The #PowerofDad

I'll give my dad this: without the fact that his dad was awfully dark for being White, I wouldn't've even suspected that I'm Jewish.

By the way, yes, Pop-Pop was very dark for being "Polish" and "Lithuanian":

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July 22, 1989

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The 100th birthday of his mother, Mary Trudnak Czarnecki, z"l. I am not sure if her late son ever saw her again. At least he ate kosher enough at the Glen Burnie Carnival—and, yes, the irony is that he was a self loather who was responsible for how his mother died.

How Sad...

The Cha-Barber boys clearly look unhappy:



How sad to have to deal with, let alone realize, what your dad and stepmom did to your mom at such a young age. 

Composed From Tweets and Facebook Statuses: Yad L'Achim, And Other Self-Hating Jews And Anti Semites....

I'll never get why some Messianic Jews dread groups like Yad L'Achim-- what can man do to us that G-d hasn't planned since before time? Meanwhile, I actively call for parties like Likud & Yisra'el Beiteinu to stop supporting & enabling groups like Yad L'Achim. I even once called & confronted Yad L'Achim in New York. They're just abusive control freaks. Don't let 'em get to you (Here, I'm talking to people like my friend who got mad at me for saying that she is Messianic. She doesn't want Yad L'Achim to know & attack her.).

I should clarify that I am talking about fellow Messianic Jews across the board, me sadly included, when I say that I'll never get why some Messianic Jews dread groups like Yad L'Achim. I get afraid. (I-- even I-- get dreadful of everything of rejection to persecution.). I was abused and persecuted by my Self-Hating-, Non-Messianic-Jewish dad. I've been there, done that, and come to realize that I'm going to get persecuted almost daily if not daily. But I'm not afraid of my faith or what people will do to me because of it-- not if I don't want to be, for "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I'm even making aliyah if G-d wills, and I'm going to have a Hell of a time as a Patrilineal, Messianic Jew with a disability. 

I know that Yad L'Achim is dangerous, but Yeshua stated clearly, "But before all these things, they will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons. You will be brought before kings and rulers for My name’s sake." (Luke 21:12) I've received threats from people in the same vein, including Anti Semites. By the way, remember that Antimissionaries (Countermissionaries) and Anti Semites are ultimately in the same vein.

Someone Searched That Cruz Rivera Is "Illegitimate"...

That Cruz Rivera is "illegitimate" is bullshit. As Michael Reagan (himself an "illegitimate" child and one who was adopted) once reiterated, the parents-- not the children-- are the illegitimate ones. In fact, if children were illegitimate, my cousin Kevin would be an illegitimate great grandchild-- after all, his great-granddad George cheated with Kevin's great-grandmom. But as is, Great-Great-Granduncle George was the illegitimate great-granddad.

erica levy

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geraldo rivera adultery

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geraldo rivera cruz rivera illegitimate

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And Great-Great-Granddad Czarnecki's Death May Have Not Been An Accident After All...

I told a friend about quite a bit of my family history recently; and in the course of the discussion, he suggested that the "sudden fall of rock" and circumstances surrounding it may have been no accident-- it may have been an intentional, well-planned (even if spur-of-the-moment planned) suicide. Remember, he was a schicker and frequently farshikert, the man (husband) of a meshugene vayb, was an Anusi trying to survive being sat shiva for and virtually exiled from Poland Russia to live as an Anusi in America, and tateh of a man who committed suicide.

So, who knows? My friend may have had a point: that mine "accident" may have been a by-fall-of-rock suicide.

"Antoni" and "Katarzyna" were given by Great-Great-Grandma about her parents as well; Great-Great-Granddad was born c. December 24, 1876; etc. Even the death certificate is full of intentional misinformation.

I Hope That My Relatives Who Hate Me, Particularly the One Who Called Me a "F---ing Psycho"....

Are reading this. Some of you I know are no better better than Dad, Pop-Pop, Grandma, Great-Grandma Gaydos, etc.; so you'll be who you'll be, and I can't change that. Some of you have been affected by Dad and the others who hate me, are just plain hateful, etc., to hate me and/or even turn on me and hate me. Some of you know that I'm not "f---ing psycho" and/or have been called "f---ing psycho"s yourselves by Dad and/or his ilk, and/or those who have been affected by his ilk.

Some of you are reading my blog and perhaps even meeting me for the first time, even if you're meeting me only online: so for you, I'm setting the record straight. I'm not "f---ing psycho"; I experienced firsthand much of the tsuris un meshugas in di mispoche, and their attitude is going to change when I'm famous or the Rapture comes: watch-- then they'll want to be associated with me.

That's the kind of people that Dad and his ilk are: they are into worldliness and image. They covered up Great-Grandma Gaydos' avodah koferah, Pop-Pop's murder of Great-Grandma Czarnecki, and a whole bunch of other things. They act like life's perfect and that we're a happy, dandy family who doesn't have the dark past that we have in many respects-- beginning from being sat shiva for (which is not something that any Jew ever wants to happen to them-- no Jew likes rejection for even pretending to believe in Jesus to save his or her life; and in our family, we were sat shiva for) during the pogroms and other times when many of us officially became Anusim (which many of them, like Dad and Pop-Pop, are to this day. Many of us-- that is, not of Dad and Pop-Pop's ilk-- are open about our Jewish heritage which I discovered in ways that shocked even me, like seeing "Danilowicz" on the death certificate of Great-Great-Granddad Julian Czarnecki ne Chernetski).

Who in this meshuga olam wants to admit that he or she is a Jew if he or she wants to save his or her own tuchus, right? And that's where much of everything else proceeds from-- that is, hiding our Jewish heritage and our being sat shiva for, for doing so. For example, by hiding our Jewish heritage, Great-Grandma had an excuse to ignore Vilmosz's et. al.s' pleas for help-- why would a gentile have to help a Jew, which is why she pretended to be a gentile here and not let even her desparately-needing-help-to-make-aliyah relatives (so to speak) blow her cover.

By hiding our Jewish heritage and being sat shiva for, the schicker Julian Chernetski and his meshugene vayb were going to figure out how to cope and live as Anusim in Sugar Notch, PA-- where some other Anusi mispoche were. That meant hiding not just the Yidishkeit, but everything-- abuse in the family, Julian's being farshikert, etc.

As I said, I hope that my relatives who hate me, particularly the one who called me a "f---ing psycho", are reading this: I want to set the record straight.

Speaking of Great-Grandma Czarnecki And En El Primero de Novembre de 2011...

Y en el Dia de Los Muertos 2011, I think of and remember Great-Grandma Czarnecki. I think of the woman who was my great-grandma and who I took for granted all those times that we visited her at Apartment 214, 10 E South Street in Wilkes Barre. I think of the woman whose history I never knew or took time to knew-- so she's Pop-Pop's mom, Great-Granddad's widow, the one who's Lithuanian (I assumed from what I was told.). I think of the woman whose life came to a cold, callous end in a hospital with its possessor's leg amputated and with a murder-malice-intenting son who committed Social Security in it.

I think of the good Jewish Evagelical Catholic mother and wife, aunt and sister, and daughter who I've learned so much about since she's been gone-- the daughter of a gentile Trudniak and Jewish Catholic Monkaova of Kacwin and Lapsze Nizne, Poland (both then in Slovakian Austria Hungary), the mother (and grandmother and great-grandmother) of Jews herself ("And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”"; "and in your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed;"-- and if she didn't know, she'd at least be tickled to know that her seed and her mother's seed are also descendants of at least many of the nations of the earth); the wife, aunt, grandaunt, great-grandaunt, and otherwise a relative of a diverse Jewish family

(e.g., I don't think that she'd care anymore that her son Tony's wife is Irish-- she didn't like that Grandaunt Mary Ellen is Irish. Maybe she wanted, but just never said that she wanted, Granduncle Tony to marry a good Jewish girl-- particularly an Ashkenazic Jewish Catholic girl, Anusit or open about her Jewishness-- and not make the same mistake that she did and marry a meshugener, who would've been a meshugene in Granduncle Tony's case. V'chalilah when Pop-Pop married Grandma-- she did not like her. She even cut her out of a picture and replaced her with a Christmas tree.).

And looking back on all I've learned and all that I saw for myself, especially in a Jewish context; I see an elter-bubbie for whom I will pursue tzedek-- "Tzedek, tzedek, tirdof."-- and let her son learn that of all things that he's done, (so to speak) stepping all over his good Jewish Christian mama is one thing with which he will not get away.


I am a Monkaova Trudniak, no question.

Great-Grandma Czarnecki her grandson Gary on my dad's first wedding day, July 22, 1989. This is how I remember her-- except that she was much older when I met her.

At Dad's baptism. Great-Granddad is next to her.

She is holding Aunt Mary, Great-Granddad next to her and holding Dad. Granduncle Red is on the right, Granduncle Jim next to Great-Grandma.



Great-Grandma Czarnecki on her wedding day, May 10, 1934. I should've known-- she was too pretty to be just Slovakian.

With mama Anna Trudniak nee Monkaova

I'm Doing A Little Better, And It'll Be A Day-To-Day-Thing...

A day-to-day and pray-to-pray thing. Having Diplegic Spastia Cerebral Palsy plus OCD/Anxiety/Depression and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (and the BRCA1 gene), plus being a "mamzerah" Jewish American in a culture and in communities that don't accept Jews-- especially Messianic Jews-- is hard. Add having an imperfect-- e.g., covetous, adulterous, faithless, hopeless, hypocritical-- human nature to all that, and you've got a situation where a day-to-day, pray-to-pray thing is needed. Also, I'm still living with Great-Grandma Gaydos' avodah koferah (If you think that we have Vilmosz's et. al.'s blood removed from our hands-- although Vilmosz and others did survive-- you're meshuga: you don't understand what guilt down to the third and fourth generations is). And I'm living with Great-Grandma Czarnecki's blood because of Pop-Pop's avoda kofer and how he is left unprosecuted after almost five years.

So as a disabled, trying-to-figure-out-my-identity-as-a-Jew Jew and Jewish-American Christian with more than just Cerebral Palsy and meshuges un tsuris in di mispoche to deal with; I have a long, painful way and road to go-- though prayers have been answered so far, even if (over the years) not always in ways in which I'd've liked them to be answered.

When You're Like Me; Suicide Is Still Awfully Tempting No Matter How Painful It Is

And maybe that's part of suicide's appeal-- the pain, the selfishness. For example, some people say that would miss me if I committed suicide-- boy, would I like to come back and see them put their money where there mouth is (I almost typed "mouth where their money is", but maybe that, too.). Besides, if they want me around so badly (and with all due respect and deference, STFU if you want to start kvetching about how this is typical suicidal talk, etc.; you will utz me):

1. Why do they treat me like they'd rather me be dead? And while they're at it; some of them hate me because I'm on the lowest of the lowest, of the lowest of the lowest rung of the social ladder in general society-- the disabled. For example, I have Cerebral Palsy (Diplegic Spastia); and I don't hear anyone talking about Julie Cirella anymore-- in fact, I almost suspect that some think that Julie Cirella's mother did the right and honorable thing. But they sure as Heaven and Hell wouldn't say that if Julie Cirella weren't disabled (and forget that she's Black-- her disability, not her ethnicity, is what makes her less honored than Caylee Anthony, Leiby Kletzky-- of whom I am a fellow Israelite--, and the Coleman boys, for example.).
2. Why do some of them try to contol my life and otherwise abuse (including ignore and withhold important information, including documents) from me, knowing that they damned well couldn't do that if I weren't disabled? FYI, Dad; were I not disabled, you never would've gotten away with even some of your physical abuse, let alone (among other actions) your verbal and other non-physical abuse and withholding that Great-Granddad Czarnecki and Great-Great-Granddad Foczko both committed suicide (which would have explained why I tried to commit suicide-- people without a history of suicide and/or other significant issues in their family and other history don't attempt or threaten suicide).
3. Same question above, except my prime example-- my thought policewoman of a mother. You damned well know, Mom, that you would never try to control what I at 21 years old say, do, etc. if I weren't disabled and had prospects. And I'm sorrowed (Why should I be "sorry"? I'm not apologizing for having my own thoughts, etc. at 21; so I'm sorrowed)  that, for example, my being proud of my Jewish heritage (no matter how unproud of it Dad and his family are) isn't your cup of tea. Besides, see if I ever tweet about anything that you might need prayer for or any appreciation of anything that you do or go through again-- after all, you "don't want to live [your] life out in the public venue".

I could give more examples, but I think that being on the most-times-over-lowest-of-the-lowest rung of the social ladder and easily abusable because of my Cerebral Palsy is an understandable reason for why I'm still often quite tempted to commit selfish suicide-- rub the pain that they've affected and effected in, and get the last laugh ("See you suckers! I'll be in Heaven; you'll still be here!").

"Bring the Chance To Be Free" and Return, O L-rd!

George, Cindy, and Lee Anthony... the rain was definitely brought on them; and I agree that George and Lee suffered the most in particular. To be left behind... why must the righteous like Caylee be taken and the righteous like George and Lee left behind? George wanted to be with Caylee... I feel that way about a yet-unavenged murder victim in my own family- actually, two.
I've mentioned Great-Grandma Czarnecki several times... and now that Casey got away (or so it seems)... but how's that divorce, Aunt Mary? Is your life working out for you since you didn't pursue tzedek against Pop-Pop, the dad who abused you and your own grandmother as well- not to mention his own mother? Remember that Mary Trudnak Czarnecki was (or is his late) mother.

The second one is a Holocaust victim, a dishonored Jew who laid in a Veterans Affairs Homes and Hospital complex for the rest of his life because of shrapnel in his head and botched surgery. Who remembers Pfc. Bernard "Bernie" S. Czarnecki; US Army, 111th Infantry Division, Medical Core? And with all due respect to Lenny Kravitz, you thought that Pfc. Leonard Kravitz was dishonored? Who Pop-Pop Czarnecki takes after (his uncles John "Johnkie" and Joseph "Suzy" Czarnecki) even got away with Social Security fraud (That's why there's no record for Great-Granduncle Bernie or benefits for his sister Alexandria Alice Czarnecki Dombroski, who take care of him and set up the account for him. She was a widow already raising a child alone, and now she loses a brother and has no survivors' benefits to take care of herself and her son- and she even took care of Great-Great-Grandma Czarnecki before she died!).


"Bring the chance to be free" and return, O L-rd!

To Begin, Pop-Pop's A Murderer As Well as A Self-Dreading Jew Who Is Ungrateful To His Philosemitic gentile Mother

"Czarnecki" was actually a change in our name. We actually were "Chernetski" before my great-granddad Czarnecki's parents converted to avoid the pogroms, then were kicked off the family farm in Lipsk nad Biebrza because of said conversion. They took "Czerniecki", "Czarniecki", and other variants before settling on "Czarnecki" when they assimilated as Anusim in Sugar Notch, PA; and they never returned to Lipsk, Tsuman (where Great-Granddad was born while his mom was visiting Andrulewicz (Andrulevich) relatives in Buzhanka, Kiev area), or anywhere else in Poland or the Ukraine for even a visit. I didn't even know any of this until I began family research and confronted my dad's dad (John "Jack" Czarnecki) about hiding all of it.

Great-Granddad was Antoni Jan Julianowicz Chernetski, the oldest son and child of Julian Jan Antoniowicz "Felix" and Aleksjondria Alicja Antoniowicza Chernetski (respectively; the son of Antoni and Katarzyna Danilowicza Chernetski, and the daughter of Antoni "Anthony" and Katarzyna "Katherine" Morgewicza (Margiewicza) Andrulewicz). When Great-Granddad came here with his mom to join his dad (who had already joined relatives who had splintered off into Sugar Notch from the group of Chernetskis that came here- and many of whom splintered off into Jersey City, NJ and other parts besides Sugar Notch); he along with his parents had his name Americanized into "Anthony Czarnecki" (1910 Census), which was (with his middle name, "Jan", Americanized into "John") the final name that he was given and/or stuck with (1920 Census: "Anthony Chernetski"; 1930 Census: "John Czarnecki", sent away to a mental asylum in Wood River, Illinois).

By the way (I'm kvetching here; but this is a keep-in-mind thing), from what I understand, the-now Alexandria Alice Andrulewicz Czarnecki was a wicked woman who was part of what affected and effected him to be at Wood River in the first place. When the-now Julian John Czarnecki (with his name given as "Julian Czarniecki" on his death certificate) died on September 11, 1922 (and Great-Granddad was only 17 when his dad died); Alexandria took over the household with an iron fist- not that she didn't have one before (since Julian was a schicker, and she manipulated that), but she took over- and began influencing then-to-be-18-year-old Anthony and his America-born siblings (Regina, 13, dead by four laters later; Alexandria Alice, to be 12 on September 28; Stanislaw "Stanley" Peter, 10; John Felix, 9; Edward L., 7; Joseph Paschal, 5; Bernard, 2; and Cecelia, 9 months old) nuts.

This becomes important when you track down and realize that, for example: 

1. They were indeed Anusim, and dropped mixed-bag hints at that. In other words, you had to really think about the names (among other things) as hints to figure that out. (e.g., Notice any "Mary"s in there? Remember that an ancient Jewish- and still a Sefardi Jewish- practice is to name relatives even after still-living family members?)
2. The names become extremely important when you have to keep track of who went where. For example; as I recall finding out, Great-Granduncle Stanley fled to Nanticoke with his then-new-wife, Theresa Makarczyk, around the time that Great-Granddad himself came back to Sugar Notch and married the gentile Mary Trudnak (which, as you can imagine, pissed off Mama Alexandria off! In fact, for such a seemingly-Catholic wedding, there's no preist's signature on and no returned filed for the marriage license of Anthony John and Mary Trudnak Czarnecki!). By the way, why Great-Granduncle Stanley fled: Mama Alexandria wasn't hassling only daughter-in-law Mary. Besides, there were cousins in Nanticoke, so he had connections there if and when push ever came to shove (which it did).     

Great-Granddad with Dad on his lap; Great-Grandma with Aunt Mary, named for Great-Grandma and also Great-Grandma Marysia "Mary" Elizabeth Rusnak Gaydos. The Virgin Mary was far from receiving kavod from Pop-Pop (far left, next to his brother James "Jim" Julian. By the way, I told you that the naming was part of the hint dropping.).

 Not that Dad will admit that he didn't like his own "Pop-Pop" Czarnecki ("Like dad, like son" in more ways than one); but he didn't like him (and can you blame him? "Tony", Sr. took on after a certain Mama Alexandria). As the old wisdom goes; unless you really commit to conciously being the opposite of whom you dislike, you end becoming the next generation of whom you claimed that you did not want to be (and did Dad ever become like my "Pop-Pop" Czarnecki, who was like "Pop-Pop" Tony, Sr. Czarnecki!)

"Doesn't seem too upset at his.." "Grandfather Czarnecki"! Sure; he doesn't; or else he wouldn't have hidden that last part of the caption when he scanned in the photo (for which I had to fight with him); right, Grandma?. By the way, perhaps I will quote the proverb- and G-d forgive me- "Like mother, like daughter". And Grandma; who knows? Maybe, as happens as well, you even married someone like your mother- at least in some ways. Well, betraying relatives during the Shoah puts Great-Grandma Gaydos up there with Pop-Pop, no matter how (as Aunt Mary put it) kind and sweet she (apparently) was (otherwise?). Or maybe Pop-Pop is up there with Great-Grandma Gaydos (Who knows? I'm kvetching by now.).

By the way, Dad had a broken collarbone at the time- he had fallen out of a high chair.

Dad at his baptism with Great-Grandma Czarnecki holding him, Great-Granddad looking at him, and Great-Grandma Gaydos and Grandma Czarnecki posing for a picture.