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Showing posts with label loneliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loneliness. Show all posts

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Mostly Offbeat: The Sooner That "Momma" Finds Out What A Certain Person Wants, The Better For Herself And Reilly

Not knowing has kept "Momma"—and as a result, Reillyway past midnight of late, even causing "Momma" to have OCD/Anxiety flareups while sewing Reilly's toy "Hippo". Even an answer such as "Your guess as to who your future helpmate and Reilly's future 'Daddy' is, is plainly incorrect" would immensely help "Momma" and Reilly.


By the way, this picture was taken at 2:07 AM on July 15th. The other one was actually taken on July 12, 2017 at 11:41 PM. Still, it goes to show that this is a frequent occurrence (Here, Reilly is snuggling with a toy wishbone.)

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Reilly the Little Trouper (And How Does She Deal With A Beleaguered "Momma"?)

"Momma" doesn't know how Reilly deals with herespecially for about 3.5 years now, including when she first came home (away from home—and "Momma" is amazed that she and Reilly have survived here, as "Momma" has been vocal against Tr**p and received death threats for being vocal against Tr**p for her, Reilly's, and others' sakes). Reilly has also dealt patiently with "Momma" as she's suffered with mental-illness flareups and been up at nights to even the point of exhaustion—even to the point at which she had a headache, threw up, and hardly slept last night—and with little, or even without, compassion from "Mom-Mom" (and at least "Mom-Mom", as if she's perfect, once again admitted what she thinks of "Momma"—"You're very disruptive to this household"—and "Momma" is certainly afraid that she won't be able to take Reilly with her if "Mom-Mom" kicks her out—and not that "Momma"'s perfect, though "Mom-Mom" insists on nonetheless using what "Momma" endures and how she doesn't always handle it perfectly as a way to make her suffer more¹, and verbal abuse certainly does not help "Momma" be a good "Momma" to Reilly),

Not that "Momma"'s recent breakdown over an ableist person whom's supposed to be helping her with something instead of telling her that all she's worth is her disability (like Hell "Momma" wants to have "office clerk" as a "long-term employment goal", despite that she's made clear that she can do more than be an "office clerk" just because of her disability—and "Mom-Mom" makes excuses for her (and "Momma" did and does not owe Reilly an apology for breaking down and inadvertently scaring her, let alone having "Mom-Mom" turn Reilly against her in that moment—and "Momma"'s well aware that her yelling and crying scared Reilly!

¹En paso, una nota a un persona cierto: ¿comprendes ahora, aunque comprendo por qué diste mí mamá el beneficio de la duda? Y trato estar una buena "Mamá" a Reily, pese a qué mi propia mamá piense.

Hoy vey iz meir, todos los mis días especialmente últimamente en alguna o un otro form como el caso parece (y sí; tuve la intención de "Hoy vey iz meir" estar un juego de palabras).

Friday, April 28, 2017

Somewhat Offbeat: Two Things That "Momma" Has Explained To Reilly Multiple Times, One Of Which She Has Also Explained To Fellow Humans Of Hers

As patient Reilly continues to wait for night-owl "Momma" on a daily basis, "Momma" thinks about something that she's explained to Reilly multiple times: "Momma" even sometimes gets a goofy look on her face when she thinks about a certain person whom could be in her and Reilly's lives; and to not have an answer from that certain person gets hard especially since "Momma"'s pretty much implied here and explicitly to Reilly how she feels about him, and Reilly seems to think that he's a person whom should be in her and "Momma"'s lives.

By the way, let's just say that "Momma" has a few not-so-nice words for those whom can't figure out by now why she frequently mentions that she needs a helpmate for herself and a "Daddy" for Reilly—especially because many of them don't want to figure it out, and how (un)fortunate they are to have never suffered quite a bit of what "Momma" has suffered or have had anything that they've suffered affect them or their pets (since, for example, they apparently have no need for compassion).

Reilly waits patiently for "Momma" on a pile of "blankies" as "Momma" wraps up for the night.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

As The Old Jewish Saying Goes, And As I've Lived Especially Of Late...

What's keeping calm when you're Jewish? What's not worrying when you're Jewish?

As for me and being a Jewish Christian, I get the whole "Do not worry", "Come to Me, you whom are weary...", "Cast your cares...", etc.. Notwithstanding that (and here goes the "Oh, you of little faith"):


  1. Having Cerebral Palsy and IBS affects worry for good reason.
  2. Having OCD/Anxiety and ADD affects worry for good reason. By the way, I'm actually not the first one to have made an observation regarding whether OCD/Anxiety is inherently Jewish, and I was joking about that more to cope with my own OCD and wondering (so much for Jewish humor, as I got a hard time for making that observation)—the schtick about (I kid you not) OCD being a "Jewish disease" (as Dr. Avigdor Bonchek phrased the schtick whether OCD is Jewish) has been around for a long time. To be fair, look at, e.g., B'midbar 7 alone—having to be perfectly scrupulous about the right number of the right offerings like that could cause anyone to worry—then look at Vaiykra 11 and B'midbar 19—I myself (assuming that I'd survived birth and even had some part in Jewish life) would be washing and extra washing all day. Then try the fences around Torah. Overtime, that has to get embedded into one's genetic code and/or brain chemistry—thus, I think, part of why God desires mercy over sacrifice and obedience over burnt offerings, as His point seemed to be that ritualism as opposed to simply living by faith (e.g., "walk[ing] humbly with your God").
  3. Getting the amount of hate that I get (as I probably will over the observation above, for example), whether rightly or wrongly, affects me to always worry for good reason—even, e.g., who's going to unfriend me on Facebook or unfollow me on Twitter, thus reflecting online how what they think of me both online and offline? After all (as Curt Schilling of all people stated), people online are who they are offline and what they would be offline "if they could get away with it" (which he stated after two of his daughter's high-school classmates used Twitter to send her rape threats.
I could give more examples, though I think that three examples suffice—especially as I brace myself and bide to see how many more instances of Example Three will happen even over the next couple of minutes, especially in regard to Example Two. 



Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Somewhat Offbeat: Still Trying To Figure Out What Reilly's Possible "Daddy" Wants & Almost Fainting Today

When "Momma" has to sort of lie to Reilly about what she's doing, that's not good. In fact, "Momma" felt dizzy and like fainting as she got on to check whether or not he checked her blog re Reilly—and confusion, heartbreak, etc. can cause one to want to faint, as Reilly has sensed for at least two regarding someone else whom's going through heartbreak.

Puppies—baby and adult puppies alike—can sense when someone's enduring pain, etc.—and Reilly really is an empath, and perhaps even an exceptional one, though Camille was also emphatically tired yesterday.

















Sunday, December 11, 2016

Somewhat Offbeat: One Heartbroken & Confused "Momma" That Keeps Failing Reilly

As "Momma" has written, she doesn't know what who she thinks (or at least hopes) that Reilly's "Daddy" sometime in the future—though she doesn't know exactly when—wants. She keeps getting mixed signals—which hurt like Hell—and thus failing Reilly. Even again, Reilly is exhausted—as "Momma" is exhausted—due to—besides that "Auntie Michelle" failed to bring Reilly down on time again—being awake due to feeling heartbroken and confused, and trying to figure out what's going on as far as he's concerned.

Maybe "Momma" just ought to give up hope and wait for someone else for her and Reilly's sakes, though whether "Momma" will find a helpmate for herself and a "Daddy" for Reilly if she moves on is questionable

Thursday, December 8, 2016

How Did "Momma" Fail Reilly Again?! Reilly Gets So Sleepy In the Mornings, And...

As "Auntie Nicole" plays with energetic and bouncy Camille, she notices that she failed sleepy-by-the-time-that-she-comes-downstairs Reilly again—and Reilly is patient with her "Momma" and as compassionate as Camille, all while "Momma" is inadvertently killing herself and Reilly as her loneliness and worry for herself and Reilly is killing her.

Frustration in regard to waiting for whomever "Momma"'s helpmate and Reilly's "Daddy" is—especially if he is who "Momma" thinks that he is—is killing her as well—both "Momma" and Reilly are only getting older as time passes and is more chaotic than ever.

"Momma" is not asking too much of Yehovah for herself and Reilly, is she? 😩

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

How Does Patient Reilly Deal With A Lonely & Afflicted—And Thus, Being A Bad—"Momma"?

Last night, Reilly waited patiently as "Momma"—whom thought that she and Reilly were going to go "night nights" earlier than they did—and "Momma" completely understood as Reilly gave her a look of skepticism when she told her that they were "going upstairs now", and it took "Momma" a while to get Reilly to come to go upstairs—and Reilly waited patiently as "Momma" read to get to sleep, too.

Understandably, Reilly was a little sleepy this morning—although she was excited to go downstairs to "go potty" and have her morning "num nums". She also had to be convinced by "Momma" to find "Froggie" in the "blankie" as well.

Incidentally, one's basic vocabulary has to frequently be utilized with her or his puppies—including adult puppies—e.g., with the more-complex "blanket" becoming "blankie" and more-complex "breakfast" becoming "morning 'num nums'", despite that some puppy owners do often use more-complex vocabulary with their puppies—e.g,, when "Grandaunt Frannie" told "Momma"'s fur cousin and Reilly's match Kelso, "Kelso, finish your food."

Speaking of complex vocabulary and matches—and with " Momma" going back to the original point, Reilly fully understood when "Momma" encouraged her in standing up to her match Camille—"Good girl—good standing up to Cam!"—when Reilly growled at Camille for not letting her try to find "Froggie", too. "Momma", of course, had to originally coax Reilly by saying, "You're okay. You don't have to be afraid of Cam."

If only "Momma" had someone like that in her corner—especially as, e.g., the OCD/Anxiety and the Depression take a toll on her and drain her to the point where she can't muster the energy and make the time to frequently brush Reilly's "teethers"—although to be fair, Reilly did (and God must have moved Reilly to) give "Momma" fully-understanding-that-"Momma"-is-going-through-a-hard-time kisses while "Momma" prayed over her for God to protect her "teethers" and prayed with her otherwise.

Nonetheless, not having a helpmate to "Momma" and "Daddy" to Reilly is hard on "Momma"—and if Reilly's eventual "Daddy" is who "Momma" thinks that he is and who might even hope that he is someday (although "Momma" doesn't quite know what he wants and where he is in life), "Momma" wants to know for both her sake and Reilly's sake—especially as, e.g, being lonely during the holidays (even with Reilly around—since there are voids that puppies can't fill) will only drain "Momma" more and compound "Momma"'s Cerebral Palsy that makes chasing Reilly to get recycled oatmeal packets that she somehow got out of her mouth (and luckily, it was an entirely- or almost-entirely-empty packet of just organic Oats and Flax Oatmeal with a little bit of organic sugar—and Reilly had her leash on when "Momma" went to retrieve the packet from her mouth—and Reilly did drop it the first time for a treat).


Added at 2:04 PM EST: Reilly let "Momma" take a picture in order to get a belly rub (12:57 PM EST)

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Behaving-Hypocritically Reilly 😞, And Camille The Blankie Dominator and Yogurthead

Leave to Ri to growl at Cam and—as "Auntie Michelle" observed—for being impatient at "num nums" time, and then barking like she's doing as "Momma" types and hasn't stopped since she came in from going "potty". Also leave to Ri to:


  1. Give "Momma" a hard time in trying to take her "potty" prior to her walk—and not letting her get her harness and leash on her at all—and at least "Auntie Michelle" acknowledged that blaming "Momma" for Reilly's running in the opposite direction , etc., was (as "Momma" put it) "insensitive bull****"—"Momma" can't run and catch or corner Reilly!
  2. Trying to chase a squirrel and eating "nasties" at an earlier time that she's going "potty"
  3. Misbehaving on her walk, as "Auntie Michelle" reported
Reilly's misbehavior is disendearing and disingenuous—"Momma" gets that puppies are like toddlers, and she nonetheless knows that Reilly knows better than to inappropriately bark, eat "nasties", chase squirrels, and otherwise misbehave.

As for Camille, she was misbehaving for a bit as well—she tried to, eh, dominate her blankie as usual; and she growled at Reilly yesterday when Reilly tried to play the "Find the Toy In the Blankie" game (and Reilly continues to be afraid of Camille when Camille does that, despite that Ri has the right to keep her mind sharp by playing, too). She also was not patient in waiting for "Auntie Nicole" to drop the blankie:





Reilly finds Camille "weird".












Meanwhile, Reilly surprisingly did not lick Camille's head when some yogurt accidentally got on it—and even left a Harry Potter-scar shape. Cam tried to lick it, though, and licked whatever fell off of her head—of course, she wouldn't let "Auntie Nicole" exactly take a picture or wipe the yogurt off of her head—and she decided to wipe her itchy head on the chair covers.







PS Again, that "Momma" has a hard time managing Reilly due to her disability is part of why "Momma" needs a helpmate and a "Daddy" for Reilly—and if he is who she thinks that he is, he has to contact her, since she doesn't quite know what he wants.