The Love Of My Life Versus The Ideal, And Why I Would Prefer the Not-Completely-the-Ideal Love Of My Life

I've obviously been kvetching about the love of my life, and I can tell that I've been utzing some people and wanting to make them brekhn. Nonetheless, I wouldn't talk about my true love if there weren't quite a few factors in play. The factors include that:

1. I'm never going to get my ideal.
2. What I have attracted are guys who are either not right for me and/or don't fit my ideal, anyway; are slimeballs, or both.
3. I've had enough of a rough life as my life has been—for example (going back to Factor Two), I had the first relationship from August 2004 to May 2005 and waited seven (almost eight) years only to end up in the other failed relationship (February 26, 2013-March 2, 2013). Both relationships were with people who turned out to be slimeballs, and both of whom I had eventually to call the police on. Add that I'm already a divorce statistic (My parents are divorced; both of my dad's living siblings are divorced as well [and my dad and my uncle each remarried]; only two of my maternal grandmother's born children have never been divorced; two of my Trudniak great-granduncles were divorced—one was divorced two or three times—; and my mom's maternal granddad's maternal grandmother was divorced—and there were other divorces. There've also been miserable marriages—e.g., that of my dad's paternal grandparents.)—now know that I'm statistically likely to get divorced.
4.  I have Cerebral Palsy with an ITB Pump inside of me, OCD/GAD, MDD, IBS, and ADD. Add in Factor Three, and you have why Factor One is in play whether or not Factor Two is added to it.

So, what is my ideal? Besides what I've already mentioned, here's a list:

1. A Messianic Jew—preferably a Levi or a kohen—and one who knows that we are no longer obligated to keep all 613 mitzvot.
2. A virgin (I'm a virgin; and—yes—that should've been obvious on the fact that I have CP alone.).
3. One who is a political scientist, historian, or similar type of professional.
4. One who can deal with my disabilities, family history, etc. 

I could keep listing more points; but just given  that I have CP and that—e.g.—men have left women who have had more-common conditions such as breast cancer, you should have been able to figure out that I wasn't going to get my ideal. Besides, all the good, I'd-never-be-able-to-get-one-of-them-anyway guys are taken by (mostly) non-disabled women and/or who don't have the kind of family history that I have. I'm well aware of all this to the point that I have cried many times over it (I'm crying right now—and, since Mom's sitting next to me, I'm praying that she doesn't see the tears.). After all, I'm the "gimp" who—by someone's suggestion—should've dated "poor jazz player" Charles Polk (I'm well aware at how the disabled are even viewed by even the good people in society, and the good and bad ones who would never say that kind of stuff out loud.).

So, who is the love of my life? As I said, I'll never tell unless and until the times comes to tell—especially since, e.g., he's already taken. Here's some of what he's like, though (I have to be vague since I don't want to give too much away, since some people know or might be able to figure out who he is.):

1. He cares about tikun ha'olam and social justice, and has done and does avodah l'tikun ha'olam that has affected and affects many people, including people like me.
2. He's Jewish and actually comes from a mixed background like I do.
3. He's handsome.
4. He's an acquaintance of mine.
5. Any woman be blessed to have him, despite his foibles and flaws.
6. He's honest.
7. He knows what he believes and why he believes it.

Do you see now why I talk (albe too much) about him and ask desperately for prayer that I may get him? He may not be my ideal or a perfect diamond, but he's a diamond in the rough who would definitely be worth having—and, given my own history, I'll take what good guy I can (hopefully, G-d willing) get.

Essay: Some People Just Don't Get How Life Works, Even For the Believer

I've had people in my life decry that I want to be famous and make an impact--and for what? All because they want differently for my life and frankly don't get how life works--even for believers and so-called believers like themselves. Firstly of all, they don't get that one has to be famous in order to make an impact. In fact, "For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more." Therefore, much has to be given for much to be required. Even Kings David and Solomon, Mother Teresa, and scores of other influential people would not have had the impact that they had if they had not become famous--and sometimes even infamous before they became famous.

For example, who would've cared about a young, righteous shepherd in Bethlehem had he not become king? In fact, his own family derided him:

"Thus Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel. And Samuel said to Jesse, “TheLord has not chosen these.” And Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all the young men here?” Then he said, “There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep.”

"And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and bring him. For we will not sit down till he comes here.” So he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, with bright eyes, and good-looking. And the Lord said, “Arise, anoint him; for this is the one!” Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and the Spirit of the Lord came upon David from that day forward. So Samuel arose and went to Ramah."

They hid him and did not have him pass before Samuel because he was, in their mind, a non-descript shepherd boy. Even Samuel wasn't looking at, or even for, David at first. "So it was, when they came, that he looked at Eliab and said, “Surely the Lord’s anointed is before Him!”

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”"

Also, who cared about Moses before he became a man of prominence? In fact, they also derided him. "Then he said, “Who made you a prince and a judge over us? Do you intend to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?”" He wasn't loved for doing what was right until he was given a platform. Also, he even rejected having a platform at first because he knew how he was viewed:

"Then Moses said to the Lord, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.”

"So the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.”

"But he said, “O my Lord, please send by the hand of whomever else You may send.”"

Who was going to give a darn about a righteous man who was "slow of speech and slow of tongue" unless the Lord gave him a platform? Would just another prince of Egypt, especially a differently-abled one, be able to make an impact? After all:

13 

"Better a poor and wise youth Than an old and foolish king who will be admonished no more. For he comes out of prison to be king, Although he was born poor in his kingdom. I saw all the living who walk under the sun; They were with the second youth who stands in his place. There was no end of all the people over whom he was made king; Yet those who come afterward will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and grasping for the wind."

What do we see here? We see ideals and paradox. Ideally, "those who come afterward will not rejoice in him. Surely this also is vanity and grasping for the wind." Yet, what happens? He is remembered. "There was no end of all the people over whom he was made king;" and people remember him--especially if he was actually a good king and actually made an impact. Even God remembers him. After all, what did he call David? "‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.’"

We don't remember even most princes of Egypt because they were not given the fame--the platform--to make the impact that a king could make. So, we wouldn't have remembered Moses or had an impact made by him were he not given fame. Therefore and all the more, what kind of impact could a shepherd boy made were he not made a famous king? 

Again, "'For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.' Therefore, much has to be given for much to be required."

Secondly, there's a loved-famous-loved cycle. One does not become famous unless he or she is loved, and one has to be famous to be all the more loved--and thus make an impact. With Moses, he had to have the support of Aaron to be exalted and make an impact:

"So the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses, and He said: “Is not Aaron the Levite your brother? I know that he can speak well. And look, he is also coming out to meet you. When he sees you, he will be glad in his heart. Now you shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth. And I will be with your mouth and with his mouth, and I will teach you what you shall do. So he shall be your spokesman to the people. And he himself shall be as a mouth for you, and you shall be to him as God. And you shall take this rod in your hand, with which you shall do the signs.”"

As for David:

"So Saul said to his servants, “Provide me now a man who can play well, and bring him to me.”

"Then one of the servants answered and said, “Look, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite,who is skillful in playing, a mighty man of valor, a man of war, prudent in speech, and a handsome person; and the Lord is with him.”"

Again, "One does not become famous unless he or she is loved, and one has to be famous to be all the more loved--and thus make an impact." Besides, who speaks of most of the other 6,999 in the time of Elijah?

"Then the Lord said to him: “Go, return on your way to the Wilderness of Damascus; and when you arrive, anoint Hazael as king over Syria. Also you shall anoint Jehu the son of Nimshi as king over Israel. And Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel Meholah you shall anoint as prophet in your place. It shall be that whoever escapes the sword of Hazael, Jehu will kill; and whoever escapes the sword of Jehu, Elisha will kill. Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.”"

We talk about Elishah, Jehu, Obadiah, and 100 prophets among them, but not the others. Also, Obadiah is explicitly mentioned as having a platform. "And Ahab had called Obadiah, who was in charge of his house." So, Obadiah and a few others could make an impact because they had a platform--but most of the 7,000 couldn't because they had no platform, and no support to have one.

Another example is Daniel. He had to have the backing of Nebuchadnezzar to make an impact:

"Then the king instructed Ashpenaz, the master of his eunuchs, to bring some of the children of Israel and some of the king’s descendants and some of the nobles,  young men in whom there wasno blemish, but good-looking, gifted in all wisdom, possessing knowledge and quick to understand, who had ability to serve in the king’s palace, and whom they might teach the language and literature of the Chaldeans. And the king appointed for them a daily provision of the king’s delicacies and of the wine which he drank, and three years of training for them, so that at the end of that time they might serve before the king. Now from among those of the sons of Judah were Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. To them the chief of the eunuchs gave names: he gave Daniel the nameBelteshazzar; to Hananiah, Shadrach; to Mishael, Meshach; and to Azariah, Abed-Nego."

The same Scripture states, "Then the king interviewed them, and among them all none was found like Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah; therefore they served before the king." But two points come to mind:

1. Daniel and his friends would not have been picked were they not "no blemish, but good-looking, gifted in all wisdom, possessing knowledge and quick to understand, who had ability to serve in the king’s palace, and whom they might teach the language and literature of the Chaldeans." Anyone else could have had all that, but Daniel and his friends had what they needed to build a platform.
2. Had the king not picked them, they would have been overlooked and obviously been unable to make an impact. 

As aforestated, "there's a loved-famous-loved cycle"--and one doesn't get loved, famous, and able to make an impact without having the advantages to get loved, famous, and able to make an impact. 

Thirdly, I can't change the reality that one needs to be advantaged, loved, and famous to make an impact. Talk about, "God, give me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change..."! I can't change that there's a loved-famous cycle and a advantaged-loved-famous-impacting hierarchy--actually, an advantaged-loved-famous-impacting cycle and hierarchy at the same time. Again, the famous of every generation would ideally not be remembered by successive generations, and the non-famous youth who is poor and wise could be the one to make the impact. But at least I live in the reality that the more exalted make more of an impact and that the influential are more exalted, even though the reality is a non-ideal and vicious cycle.

In conclusion:

1. One has to be famous in order to make an impact, as people such as Moses and David experienced, and sometimes infamy comes before the fame and the impact making.
2. One does not become famous unless he or she is somehow loved--or at least exalted-- by God and man, and one has to be famous to be all the more loved--and thus make an impact. Elijah, Elishah, Obadiah, and Daniel are among the examples of whom needed to be advantaged and exalted by God and man to make an impact.
3. As much as reality opposes the ideal and is harsh, especially one who professes Christianity--whether or not he or she is a Christian--has to accept the reality is that there's an advantaged-loved-famous-impacting cycle and hierarchy at the same time. After all, Moses knew that he wasn't going anywhere as a differently-abled man and just another prince of Egypt. David and others knew that a non-descript shepherd boy would have no influence. Most of the 7,000 people who worshipped Yehovah in Elijah's time made no impact because they had no advantage, love, or fame that affected and effected them to make an impact. 

Therefore, there should be no wonder that I want to be famous, since I want to make an impact--even though I have been derided and gained infamy along the way. 

Is There Actually a Beauty In Marrying On Shabbat (Originally On Twitter)?

To get married on Shabbat is actually a nice idea. Marriage represent G-d's covenant with Israel. So does Shabbat--e.g., the day of rest. As someone who married on a Yom Shabbat opined, "I was married on a Saturday evening in summer, just at the beginning of sunset. We wanted to honor Shabbat, and so we did Havdalah first. Our officiant was very traditional and expressed his qualms about starting before sundown. Ultimately, we did the cocktail hour first and pushed the ceremony back as late as we could, and he acquiesced. It wasn't fully dark yet, but it felt like a respectful, if not fully halachic, compromise on both sides. I think that for less observant (or non-observant Jews), that kind of conversation and creativity is more important than observing strict halachic rules and missing the beauty and richness of the tradition, but then again, I'm not frum. For what it's worth, it was the most "Jewish" wedding that I or any of my guests had ever attended. Everyone told me how beautiful and moving it was, and many of our guests asked numerous questions about the traditions, rituals, and prayers they had encountered."

Besides, where in Tanakh can one read that one can't marry on Shabbat--let alone enter into marital contracts on Shabbat or write on Shabbat? Furthermore, the Bride of Yeshua, Heaven as Eternal Shabbat...shalom!

For Only Fellow Messianic Jews To Answer: About Marriage, Love, Etc.

The B'rit Hadashah reads, "I suppose that in a time of stress like the present it is good for a person to stay as he is. That means that if a man has a wife, he should not seek to be free of her; and if he is unmarried, he should not look for a wife. But if you marry you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin." I am single and have never married, and have already had two crazy exes (the first from August 4, 2004- about May 19 2005, the second from February 26-March 2, 2013), and am not sure what to do in terms of either continuing to wait on the Lord (since waiting for seven years didn't work last time, and I've even had to call the police on both exes, for example) or entering into a Messianic shidduch process. So, what should I do, especially since entering into shidduch may be in violation of "he [or, in my case, she] should not look for a wife [or, in my case, husband]"?

PS If any Anti Messianic answers, I guarantee you that you will be reported for hate speech: you are violating my First, Ninth and Fourteenth Amendment rights. I don't bother you about Non Messianic; you don't bother me about being Messianic. Besides, "if this idea or this movement has a human origin, it will collapse. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop them; you might even find yourselves fighting God". Also, "You must judge whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than God."
Gentiles, I need a Jewish perspective because I was raised not knowing that I am Jewish and found out that I am Jewish only in 2008; so I'm well aware of what the gentile perspective is: wait on God; marry for love, etc.. I need to know how to approach my situation Jewishly, especially since my Crypto-Jewish Czarnecki great grandparents found detriment in following the gentile way of marrying for love.

Flouting G-d's Voice Was A Mistake, And...

Nur wasn't the one. When G-d says "He [a guy, or--in a guy's case--She (a girl)] is not the one", He means it. So, Nur and I are no longer together; and I'm not getting into another relationship unless (G-d willing) a guy is really the one for me, though that breakup was hard on me and Nur. Lesson--to never flout G-d's voice--learned.

Actually (And Ironically), It May Be (Or Even Is) Official Now...

10:40 PM...waiting...

And 10:43. It's official.

And now it's funny to think how I had reservations about him.

Long story short, he is a Christian but was afraid to say so for a while. Also, we think that he might be Jewish. And I'm a blessed girl. 

The Truth Is That...

If the guy who loves me is of the Jadid Al-Islam and becomes a Christian, I want everything to work out between us. I even did not let him hang out in my room with me because, as I told him, I don't want either or both of us in an awkward position. After all, my roommates (all of whom completely deserve to get locked out of my room, anyway) are not going to be there; so there is nobody there to hold me, him, or both of us accountable. I'm not completely clean in all this.

I'm a little affected by this guy. He's a romantic who (I hope) truly loves me for me (although he, as a Mohammedan, can't possibly love me for me unless he has the Holy Spirit in him--after all, true love of any and every kind comes from G-d, not "Allah" or whoever else). Maybe he is truly predestined to be a Christian and be my bashert (though, as I stated, I will not marry somebody who is not at least 1/16th Jewish--I am not bringing about the Anusi's nightmare of having his or her descendants' lines cut off from Israel.). So, he'd better be Jewish as well. But if he is not a Christian, I categorically and emphatically refuse to even get into a relationship with him.

By the way, he agreed that being alone in my room would put us both in an awkward position and, thus, not be good. So, he knows what is good--even though he has, like all humans (and even those with the Holy Spirit) have, no inherit goodness (and any goodness in any human comes from the Holy Spirit). Therefore, as I stated, I want everything to work out between us if he is of the Jadid Al-Islam and becomes a Christian.  

Someone's Way Too In Love (Written A Way While Back, Though My Opinion Of Ann, etc. Is Unchanged)

Without giving his name, I can tell you that someone's way too in love with me. Firstly, we have different goals in life. He plans to name his sons (as I recall) "Mohammed" and "Ibrahim"; I'm planning to name mine (if I have any sons) Bernie (unless I name a dog "Bernye" for Great-Granduncle Bernie and Barney Bush) and Julian or Julius (And to Ann McGill-Mones, you're crazy if you think that I've forgotten--and I'm not sorry to break to you that your in-law cousin Paschal Danilowicz is Jewish, a part of my family [since he is a part of the Krasne Danilowiczes], and will always be Jewish and a part of my family--even though he was religiously Catholic and is no longer here on this Earth.).

As for daughters, I don't think that this guy plans on having any. I, on the other hand and if I have daughters, plan to name at least one "Alexandria Alice" and another "Mary" (maybe "Mary Theresa" for Great-Grandma Czarnecki, but "Mary" for both Aunt Mary and Great-Grandma Czarnecki)--or maybe "Maryam", so that no confusion arises (After all, Mary's original name was "Maryam bat-Eli".).

As far as both genders go, no variant of "Mohammed" will ever be on my lips. I could live with naming a boy "Ibrahim", though, since it's a variant of "Avraham". But never will I name a child, boy or girl, any variant of "Mohammed".

This guy is also a Mohammedan who spends more time around his Syrian-Albanian-Turkish Mohammedan dad and other Mohammedan relatives. Granted that his family could be a part of the Jadid Al-Islam (the Mizrahi equivalent of Marranos [Sephardim] and Ashkenazim Anusim [and what you would call us really depends on what country you go to; but you would call us some equivalent of "New Christians"]). After all, he doesn't know what his family practiced before they converted to Mohammedism. Nonetheless, he is a devout Mohammedan (not Orthodox, but--if you will--Reform ["Moderate"] Mohammedan).

He also comes from an interfaith home. I've mentioned his dad; and as for his mom, I've been told by him that she is an Irish-Italian Methodist. As for me, I also come from an interfaith home (in which the dad is an Ashkenazi Anusi, and the mom is a PCA Presbyterian who is a mainly-Irish-Catholic-turned-Episcopalian of Jewish descent--which she sadly couldn't give two s**ts about). I'm amazed that his home hasn't broken up yet; whereas my Anusi dad has been divorced from my mom since 1998, and ironically remarried to a Southern Baptist since 2004 (and, as far as I know, a gentile Southern Baptist at that). So, I don't want another broken home in my line (and mine isn't the only one; trust me.).

I also, especially if he's not of Jadid al-Islam or otherwise of Jewish descent, don't plan on marrying him and getting my line cut off from Israel. Unless the Pundts aren't the only ones who are Jewish on Mom's side (and as far as I know and can confirm, Mom-Mom's generation is the final Jewish generation [1/16th Jewish]), I risk further cutting my line off from Israel on Mom's side. As for Dad's side, we've had (and we're having) close brushes with being cut off from Israel, and complete cutoffs from Israel. Dad was blessed (even if won't acknowledge that he) was blessed to be born of two Anusim who surprisingly weren't born of goyim, but were born of other Anusim

(And especially if neither of them were specfically seeking out other Anusim, that they found each other is a miracle. Then again, I highly doubt that the daughter of Michael "We're Russian" Gaydos and the son of pogrom survivor Anthony Czarnecki weren't seeking out fellow Anusim--after all, Michael Gaydos made a bold move to implicitly identify with Soviet Jewry during the Cold War, and Anthony Czarnecki's mother went absolutely meshuga over her ben marrying who she considered the shiksa Mary Trudnak. Also, Anthony's son Tony was criticized for marrying Mary Ellen Jones--"She's Irish!" So, I'd be even more surprised if Joan Gaydos and John "Jack" Czarnecki weren't seeking fellow Anusim for themselves.).

In conclusion, this guy who loves me way too much obviously loves me way too much--and way too much so for each and both of our goods. He ought to find a Mohammedan girl who will love him or a Methodist girl who's willing to get into an interfaith and interethnic marriage. I myself plan to find a Jewish Christian who will love me and make sure that my line is not cut off from Israel.

By the way, b'hatzlacha to my family who brush close to or past the 1/16th mark--I am not at fault if your descendants are merely gentiles of Jewish descent. Alexandria Czarnecki, Michael Gaydos, and others did not entirely drop their Jewishness when they became Anusim--they may not have gotten their wish that their b'nei v'banot would revert to being openly-Jewish Non-Messianic Jews (which was the wish of at least the Non-Messianic Anusim), but let's make sure that they didn't die as Anusim in vain (and while only the Non-Messianic Anusim would consider having believing descendants to be a sign that they died in vain, all of them would consider having gentile descents and their lines cut off from Israel as a sign that they died in vain).

I Saw This Earlier Today, But...

Now I have time to share this:

   

Madison, Wisconsin arrived from google.com on "The Nicole Factor: So Great-Grandma Czarnecki Was Jewish After All.." by searching for is czarnecki a jewish name?.

10:36:55 -- 13 hours 28 mins ago

    

Longmont, Colorado arrived from google.com on "The Nicole Factor: Part Six of My Stage32 Submission" by searching for francis a. “red” czarnecki.

10:03:30 -- 14 hours 1 min ago

What an impact that my blog is making! Furthermore (unless just some relative, family friend, or whoever else changed his or her location online, is on vacation, moved, etc.), what an impact Granduncle Red made! Granduncle Red's is the kind of life that I want to live--I grant that he got Grandaunt Judy (then Judith Ann Thomas) pregnant outside of marriage, was an alcoholic, etc.; but he literally gave up his baseball scholarship to do the right thing by marrying his then-pregnant girlfriend, and he was known and remembered by all who knew him as a nice and righteous man.

Granduncle Red aspired to be famous baseball player, too--and he could have been one--, but he knew that doing righteousness and making an impact was far better than being famous. Francis "Red" Anthony Czarnecki, June 21, 1940 - July 9, 1985--zichrona l'bracha. 

Christmas Isn't A Time To Forsake the Truth For "Good Tidings"...

In fact, truth is a good tiding. Too often we forget that what came is "[w]oe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!" Remember that "He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. " For "In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."

The darkness and those of darkness do not want the truth and light. They don't want to comprehend them. For "[y]et the LORD has not given [them] a heart to perceive and eyes to see and ears to hear, to this very day." That doesn't mean truth is to be forsaken:

Isaiah 43:8-9

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁸ Bring out the blind people who have eyes,
      And the deaf who have ears.
       ⁹ Let all the nations be gathered together,
      And let the people be assembled.
      Who among them can declare this,
      And show us former things?
      Let them bring out their witnesses, that they may be justified;
      Or let them hear and say, “It is truth.” 


Every forsaker of truth will be repaid:

Psalm 69:22-23

New King James Version (NKJV)

 ²² Let their table become a snare before them,
         And their well-being a trap.
 ²³ Let their eyes be darkened, so that they do not see;
         And make their loins shake continually.


And 

Psalm 118:22

New King James Version (NKJV)

 ²² The stone which the builders rejected
         Has become the chief cornerstone.


Also as written:

Luke 20:13-18

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹³ “Then the owner of the vineyard said, ‘What shall I do? I will send my beloved son. Probably they will respect him when they see him.’ ¹⁴ But when the vinedressers saw him, they reasoned among themselves, saying, ‘This is the heir. Come, let us kill him, that the inheritance may be ours.’ ¹⁵ So they cast him out of the vineyard and killed him. Therefore what will the owner of the vineyard do to them? ¹⁶ He will come and destroy those vinedressers and give the vineyard to others.”
And when they heard it they said, “Certainly not!”
¹⁷ Then He looked at them and said, “What then is this that is written:


      ‘ The stone which the builders rejected
      Has become the chief cornerstone’?
 ¹⁸ Whoever falls on that stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder.”

      

Congress Reviewing Jewish WW1 Vets Per Slights Against Them, And...

As a Messianic Jew with an Ashkenazi Anusi great-granduncle in WW2, I can tell you that (as I've stated before) I hope that they also review the Medals and decorations of WW2 vets. My great-granduncle Bernie Czarnecki, ne Bernard S. Chernetski (or Czarniecki), was born a Roman Catholic because his parents were Anusim who had escaped the pogroms in then-Russian Poland and Anti Semitism in their adopted home in Sugar Notch, Pennsylvania. Great-Granduncle Bernie was Pfc. Bernard S. Czarnecki, 111th Infantry Division Medical Core; and he took shrapnel to the head during his five years of service (Dec 12, 1940 - Dec 12, 1945). He died as a result of his war wounds in the Lebanon, Pennsylvania Veterans' Affairs Hospital and Homes on July 16, 1963; and never even received an honorable grave, let alone a Purple Heart or anything else even posthumously. 

I Know That People Care, But It's Still A Long Battle...

And anyway, I was finally able to give the "Director" of "Caring" Ministries the rebuke that she deserves:

-----Original Message-----
From: Nickidewbear
To: cdallwig
Sent: Wed, Dec 21, 2011 9:31 am
Subject: Re: Ride to Chapelgate

And you were supposed to call me, but you never did. What happened to your being the Caring Coordinator and reaching out to church members?

...

Nicole, 

I understand that you have been inquiring about getting a ride to Chapelgate?  Please call me to let me know what your need is and we can discuss.....I would appreciate it if you would refrain from posting my name on facebook posts without trying to contact me first.  You have my e-mail and phone number available to you as well as anyone else would......

T hanks. 

Cathy Dallwig

Director of Caring Ministries

Chapelgate Church 

410-442-5800, ext 128

cdallwig@chapelgate.org

*Office Hours, 9-3  Mon - Thurs

=

I don't think that after this, she'll hypocritically leave me off of the "Practical Needs List- CPC", which she did. What a hypocrite she can be! Keep bugging her and tell her with me that I mean that she's supposed to live up to her job title and at least put me on the "Practical Needs List- CPC". Let me give you the example that I mean from this morning:

In a message dated 12/21/2011 12:31:11 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, cdallwig@chapelgate.org writes:

Practical Needs List - CPC CPC Member Announcements at Chapelgate Presbyterian Church Message from: Cathy Dallwig Hi all, Listed below are a couple of needs that I have become aware of in our congregation. Please contact the person with the need directly, if you are able to help. 1.[Censored] is looking for ... 2. [Censored] is recovering from... 3.[Censored] is in immediate need of.... Thank you. Cathy Dallwig Director of Caring Ministries 410-442-5800, ext 128 cdallwig@chapelgate.org

Let me give you a hint: I'm not one of the three people on that list. And pray for all those people, by the way. One did get their needs provided for, by the way. Now also pray that this disabled Jew with a divorced parents and meshuga mishpacha on both sides does, and keep bugging Cathy Dallwig so that she can't kick out this outcast like she'd like to; and you and I both know that she doesn't want to deal with me.

But if I get the need to get a consistent ride to church, I can at least have some of my problems (also including the OCD/Anxiety/Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and ADD) helped to be managed by G-d. And Cathy Dallwig can't say a darn if G-d does provide because saying something against G-d's will would be very stupid.

I'm Not Trying To Get Attention When I Write About Depression and Suicidal Thoughts, and Loneliness In General...

What amazes me is that I think that people think that I am fucking kidding or trying to get attention when I say that I'm tempted to commit suicide. I wasn't kidding when I ended up in Sheppard Pratt in April 2006, was I? I wasn't kidding when I tried to attempt suicide in 1998 (when I was eight years old), was I? And when I called the Suicide Hotline tonight, I hung up twice-- I wasn't going to be able to tell them what's going on, at least without crying and bursting into incoherence while crying. I also couldn't tell them because I'm a Christian and they might not be able to understand some of what I'm going through.


Also, my mom calling my psychiatrist isn't going to help a lot-- he's not a Christian and (as I've told him and others) there are issues that the Sertraline and Abilify can't touch. I even got so desperate as to try Match.com to find the one for me-- one of my Hanukkah and Christmas wishes. Not only was Match.com a violation of 1 Corinthians 7, anyway-- since Christians are to follow the mitzvah that states, "Are you loosed from [without] a [spouse]? Do not seek a [spouse]."; but Match.com just wasn't worth what I need in a man, anyway. Remember, I have Cerebral Palsy, OCD/Anxiety/Depression, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, mild ADD, and possible Aspberger's. Also, my family has ilks that are (as I will continue to point out that Mia Danilowicz, part of the ilks actually so kindly proves about herself) "fucking psycho" (Todah, Mia; v'l'Hanukkah Tovah Tikatevi.). I need a man who can provide for and deal with all of and every aspect of me (including my medical and family history.).


PS I'm still waiting for that call from Cathy Dallwig about transporting disabled members to Chapelgate. Please kindly email her for me (as Charles Polk already did; and I know that Charles Polk is one out of few who actually care for me), and bug @ChapelgateNews on Twitter for me. I'm unkindly not leaving their church, no matter how much they don't want a disabled Jew with divorced parents and a crazy dad to not worship G-d among them.

I Don't Need To Be A Lonely Jew On Christmas...

I'm already a lonely Jew on Hanukkah, and I celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas. As one of my last videos reflects:

"To be fair and not greedy, taking the mean of eight days and 12 days (for Hanukkah and Christmas; and for the 12 tribes who will be of the 144,000 in the end); I have 10 wishes for Hanukkah and Christmas-- the top three being to find the one for me, to have dreams and visions that I need, and to have the Rapture come. The fourth would be for more interaction and popularity at least on  Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter.The fifth would be find more relatives and family information.The sixth would be a pet. The seventh, eighth, and ninth would be to have some political cartoons published get my novels finished and published, to firmly confirm the establishment of my Jewish lineage and find more family info, and have the unsaved in my dad's and mom's families saved while the saved ones grow in faith. The tenth would be to get through college successfully and to make aliyah if I can."

See how many of the wishes reflect a desire not to be lonely? Actually, all of them do; and let me break it down for you slowly:

1. To find the one for me-- self explanatory
2. To have dreams and visions that I need-- even the loner is content with dreams and visions; and if he or she uses them right, won't be lonely in the end. Yosef ben-Ya'akov wasn't.
3. To have the Rapture come-- self explanatory if you think about it
4. The fourth would be for more interaction and popularity at least on  Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter-- self explanatory
5. To find more relatives and family information-- you can't be lonely knowing that you're part of a family and having at least some relatives who care and, for once, believe you about at least certain things.
6. To have a pet-- self explanatory
7. To have some political cartoons published-- you can't be too lonely with some fame.
8.  To get my novels finished and published--  you can't be too lonely with some fame.
9. To firmly confirm the establishment of my Jewish lineage and find more family info, and have the unsaved in my dad's and mom's families saved while the saved ones grow in faith--  you can't be lonely knowing that you're part of a mishpacha and having at least some relatives who care and, for once, believe you about at least certain things; especially if your relatives are going to Heaven with you.
10.  To get through college successfully and to make aliyah if I can-- you can't be too lonely with some potential and success, and being where 'amikha are.

Please Help Me With This Stats Project-- And Relatives, Contact Me

First, to the relatives: that I know that our family is meshuga is pretty obvious. I hope that Mia, Pop-Pop, Janet Rozzi, and a whole bunch of others will someday apologize for-- among other things-- not acknowledging our Jewish heritage, and for thinking that kapoesque (i.e., Great-Grandma Gaydos') acts and murderous (i.e., Pop-Pop's) acts are okay to cover up and even defend once found out about.

And Janet, I still don't care that the times were different-- that excuse didn't and doesn't fly. Many relatives died in the Shoah because of your endeared "Grandma"'s actions. I also still maintain that were Jack Feldman and Dad eating kosher as their Jewish digestive systems were made for them to do, they could manage their Chron's without even hospital visits such as Jack endured. I do considerably well with my Irritable Bowel Syndrome because I eat almost-always kosher.

And with all due respect to Great-Grandaunt Aggie and Great-Granduncle Andy, their straying from Andy Rusnak's and Julia Fosko Rusnak's (or at least their Rusnak and Fosko ancestors') paths of keeping kosher set off their Alzheimeric proclivities-- Jewish systems, no mater how much we like it, weren't made to eat treif. By the way, from what I can see in the "Rusnak Roots" cookbook,  Great-Grandaunt Aggie's and Great-Granduncle Andy's generation (which is the Fosko-Rusnak children's generation) are who began straying from keeping kosher.

As for my Stats project (and if Janet and any of the rest of Dad's family who hate me help out, I'll be surprised), please answer "How will/did you spend Thanksgiving?". I answered "With family" (my mom's family, not my dad's-- especially those who hate me). I need at least 49 more people to answer. And some people will be answering after Thanksgiving or perhaps celebrated Thanksgiving early, so I included "did... spend Thanksgiving".

Happy and Kosher Thanksgiving. And for my relatives who want to contact me and talk about anything that I've said re the family or anyone or anything else, send me an e-mail. I can even take hate e-mail-- as I've said, I'm used to family hating me.

I Think That Some Relatives May Be Reading This Blog & Still Won't Contact Me....

I honestly don't bite-- if I don't need to bite, that is. But I bite and fight pretty fairly. I'm not perfect; but I do love and am thankful for my family, even if they don't love and be thankful for me. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

Great-Grandma Czarnecki was thankful for even the son who intended to rid of her in the most painful way possible-- in a cold hospital with her leg amputated and almost thrown away when she was already dying and wanted to die at home. That's why she "want[ed] to talk about it" to Aunt Mary-- she loved us enough to do that for Aunt Mary and the rest of us (including her great-great-granddaughter Brianna, who was yet to be born at the time. She loved Madison, too; but considered her a step-great-great-granddaughter, as Madison really only is-- through no fault of her own; but she's only Dad's step-- not his biological-- granddaughter, and she'll always be so far.).

As I said on Facebook last night (and after a distant cousin revealed that he's part of one of the crazy branches as well, and to the point where he will take the name of any woman who he will marry), I-- like Great-Grandma did-- talk about our family because I care enough to see our family history exposed to and reformed in the light:

• Luke 12:2-5, NKJV: ² For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known. ³ Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops. ⁴ “And I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do. ⁵ But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear Him who, after He has killed, has power to cast into hell; yes, I say to you, fear Him!
 
• 1 Corinthians 4:5: Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one’s praise will come from God.
• 2 Corinthians 4:2:  But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.

That's why I do not dread Dad, Pop-Pop, and others who want to silence and our family histories and collective family history-- and that's why I want to thankfully use my gift of the right to free speech and "talk about" our family history.