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Showing posts with label personal history. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal history. Show all posts

Saturday, March 17, 2018

While I'm Not Jumping To Conclusions Yet, I Know That Hate Is More Likely Possible Than Not

To find out that family tombstones were overturned a few years ago is one matter. To think that they could possibly be connected to a hate crime is another. The person who told me didn't specify "a few years ago", so I asked him or her and told him or her my concern. The tombstones were of some of my Irish family whom I will not specify right now, and of more-specific family within that family if my suspicions are correct.

If my suspicions are correct and the stones weren't overturned due to old age (and I don't know of their status now, though I assume that they've been returned upright), I will say this: regardless of whether someone found something out through anything I've written online, by figuring it themselves, etc., that gives them no right to do what they did. What they did also proves part of why certain family members chose to pass for fully Irish, and in a so-called "Christian" society.

That's why even on St. Patrick's Day and ever since I found out about my Jewish heritage, I identify as a Jew. While I'm also Irish among of other ethnic groups, I'm mostly Jewish. My father is a Jew, though he denies it. My mother is a Jew, although she denies it and is my parent of Irish descent. I'm a mostly-Patrilineal Jew and haven't forgotten that since almost 10 years ago, no matter how much any of my family members wants to deny that, and Saint Patrick didn't deny that the Jesus whose message was brought to him through my people (and the Irish people through him) was a Jew¹.

¹ Or as I believe, "Whose Message....Is a Jew".

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Something That I Thought About Re A Friend's Facebook Post Re A TV Character's Comment On Anorexia

(This was originally a reply on Facebook. I have added more thoughts within the thought here.)

To be honest, I've wondered what Holocaust survivors and their descendants think of that, even in regards to the ones whom have Anorexia whether or not it's in remission. Especially were I a first-generation Holocaust survivor, I might be thinking, "I was starved in the [']concentration['] [actually, murder] camps, and you girls and boys are willingly starving yourselves? Don't you realize that you have the privilege to eat?" 

(Let's face, by the way, that "concentration camps" either understates or obscures exactly why the Nazis built the murder camps, which they built solely to hold as hostages and enslave Jews in order to try to commit full-scale ethnocide—and while there were Jews whom were complicit in that, many or most Poles and other gentiles were the main ones whom were either passively or actively complicit in that. To see why my family decided to become Anusim, also by the way, is not that hard, especially when one looks solely at the experiences of my great-grandfather Czarnecki's maternal family during the Holocaust.


On the other hand, I am sadly certain that some Holocaust survivors experienced of some form of Anorexia because they thought that they weighed too much in comparison to other Holocaust survivors and victims whom died of starvation. I've read of parallel cases in which, for example, Holocaust survivors whom have died deliberately had themselves cremated because they felt guilty about surviving while their loved ones and others were cremated either alive or after they were otherwise murdered.



Incidentally, I've also read of first- and subsequent-generation Holocaust survivors experiencing onsets of other mental illnesses, including OCD/Anxiety and of course Depression and PTSD. I can relate to that because mental illnesses certainly onset in family members of mine and in myself after traumatic incidents of lesser degrees except for when those incidents have been almost- or entirely-equal-in-degree Anti-Semitic incidents such as the Belostok Pogrom. After all, for instance, I am a fourth-generation pogrom survivor, and I would not be surprised if the Depression that caused my father's paternal grandfather's suicide was at least partly related to being affected by the Belostok Pogrom. I would also not be surprised if the onset of my OCD/Anxiety and Depression was related to my being a fourth-generation pogrom survivor and being therefore all the more affected by 9/11 and its fallout as well as beginning to learn about the full extent Holocaust during the fallout, although only when I found out that I am Jewish was when I looked back and realized that my nefesh Yehudit was sensing all of the Anti Semitism that my own family endured and responding to what I was learning and 9/11 with its fallout in light of my own family's experiences

Friday, February 9, 2018

As I Submitted To the Patients For Affordable Drugs Website: Why I'm For Lower Drug Prices

I am one of the ones whom is both unlucky and lucky. I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety, Depression, ADD, and IBS; and I have to be on three medicines for my mental illnesses. I also have to use a Baclofen Pump for my CP, and at least the medications that I take for my mental illnesses help somewhat with the IBS. I additionally have to be on Medicaid and receive SSI benefits as well as be on my mom's insurance for the time being.

Without being on Medicaid and my mom's insurance (since she's a single mom whom works for the federal government, and I still have to live at home at 28 because of my conditions) at present, I don't know what I do. For example, my psychiatrist doesn't accept insurance; so I have to pay the full $125 every time that I have a psychiatry appointment. I can only imagine, then, how much I'd have to pay without being on Medicaid and my mom's insurance, and receiving SSI benefits in my current situation.

Of course, I'd like to get married and not have to be on Medicaid or SSI benefits, and I'd surely like to not have to be on my mom's insurance. Part of what scares me nonetheless is the idea of never getting married and having to depend on my mom for the rest of her life, and being on SSI benefits and Medicaid for the rest of my life. Another part of what scares me is if I get cheated on and get divorced if I do get married because I'm ableistically seen as worth cheating on, and being cheated on will hurt enough without me having to fall back on SSI benefits and Medicaid to afford the Baclofen Pump appointment followups, medications for my mental illnesses, etc.

I can only imagine, then, the circumstances of those whom are in worse situations than I am. That's why I'm for lower drug prices and reasonable drug prices, and especially for the rich and otherwise better off to philanthropically help the poor and otherwise less fortunate afford the drugs that we need.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Some Of What the ***** Administration Has Done For Me


  1. Caused me to dread for my life. I'm a Jewish woman with disabilities whose DREAMer-equivalent great-grandfather had Depression and, at the end of his life, a severe work-related injury that caused his Depression to flare up and him to commit suicide.
  2. Caused me to dread for my well being. I have even received threats from *****ites in the past.
  3. Caused me to dread for the lives and well beings of those like me—including other women. By the way, I would have supported the Women's March if Linda Sarsour and Donna Hylton were not involved with it, and if classless and hypocritical "p***y hats" were not worn.
  4. Left me, along with other #NeverTrump Republicans, to explain that real Republicans have either never supported ***** (and I myself wrote in Kasich) or came to regret supporting ***** (By the way, what does one call Republicans whom will regret supporting *****: Re-prodigal-icans? GOProdigals? As for the ones whom already have regretted supporting *****: Former Re-prodigal-icans? Ex GOProdigals? And if the Republicans whom supported or support ***** regret or will regret supporting him: Ba'alei teshuvpublicans?
  5. Affected my OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD to flare up, and get some gray hairs to boot—one of which I recently caught on video and may come from *****-related stress for all that I know.
  6. Made me care for law, justice, order, and politics more, and understand how frightening *****'s "law and order" concept is—which is why I support Special Counselor Mueller's probe.
  7. Made me understand history better—after all, for example, I'm a descendant of a DREAMer equivalent whom was a pogrom survivor and came face to face with Anti Semitism (and given that, as a relative of mine told me, my paternal grandfather "used to fall asleep in the back of the church" during the masses that they attended when my father was young, I'm pretty sure that Great-Granddad had come face to face with Anti Semitism multiple times and hinted that he did to his children when they themselves were young).

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Re "Depression and a Love of Food"


My father did the same thing regarding his "Vitamin B12" bottles, except that he was malicious about it. Long story short, there are a lot of family secrets in my dad's family (some of which I've blown off the lid, about which my father and others are not happy), and the Depression was one of them. Only later did I find out about how the paternal grandfather from whom he partly inherited his Depression really died, and I didn't find out until long after I had been in a Baltimore-area mental hospital for threatening suicide due to (among other factors) Depression and the abuse that exacerbated it.

He also inherited Depression from his mother's side. My guess is that she is a carrier for it unless she has Depression about which I don't know, because two of her maternal granduncles and her great-grandfather who was their father committed suicide. Also five of her maternal aunts and uncles had Alzheimer's and/or Dementia, which are linked to Depression.

I will say, then, that Julie Charnet's experience with her mother certainly contrasts my experience with my father.

PS Incidental note: I wonder if Julie Charnet's father was originally a Charnetski and related to my family:
  1. That's a variant that we used for Chernetzky/Czerniecki (See note below.)
  2. Without trying to be crude or funny, I have to say that it wouldn't surprise me given the divorce and miserable-marriage rate in our Chernetzky/Czerniecki/Czarniecki (and we must've thought partly that we were trying to be funny by passing¹)/Zernetzky....what else have we used....Czarnecki family.
¹Passing for certain szlachta didn't work—nice try; and we could've at least tried to pass for less Anti-Semitic ones if we were going to pass at all!

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Who's Laughing Now? Mental Illness Is Not Funny, And Ricky Gervais' Alcoholism Is Certainly Not Funny

Remember that addiction is a mental illness, and this is all too common of a sentiment among those with addictions: i.e., the sentiment "I like it too much, I'm not going to give it up" is too common. In fact, my own aunt eerily told my sister that she herself would "quit drinking when [she died]." She unfortunately died of Alcoholism in June of 2008 at the age of 56, which is Ricky Gervais' current age, and may have been 57 in November of that year had she'd been able to get treatment for Alcoholism—and who knows if Ricky Gervais won't share her fate almost a decade later ☹?

What disturbs me is that the "Daily Mail​" seems to see nothing disturbing about anyone, let alone a prominent figure, sending the message that there is nothing wrong with refusing to attempt to get treatment for mental illnesses even when one has the resources to get such treatment. As for Ricky Gervais' loved ones, I find what they're doing perhaps even more disturbing: they seem to be quite content with not wanting to try to help him get help. In contrast to my family whom did try to help my aunt get help, they seem to encourage him to, for example (and as he related), "[wet] himself after six pints of Guinness during a weekend bender."

Regardless of whom has (a) mental illness(es) or what a given person's mental illness(es), nothing is funny or encouragable about allowing someone to be overtaken by a mental illness.

PS My great-great-grandfather Julian Czerniecki (later Julian Czarnecki), whom was born on December 24, 1875 in Polish Russia, was also besieged by Alcoholism, and I don't know when Alcoholism onset for him. What I do know is that the Anti Semitism—and other persecutions and hardships—that he faced in Polish Russia (which he left after the Belostok Pogrom) and in the United States affected an exacerbation of his Alcoholism (and if you think that having to pretend to be a Polish Catholic and settle in out-of-the-way Sugar Notch in order to survive isn't hardship, don't kid yourself¹).

I also know that Great-Great-Granddad Czarnecki was not help as exacerbated Alcoholism (not to mention other mental illnesses, including Depression) besieged him. I have seen, heard, and lived that "Hurt people hurt people" cycle partly because of that; and that is party of why I find disturbing that the "Daily Mail" and those whom apparently love Ricky Gervais want to see him beseiged by a mental illness and perhaps even dead from it.

By the way, the aunt who died from Alcoholism was a maternal aunt; so, Alcoholism is actually on both sides of my family—that of course makes even more disturbing to me what the "Daily Mail" and Ricky Gervais' loved ones are doing, as they are basically saying that they'd like that both people like Ricky Gervais and people on both sides of my family to die of mental illnesses.

I guess that I shouldn't be surprised, though, given how ableist society is and how society hates both famous and non-famous people with disabilities such as mental illnesses.



¹He also had the hardship of being born on a date when Pseudo Christians persecuted the very people of Jesus—whom many of them ironically called "Jeszua", pronounced "Yeshua", by the way—imagine having to live your life never knowing if you'll make it to your next birthday because people whom claim to be celebrating the birth of Jeszua want to commit ethnocide against the very people for whom the New Testament says that Jeszua is Messiah first.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Part Of Why I Don't Always Wish People A "Happy Birthday" On Facebook Or LinkedIn

Long story short, IBS flareups can drain me and affect me to not want to do as much as I could. Longer story short, those (especially with mental-illness flareups and draining-enough Cerebral Palsy) make breathing hard on some days (like today), which can be draining.

Consider this, after all: when your colon presses against your diaphragm and presses your diaphragm onto your lungs, your lungs can't fill up as well and are in a perpetually-somewhat-exhaling state. It'sas far as I knowa little-known symptom that's actually—as I had to Googlefrustrated other IBS users.

Try having been prematurely born as well (and having a father whom didn't quit smoking until you were about six years old) and probably being a carrier for long-dormant Tuberculosis—since at least some of your ancestors had it (and at least one died of it)as well as having ancestors whom had Miner's Lung and other lung-affecting issues (such as addictions to cigarettes and alcohol) and your lungs can really be, so to speak and forgive the language, *****ed up on some days.

In fact, I'm having IBS-related breathing issues as I'm typing—and that's why I mentioned that IBS flareups can make breathing hard on some day's, and thus draining in of itself.

PS If you suffer IBS (and/or any of the other health-related issues that I've mentioned here) and/or have loved ones and/or coworkers whom suffer from IBS (and/or any of the other health-related issues that I've mentioned here) , you might be able to relate to this and get a better sense of what you and/or those in your life suffer. You thus might, for example, be able to at least somewhat understand why even you and/or someone else in your life may seem like a distant and uncaring jerk on some days—not being able to breathe, and thus not being able to have as much as energy to do all that you could do, makes being able to express that you care for others hard.

Also PS: I was thinking about the Amtrak accident in Tacoma and wanted to tweet "#Pray for Washington", and I've been wanting to tweet "#Pray for Reilly, since she has another ear infection"—and wanting to tweet those things are just among the many things that I've wanted to do and that I still have to do.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Excerpt From "More Shit And Other Stuff That I Can't Make Up": At Least Fudge Was Alive. As For Our Hamsters...

Trust me that they each were dead: 
  1. One inhaled refrigerator insulation (Dad's negligence)
  2. The second had wet tail
  3. The namesake fell into a squirrel-dug hole and fell 16 feet before meeting another six (Dad's negligence)
  4. And the fourth died naturally 

With the namesake, by the way, Dad actually named the namesake one to make us think that the name-honored one had survived. At least I give that he used minhag Ashkenazi, even though that wasn't exactly his intent.

What I don't give—or get—is his intent to deceive—which could be called both lashon hara and perhaps shem hara, maybe even chillul shem (and since we're discussing deceit here, chillul HaShem). Even worsely is that we—that is, my sister and I—found out about it only long after both the name honoree and the namesake had been deceased, and even long after the final hamster had been deceased—and we found out when we were having lunch with my father and my grandmother.

To sum this up, then:

  1. Dad allows Santa Little—whom, by the way, was named as a compromise for "Santa Claus" and "Stuart Little"—to dig a hole in the closet after escaping from his ball—and all of us agree that Dad should've gotten Santa out of the closet and back into the ball right away, as one cannot compromise wherein negligent rodenticide is involved.
  2. Dad lets the second Frisky meet a similarly-ignominious end after not even telling us that the first Frisky died of Wet Tail—let alone that he searched around for a similar-looking hamster to make us think that the first Frisky had survived—and then the second Frisky ends up meeting the kind of ending that the first overall hamster met.
  3. Dad lets Anastasia die naturally—because what better way to let a hamster die after her predecessors die is there, especially since she was named in honor of a princess whom was caught up in the middle of how her Anti-Semitic parents angered Lenin, Trotsky, and quite a few others? 
A "tail" of four hamsters that has fur-flying irony, paradoxes, and plenty of "Oy veys!" to accompany it—and with the reflection that a third-generation pogrom survivor uses minhag in a bad way while he at least has no mishaps with the namesake of a secondary victim of Anti Semitism.

As I said, more shit and other stuff that I can't make up!
Meanwhile, at least Fudge (whose story I just read on the news and thus inspired me to recall the story of my own hamsters) is apparently living a sweet and warm life in contrast to the cold and bitter endings that my own hamsters met—though at least they all had decent levayot in my grandma's backyard! 

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

My Next Book Is Being Published. Why I Made The Prices High This Time, By The Way

As I stated in the most-recent excerpt of the book, "[a]fter all, just typing all of this after a partly-mental-illness-affected hiatus from writing has affected my mental illnesses to flare up." For me, having Cerebral Palsy and mental illnesses (not to mention IBS) makes writing incredibly hard especially when I'm often drained of energy. Exacerbating the difficulty that I have in writing books is that I type with only one finger at a time, I can't format pictures and adjust screenshots as quickly as those without Cerebral Palsy or similar conditions can (at least physically—for those of them that have mental illnesses and/or other conditions, their difficulties in typing, formatting pictures and adjusting screenshots, etc. can be just as significant as mine).

Thus, I think that the labor that I put into writing this book justifies the $9.99 Kindle-editon price and the $18 paperback-edition price for which I am selling the book. By the way, my arms and legs are feeling tired as I'm typing; and my OCD/Anxiety, etc. is flaring up along with my muscles feeling tired.

Also by the way, I'm still giving away a copy of my first bookespecially since its main subject has been incredibly patient with me throughout all of this, including a difficult time that I'm enduring for both my sake and for my first book's main subject's sake.

Update (7:03 PM EST): The new book is published.


Excerpt From My Upcoming Book: “Dark Irish”, Allen, and “Polio”—Three Bubbe Meises That Nana Allen Told To the Younger Kids (With My Maternal Grandfather Being One Of Them)

I seem to have more of a contempt for my late maternal grandfather’s mother the more that I understand about her, at least wherein her bubbe meises are concerned. The three bubbe meises that really (forgive my language) piss me off (as if “shit” wasn’t language for which I might need to ask forgiveness):

1.    That we’re of the “Dark Irish”
2.    [Not excerpted here]
3.    That my grandaunt Kas had polio

The real stories are the following, respectively:

The “Dark Irish”


We’re Portuguese Irish, and likely even Sephardic Jewish and Irish. Nana Allen’s maternal grandfather was a “John McCoy”, and probably an Anusi—and “McCoy” was certainly not his own name, as he is not buried in the McCoy Family Plot in Baltimore’s New Cathedral Cemetery. As for how he immigrated to Ireland, my grandaunt Bernadette “Bern” Allen Dew (z”l) stated that “He fled a war in Spain”—which I found out after I saw the Census record that read “Spain” and “Ireland” for the respective birthplaces of Nana Allen’s maternal grandparents, the parents of the Rosalita “Rose” (or “Rosa”) McCoy Reilly whose 1900 Census record lists the “Spain” and “Ireland” in question for her parents’ birthplaces. As for the “war in Spain”—as “John McCoy”’s 1850 Census record helped me to research—that war was the Peninsular War, from which he as a Lisboa-born infant fled with his parents to Ireland.

About three decades after he immigrated to Ireland as a war refugee—and almost certainly an Anusi one at that—he immigrated to the United States as—as far as I know—an immigrant. By 1850, he had been married to MaryAnn Elizabeth née McCoy for at least eight to ten years and had the following children:
1.    John, Jr.
2.    MaryAnn Elizabeth, Jr. (whom, per a record of her second husband’s family history, told the bubbe meise that her mother was born “Mary Dolan”)
3.    Ann

He seems to have named the first two children per minhag Sephardi—after all, the first son was named for his father, and the first daughter was named for her mother (and apparently got a flair for spreading bubbe meises from—ironically—her, as the 1880 Census Record for a “Rose Riley” lists both of Mrs. “Riley”’s parents as having been in Ireland—and even while the 1880 Census record for MaryAnn’s and Rose’s sister Lavinia lists them as having been born in Maryland.)

Then he had four more children, and a nasty divorce to boot about six years after the youngest one was born. While I don’t know the exact circumstances of the divorce, I know—as I said—that he is certainly not buried in the McCoy Family Plot in New Cathedral Cemetery, and that his wife told the Census taker that she was a widowed mother of four daughters as of 1870.

By 1880, he had a grandchild whom proved that his Sephardish Yidishkeit was still around and alive within the family, even though he apparently hadn’t been around or alive since 1870—his daughter Rosalita had a daughter whom she named “Ann(e)”, and his ex-wife and his daughter’s in-law mother both went by “Ann(e)”. Then he had more grandchildren by Rosalita with a mark to prove that no real Catholicism was to be found as far as he was concerned: after all, none of the granddaughters carried “Mary” or any variant thereof for either a first name or otherwise as an honorific for the mother of Jesus.

Even Alice Marie Reilly named none of her daughters “Mary” or any variant thereof insofar as the prénom d’honorifique de la Virginé is concerned—the first names of her daughters were “Marguerite” (since her in-law mother was Margaret Conley Allen—and I’m now realizing where her Sephardish Yiddishkeit showed up in that regard, if I hadn’t already realized it a little bit), “Katherine”, “Bernadette”, and “Dolores”.

 (Per JewishGen, by the way and although JewishGen covers mostly Ashkenazi Jewish communities, “Marguerite” and “Katherine”—and variants thereof—were used among Jews; and as one rabbi told me when I asked if naming Reilly for Nana Allen and her mother was permissible in Jewish tradition, “There are no rules for such a thing. You may name your pet anything you like.” Also, Ariela Pelaia of ThoughtCo—formerly About.Com—captures what I’ve generally read regarding both Hebrew and Non-Hebrew names when she states, “[T]here is no hard and fast rule when it comes to giving your child a Hebrew name.”

(Also by the way, Sephardic Jewish girls will sometimes be named after living grandparents as opposed to living parents—the minhag varies in that regard.) 

As far as Alice Marie’s sisters, they were (besides Anne—z”l—whom died at the age of seven or eight):
1.    Rosa
2.    Sara—not “Catherine”, but “Sara Catherine” (and contrary to what Mom claims, “Sara” is not a common Catholic name—or at least too common of one—as it would arouse suspicions, especially in a family in which the first girl is not named “Mary”)
3.    Helen
4.    Agnes—whom later became “Sister Mary Rosalita Reilly”

By the way, Alice Marie’s first son was Edgar Joseph, for his father and distinguished as “Edgar Joseph Eymard”—and I’m now really beginning to see the Sepharidish Yiddishkeit (or “Sefardishkeit” or even “Ladinokeit”— and I’m going to assume that I coined those despite I can’t say that I made those up—after all, “Sefardish” and “Ladino” were long around before I was, and making  “Sefardishkeit” from “Sefardish” and “Yiddishkeit” is simply just making a compound word that can be used to describe the Yiddishkeit of Sephardim in Yiddish.

(Also by the way, I’m pretty sure that this is at least part of why my maternal grandfather took an interest in Yiddish, although he was—even if he didn’t know that he was—reasonably ascertainably a matrilineally-Jewish grandson of a patrilineally-Jewish bat Anusim—and his widow, my maternal grandmother, is my maternal grandparent whom is of Ashkenazi Jewish heritage.)

Meanwhile, this alone (as I’m now realizing) helps to explain why I thoroughly and even defensively  explain quite a bit of what I explain—as if getting called “an overall liar” at Sheppard Pratt by a caseworker whom fell for my father’s lies about me wasn’t enough, having Nana Allen throw her younger children and their descendants for a loop really affected me to start laying out every detail of quite a few cases once I found out about being thrown for such a loop—and as if many of my matriarchs and patriarchs on Dad’s side didn’t do enough loop throwing, todah rabah (and their loop throwing was more understandable than her loop throwing, as—as I later read—the Inquisition ended in 1834, whereas increasing Anti Semitism still affects many of my paternal relatives loathe to admit that we’re Jewish—even to the point at which one relative is trying to paint me as an overall liar in regard to what my father’s maternal grandmother did, and notwithstanding that I can neither help what happened or conjure up evidence to fit the narrative of what he wants to believe what happened.

(Incidentally, that will—God willing—probably end up in More Shit And Other Stuff That I Can’t Make Up—after all, just typing all of this after a partly-mental-illness-affected hiatus from writing has affected my mental illnesses to flare up.)




“Polio”


This one probably pisses me off the most. Despite articles that discuss the Irish Catholic “shame” of the Kennedys regarding Rosemary Kennedy (with “shame” being the word that the Kennedys themselves used), Nana Allen—who herself identified as a strong Irish Catholic—still has no excuse for lying about Grandaunt Kas’ Cerebral Palsy.

The story still goes that Grandaunt Kas contracted polio when she was seven or eight—this despite that she wasn’t going to have time to contract polio in the midst of the Spanish Flu Epidemic of 1918 and the Rheumatic Heart Fever Epidemic of 1923-1925 or thereabouts. Rheumatic Heart Fever is what actually killed Grandaunt Dolores, whom died on January 25, 1923, by the way (and as for where I got the 1925 date, Great-Granddad Czarnecki’s sister Regina died of Chorea due to Rheumatic Heart Fever on June 23, 1925).

Grandaunt Kas was born on November 6, 1911, and Grandaunt Bern somehow remembered that Grandaunt Dolores died in the Spanish Flu Epidemic. Either way, no way was Grandaunt Kas going to be going anywhere where she could contract polio—she was probably as housebound when the Spanish Flu hit the Allen household as much as all of the Allen children were when Rheumatic Heart Fever hit the Allen household. The more that I thought about that, then, the more that I had to conclude that Nana Allen told another bubbe meise—even my grandmother at first said that she didn’t know for sure, and that Nana Allen had “a lot of stories”.

Besides:

1.    Mild Cerebral Palsy can become worse after illnesses such as the flu and Rheumatic Heart Fever—and with illnesses that can cause fevers, you’re messing with illnesses that can cause some serious brain damage. So either way, Grandaunt Kas either had exacerbated Cerebral Palsy after the Spanish Flu Epidemic or she had a fever that effected brain damage and resulting Cerebral Palsy.
2.    The person whom told me that Grandaunt Kas had Cerebral Palsy, he would have no reason to lie—he worked for her when he and my mother were in high school, and she could tell a kid like him what she wouldn’t have dared to tell peers of hers or quite a few people within her own family!



That would also explain the real reason that Grandaunt Kas turned down three marriage proposals—not because she wanted to be single and independent, but because she was afraid that each of her suitors would run if they found out what she really had—and I can tell you that because I’ve lived being both implicitly and explicitly rejected by peers of mine due to my Cerebral Palsy.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Excerpt From My Upcoming Book: What Knowing Would've Helped: e.g., My Father Passed His Mental Illnesses Down To Me

April 2006, Spring Break, a threat of suicide, and thus a whole week in April of 2006 and a whole Spring Break spent in Sheppard Pratt...and this after I reached my breaking point with my father's abusiveness. Not to mention that learning about the Holocaust 4.5 years earlier, right after 9/11, actually partly effected the onset of my OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD—and that I would eventually figure out that that's why he had all of those pill bottles in his apartment, and that other matters would be explained by my father's OCD/Anxiety, Depression, and ADD.

So went my life with the fallout of 9/11, the times shortly before it, and the times shortly after it. At least my father's admitted to having ADD since then, but the Depression and OCD/Anxiety are still—albe an open secret to me and others—a secret. Of course, knowing about my father's Depression and OCD/Anxiety would've helped before I had to end up in Sheppard Pratt, let alone after I ended up in it. The worst part is that my mother knew about it and didn't tell me even about the day that she ended up discovering that he took Wellbutrin®, the generic of which I currently take (at least when I have the energy and time to be at consistent with my medication as possible) and any given form of which I have no idea in regards to whether my father still takes it.

Speaking of medication, my father's paternal grandfather—whom took medication for his own Depression—did not have medication work for him, and he subsequently took his own life as a result of ultimately-medication-resistant Depression. That, too, would've helped to know, especially when the bubbe meise about him dying of Black Lung was pulled together from three facts that were quite the opposite of the facts of his too-late-to-abort suicide attempt:


  1. An Anthony Czarnecki was born in October 1908 and died in 1972—and my father claimed that his grandfather died when he was 12. That Anthony Czarnecki died in a fire in Philadelphia, in contrast to the Anthony Czarnecki whom was actually born in October 1904 and jumped off of Exeter's long-since torn-down Falls River Bridge in December 1964.
  2. He did have Black Lung as a result of being a miner and did actually immigrate from Poland. However, he as a pogrom survivor came over here with his parents, and his brothers Bernard "Bernie" (whom was subsequently exploited by my great-granduncles John and Joe), Joseph "Susi" (whom my granduncle Tony, z"l, understandably described as an "SOB"), and Edward "Ed" Czarnecki (whom subsequently served at Fort Knox when my grandfather served down there in the days of mandatory service) served in World War Two. In other words, the bubbe meise about a lone immigrant from Poland whom became a miner, served in Korea, and died of Black Lung obscured a darker story and helped my try to father steal valor from Great-Granduncles Bernie (whom died in 1963) and Ed (whom served stateside during Vietnam and prior to the draft, and probably Korea). Thus, not ever occurring to me was that a child survivor of the pogroms and an Anusi felt the ultimately-fatal weight of his being an Anusi and other matters in his life (including his brother Bernie's death from a Schizophrenia-caused coronary occlusion after years of suffering either a botched shrapnel-removal operation or a lobotomy, and his brother Susi's exploitation of a fellow veteran—and one whose botched shrapnel-removal operation or a lobotomy left him a child-like and easily-exploitable state for the rest of his 43 years.)
  3. If Anthony Czarnecki wasn't the grandfather whom apparently died when my father was 12, then it would've been his grandfather Michael Gaydos. After all, a Michael Gaydos whom was born in 1891 did die in 1972. Of course, it wasn't the 1904-born Anthony Czarnecki whom died in 1972, and it wasn't actually Michael Gaydos, either—Great-Granddad Gaydos died of a heart attack when my father was 15.
Only a copy of Great-Granddad Czarnecki's death certificate that a maternal cousin of my father sent me cleared up that matter for me—and my father's excuses that I was too young to know before did not help my father, either, as he just added insult (his excuse) to injury (his bubbe meise). My mother's excuse that it was up to him and not her to tell me also didn't help, as she once again went along with my father's secrecy.

By the way, Depression also killed my paternal grandmother's granduncles Frank, Sr. Fosko and Andrȧs "Alexander" Foczko, as well as—despite the denials of some of my family in spite of the statistical evidence—her grandfather Istvȧn Foczko—whom died young and had seven children, with six of them being sons, and with 2/7 of his children and of his sons taking their own lives.

As for five of her maternal aunts and uncles, they had Alzheimer's and other forms of Dementia—and Alzheimer's and Dementia are linked to Depression.

Do the math, and you will figure out why knowing that I inherited Depression (as well as comorbid OCD/Anxiety and ADD that only exacerbate the Depression) from my father would've helped long before I was in Sheppard Pratt and long after I was in Sheppard Pratt, and long after I maybe wouldn't have been in Sheppard Pratt had I known about that the mental illnesses that I have and set on as a result of my father's abuse, the fallout of 9/11, and other factors came from that same father whom abused me partly by hiding that he has those mental illnesses. 

Monday, October 23, 2017

Why The Eagles May Be The New Football Team For Whom I Root


  1. Embarrassing the U.S. internationally (i.e., in the United Kingdom) was wrong (and that goes for the Jaguars, too). 
  2. I have paternal roots in Pennsylvania (and regardless of whom likes it or hates it, Jewish roots where my ancestors felt safer as Anusim in the U.S. than as Anusim or open Jews in Europe. As a Jew, then, I have to ask fellow Jews and others to remember that we'd all have to kneel if every persecuted group had to kneel—even WASPs aren't exactly as White as they'd like to think. Besides, one of the great Phillies players was Jewish—his father and one of my great-great-grandmothers were maternal siblings through Anna Haszlinsky Uszinskyova nee Jasova.). 
  3. On the note in Point Two: if any group should be kneeling, Jews should be. However, regardless of our various beliefs—as a Jew is a Jew regardless of whether he or she is religiously traditionally Jewish, Buddhist, or something else—many (if not most) of us have been able to recognize that the "Judeo-Christian" country that the U.S. is often actually not has been—at least up to this point—one of the Diaspora safehavens for Jews and allies of Jews compared to multiple countries throughout history.
  4. This is (as I recall) another loss in a row for the Ravens since the Ravens-Jaguars game (Divine Justice against the Ravens for being ingrates?).
  5. I might root again for the Ravens when I see the Ravens players kneeling for the Baltimore Police and not Freddie Gray or other criminals, such as the toadie of a certain late priest—since they're kneeling for one criminal, they're kneeling for other criminals.

Monday, October 2, 2017

A Historical Comparison By A Bat Anusim, And "Can Congress Actually Impeach A 'President'?"

No, and the continuing problem is that people are calling D*****d Tr**p "President". As a fourth-generation pogrom survivor, I can tell you that talk—e.g., about Congress removing Tr**p from officewithout action is—as the saying goes—empty words, or even words that are full of either irony, paradoxy, smooth-tongued malice, survivalism, or mystery and/or secrecy. My paternal family's words in regard to our heritage, for example, were and are full of mostly survivalism and secrecy, due to the ironic and maliciously-smooth words of the self-proclaimed Judeo-Christian United States. 

They were full of survivalism and secrecy when my paternal grandfather's paternal family became Anusim and fled Lipsk for a United States that at best ended up doing relatively bupkis for especially other Jews in Russia (both in the Imperial Era and the Soviet Era, the former of which Great-Granddad Czarnecki and his parents fled). Along with Great-Granddad Czarnecki's family were other families (including other sides of my father's families), both of Anusim and of Non Anusim, whom fled Russia—not to mention Jewish families (including other families of my father) Austria Hungary and Imperial Germany, and not to mention Jewish families (including family members of my father) whom fled Post-Austrohungarian and Post-Kaiserreich states and localities—and for these Jews, the United States also did bupkis.

Where, for instance, was the United States during the pogroms and the Holocaust but for getting involved in wars and other matters only when they affected the United States directly? In one case—and probably one of the most infamous (if not the most infamous of the most infamous) ones—a president allowed Nazis into the United States, got involved in War World Two only Pearl Harbor was hit, and spurned a delegation of rabbis, even at the cost of Jewish-American civilians whom were somehow in Europe during the Holocaust in Germany. As for the Holocaust in Russia, especially after the Holodomor and Stalin's intent to implement his"Final Solution" plan, the United States also deliberately failed to get involved in that! (By the way, don't be fooled: Stalin darned well knew that Ukraine had long had a significant Jewish population, and the Russian Army surely wasn't quick to stop the Babi Yar Massacre!)


This time, especially those of us whom are descendants and/or otherwise relatives of direct pogrom and Holocaust survivors are as affected by an aspiring Neo ****** and Neo Stalin as our ancestors and/or relatives were affected in Imperial, Nazi, and Communist (including Soviet) Europe—direct pogrom and Holocaust survivors are being affected all over again. The most-significant factor in all of this is that anyone is calling D****d Tr**p the "President of the United States", and an illegitimately-elected "President" is not a "President". Meanwhile, are especially direct and indirect pogrom and Holocaust survivors not to be at least a little scared of a man whom, for example:

  1. Targeted especially Jews from the beginning? After all and for starters, according to him, "the only kind of people [whom he wanted] counting [his] money are little, short guys that wear yarmulkes every day," yet "[we weren't] going to support [him] because [he didn't] want [our] money".
  2. Has used Anti-Semitic and otherwise-bigoted revisionists like Julian Assange (a known bigot) and Vladimir Putin (a goes-without-saying bigot) to get him illegitimately elected and continue to be in the White House? Julian Assange even went as far as to deliberately decontextualize emails about pool parties and other subjects to make the bad-enough-as-is Hillary Clinton look worse than she is—and to decontextualize emails like that might be hilariously pathetic if it didn't affect a base whom was looking for an "anyone but Hillary" excuse. Putin, meanwhile, helped Tr**p with the hacking of voting machines and continues to help him try to obstruct the Russiagate investigation?
  3. Also targeted other groups from the beginning, and used proxies besides Assange and Putin—even ones whom volunteered to be proxies after the fact? Ask, for instance, a certain proxy from ReddIt
  4. Either does nothing when a person receives threat from Tr**pites (and I've received at least three) or even blames the victim of death threats (whether he directly makes those threats or blames someone whom received a threat from at least one Tr**pite? By the way, I'm—so to speak—small potatoes, at least for the most part. Reporters for media such as Politico, "GQ", and "The Atlantic" are not. Incidentally, regardless of whether someone's Jewish or gentile, that's akin to when the Nazis and Soviets were targeting those whom they assumed to be Jewish, isn't it?)?
Then the least that others (including and especially Jews who call D****d Tr**p "President") can do is stop calling D****d Tr**p "President", and Congress will finally remove an illegitimately-elected "President" from an office that he isn't supposed to have.

PS I stated "Communist (including Soviet) Europe" because I had forgotten that Yugoslavia under Iosip Tito was independent of Soviet Russia. Post-Austrohungarian states such as Czechoslovakia (1968-1991) and Hungary (1956-1991, after the failed resistance against the Soviets), and localities in Poland (July 5, 1945-December 25, 1991—at Augustów—or thereabouts—if July 5, 1945 did not seal Poland's fate) were not.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Re "For Some Moms, The Nest May Never Be Empty"

My dad's 49-year-old cousin Jamie was treated for seizures when he was 1.5 years old, and the doctors at the hospital gave him an overdose of codeine. They didn't wait to check with my granduncle and grandaunt, whom were out on a date night and having my grandaunt's sister babysit Jamie, and this was despite that Jamie is allergic to codeine.

As a result of the codeine overdose, Jamie got Cerebral Palsy and had his development stop right then and there. My granduncle and grandaunt were gracious and merciful about it, understanding that my grandaunt's sister tried her best by taking Jamie to the hospital. They also gave the doctors the benefit of the doubt, and they opted to not put him in a Pennsylvania state hospital or school (and this was three years before Willowbrook in New York was exposed).

I can only imagine the "What might've been?" and "Why did this happen?" questions that they've had, and especially since Granduncle Jim's endured a lot of other losses along with Jamie's loss of a normal life. Even before he lost the chance to see Jamie have a normal life, he lost his uncle (my great-granduncle) Bernie (of blessed memoryy) only years before (and Great-Granduncle Bernie had a botched shrapnel-removal operation that resulted in his having brain damage and resulting regression to a child-like state); and he lost his father (my great-grandfather Anthony Czarnecki, whom was a very-difficult man and -abusive father) due to Depression-affected suicide in the year after Great-Granduncle Bernie died at the Veteran's Affairs Home and Hospital in Lebanon, Pennsylvania due to a Coronary Occlusion as a result of a Schizophrenia flareup (and perhaps Granduncle Jim and even other relatives—and I myself recently—have wondered if Great-Granduncle Bernie didn't actually have a DVA-forced lobotomy that did damage similar to the damage that Jamie's codeine overdose did).

As for some of the losses after Granduncle Jim's having to deal with Jamie's loss of a normal life:

  1. His brother (my granduncle) Francis (of blessed memory) died at the age of 45 due a heart attack and Alcoholism in 1985.
  2. His brother (my granduncle) Tony died unexpectedly in 2014 at the age of 68—and being almost four years older than him, he expected to be outlived by him.
  3. His daughter, Denise, has never married or had children due to suspending much of her life to help care for her older sibling—so, he's also watched as Denise has lost a chance to live a normal life.
  4. He nearly lost his own life when he could've died due to a fall that he had from a letter in 2007, when he was trying to clean some eggs that some punks had thrown onto his roof. 
As for Grandaunt Annie, she's endured both losses of her own losses that she and Granduncle Jim have shared. Meanwhile, both Granduncle Jim and Grandaunt Annie are in their 70s, and both of them are probably wondering what they're going to do in terms of what happens with Jamie when each of them dies—and what happens, if Denise, who's now in her 40s, and/or other relatives can't and/or won't take care of Jamie after they are gone?

Thus, I think that Granduncle Jim and Grandaunt Annie—and perhaps especially Granduncle Jim—can relate to that feeling of never being able to have an empty nest and especially never being able to watch each of their children live a normal life, let alone having children and grandchildren that'll someday live their own normal lives. 

PS To Miriam Sokol, let me add to the following:

"I didn't know that, for example, my dad's 49-year-old cousin is a "difficult child". But what do I know? That overdose that he had on codeine when he was 1.5 years old must've been his fault. Never mind that the doctors at the hospital didn't wait to check with my granduncle and grandaunt before they tried to treat him due to his seizures."

What I want to add is this:

Jamie is not at all a "difficult child" (and neither is every other child or adult whom's afflicted with especially-severe physical and intellectual disabilities). In fact, Jamie is a very-sweet and -loving person (as I remember from when I and my side of my family would see other sides of the family every year that we could up to Pennsylvania to visit my great-grandmother, of blessed memory).

Monday, September 11, 2017

A Reflection Re "Heaven, 9/11 Memorial Version"






I can only imagine how, I suppose to a similar extent, my paternal grandfather's father and living siblings felt on September 11, 1922 and subsequent days. From what I understand, my great-great-granddad Julian Czarnecki was absolutely no hero—or if he was one, his bad facets outweighed his good ones. Nonetheless, his death must've really weighed on my great-granddad and his living siblings (one of whom would follow her father only slightly over 2.75 years later).

Great-Granddad was going to be 18 that October (and to compound the worst matters in his life, he turned 25 on a day on which a 25th birthday would not be joyous to anyone—Black Thursday). So on that birthday (and subsequent birthdays), he had to remember the loss of his father (with whom he had a conflicted relationship—or at least I'd be surprised if he didn't have a conflicted relationship with him—and subsequent birthdays would become even worse as the years passed and worse events kept happening—in fact, his 35th birthday had the fresh pain of Black Thursday's 10th anniversary and the only-almost-two-months old invasion of Poland).

As for Great-Granddad's youngest sibling, she wasn't yet even nine months old when Great-Great-Granddad died—and the oldest surviving one had, if you count 13 as the bat-mitzvah age, become a bat-mitzvah that year (and she was the one whom followed Great-Great-Granddad into death on June 23, 1925).

At least none of them were around to see 9/11. However, my great-granddad's widow—to whom he was quite abusive, and with whom she obviously had a conflicted relationship—was, and so were four of his five children (One died seven hours after birth, right before the 10th anniversary of his aunt Regina's death.). While I do not know whether my great-grandma ever met her father-in-law or her sister-in-law Regina, I know that she was well aware that September 11th always carried pain for my great-granddad—as carried every October 24th, and not just because of the September 11th before his 18th birthday—and both were born in Jewish homes (he in Anti-Semitic Polish Russia, she in an Anusi home in Ashley-Hanover Township, Pennsylvania) and raised in Anusi homes, and they thus knew the pain of every passing September 11th (on which Great-Great-Granddad may not have died had his family not disowned him for becoming an Anusi) and October 24th.

I can only imagine how the pain of every other September 11th hit her on 9/11, and I never did ask her because I didn't know our family story—not even that we were and are Jews—not to mention that I saw her only once every year from some time in the 90s until 2005, and I was dealing with an abusive dad (It's like the Passover question that the fourth child doesn't ask—he or she doesn't ask because he or she doesn't know how to ask or maybe even to ask at all.).

I wonder what she thought—or at least would've thought—if she heard this song—I also wonder the same about Pop-Pop (whom was sadly, as Granduncle Tony stated, "Like father, like son.") and Granduncle Tony (whom unexpectedly died on July 31 2014, three days after what would've been his mother's 101st birthday). I also certainly wonder what Great-Granddad would've thought and what Granduncle Red (Francis "Red" Czarnecki, whom died in 1985) would've thought (BTW, he was called "Red" because of his red hair—which, as I later found out, is, so to speak, a dead giveaway of if someone is Jewish in Poland, as is Brown hair for someone whom's a Brown-haired Jew, as Ethnic Poles are indigenously light-haired and light-eyed).

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Excerpt From My Upcoming Book (Language Warning): "The Summary Of the Case For Saving The Old Farmhouse..."

Firstly, how the case to save the late Katherine Ushinsky Gajdos’ house is related to shit that I can’t make up:

1.    With my grandaunt Helen Gaydos Wojnar (z”l)—my paternal grandmother’s oldest sibling—being long deceased, her widower and children had decided to tear down her (and my grandmother’s) paternal grandmother’s old farmhouse down without even considering the historical ramifications of tearing down the farmhouse.
2.    Grandaunt Helen’s (and Grandma’s) sister MaryAnn once again told a classic bubbe meise that—I’m sure that—she still hasn’t told anybody: after all, the historical significance of the farmhouse begins with the fact that Anna née Jaszová was not “Maria Anna Yzchinski” by birth. As I mentioned in a telephone conversation and further explained to my father in a text message—since, as I type (on September 6-7, 2017/Elul 15-16, 5777), he’s visited one of Grandaunt Helen’s sons three times while he’s been down in Florida—I understandably wondered if Grandaunt Helen’s widower and descendants left up the farmhouse, which I’d seen the times that we were up on the former Gaydos farmstead (where the Gaydos-Wojnar cabin is).
3.     Bugs, rotting wood, excursions of wildlife within the farmhouse, apparently-common-across-Pennsylvania houses like that, and other given excuses for tearing down the Gaydos Farmhouse are no excuses at all.
4.    Until I brought up the possibilities of renovation or replica building, nobody even considered leaving up the farmhouse.

I gave my father the short version of the historical significance of the Gaydos Farmhouse:

“Mickey Haslin was Great-Granddad Gaydos' maternal cousin. They had the common grandparent of Anna (Szuszanna?) née Jaszová (Yashová), divorced from Jan Haszlinsky and remarried to Jan Uszinsky (Ushinsky). Her parents were Jan and Eva Polinová Jasz (Yash). She was Jewish as were her parents, and as was Jan Uszinsky.
“That is why Great-Granddad identified as "Russian"—his mom, Mickey Haslin's only parental aunt, was born as Katarina Szuszanna Uszinskyová to Slovakian-Jewish parents of Russian-Jewish descent in Gaboltov, Slovakian-Austrian Hungary. Mickey Haslin seems to have done the same—his father was George Hazlinsky, and not a single one of his kids was a "Mary" (even for the traditional Jewish usage for "Miriam". His kids were named Mercedes, Kathleen, and Michael.
“They used a mix of Ashkenazi and Sephardi naming customs, by the way—quite a few Ashkenazim overall, irrespective of beliefs re Jesus or amounts of Sephardi heritage, seem to have done this. "MaryAnn", BTW, could be used for "Miriam Chanah".) That alone makes the farmhouse significant if you ask me—i.e., the Crypto-Jewish paternal aunt of Mickey Haslin and widow of a Crypto Jew (a son of Jan and Anna Hommová Gajdosz) owned that farmhouse as a widow whom posthumously became the paternal grandmother-in-law to one of the three IRS agents whom would help bring Nixon down.
“Also, BTW, Ashkenazi Crypto Jews and their descendants (Anusim Ashkenazim v'B'nei Anusim Ashkenazim) are probably as numerous as Sephardi ones—even John Kerry would be John Kohn and Madeline Albright was born Madeline Korbelová, e.g.. Cameron Kerry is whom is called a "ba'al teshuvah", meanwhile, whereas John Kerry and Joan Kerry identify as Jewish Catholics; and Madeline Albright is a Jewish Episcopalian.”


In other words, the seven following simple words sum up any tearing down of the farmhouse of Katherine Susan Ushinsky Gaydos: a big mistake of literally-historical proportions!

Monday, August 14, 2017

I Do Not Want To Read Or Hear "What The White Supremacists At Charlottesville Are Saying

To me, for news sources such as AOL News to publish articles such as "White supremacist seen in viral photo" is despicable. For people to also be circulating the photo is despicable—despite what he says, he wants to be seen and get publicity for being a racist.

Besides, as I've said, I hear enough White-Supremacist rhetoric from even some of my family members—and we're Anusim and B'nei Anusim! By the way, the cousin who I mentioned before once stated that she "figured that we had Jew blood" or something like that—and she definitely used the "Jew blood" phrasing, which is Anti-Semitic phrasing.

As for another family member, for instance, she blamed part of what happened at the rally for the counterprotestors going down there instead of just ignoring it—in contrast to, for example, her late grandfather (a proud Siedenburg-Mueller, whose ancestors were Lutheran Anusim, and a proud Lehr) whom chased her future mother with a belt when she joked to her brother, "You're just like ******"  (Incidentally, her mother may also have been Jewish, as—for instance—her paternal grandmother was a Peltz for no baptism record has ever been found for her, in contrast to the DeBoys for whom baptism records have been found.).

In conclusion, then, I don't want to give the White Supremacists a platform that many of my own family already seem to (in their cases, self hatingly) take—as I said, I hear enough White-Supremacist rhetoric from even some of my family members (By the way, most White-Supremacist rhetoric at least nowadays is more Anti Semitic—and more Anti-Semitism driven in the first place—than it is Afrophobic, Hispanophobic, Arabophobic, or otherwisely bigoted toward gentiles.).

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Excerpt From My Upcoming Book: It Began In the Toponymical City of Dunilavičy

I don’t know how I didn’t know other than that I wasn’t told that I’m Jewish—let alone the whole backstory behind why we passed for gentiles. What I do know is that I should’ve known when someone asked me if I am—that is, if I am related to Kirk Douglas. I honestly remembered that “Danilovich” was a patronymic in his case, and I told the person that “Danilovich” is a patronymic in his case and not related to “Daniłowicz” in my paternal family’s case.

Then I relooked at the Wikipedia entry—“Demsky” wasn’t his birth surname after all, as I found out. After that, I saw the family resemblance—and the “Czarnecki buttchin” turned out to be the Danilovich-dimpled chin, I figured out. Then after that, I read about how Kirk Douglas raped Natalie Wood—and I should’ve known that I’m related to Kirk Douglas even if I’d only read about that.

Leave to the Daniloviches to wreak havoc on the world—and my own side of the family had and has done plenty of that—and each other—and even many (if not most) of us that try to be good aren’t innocent of having wreaked some havoc. We also have havoc wreaked on us by others besides each other—as I say, “If you’re a Danilovich, you either are trouble, attract trouble, or [have a case of] both[instances —that is, that you both are trouble and attract trouble].” (By the way, I used to say “crazy” instead of “trouble”, but then I considered how “crazy” is ableist language.)

Meanwhile, as I’ve also said, there’s something in that Danilovich water—and it all (apparently, anyway) began in Dunilavičy, Belarus (Duniłowicze, Białorus), to where I’ve traced it back (thus, why I say “apparently”: it could be Daniłowicze in what is now Podlaskie, Poland or another Daniłowicze or Dunilavičy).

Using JewishGen and Google Maps as well as other sources (including YadVashem, since I ended up finding—for example—a record for an Esther Chernetzki from Chausy—the birth city of Herschel “Harry” Danilovich), I’ve traced my Danilovich/Daniłowicz from Dunilavičy to Podlaskie, Poland’s Lipsk nad Bierbzą as such—this is, for all intents and purposes, a very-rough tracing, by the way. Also by the way, keep factors such as the following (and I think that you can tell that I’ve researched all of this and also figured out quite a bit):
1.    There was no traveling outside of the Russian Pale and back to it without permission to be outside of the Russian Pale in the first place.
2.    Per JewishGen, Lipsk shifted from being in Borisov Uyezd in Minsk Gubernia to Augustów Uyezd in Suwałki Gubernia by 1900.
3.    The shift from being openly Jewish to being Anusim seems to have come from Abram “Wojciech” and Marianna Kruszyńska Daniłowicz when a son named Mendel died in Filipów in 1841. Their daughter who was the mother of my paternal grandfather’s paternal grandfather was baptized as “Katarzyna” in 1843.
4.    In Wigry its subordinate parish, no way was “prenuptial agreement” going to mean anything but “ketubah”. Also in Wigry and its subordinate parish, parents didn’t “neglect” baptizing any child for four years!
5.    The Daniloviches, Chernetzkis, etc. (e.g., Kruszyńskis, Andrulewiczes, and Margiewiczes) all either somehow heard of each otherand/or were otherwise connected prior to ending up in what is now Podlaskie Voivodeship.
6.    Related to the aforementioned: branches of the Daniloviches, etc. also ended up together in Mount Carmel, Pennsylvania—in other words, Great-Granddad Czarnecki’s closer sides of his parents’ families that immigrated to Pennsylvania stuck together.


[Not previewed here]




The next few screenshots are from JewishGen. As I’ve said when I’ve written about my family history other times, they—despite what they claim—cannot copyright the information itself, although they can indeed copyright the database technology that they use for the JewishGen databases. Besides, that information was known and/or discoverable long before they were founded—let alone before I was born!

[Not previewed here]



As for the rest of my Danilovich side’s story, that can be read elsewhere. So can the story of Kirk Douglas’ side.


PS As I’ve said, I wish that Lana Wood would name Kirk Douglas before he dies—and I wish that she would name Kirk Douglas before it’s too late for her to name her sister’s rapist!

Sunday, July 30, 2017

The Good, The Bad, And The Kevin Myerses And Reverend Kellys

Eerily enough, we were just talking about my dad's childhood Irish-American priest and his Anti Semitism. Sadly, there is a lot of Anti Semitism within quite a few pockets of some Irish Catholic circles....and you know what? Maybe that's another part of why his father's parents did not want his uncle marrying an Irish-American woman. 

(By the way, I've done a lot of family and other research as well as lived quite a life for being 27 years old: I can thus deduct, read between the lines, and otherwise have ways to figure out what I'm not exactly or at all being told.)

Long story short, Dad's from a family of Anusim Ashkenazim and B'nei Anusim Ashkenazim, and Pop-Pop's parents themselves were sort of intermarried: Great-Grandma believed in Jesus (and Great-Great-Grandma was not thrilled about this, as I deducted); and Great-Granddad did not (To him, shidduch shmidduch in any case, though: he wasn't in the Old Country, anyway.). Both of them, however, were not happy when Granduncle Tony wanted to marry a daughter of one of the Sugar Notch Lenahans (Her mother was the Lenahan.): "She's Irish!"

Pop-Pop himself married a daughter of a Rusnak whose father was somehow a relative of Yehoshua Rusnak (though I'm not sure that Grandma knew this at the time). Not that the family prominences figured into the marriage decisions, anyway; and even if they had, Great-Granddad had prominent-enough family himself, anyway, thanks (His cousin Katherine, e.g., married a Chokola; and long story short, the Chokolas are somehow Jewish). The point was that a Jew was a Jew, irrespective of belief; an Irisher was a Irisher, and you could bet that he or she grew up Catholic.

As if my great-grandparents were prescient about things that would turn out in the most-ironic way possible, it actually ended up going well for Granduncle Tony and (sadly) his widow (He died just after her 70th birthday and after they'd been married for 46 years.), and Pop-Pop got stuck with a certain Reverend Kelly as his family's pastor when he moved his family down to Glen Burnie and attended The Good Shepherd: he himself would fall asleep in the back of the church while everyone else attended services.

Only later, meanwhile, did I figure out that Reverend Kelly had a clear Anti-Semitic bias against us: according to my mother, whom is herself mostly from Irish-Catholic stock, my sister and I actually held out our hands correctly for Catholics—and not Episcopalian wise—after all when we attended a Christmas service at the Good Shepherd, including with begrudging Dad (and that Dad had to deal with Father Kelly helps one to understand why he turned out how he turned out—you deal with people in authority whom want to think that they know better than even God Himself, you might also turn out how Dad turned out. By the way, some are skeptical that Reverend Kelly was solely at fault—one good thing about attending what's now NDMU is that I know how many Roman Catholic teachers, laymen and clergy alike, think that they know better than God and try to teach their students to be robots instead of students).
Had I known that we're Jewish back then and that we did hold out our hands correctly after all, I would have realized that the same pastor whom hated my dad as his student back then picked on his now-grown former student's Jewish-looking children—as I've found out, we couldn't pass back then or now even if nobody would say anything—and years later, I am not surprised.

At least I (can be at least fairly certain that I) know that Reverend Kelly will have to (if he hasn't already had to) face a Jewish Jesus someday, and hearing "I never knew you!" will be (or was) painful: after all, as Corrie ten Boom stated, "You can't love God without loving the Jewish people," and she was paraphrasing the Paul of Tarsus whom reminded the gentiles at Rome that gentiles are grafted-in branches of the Tree of Life and Jews are the regrafted-in branches.

Update: After doing some quick Googling:

  1. Reverend Kelly is out of The Good Shepherd. God hath given each according to his or her works, I see. Nonetheless, he his sycophants
  2. I see nothing to indicate that he's died. Since he's still alive, then, he has had some time to reflect on what he's done throughout his life.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Anti Semitism Came From Outside Of A Hartford Cemetery....And Then There's The Anti Semitism In Luzerne County's Cemeteries

I have living and late relatives who were and are (including ones who currently await the Resurrection Of The Dead) in Madison and Norwalk, and all of us are B'nei Anusim. Besides, for example, I don't know where some relatives who weren't Anusim ended up; and either way, Anti Semites, whether or not they leave written graffiti (as if knocking over matzevot isn't a hateful form of graffiti just because it's unwritten) don't care whether we're Rabbinim, Kara'im, or something else (e.g., Notzrim); or openly Jewish or Anusim, whether or not we're B'nei Anusim.

As is said, it can happen here and it can happen anywhere else.

PS The (perhaps) conspiracy theorist in me says that some of the tombstones in the photos that Dad sent me were knocked over simply because they are or suspected to be matzevot; and the same (perhaps) conspiracy theorist in me suspects that that's why others have been left unmaintained. For example:
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I'm not sure whose grave this is. However, the grave in two puctures prior, shown here below, is one of Great-Great-Granddad's cousins (the one whom proved that the sin against Natalie Wood didn't escape being perpetrated by our side of his maternal family, might I add.).


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Another one, this after the knocked-over one. Although it hasn't been maintained, it's clearly standing upright and without any deliberate- and/or other clean-looking breaks.
By the way, all but two of the Hartford matzevot that were knocked over were knocked over to this kind of condition (The other two faced the kind of horrid fate that a matzevah in Europe may've faced.)
Meanwhile, two tombstones of people who were born within 20 years of Great-Great-Granddad (December 24, 1875; despite his tombstone giving 1877) are well maintained. One was born in 1869, and another was born in 1885. This tombstone seems to not be a matzevah (or at least a matzevah Yehudit, if you want to get technical and apply "matzevah" to any tombstone) or at least a suspected matzevah, in contrast to the two shown above that may be.


I left this in its original size on purpose. Assuming that the cemetery in the next picture is Holy Family/St. Charles Cemetery, one can see very clearly the stark contrast. Not that Great-Great-Granddad was a hero, by the way—and from what I understand, he wasn't—nonetheless, something's fishy when a tombstone in Holy Family/St. Charles looks like this in contrast to the other tombstones, especially since Great-Great-Granddad donated to its "Free Poland" fund. Also by the way, Great-Grandma (z"l) died only 10 Gregorian years ago and was laid to rest in St. Mary's as a Holy Family parishioner—it isn't like Holy Family doesn't keep track members of parishioning families whom are still in the area—in addition, given that this is why I mention Great-Grandma, she received a prayer shawl (which was not specifically a tallit) that my aunt Mary made for her and was quite thrilled to receive it (I know why, and Great-Grandma apparently did, too 🙂—had I known before she died and at least before the last time that I saw her 🙁! —in other words, only looking back on the times that I saw her and looking back with what I found out in mind did I understand that she was an alter-bubeh.)

Incidentally, St. Mary's does not allow stones on top of any tombstones ("No crushed decorative stones, pebbles, shells or similar materials shall be placed on or around monuments or markers.")....never mind that Jesus was Jewish (and is Jewish if you believe that he's Mashiach like I do); but, okay, then. 🙄 Also never mind that the stones left on matzevot are never "decorative" (While I was looking for the source where I read that no stones are allowed on top of any tombstone, I didn't remember St. Mary's Cemetery having this much of a contempt for Jews. If only we could get Great-Grandma and other proud stholts Yidn out of there, and get each of them among lantzmen and lantzfroyen whom believe as he or she believes, since it happens from within and not only from without—unless you want to count as part of the "without" group the Anti Semites whom affected them to become Anusim, "hidden Jews", regardless of their beliefs.)
This isn't to mention that since I clearly didn't pass—unbeknownst to me until a friend told me, "I figured that you're Jewish. You look Jewish."—at least quite a few ancestors who did know that they're Jewish from the beginnings of their lives didn't pass, no matter how much they tried and/or no matter how much anybody who at least suspected that they're Jewish didn't say.

By the way, Holy Family/St. Charles Cemetery in Sugar Notch is a small one (so are cemetery such as Holy Cross Polish National Cemetery, where Great-Great-Granddad's brother Felix is buried). There is, thus, little to no chance that even some stranger would've just passed over a lonely grave of an apparently-Polish or -otherwise-gentile parishioner in tight-knit, everybody-apparently-knows-somebody-or-of-somebody-somehow Sugar Notch.