Remembering When, Part Two

I really do not feel like writing tonight, since I had a depressive breakdown. Nonetheless, I promised to write "part-by-part on (at maximum) a daily basis (minimum more than one part a day) at thenicolefactor.blogspot.com". This memoir originally began as a Stage32 project (I am not promoting them or endorsing them, by the way—nor am I demoting or discouraging them—I was invited to Stage32 and felt that I needed to write something to qualify for my invite.). Thus, my acquaintances's suggestion that my family story be turned into a book or movie already had been a suggestion to me (from me to myself, as I recall) previously—though I would have honestly delayed resuming or rewriting the memoir without his suggestion. Part of the delay would have been due to Depression.

That I have Depression is important to mention because Depression goes down the line from Great-Granddad (about whose suicide you will read later) to Pop-Pop (unless it skipped a generation, but I doubt that it did), Dad (e.g., Those pill bottles in his apartment were not just B-12 vitamins  and now I know what purpose they served.), and me. Also, Depression is nothing new to the Jewish community. As Yehovah (Blessed be He.) wrote through Moses:

"And among these nations shalt thou find no ease , neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest: but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind: And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fearday and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life: 67 In the morning thou shalt say , Would God it were even! and at even thou shalt say , Would God it were morning! for the fear of thine heart wherewith thou shalt fear , and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see."

(I am using the King James Version; so, Ms. Stuart would have no reason to roll in her grave could she do so.).

Ironically, I come from a Phraisee ("Rabbinate") family (See Matthew 23:8-10 for why I do not use "rabbi" or any word thereinvolving.)—so, I am not supposed to use "Yehovah". However, as I have learned, nowhere in Scripture does Yehovah say that one may not use His name altogether. My family had no interest in this, though—in fact, as my Aunt Mary told me, they did not even really have reverence toward Yehovah. As Aunt Mary described to me, her first reference to God and Jesus came from an argument between my grandparents:

"God damn it, Joan!"

"Jesus Christ, Jack! The neighbors will think you're crazy!"

Their reverence was and has been toward maintaining appearances of being a perfect, Slavic-American Roman Catholic family—at least since they became Crypto Jews (or Anusim; Hebrew "אנוסים"—"forced ones" or "hidden ones"). This might help to explain the exacerbation of the Depression in our family—and it's what led up to Great-Granddad Czarnecki's 60th and final year, beginning with him and his family when they became Anusim in Lipsk nad Biebrzą in about the year of Great-Granddad's birth.