effects because of other relationships which I've lost, and examples to which I'm sure others can relate:

1. Death of family members does indeed bring about the inability to know about and discover parts of yourself and your history. For example, I never got to know the Jewish Mary Trudnak Czarnecki (z"l) about whom I might've had a clue had I thought about staying in touch with her (e.g., That story that she told Mom about spitting on a neighbor's line-drying sheets would've been fully understood before had I know that she's an Ashkenazi Jew whom had the misfortune of living next to her shanda-fur-die-goyim in-law brother Susi, whom Granduncle Tony [z"l] called "an SOB" for understandable reasons. To spit re someone or something horrid is a minhag Ashkenazi, as I later learned, by the way.)
2. Per the example above, I also never knew that she died under horrible circumstances, and only after I reconnected with another relative find and figure out how horrid they were. Great-Grandma, I think, passed down much of my Yiddishkeit to me, whether she knew or didn't know that she did, by the way.
3. Even losses of toxic relationships and/or other relationships whose endings are not your fault can bring bad effects, such as apprehension about your reputation and the effects thereof. For instance, being stalked on even LinkedIn by the sister of my sister's ex boyfriend was not at all fun—that caused an exacerbation in my Depression which carried over into the first year of Reilly's being home. Also, I still wonder what lies the ex boyfriend's family are telling about me and who those lies have reached—for all I know, I could come into contact with an HR manager whom has been told that I'm a crazy troublemaker by the family, and he or she doesn't know that (for instance) the now-ex boyfriend was "reenacting" as a Nazi ("German soldier") and has some very-Anti-Semitic friends (one of whom directed a "Heil ******, b****" slur at me when I confronted him.).
4. Losses of relationships due or at least partly due to mistakes that you've made can have the same and/or similar effects as the losses of relationships for which you had and have no fault. I'm still dealing with, for instance, bringing up that another cousin's hospitalization is due partly to our assimilation—I should've known, e.g., that a certain family member would ignore that Ashkenazi Jewish systems are not designed to digest and process what treif food we've picked up eating over the years; and I should've known that this same family member would defend "Grandma" (to me, Great-Grandma) Gaydos re Vilmosz (z"l v'HY"D).

I could give more examples of relationship-loss types and effects thereof, though I've written enough to get my point across to you. Besides, writing all of this has a bad side, which includes distress from bad memories and a distress-affected IBS flareup.

*By the way, the first book can be looked at, at Amazon and MoreBooks.De. I've made nothing from them yet and don't want to do so until I'm sure that, e.g., I can pay my student loans off and have a secure future—being a living-at-home, single, disabled, and 26-year-old two-time-ex-girlfriend (with each ex boyfriend being men with whom I had to break up and on whom I had to call the police) sucks—nothing about, e.g., being almost $25K in student debt and a person with C.P. and comorbid conditions (including Depression) is glamorous. 

Sitting Shiva Isn't Always About Physical Death

I know this because I'm well read enough and have delved enough into my own family history. Shiva can be sat when:

1. A child or other relatives intermarries (This happened to the late Ruth McBride Jordan, nee Rachel Deborah Shilsky [Ruchel Dwajra Zylska] when she was even just in a relationship with Dennis McBride.). This normally doesn't happen if a child marries solely a "shvartze"--as the Yiddish pejorative was thrown about back then. This happens if a child marries any gentile who doesn't convert or is not accepted for conversion into Judaism.
2. A child or other relative converts out of particularly Non-Messianic Judaism into--e.g.--Roman Catholicism (or other so-called "denominations of Messianic Judaism [Christianity]"), even if they remain Non Messianic and are merely Anusim. Sometimes, shiva isn't even sat and there's a rowdy hatefest where the convert's "death" or death is celebrated (See "Evel Rabbati", which takes work to find but is worth fighting. As the Anti Semites like to tripe on about and the Karaites note, this is what the P'rushiyin do not want you to know.). The P'rushiyin particularly hated Jesus, and revisionists like to pretend that another Yeshua is mentioned, but all one has to do is look at Bava Metzi'a 59b and the New Testament to get the idea pretty quickly.
3. A child or other relative acts so despicably that the circumstances play out as if he or she is dead, would rather be dead, or would be better off as such.
4. A child or other relative is in circumstances in he or she is dead, would rather be dead, or would be better off as such. For example, a child who is inevitably going to die of terminal cancer and not be miraculously healed may have shiva sat for him ot her early on.

Shiva can always be reversed for the living. For example, Ruth McBride Jordan did get back in touch with one of her cousins who she hadn't seen in years and who was in California. Even relatives who had sat shiva for her (viz. her aunts Mary and Bernadette) had contact with her, even though that contact was telling her that they sat shiva for her and she was to stay out of their lives (which Mary did)--as well as slamming the door in her face when she reached out to them for help (which Bernadette did).

In my own family's case, I have been in touch with Rusnak relatives before. Also, the Czerneckis did write to us once to ask for the deed to be changed. Shiva will also be reversed for Aunt Mary if she ever reaches out to me again (See #3 to give you an idea of what she did. All that I'll say is that, that took hutzpah to cut me off without at least telling me why she would--at least Ruth McBride Jordan's aunt Mary told her that she cut her off and gave her a hint as to why she did.).

Shiva cannot be reversed for the dead (unless they of course miraculously rise again).

Part 16 Of My Stage32 Submission

As the old saying goes, "Now it can be told."--and in this case, I add that I frankly do not care how much trouble I get into. I talked to my dad recently--and yes, I am trying to reconcile with my dad--, and I sadly heard only accusations that Aunt Mary has "mental problems" and is actually angry that Pop-Pop did not preserve Great-Grandma's life with extreme measures. Nonetheless--if Dad is to be believed--, that medical records indicate that Great-Grandma was "bleeding from the rectum" only confirm that Aunt Mary wtanted exactly what Great-Grandma wanted--that is, for Great-Grandma to die at home as Great-Grandma herself requested.

As for Aunt Mary having mental problems, I can assure you that--based on other stories which I have heard and experiences that I have had--Aunt Mary has no mental problems whatsoever. As I stated, Great-Grandma Czarnecki's murder will become important when I jump back to how Pop-Pop treated others--and so I jump back.

By the way, Grandma laughed when telling the following anecdote. When she and Pop-Pop were dating--in the 1950s, when dating was much more exclusive than it is now--, Pop-Pop took someone else to a New Year's dance when Grandma could not go to the dance due to a curfew that her mom set. Why Grandma would, meanwhile, I do not know--whether she was nervous or hiding pain behind laughter, or actually thought that it was funny is left up to my best guess at this point. Nonetheless, it showed me that Pop-Pop would not bother to wait for his girl or just enjoy the time with friends instead of cheating on her.

As for another anecdote--besides the "those" anecdote--, I myself experienced this one:

Pop-Pop: "...and the Orientals--"

Dad: "Asians, Dad!"

Pop-Pop: "Anyway, the ASIANS..."

I do not buy that a former IRS Agent and Crypto Jew did not know better or just slipped up--after all, his brother Tony deliberately (as I found out later) deliberately moved away from Sugar Notch to (in part) escape the racism and lack of diversity there.

As for another self-experienced anecdote:

Pop-Pop: "There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq"

Dad: "The weapons were moved to Syria"

...

Dad: "You can't change history, Dad!"

Hold on for more anecdotes--and did I not tell you that Great-Grandma's murder is important in light of how Pop-Pop treats others? See if you can see a clear picture emerging. 

Part 15 of My Stage32 Submission

Where I last left off, I was relating the current Great Depression ("Recession") and the Pearl Harbor murders to the First Great Depression and the 9/11 attacks. Looking over some of what else I have written down as well, I am still trying to find a point where to restart writing--thus, I will jump forward to Great-Grandma Czarnecki's murder. Her murder will become important when I jump back to how Pop-Pop treated others.

I have written extensively about this. By the way, Pop-Pop would have gone after me if none of what I wrote down is true. Besides, I only received an e-mail which stated that my 93-year-old great-grandmother died--which indicated nothing unusual or out of the ordinary. I was not there to see firsthand what really happened--Aunt Mary was. In short, Aunt Mary saw second-degree, murder-malice-theory murder and Social Security Fraud happen.

You can judge for yourself, but here is what I wrote to the Pennsylvania Attorney General's Office and what the AG's office forwarded to the Luzerne County District Attorney:

"To Whom It May Concern:     

    I have decided to contact the Pennsylvania Attorney General's Office, Criminal Prosecutions Section per the February 12, 2007 death of Mary M. Trudnak Czarnecki. I am requesting an investigation into the death of the late Mrs. Czarnecki because I believe that for over three years, her son John "Jack" Gregory Czarnecki caused Mrs. Czarnecki (his mother) to die in the circumstances and situation in which he should have been immediately investigated at minimum for third- or second-degree murder/homicide with implied murder-malice theory, and a maximum of second- or first-degree murder/homicide with malicious intent.

    I understand the circumstances of Mrs. Czarnecki's death to have been mainly or solely caused by Mr. Jack Czarnecki (who, at the time, was given Power of Attorney over her), and have been told of the circumstances by a reliable and direct eyewitness-earwitness to the crime. The witness (and I am asking that for the time being, her name be protected. Anyway, the witness) is Mary Czarnecki Miskell; who was frequently with Mrs. Czarnecki at the time of Mrs. Czarnecki's death, at Wilkes-Barre General Hospital.

    The situation concerning Mrs. Czarnecki's death began when Mrs. Czarnecki was, during an illness of gangrene, transported to Wilkes-Barre Hospital due to Mr. Jack Czarnecki's desire to rid her from his residence as she was dying and he had other plans besides looking after his ailing mother. As I summarize the situation for the time being as I understand it, Mrs. Czarnecki, 93, knew that she was dying and wanted to pass away at her son's Millersville, Anne Arundel County, Maryland home; but Mr. Czarnecki (70 at the time, now to be 74 on May 25, 2010), wanting to travel to Las Vegas and not honor the wishes of his mother, arranged to have her transported to Wilkes Barre General.

    At the hospital, Mrs. Czarnecki gave the delegation of Power of Attorney over her to Mr. James "Jim" Julian Czarnecki, Sr.. Due to circumstances beyond his control, Mr. Jim Czarnecki could not retain his delegation as Power of Attorney for his mother; and his brother Jack thus took over the delegation. Mr. Jack Czarnecki then arranged that his mother would have a surgery to have Mrs. Czarnecki's gangrene-infected limb (specifically, one of her legs) amputated and post-surgically discarded. Mrs. Czarnecki, obviously given the position that she was in, consented to the surgery but had to fight to have her amputated leg not discarded (since she intended to have the leg buried with her when she passed away).

    Mrs. Czarnecki, as aforementioned, passed away due to gangrene on February 12, 2007 at Wilkes Barre General Hospital.

    I am hoping, therefore, that the Pennsylvania Attorney General's Office, Criminal Prosecutions Section investigates the death of Mrs. Czarnecki and the circumstances of what I believe was the murder of Mrs. Czarnecki by her son Jack Czarnecki as soon as possible. I have notified the witness aforementioned, Mary Czarnecki Miskell, that I have made the request of an investigation to the Pennsylvania Attorney General's Office; and will (if and as necessary) either have Mary Miskell contact the party or parties to be involved in the prosecution of Mr. Czarnecki, or (with and only with her permission) provide her contact information to the aforementioned parties. Thank you for your time and work in seeking justice for Mary M. Trudnak Czarnecki...."

Here is the Social Security Death Record Index for proof of Social Security fraud--which I forgot to mention in the first letter--, by the way (I've since--to no avail--tried to get the case reopened.):

Name:	Mary Czarnecki
Last Residence:	21108  Millersville, Anne Arundel, Maryland
Born:	28 Jul 1913
Died:	12 Feb 2007
State (Year) SSN issued:	Pennsylvania (Before

Was Aunt Mary when I decided to write the letter? Absolutely not! She was afraid of Pop-Pop and she did not want any more trouble--but trouble did come when Pop-Pop, proving himself all the more guilty, called Aunt Mary's then husband--now ex husband--at his then workplace to yell at him after the Luzerne County District Attorney's Office called him.

By the way, I had no clue that Great-Grandma's middle name was "Theresa". Here is the obituary that Pop-Pop wrote for her (By the way, she had no great-great-grandchildren at that time--Dad's stepgranddaughter does not count as her great-great-granddaughter.):

Mary Czarnecki

February 12, 2007

Mary Czarnecki, 93, formerly of Freed Street, Sugar Notch, died Monday in the Wilkes-Barre General Hospital.
Born in Ashley on July 28, 1913, she was the daughter of the late Michael and Anna Monka Trudnak. She was employed by several local garment factories, until her retirement. She was a member of Holy Family Church, Sugar Notch.
She was preceded in death by her husband, Anthony; son, Francis; sisters, Elizabeth, Anne, Rose and Sophie; brothers, Michael, John, Bernard, Frank, Joseph and Edward.
Surviving are sons, John Czarnecki and his wife, Joan, Millersville, MD; James Czarnecki and his wife, Ann, Fairless Hills, Pa.; Anthony Czarnecki and his wife, Mary Ellen, Jamesburg, NJ; 12 grandchildren; many great-grandchildren, one great-great granddaughter; numerous nieces and nephews.
Funeral services will be held on Saturday at 11 a.m. from the George A. Strish Inc. Funeral Home, 105 N. Main St., Ashley, with a Mass of Christian Burial at 11:30 a.m. in Holy Family Church, with the Rev. Vincent Dang officiating. Interment will follow in St. Mary’s Cemetery, Hanover Township. Family and friends may call on Friday from 7 to 9 p.m. and on Saturday from 10 to 11 a.m.
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in Mary’s memory to the Little Flower Manor, 200 S. Meade St., Wilkes-Barre, PA 18702.

Part 14 Of My Stage32 Submission

With this part, I want to be very careful--after all, September 11th is not something to exploit or merely connect to other events. Nonetheless, think about--if you will--September 11, 2001 and September 24, 2008--as if our economy needed any more pain (after all, human lives were already impacted and the financial center of global trade attacked on September 11th)! Then think about October 24, 1929 and December 7, 1941. In a--if you will--weird or strange way--which is hard to explain--, we have lived the reserve parallel of what my great-grandparents and grandparents lived.

In other words, we were attacked before our economy crashed--actually, twice (once in 1993 with the World Trade Center bombed, the second time with people murdered due to murderers who crashed planes with people in the World Trade Center--and I will not call the murderers "suicide bombers" or " jihadis" due to that there are real suicide victims and people fighting for real holy causes in violent ways).

My great-grandparents, on the other hand, saw their economy crash before they were attacked--and if one counts the J.P. Morgan bombing, they went through an attack-Depression-attack pattern. We went through an attack-attack-"Recession"--actually, "Depression"--pattern. Also oddly enough, the First Great Depression happened on Great-Granddad's 25th birthday--after which he had to go to a mental hospital (He had met Great-Grandma either before he left Sugar Notch for Wood River, Illinois or after he came back from Wood River--since they both worked in a silk mill at least in the 20s, whereas he may have been coal mining around the time that and after he went to Wood River.). September 11th, on the other hand, happened on a steprelative's 77th birthday--and he was suffering an unrelated mental problem--though the steprelative has nothing to do with this story but that he shares a creepy parallel with a man who saw a tragic event happen on his birthday. On another unrelated note, "December 7th" and "September 11th" kind of rhyme.

Meanwhile and anyway, my great-grandparents lived through the Depression--and Pop-Pop (as you may already know if you have been paying attention, Jack) and his brothers Francis "Red" Anthony and James "Jim" Julian Czarnecki were all born into the Depression. I sadly have nothing to tell about what they remember about the First Great Depression and Pearl Harbor--I am estranged from Pop-Pop and Granduncle Red died before I was born. As for Granduncle Jim, he was only two and probably could not tell me much--if anything--about the Depression--that is, he was only two when the Depression happened, and not even conceived when Pearl Harbor happened.

What I do know is that Great-Granddad was too old and too mentally unable to serve in World War Two, his brothers Edward "Ed" Leo, Joseph--aka, the wicked "Suzy"--, and Bernie all served. I have already discussed Great-Granduncle Bernie, and spare me if I'm repeating details--I'm discussing Great-Granduncle Bernie again.

Pfc. Bernard "Bernie" S. Czarnecki was born on March 15 (though his dad claimed that he was born on May 15), 1920 at the 203-207 Freed Street compound--although the Census indicates that 203 was being rented at the time, and he therefore was born at 205 or 207 Freed Street. Pfc. Bernie Czarnecki enlisted in the military on December 12, 1940 and was recorded as enlisting again on February 17, 1941. Pfc. Czarnecki served in the Army's 111th Infantry Division Medical Corp., in which he was attacked while he was in the battlefield. With a piece of shrapnel in his head and a botched operation to remove the shrapnel, he was discharged exactly five years after he enlisted. After dischargement, he lived the rest of his life in the Lebanon, Pennsylvania Veterans' Affairs Home and Hospital.

As stated, his widowed sister--Alexandria Alice Czarnecki Dombroski--took care of and set up a Social Security account for him. As also stated, Johnkie and Suzy cruelly took his--and their sister's--benefits when he died from his war wounds on July 16, 1963. Meanwhile, I once tried writing to the Department of Veterans' Affairs to get more information about him--and I was not next-of-kough for them to get any information. Pfc. Czarnecki also never even got a Purple Heart--much less someone to claim him as next of kin and preserve his memory in the past three generations.

I've Blogged About This Before, But...

While (meanwhile) this (with the included YouTube video) is my first blog entry in which I haven't looked like a mess in a while, I--speaking of messes--would like to say that I take comfort in the messes and losses, and other pains with which people have affected me--and with which they tried to effect the worst in me and against me. But as Eleanor Roosevelt recognized (though I honestly don't want to credit an Anti Semite like her for anything), nobody can make anybody feel inferior without his or her consent. 

So--for example, and each of you know who you are--,your attempt at manipulating me by cutting off our friendship didn't work. Your telling me to "shut up and grow up" affected me only block you and never want to talk to you again--at least for the meantime. Your trying to spy on me and threatening of others affected me only to speak out more against you.

Unlike you--even if I am looking in only from the outside, in which case I was in only one of the cases--, I did my homework and--by doing my homework--obtained evidence by which I was able to back up what I said. For you--the one in the first case--, you showed me what kind of person you really are and how you would rather put what you want to believe and family over what is the truth and over G-d. As the Messiah who (as far as I can tell) you refuse to believe, anyway, said, "“No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”" You'd rather have this world than "a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life." What else can I say that I don't need your friendship or want it if you're going to be like that, and that your reward is with you--since you're of the world, and you've chosen the world as your reward?

As for the two of you with whom I was on the inside, I said about one of you that you don't "know how corrupt the Czarneckis et. al. are, and [you don't know] who are of the righteous remnant among them." As for the other, "If you think that you can hurt me or anybody else but yourselves in the end (except for those whom, perhaps, "you make...twice as much...son[s] of hell as yourselves"), you're wrong." 

I take comfort in the messes and losses with which you (among others) have tried to effect the worst in and against me because I know that out of them:

• I may grow stronger if they don't kill me; and either way,  I "do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul[, b]ut rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."
• Retribution for me and against you may come. As I've stated, "I'm warning you because I don't want the evil that you have done to come back and bite you--for I believe to "[r]est in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; [d]o not fret because of him who prospers in his way, [b]ecause of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass." (Psalm 37:7) That doesn't mean, however, that I'll stand by and shut up. "For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops.""
• Not only may retribution for me and against you come, but that part of that retribution may be that you find a reason to thank me--and perhaps at a time when I'm gone (either having emigrated to another part of the country or even made aliyah, or having been Raptured or dead). If and when I'm gone when you want to thank me, you might even be dead and in Hell--and then, you'll really have missed your chance to thank me and change your ways.

"Who has believed our report? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?" You obviously haven't; so you obviously won't believe One Who is Greater than me and every one of you, and you--unless retribution for me does come and you are affected to change your ways because of the retribution against you--won't believe (or rather, want to believe) when I am speaking the truth about anything else, let alone what I've already spoken about.

That retribution, I believe, may come in the form of when someone that I warned you about betrays a loved one of yours or even you, when you find out something that I even hinted at and you'll wish you knew then what you now know, or when you find out that I was right about something else. Then, as I said, I may be gone and you might even be gone, and then you'll really have missed your chance to thank me and change your ways.

I'm Used To Loss, But...

No matter how many or what losses I go through, they're still (at least to some extent) painful. I'm not perfect--I've deserved some of my losses--but some of my losses come because of people who don't want to understand me, understand the truth about someone or something, etc..

My most-recent loss, I guessed, was coming. I prayed that it wouldn't, and was hurt and shocked when it came. I'm not going to try to restore that loss--maybe I'll pray that it can be restored, but I'll be okay if it isn't. Maybe I'll be even better off if it isn't restored.

As I stated; I'm not perfect and I've deserved some of my losses, though some of my losses come because of people who don't want to understand me, or the truth about another person or a matter, or whatever else. In fact; some losses--even though painful--are, so to speak, badges of honor. For example, I got blocked on Twitter by Toby Keith's worldly son for speaking the truth about his sister's and dad's fans and "friends"--and as the Bible says:

¹⁸ “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. ¹⁹ If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. ²⁰ Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also.

Also, as an old saying goes, some people are in your life for only a season. As another old saying goes, what doesn't kill you may make you stronger--though it doesn't always make you stronger. I should know--for example, my Category Three brainbleed that resulted in my Diplegic-Spastic Cerebral Palsy certainly did not make me physically stronger; even though it made me spiritually stronger, but only through grace. 

For another example, look at cigarettes and marijuana--they may not kill you (at least right away), but they certainly don't make you stronger. My mom's mom smoked for over 50 years, and she certainly wasn't made stronger by smoking--in fact, she still has emphysema. Also, Willie Nelson smokes marijuana, and he's becoming weaker every year--some would even say that the killing of his brain cells is what's making him more liberal, as the old joke about drug users (which has a ring of truth to it) goes: look at the Anti-Vietnam, pot-smoking hippies in the 1960s and 1970s, for instance.

In conclusion, I'm used to loss--whether a loss that I have is due to my imperfection or due to someone hating the truth about me or someone else, or something. While loss may not always make me stronger (at least initially), I'd rather have what losses make me stronger than what gains and losses make me weaker. For example, I'd rather have loss for speaking the truth about users, abusers, and other bad company, and matters regarding politics, drugs, and other subjects. If keeping my soul costs me the world who hates me, anyway, so be that I keep my soul and lose the world. After all, "what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?" (Mark 8:36) Furthermore, "what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ.  Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ  and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith;  that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

By the way, if you haven't accepted Jesus (Yeshua), you are still under Torah--"Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God.  Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin." Torah has gone out to all the ends of the earth, and even gentiles are now under Torah or grace. "Do we then make void the law through faith? Certainly not! On the contrary, we establish the law." The established law is grace, and Torah for those not under grace. "“Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah—  not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the Lord...If those ordinances depart [f]rom before Me, says the Lord, [t]hen the seed of Israel shall also cease [f]rom being a nation before Me forever.""