Somewhat Offbeat: Thinking About Poor Reilly On Father's Day

For Reilly to see "Momma" go through heartbreak as she has no helpmate for herself and "Daddy" for Reilly has to be incredibly painful for her. Reilly has understandably given "Momma" looks of frustration, anger, etc. as "Momma" and Reilly have gone "night nights" later than "Momma" has promised as she stays up thinking about and getting frustrated in regards to getting no unequivocal answer as to what her possible helpmate and Reilly's possible "Daddy" wants.

How long's it going to take—until "Momma"'s in her 40s to 60s, or until Reilly is in her older years or even—God forbid—shortly before she would die (even if she does make it until "Momma"'s at least 60; and given that "Momma"'s only ~24.17 years and two days older than Reilly) in Gregorian terms)?

This heartbreak has been going on for quite a while and been part of exacerbating "Momma"'s Depression flareups, etc., and been affecting Reilly since "Momma"'s been affected.

Poor Reilly—poor Roosel!

PS Incidentally and on a cheerier note, "Momma" and the rest of Reilly's human family have a lot of other nicknames for Reilly besides "Roosel"—Reisy Rosalicita being one of them, for example.

A Literal Bone To Pick With Reilly, An Update On Reilly's Book, And Still Waiting On Reilly's "Daddy"

To make a long story short—and per the video—Reilly decided that a bone of a vulture-eaten squirrel that fatally encountered a car two days ago (per "Mom-Mom") was both delicious and enough to keep in her mouth with a fight, complete with growling and biting—needlessly to say, Reilly lost the fight to keep the bone:

(By the way, as "Momma"'s been typing, "Auntie Michelle"'s been scolding Reilly for eating "partially-produced 'bunny beans'" with "the culprit in the yard" while being outside to "go potty".).

Meanwhile, Reilly's book has sold nine copies, and plenty more free ones have been given away and claimed (Yep! "Momma"'s trying to promote it as best as she can). Part of why "Momma" wrote the book as well is because she wants to make enough to (and she hasn't yet made anything off the current book; so she can't) provide for Reilly as much as she—as a "Momma" with disabilities—can.

While "Momma"'s been promoting the book, meanwhile, she's also been failing Reilly again—as a heartbroken "Momma" stares at her heartbroken and waiting-patiently-for-"Momma"-to-wrap-up "dogter", she thinks about why she's been up—partly given that Valentine's Day coming up, she guesses, she's been thinking about a helpmate for herself and a "Daddy" for Reilly (and especially who she thinks that he might be).

Mostly Offbeat: Something That "Momma" Still Wants To Know, Definitely Partly For Reilly's Sake (And Reilly Would Probably Want To Know)

Who in the Rosedale-Nottingham area keeps checking her blog entries particular about Reilly. Relative? Friend? An inquiring mind wants to know, and she wants to know what the Rosedalean-Nottinghamer thinks of the entries (as feedback is always appreciated)—even if he or she thinks that (forgive the ableist language here) Reilly's "Momma" is a nut and a trainwreck—besides, Reilly probably thinks that her "Momma" is those things half of the time, anyway! 

She should also mention that her curiosity comes mainly from another curiosity of hers: viz., is the Rosedalean-Nottinghamer in fact the same person whom she thinks could end up being her helpmate and Reilly's "Daddy" as opposed to a completely-different person? After all, knowing that would, for example, certainly help "Momma" be a better "Momma" to Reilly and get at least part of an answer for which she's been waiting for her and Reilly's sakes (and having a "Momma" with Cerebral Palsy can be quite hard enough for Reilly, not to mention be hard for a "Momma" whom'd be more of a "Momma" to Reilly if she were strong enough and/or had more help to be one!). 

She has no intention of embarrassing anybody here, by the way. PS If you're the person in question, please let her know. Also, God willing, maybe you could end up meeting (or remeeting) Reilly someday. 

"Momma" Tried To Roll Reilly Over Herself; "Auntie Michelle" Had To Deal With Stubborn & Jealous Reilly, Etc..

Trying to roll over Reilly herself—although Reilly at least gets that "Momma" will roll her over if she has to do so, as she demonstrated just now—got "Momma" only to hold Reilly as she stood on her two back legs—once again evidencing that "Momma" needs to have her helpmate and Reilly's "Daddy" in both her life and Reilly's life as soon as possible. Also not helping "Momma" was when Reilly decided to have "Auntie Michelle" again "pick her up" to take her downstairs to "go potty" and bring her up to "Momma" as exhausted and fighting-off-an-ear-infection "Momma" was studying for an online class, fell asleep multiple times during the study session—though she at least benefited in inadvertently engaging in the study-sleep cycle of information retention—and was already upstairs for the night, anyway—and since "Momma" is not fighting off her infection with antibiotics, she still is a little more sleepy of late.

Incidentally, "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" fell today when she was carrying both the book for her class and what she needed to replace Ri's and Cam's water in their water bowls in their crates—and had Ri and Cam not been in their crates in order for "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" to have focused study time, a chair and/or "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" could've fallen on one or both of them—and she at least landed on her stomach and without hitting her face on the cabinet in front of her. Meanwhile, she stayed by Ri and Cam while she was studying—and she did fall asleep this time!

Speaking of and back to when she did fall asleep and was upstairs for the night anyway, "Momma" had to deal with a jealous Reilly both during "night nights" time and this morning—Reilly would neither let Camille say "night nights" to "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" or onto her bed when they came to greet her in the morning, and "Mom-Mom" had to convince Camille that jumping up on "Auntie Nicole"'s bed was going to be safe despite Reilly's jealousy. 

Like Heck If "Momma" Knows How Reilly Got Fleas, And "Momma"'s Impatience (Or Something) With God

Imagine that Reilly and Camille come up to greet you every morning. Then imagine the following sequence of events from today:

1. "Mom-Mom" tells you to hurry up and "Auntie Michelle"—the greeters' sender—that she wants Reilly off your bed.
2. You find out that Reilly has fleas—and you ask, "Are you serious?"
3. "Mom-Mom" yells at you and blames you for the fleas "BECAUSE OF THE FILTH IN YOUR ROOM!"
4. You later find out that "Mom-Mom" saw only two fleas on Reilly, and the fleas weren't even on or in Reilly's skin.
5. "Mom-Mom" won't answer your question as to how Reilly could've gotten fleas, and tells you to not tell anybody that Reilly might have fleas. The case later turns out to be that Reilly had only those two fleas; she perhaps could've gotten them from another dog (though "Mom-Mom" wouldn't answer the question about whether that's a possibility), and "Mom-Mom" was worried about flea eggs in your room & on Reilly.
6. "Mom-Mom" was able to spray down the room, etc. with anti-flea spray and get any flea eggs off of Reilly. Meanwhile, she earlier dismissed that your room isn't as clean as you'd—let alone she'd—like it to be because of your Cerebral Palsy (e.g., lack of physical strength), Depression (e.g., a lack of enough energy), ADD, and OCD/Anxiety (e.g., afraid of throwing something valuable away—and as "Momma" told "Mom-Mom", "[what "Momma" has up there is] not all trash").

Then people wonder why "Momma" can't be as patient with God about having a "Daddy" for Reilly as Camille and Reilly can be with "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" in general.

Offbeat: The Ring That "Momma" Wore When She Met Reilly

""Are you Reilly?" Mom asked Reilly this and fell in love with her firstborn "granddogter" immediately...To answer "Mom-Mom"'s question and assuage her dreads, Reilly ended up licking the ring on "Momma"'s right ring finger! To confirm her answer when they went into Joyce's house to get to know Reilly better, etc., she crawled up from "Momma"'s lap to her face and licked her face."

Just this weekend, "Momma" ended up finding the ring on the kitchen table, where "Auntie Michelle" had put it after she found it.

Incidentally, if only "Momma" had a different kind of ring on her left hand maybe by Hanukkah or Christmas (or at least some time soon, anyway), God willing; and, God willing, if Reilly's "Daddy" is who "Momma" thinks (or at least hopes) that he is.

"Auntie Michelle" took this picture of Reilly, who's in "Momma"'s lap,

ibid.

Perhaps "Auntie Michelle" and "Momma" contributed to Reilly's flouting of the camera,

ibid.

ibid. Incidentally, you do sometimes wish that they were that little again—or at least 8-9 weeks old. Reilly came home on May 24, 2014; and she was born on March 25, 2014—so, Reilly came home when she was almost nine weeks old and almost a month after she met her human family.

The ring today

Behaving-Hypocritically Reilly 😞, And Camille The Blankie Dominator and Yogurthead

Leave to Ri to growl at Cam and—as "Auntie Michelle" observed—for being impatient at "num nums" time, and then barking like she's doing as "Momma" types and hasn't stopped since she came in from going "potty". Also leave to Ri to:

1. Give "Momma" a hard time in trying to take her "potty" prior to her walk—and not letting her get her harness and leash on her at all—and at least "Auntie Michelle" acknowledged that blaming "Momma" for Reilly's running in the opposite direction , etc., was (as "Momma" put it) "insensitive bull****"—"Momma" can't run and catch or corner Reilly!
2. Trying to chase a squirrel and eating "nasties" at an earlier time that she's going "potty"
3. Misbehaving on her walk, as "Auntie Michelle" reported

Reilly's misbehavior is disendearing and disingenuous—"Momma" gets that puppies are like toddlers, and she nonetheless knows that Reilly knows better than to inappropriately bark, eat "nasties", chase squirrels, and otherwise misbehave.

As for Camille, she was misbehaving for a bit as well—she tried to, eh, dominate her blankie as usual; and she growled at Reilly yesterday when Reilly tried to play the "Find the Toy In the Blankie" game (and Reilly continues to be afraid of Camille when Camille does that, despite that Ri has the right to keep her mind sharp by playing, too). She also was not patient in waiting for "Auntie Nicole" to drop the blankie:

Reilly finds Camille "weird".

Meanwhile, Reilly surprisingly did not lick Camille's head when some yogurt accidentally got on it—and even left a Harry Potter-scar shape. Cam tried to lick it, though, and licked whatever fell off of her head—of course, she wouldn't let "Auntie Nicole" exactly take a picture or wipe the yogurt off of her head—and she decided to wipe her itchy head on the chair covers.

PS Again, that "Momma" has a hard time managing Reilly due to her disability is part of why "Momma" needs a helpmate and a "Daddy" for Reilly—and if he is who she thinks that he is, he has to contact her, since she doesn't quite know what he wants.

Somewhat To Mostly Offbeat, And A Little Graphic: #MemoryMonday, #MaltipooMonday, And Who & What Helps Keep "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" Going #MortifyingMondays & Other Bad Days

Just now, Camille shockingly threw up "bunny beans" and left "Auntie Nicole" with a still-cringeworthy image—and needlessly to say, this incident only added to "Auntie Nicole"'s/"Momma"'s mortifying Monday. At least "Auntie Nicole" can relate as well as feel mortified, as she herself began her Monday by throwing up due to nausea because of OCD/Anxiety and other condition. Nonetheless, Camille's own incident was another incident on a "Moan-day"!

As for this morning, Camille and Reilly had to be kept away from something more dangerous than "bunny beans" for them: let "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" just say that coffee and water may not exactly have helped her stomach at that moment, and even diluted coffee could've killed Camille and Reilly! Of course, "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" asked them to go into the family room and look out of the window, and have "Mimi"/"Auntie Michelle" get them into the family room and then avert the danger to them.

Consider all of that as they had to deal with an exhausted and not-feeling-well "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" plus an afternoon thunderstorm that probably included hail, and then understand why they and she had a mortifying Monday—not to mention a not-so-pleasant-at-some-points weekend that effected the Monday to be mortifying enough, including an incident on Friday the 13^th which stereotypically did not bode well for either them or her: an incident in which, long story short, her high-school ex-boyfriend contacted her once again after two years despite a police-involved prohibition on doing so.

By the way, "Momma" did explain what happened to Reilly in terms that puppies can understand—and ¡pobrecita Relicita!, having to deal with "Momma" reminding her that this world can be a "very-bad place" because of "not-very-nice people", as well as the flareups that the incident partly effected. Meanwhile, Reilly certainly keeps "Momma" going in so many ways, even when "Momma" can't be the best "Momma" to Reilly. For example:

1. Reilly prays however puppies can pray when she and "Momma" pray at night¹, as well as other times that "Momma" says "Let's say prayers [or "Let's pray", etc.] for [or about, etc.] for [whomever or whatever]".
2. She is—even when she behaves badly and doesn't act patient, etc..—a good puppy whom's very patient with, understanding toward, kind to, and loving and friendly to "Momma" and to others (and at least sometimes even to Camille)!
3. She relishes when friends such as "the Tall Guy"—a family friend and "Auntie Michelle"'s driving instructor"—come over for visits—like he came over for a surprise visit this weekend (See some of the photos below.). To see Reilly relish that helps lift "Momma"'s spirits a little.

Because of this in great part, "Momma" definitely keeps going—and has just made it into Tuesday as Reilly has patiently waited for "Momma" to wrap up for the night.

The brat even licked "the Tall Guy"'s legs (She liked the sweat on the Tall Guy's legs, as he had just gone for a bikeride and inadvertently provided a treat for Reilly!) 🤣

She relatively put up with the camera because she loved the scritches that she was getting and was thus very happy. 

¹ Including for an answer related to whomever "Momma"'s helpmate and Reilly's "Daddy" might be

Somewhat Offbeat: "Momma" Told You That Reilly's Not Well Behaved Enough To Be A Service Dog

Since an service dog would be required to be well behaved and younger than two years old, Reilly lacks the behaving nature and youth that a service dog must have. Even again using a pair of "Momma"'s underwear (yes; underwear!) as a tug-of-war and chewing today—notwithstanding that it was clean—and trying to eat a desiccant bead—albe that it was harmless, and she dropped it when she was told to drop it—automatically disqualifies Reilly from being even close to trainable for service-dog work.

If only Reilly had a more-able-to-be-authorative-than-"Momma" "Daddy", meanwhile! As "Momma" has stated, may God count loneliness for over three years—not to mention almost eight years after her first abysmal relationship ended—as enough of a fast and provide a Yom Kippur miracle to break "Momma"'s fast of loneliness—not to mention that Reilly turns two years and seven old in two weeks in terms of both Gregorian reckoning and Hebrew reckoning, since she was actually born on Second Adar 23 or 24, 5773! Besides, getting blamed for Reilly's disobedience when she was specifically told to go inside after eating "nasties" is not fun—after all, "Momma" had no chair to use as a porch railing and could not hold the leashes of Reilly and Camille—and even "Mom-Mom", whom was home yesterday due to Columbus Day, had a hard time getting going-back-into-the-backyard Reilly to come inside the house.

Incidentally, "Momma" remains jobless and unable to provide for Reilly as much as she'd like to provide for Reilly on her part—and despite that she uses LinkedIn appropriately—and she will be pleased with Reilly if Reilly's gifts of writing fodder to "Momma" lands or helps land "Momma" a job. 

"Mimi"/"Auntie Michelle" Had To Give Up Camille?, and Reilly Has a "Daddy"!?

April Fools! In all seriousness, though:

1. The subject of the above video has been recommended by "Mom-Mom" to stay with Reilly should "Mimi"/"Auntie Michelle" ever move out since Reilly and Camille "are a bonded pair", and it would apparently be cruel to separate them. This is also part of why "Mom-Mom" would not necessarily get her own puppy while Reilly and Camille are still living in the same house: that is, Reilly and Camille are bonded enough to possibly exclude any subsequent puppy from the pack. She would actually buy "Mimi"/"Auntie Michelle" another puppy to take with her in order for Camille to stay with Reilly. While "Mimi"/"Auntie Michelle" is heartbrokenly and heartbreakingly tempted by that logic, "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" absolutely put her foot down on that one: that is, "Auntie Nicole"/"Momma" reminded "Mom-Mom" that Camille would be more heartbroken were she ever separated from "Mimi" than she would from Reilly, especially if "Mimi" got her a companion and someone over whom she could be alphess for once. Of course, "Mom-Mom" wouldn't hear of it.
2. "Mom-Mom" of course assumes that "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" and Reilly will never move out—wooo; what a way to further shatter (or at least try to shatter) any hopes for her and Reilly! 💔 
3. If "Momma" and Reilly ever do move out (which, Yehovah willing, they will somehow), "Momma" is taking Reilly with her regardless of what "Mom-Mom" thinks.

PS The above video is a video of Camille and "Santa Ducky", since "Auntie Nicole" has no recent pictures to post and wanted to still post something there (obviously in part to not give away whether "Mimi"/"Auntie Michelle" really did had to give up Camille), and "Momma" did record Reilly's reaction to it—and she'll post that reaction later today (א׳י׳י).

Short Preview of the Next Post: "Momma"'s Exhaustion Again & Sweet Reilly, More Bathroom-Trash Antics, Excitement Over A Treat, And Still Waiting On Reilly's "Daddy"

1. A slight cold catches up to "Momma" as Reilly lays by her feet, and blessing oil becomes a defiant treat.
2. When someone leaves the bathroom door open by mistake, Reilly takes it as a play-with-the-bathroom-trash invitation.
3. Let's just say that Reilly got very excited over one of her favorite treats this morning and almost choked.
4. Of course, as usual, part of why "Momma" often stays up too late and often her and Reilly's detriment is still waiting on Reilly's "Daddy" and wanting to know what the possible one wants 💔.

A Few Tasks That "Momma" Needs—Or At Least Maybe Needs—To Complete

1. Start reading from the Bible to Reilly at night—or at least reading to Reilly what she reads to get to sleep at night—which she had promised to do a after she saw a video or read an article regarding bedtime reading a long time ago.
2. Getting the New Years' card with Reilly's picture in it made—it's still January 2017, and not even the middle of January 2017, yet—God willing, "Momma" still has time to get the card done.
3. Trying to fulfill the New Year's resolutions that she made re Reilly.

Here's the "maybe" task, by the way: maybe "Momma" should be the one to see what Reilly's possible "Daddy" wants—especially for both her sake and for Reilly's sake, so that (for example) she has more energy and focus to be a better "Momma" to Reilly—though she still wants him to be the one to contact her, especially she can only guess what he wants. Besides, "Reilly" knows about her possible "Daddy" (yes; pet parents do talk to their pets about these matters, and "Momma" has mentioned that she's told about him), and "Momma" would like him and Reilly to meet each other. 

Incidentally, she also has to learn to respond to e-mails, etc. more—the "Response Rate" badge on Reilly's page belies how responsive "Momma" actually is; and she found a birthday wish from 2010 from one of the people whom inspired her to write about Reilly—and whom she forgot to thank for it. 

How Did "Momma" Fail Reilly Again?! Reilly Gets So Sleepy In the Mornings, And...

As "Auntie Nicole" plays with energetic and bouncy Camille, she notices that she failed sleepy-by-the-time-that-she-comes-downstairs Reilly again—and Reilly is patient with her "Momma" and as compassionate as Camille, all while "Momma" is inadvertently killing herself and Reilly as her loneliness and worry for herself and Reilly is killing her.

Frustration in regard to waiting for whomever "Momma"'s helpmate and Reilly's "Daddy" is—especially if he is who "Momma" thinks that he is—is killing her as well—both "Momma" and Reilly are only getting older as time passes and is more chaotic than ever.

"Momma" is not asking too much of Yehovah for herself and Reilly, is she? 😩

As Reilly's "Momma" Has Written Before In Regard To Keeping Sane...

Two puppies—Reilly and Camille—help keep Reilly's "Momma" sane. Whether Camille's greeting "Auntie Nicole" in the mornings or Reilly's being patient Reilly as "Momma" copes with horrid heartbrokenness and tries to wait patiently for her helpmate and Reilly's "Daddy", Reilly and Camille have been the gifts that keep on giving—even in the simple moments, such as when Reilly's napping by "Momma" and getting scritches, Reilly and Camille give "Momma"/"Auntie Nicole" a reason to live.

With Few Exceptions, Reilly's Pre-"Night Nights" "Potty" Sessions Are...

A time for Reilly to eat "nasties", no matter what "Auntie Michelle" does to discipline her—e.g., taking Reilly inside after she eats a "nasty" instead of going "peedy" doesn't work. In fact, as "Momma" types, Reilly is ringing the bell either to try to "peedy" again or to go back to eat more "nasties"—and "Momma" is insisting that "Auntie Michelle" takes Reilly outside again, despite "[her] tendencies" (as "Auntie Michelle" put it. Right now, she is admonishing Reilly as she is about to take her outside again.).

("I knew it—get back in there..." As one can guess, Reilly ate "nasties" on her second time outside tonight.).

PS: If Reilly had a "Daddy" in her life, this—"Momma" guarantees—would not be happening, as Reilly would have a strong and commanding presence in her life—and one that would not, e.g., use "Momma"'s disability as a way to do whatever he wants and keep "Momma" waiting for him to take Reilly "potty" because he knows that she has a disability and depends on him to help her help Reilly out.

Somewhat Offbeat: "Momma" Thinks That She Knows Who Reilly's Two Biggest Fans—Besides "Momma", Camille, Etc.—Are

With a lack of being able to be entirely sure of who is Reilly's biggest fan is, "Momma" thinks that she knows who the two biggest fans are. One of them she knows for sure—although not entirely and with having no clue as to what he wants in terms of whether he wants to be Reilly's "Daddy" or not—and the other one she thinks may be a relative in the Baltimore are, although she's not sure as to which one.

Either way:

1. Camille is certainly Reilly's best canine friend.
2. "Momma"'s pretty sure that Reilly would want to meet the main person whom inspired her to write about Reilly—and everyone else that gregarious Reilly could meet, despite that she plays hard to get when she first meets someone and likes to show off her machisma de perrita pequeña!
3. Reilly is "Momma"'s biggest fan—or at least her biggest canine fan!

PS Camille showed once again that she and Reilly are best canine friends.