אני עושה עליה, בעזרת יהוה....

It means, "I do aliyah, Yehovah willing!" To make a long story short, I have been going through a difficult time right now and was having temptations of self harm again. Yehovah (ברוך הוא.) must've heard my cries. I didn't solicit the opportunity to make aliyah, although I've desired to do so if Yehovah ever wills that I should do. But, lo and behold, someone (I won't say who for right now.) asked me if I'm Israeli, etc. and wanted to make aliyah. So, again, Yehovah must've heard my cries.

I told my contact frankly that:

1. I'm a Patrilineal Jew.
2. I'm a Messianic Jew.
3. The חרדים (the so-called "יהודים אורתודוקסים" and "חסידים") would want to rid of me quickly.

He or she understands my concerns; and believe me when I say that I am not considering (let alone jumping at) this opportunity lightly, and:

1. I'm not content with being one who is "“settled” in New York and New Jersey."
2. I take ספר ירמיהו וכל תנ''ך seriously. That includes פרקים ירמיהו 8 ו 16.
3. Since Jews who "saw themselves as “settled” in New York and New Jersey" have chosen death rather than life (See פרק ירמיהו 8.) and those of us who live (Jewish and gentile) are all headed to Israel at some point, anyway (See פרק ירמיהו 16.), I might as well go as early as possible and while I can choose life rather than death.
4. I've already had discouragement. When I told two family members that I have a contact who offered to help me, one disbelieved me and said that I'd end up right in the sex trade if I trusted my contact.

So, I'll be doing תפילות, צומות, ותעניות, and asking others to do the same with and for me.  I'll also be retaking up רוזטה סטון בעברית (Using גוגל and קונקורדנציה סטרונג does not suffice.). I'll also be looking at הספרים ומילון מ'כיתה העברית שלי.

Besides, I need a תחלה חדשה, and this might be it.